Break Me Open (21 page)

"I want to hang out here so bad," I said. " But you know they're looking for us. I need to go back. I can't put you in any more danger. And staying here puts him at risk too." It was the truth, but I began transferring the books to my own bag and realized how much like Ghost I had sounded right then.

"Well, at least tell me where you're staying."

I packed up and raised an eyebrow at her. "You really want to have that information?"

"You owe me something.”

Her whole body was closed off, though whether it was because she was really upset or it was to make sure she didn't come closer, I couldn't tell. She had been keeping me afloat for so long. I owed her everything. I missed her. But right now I was exploring something new. Something dangerous, yeah, but a choice that made me feel more alive than I had in years. It would hurt her to tell her that truth. I guess you could call it lucky that I had a better reason not to.

"The best thing I can give you is silence," I said. "You deserve more, but that's the truth for right now and you know it."

I drew her in for another hug amidst the ruins of the room and the squawking TV.

"Well, stay for dinner, at least," she said.

I glanced nervously at the window again. "No questions?"

"None, I promise.”

We cooked the easiest dinner in the world. Spaghetti and meat sauce and because we were weird in similar ways - olives. It was easy enough to get Sandy rambling off about her own world. But Gilsner was a small town and it quickly came back to my world. Apparently her stuntman boyfriend, Barry, was a big fan of Ghost's stylings. There was video footage of Ghost charging the Sand Scorpions in front of the veterinary clinic and Barry had gotten a copy and pored over it like a bible.

"I think he wants to join that biker club just to learn those moves," Sandy said. "You think they'd take him?"

My jacket was off and lying on my bag, but she'd seen it.

"Now's not really application season," I said.

Sandy shrugged. We ate in front of the TV, and debated about whether we would eat whatever the guy on our favorite travel show was putting into his mouth. It was just like before, but the conversation was stiffer. I couldn't relate any of it to my current life. Eventually Sandy ran out of stuff to say that wouldn't force me to answer any more questions. I shoveled down my food and it was really time to leave.

"Just be safe," Sandy said as we said goodbye one last time at her back door. I nodded and left her to watch as I walked away again. I promised to get her something for all she'd done once this was all over, though I was starting to be less and less sure when that might be.

The stars were almost out by the time the bus came. It was a short trip but long enough to make me think of a bigger problem: I was going to have to walk all the way back. Maybe I'd find a Wraith drinking at the Roaring Pint nearby. It was just as likely that I'd find more trouble.

Turns out there was no problem. I got out at the stop to find Trig there straddling his bike. Relief shot into his face when he recognized me.

"Are you waiting for me?" I asked, a bit amazed.

"Yes ma'am," he said. "Just for a little bit."

His smooth face had grown considerably more tan since the morning though.

"That's...nice,” I said,” But why?'

"Just my duty. Dropped you off, should pick you up too."

"Uh huh." I saddled up behind him. "Did you maybe get a little reminder on duty from Ghost?"

"You know," he said, before the engine cut off his voice. "I think he might have said a word or two."

We sped out of the town, faster than usual, if that were possible. As the ride thrummed my brain into mishmash, I wondered what was awaiting me on the end of the ride. Ghost had saved my life more than once, and I knew he was loyal to a fault, but sometimes that protection could tip over into confinement. I liked it a little bit, but I was starting to hate that I liked it. If I was really his girl, then he should trust me more.

That said, it probably wasn't the smartest move to play cat and mouse in town with the FBI. I should leave that part out of the story.

By the time we rattled to a stop next to the other bikes, I had a story down straight. It all crumbled when I saw Ghost's stout frame swim out the swinging doorway. His eyes were already aglow with that predatory blue light, but I saw them widen in relief even more profound than Trig's.

He was almost to me before I could get off the bike. He wrapped me up with a tight kiss, in front of his whole damn bar.

"You must really miss me," I said.

"I did," he said, leading me back in. "I'm just glad it wasn't for as long as I'd feared."

Fear. I'd known his fears. They were all abstract. Shame. Betrayal. Helplessness. He'd whispered them to me one night before drifting off, as if I could keep them away. Now I was the cause of them. "I thought you didn't fear the FBI."

"Not for me. But you're a different story."

We walked through the bar. It wasn't exactly a private stroll, but no one paid us much attention and that was good enough. Denise beamed at me through a tired face as I passed the kitchen, which was an exception I was cool with. Made me feel even more like I was coming back to a place.

We exited out the back. The ground we stepped out onto wasn't any different from the patch on the other side of the bar, but it felt more intimate, maybe cause all that was left in view was the bunk and the desert. It was an altogether more welcome sight at night, maybe cause of the lack of heat outside, and the heat we would build up within.

"Where did you go?" he asked.

"Just to get some reading material," I said. "Something to do while you're gone."

He hefted the bag off my back and whistled. "You must read goddamn fast." He scooped me up higher in his grip. "I knew you had your own life. I just wished you'd told me. I could have gone and gotten this for you."

"I didn't want to bother you. You had a club to save."

I looked up at Ghost and saw his brow still held worry lines.

"What did the FBI say?" I asked. I had trusted his confidence when he'd left, never really worried all that much. Maybe that had been selfish.

"They're not here looking for the truth," he said.

"The truth of the murder? That's good right?"

"No, they're looking for whatever they can to let them take down whoever they can. We're just a piece in a network they want to dismantle, so the Wraiths, the Scorpions it doesn't matter."

We sat on steps to the bunk door, and tried to piece together the logic. "So if they had caught me..."

"They would have used you to take down the Wraiths and moved on. They don't care about Gilsner. They don't care about who was in the right. We're just pawns in a bigger game."

"Then who are they playing against?"

"Drug cartels."

"Wow," I said, because it was all I was fit to say. This was worlds beyond anything I knew.

His eyes were cast out at the desert. It seemed like he was ready to escape into it. He would never run though, I knew that by now. Didn't change the longing.

I stroked his bristly head.

"You'll figure something out."

"I already did," he said. "Ran it by Nico too."

"What?"

He looked at me for a moment, then looked back out. "If they want to take down a club, we'll give them one. The right club."

"The Scorpions? How?"

"By giving them Gyro. He ties all their actions together, it becomes a racketeering case. They'll arrest the whole nest of Scorpions."

"Gyro, wait that's the leader of the Scorpions, right? You told me he ran away."

"He did. So I'll have to go get him."

His head hung, and I knew what he was saying.

"Without me."

"Yeah."

I was going to be alone in this bunk with just these books, and the crowd of leather thugs just a few paces away. Yeah we'd shared a few drinks together, but I wasn't ready to spend all my time with them.

"No." I said.

"What?" He looked truly confused. For all his guilt over the matter, he had expected me to roll over.

"No, you're not leaving me."

"I gotta do this." He held me tighter to him. "It's for you to be free again. It's for us."

"Yeah, ok. But you're not leaving me."

And then it clicked in his head.

"No."

"Yes."

"No way I'm taking you."

"Well, no way you're not."

"Hey," he peered up into me. "It's gonna be goddamn deadly out there. I can't put you in that."

"I'm in it," I said. "And you brought me here because me staying home would be even more dangerous."

He considered that and I hammered home. "You think I'll be safe here if your operation or whatever goes wrong?"

His hands clenched and unclenched around me. His head ground through options, but it was futile. I knew. I was figuring it out the same as him. This was the only choice.

"What about your books?" he said. "I can put you someplace safe and you can just study."

"Oh I will be studying," I said, "But you're the only subject that matters.

"Huh?"

I ran a finger down the center of his shirt, feeling the creases of his muscle. "These books are for you, silly. I'm going to figure out what they did for you."

He looked like he wasn't sure whether to laugh or protest or smile. "You're going to figure out what a bunch of top military research mangled my body with."

"I'm gonna try," I said, pressing my whole palm down across him. "You think I'm not up to it?"

"Oh, no, I'm not going to make that mistake ever again."

"Good." The night was chilly, but my body was shimmering heat. Even if I had missed my town, I couldn't miss it too deep with this waiting for me at home. "Maybe I can start my research right now."

He was the most willing subject I'd ever have. He let me lead him to the bed, peel him clean, and run my touch all over him. I studied him with my mouth first, starting with the testing pressure on his lips with my own. They lay tender and strong at once, and overwhelmed my ability to measure them.

I let my mouth move down his body, testing his rippling strength with soft presses of my tongue along the way. At the center of him, his own tool was up and erect, ready for examination. I explored it tentatively, curling my tongue around his round suppleness, sucking on the tip until he groaned and let me know he was at maximum readiness. Then I started a vigorous examination, bobbing up and down, my frequency growing faster, my sounds and touch louder and stronger, until we were both moaning, all our readings off the charts.

There was no more time for preparation. I stripped myself down to match him, and lowered myself onto his body. I cried out, losing my focus as he ran his probe deep inside me. God, he was beyond measurement, I could barely take him, even now.

He let me test his ability to ride and rise into me, but after a couple minutes, I lost control. He flipped me over and began to test me instead. I cried out telling him this was wrong, but my brain was so rattled I kept saying "yes" instead of “stop.” It took a long while for him to bring us both to a forceful conclusion. We finished together, scratching and grinding and choking each other’s skin. He collapsed onto me, utterly spent, panting in time with me.

"Alright," I gasped. "That was a good start. But I'll need more time to really examine you."

"Whatever you need, doc," he said with a smile and tucked me into him.

We might be headed into the most danger I’d ever known but I had never felt safer than in this grip.

We rolled out as the sky was still turning crimson. There were just the four of us, each necessary for what lay ahead. Spoke, who was able to ride down anyone. Trig, who could shoot anyone we couldn't catch. Me, who could do both things better than each of them if I had to.

And then on the last bike - a loan from Denise - sat Katie. A doll on a war stallion. She'd insisted on her own ride and I couldn't deny it. She was here because she had to be. That didn’t mean she wanted to be a liability.