Break the Sky (Spiral of Bliss Spin Off) (29 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

KELSEY

“I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, KELSEY.”
Stan Baxter stood in my office doorway, his arms crossed in an authoritative stance. “But you should have cleared that interview with the administration. They’ll view it as a conflict of commitment.”

I had a hard time even caring anymore. I fiddled with a pen on my desk.

I wasn’t going to get awarded tenure now. The university board had forwarded their recommendation to university chancellor, and the final decision rested with him.

Chancellor Radcliffe had already warned me about playing by the rules. And now that I was the glamour-girl meteorologist who looked smokily into the camera while her hair whipped around her face… the chancellor had a perfect excuse to shut me down.

Hell. I was ready to shut myself down.

“The university has regulations about outside commitments and media,” Stan continued. “And if you keep breaking them, you’re going to end up hurting this department. We’ve been trying to get budget approval for new lab equipment, but the board won’t look at us favorably if we have a professor who can’t follow university policy.”

“I know.”

I thought about throwing Peter Danforth under the bus by telling Stan I hadn’t signed a media release form. But the video was already out there, and getting Peter in trouble wouldn’t change anything. Unfortunately.

“I’m sorry,” I told Stan.

He was quiet for a minute. “Don’t lose heart, Kelsey.”

I couldn’t look at him.

“Everyone, including the chancellor, knows you’re an excellent scientist,” Stan said. “Everyone knows what an asset you’ve been to this department. The problem is you’ve let the Spiral Project get in the way. You need to focus on your work at King’s. And stop giving TV interviews,” he added.

“It wasn’t a… oh, never mind.” Defeat was creeping up on me. It felt shitty.

“I know you’re having a rough time,” Stan said. “Let me know if you need more time off.”

“No. I just need to work.”

Stan nodded and left. I tried to focus on my computer screen. Despite my assertion, the structure of work had begun to erode the numbness that had kept me together in the days following my mother’s death. She had always been an intrinsic part of my routine, whether through a phone call or emails, planning a visit, even ordering
pysanky
supplies.

I could no longer slip into the fluency of Russian, which had always been like a private language between her and me. There was no longer anyone in the world who understood the guilt I carried over my father’s death and yet didn’t blame me for it. There was no longer anyone who loved me without condition, without reservation.

Liv and Dean had told me to call if I needed them, but truth be told, the only person I needed was Archer. And I’d been so horrible to him.

We hadn’t even spoken on the phone since returning from Highland Park. I had no idea if he was trying to give me some space, or if he just didn’t want to see me right now.

It shouldn’t matter, I told myself as I left my office. Archer and I had agreed to have a good time while he was here. It shouldn’t matter that I hadn’t seen him in two days and missed him terribly.

I went into the conference room. I had a meeting scheduled with Colton, Tess, and Derek to review their work from the past week and a half. None of them had arrived yet.

I sat down and pulled out my cell, sending a quick text to Archer.

KELSEY: I’m sorry.

ARCHER: No reason to be. Where are you?

KELSEY: Work.

ARCHER: You okay?

KELSEY: I don’t know yet.

ARCHER: Need me?

Oh, god. My breath stopped for an instant. I needed him so much. I needed him to touch me, fill me, want me, be with me. I needed him because he made me
not alone
.

And for that reason, I had to stay away from him for now. I’d been alone before I met him, and I’d be alone again when he left. I had to get my world back into balance, had to keep myself together even though I was on the verge of shattering.

My hands shook as I typed another text.

KELSEY: I’m okay. But I miss you.

ARCHER: I’m still here.

KELSEY: Couple more days, okay?

ARCHER: Okay.

KELSEY: I just need to be alone.

ARCHER: I know.

Of course he did. He knew me better than anyone.

Voices rose as my grad students came into the room. After I accepted their condolences about my mother, we sat down to review their work and the undergraduate papers they had assigned.

We talked for the next half hour when the phone on the conference table rang, the blinking light indicating it was my office line. I hit the speaker button.

“Kelsey March.”

“Dr. March, my name is David Peterson.” A deep male voice crackled through the speaker. “I’m an executive producer over at the Explorer Channel.”

Colton and Derek looked up. No wonder. The Explorer Channel was a major cable network focusing on documentary and science programs, as well as adventure-based reality shows. My students often talked about the various programs, debating both their scientific merit and entertainment value.

“Do you have a minute?” David Peterson asked me.

“Sure.”

“We saw the tornado footage you provided to Channel Four,” he said. “It was very impressive.”

“Thanks.”

“And we liked the interview of you, as well. You’re professional, articulate, and you have a very strong, camera-friendly presence. You also have a sexy edginess that comes across well on television.”

“Uh… thanks again?”

Tess and Derek glanced at me, their eyes bright with suppressed amusement.

“I’m calling because we’d like to set up a meeting to talk with you about a documentary program on storm chasing,” David said.

Now all the grad students looked up with interest. I almost picked up the receiver to make the conversation private, but instead left it on speaker so they could hear. I might as well kill the glitzy lure of television for my students right off the bat.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Peterson,” I said. “I’m not interested in consulting for a TV show.”

“Oh, we don’t want you exclusively as a consultant,” David Peterson said. “That’s part of it, of course, but we’d also like to talk to you about being the star.”

Colton’s mouth dropped open. I glared at him.

“I’m not interested in starring in a TV show,” I told the producer. “But thank you for your time.”

“Wait,” David said quickly. “I don’t think you understand, Dr. March. We did some research on you and found out about the Spiral Project.”

My heart stuttered. “What about it?”

“It sounds like quite an innovative and unique project,” he said. “We’d like to have a copy of the full proposal, and we’d especially like for you to come and talk to our team about it.”

I glanced at my students, who were all watching me and hanging on every word.

“Why do you want to know more about the Spiral Project?” I asked David.

“We want to understand how it will operate and function,” he explained. “As well as what resources you’ll need. Ultimately our goal is to determine if we can send a film crew along with your tornado research unit.

“If so, we can create a documentary program centered on the Spiral Project. We’d focus on why and how you study tornados, what technology you use, and the daily operations of storm chasing. Of course, we’d focus on a few main participants for a human-interest angle. You, of course, would be the headliner of the show, as well as the principal investigator.”

My heart began doing some ridiculous flipping, which I tried to still with the cold light of reason.

“I could never leave King’s to participate in a reality show,” I said. “However, I do have a number of graduate students who—”

“We’re happy to have additional cast members, Professor March,” David interrupted. “But this offer is contingent upon your being the main participant.”

I blinked, trying not to feel somewhat flattered. A major cable network seriously wouldn’t do a show without me?

For an instant, I wondered what would happen if I agreed. Maybe I could demand my own luxury trailer. A daily supply of fresh cupcakes and French Roast coffee. Even a private Swedish masseur…

Kelsey!

I cleared my throat and refocused.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Peterson,” I repeated. “Even if it were possible, we lost all funding for the Spiral Project.”

“I know. That’s part of the reason for my call. I need to know what other sources you have in the wings.”

“Why?”

“The Explorer Channel could contribute to certain costs and, of course, compensation,” David said, “but we would need to be assured that you have another reliable source of sustained funding in place.”

“Well, I don’t. I’ve just about exhausted all my sources.”

“Then our hope is your attachment to a major cable channel will spark new interest in the project.”

Apparently the man had an answer for everything.

“Mr. Peterson,” I said firmly. “Even if I wanted to do this, I couldn’t. I have commitments to this university. My role in the Spiral Project is to remain at King’s to direct the fieldwork. I can’t leave for weeks at a time to storm chase with the unit. And I certainly can’t star in a reality show.”

I could only imagine the departmental reaction to such a venture.

“Mr. Peterson, I’m a scientist, not a TV star,” I continued. “My answer is no.”

I hung up the phone and turned my attention to my paperwork. The students were all silent.

“You should do it, Kelsey,” Derek finally said.

“I can’t. You know that. And if I need your advice, I’ll ask for it.”

Derek, somewhat unfortunately at the moment, had been my student long enough to know that my bark was worse than my bite.

“It could actually get the project off the ground again,” he argued.

“The Explorer Channel isn’t offering to fund it,” I replied. “You heard Peterson. We’d still need another funding source. NOAA, Edison Power, and the NSF already rejected the proposal. There’s no one left.”

“Could you go back to them with the Explorer Channel’s offer?” Colton asked. “TV does have a lot of pull.”

I shook my head. “Even if I did, I could never participate in a reality show. King’s wouldn’t allow it. I have a contract that includes policies about outside compensation, media participation, conflict of commitment. I already got slapped on the wrist for that interview. The board would never let me run off to chase tornados.”

I packed up my papers and went to the door. “Not to mention it’s an insult to be wanted for my so-called camera presence.”

I left the room and started toward my office. Halfway there, Tess fell into step beside me.

“You know—” she began.

I groaned. “
Et tu, Brute
? What happened to the sisterhood?”

“Look, I get that it would be irritating to have people interested in you for how you look on camera rather than your research,” Tess said. “But that’s not entirely what’s happening here.”

“No?” I kept walking. “How do you figure?”

“The Explorer Channel guys know you’re a hardcore scientist,” Tess said. “So does everyone else involved with the project. Hell, so does every meteorologist in the country. And maybe… just maybe… it would be good for people watching TV to see a smart, ambitious, innovative atmospheric scientist in charge of a ground-breaking forecast project… except
this
particular scientist just happens to be a woman.”

I didn’t respond.

“Have you ever seen a woman like you on TV before?” Tess asked. “Don’t you think you would be an excellent contrast to the bachelorettes and trophy wives? And all those shows about extreme professions and storm chasing… have you ever seen one with not only a woman at the forefront, but a woman who is one of the top scientists in the country? Well? Have you?”

“No, but—”

“Women are… what, two percent of storm chasers?” Tess continued. “And you don’t think you can use your status as Dr. Kelsey March to prove to the world, scientists and laypersons alike, that a woman can not only be the best, but successfully spearhead the biggest tornado prediction project
in history
?”

I stopped outside my office and looked at her. Her eyes were bright with conviction. For a moment, a rush of sheer gratitude filled me. I couldn’t help wondering if she was right, if I could use my position in a new way.

I’d always believed in my work as a professor and a scientist, but aside from my students and the meteorology community, not many people knew about the importance of what I was trying to do.

And the idea of being a role model for girls and young women who might not otherwise think weather was interesting or exciting…

My parents would have liked that. Unexpectedly, so did I.

In theory.

“Tess, I get it.” I tried to keep my voice gentle. “And you’re right that it would be a good thing for a female scientist to get some airtime. But there is no way I can do this. The King’s administration would never let me take so much time off to chase storms and be in a reality show. I mean, it just sounds
ridiculous
.”