Breaking the Code (21 page)
Authors: Gyles Brandreth
After PMQs I presented my Ten Minute Rule Bill. The speech went well. Good house, warm response. They like it when you’re amusing and at the same time self-deprecatory. I had to have sponsors for the bill and I went for the cross-party approach:
Alan Howarth,
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David Willetts, Angela Browning,
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Liz Lynne,
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Joe Ashton,
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Glenda [Jackson].
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(I cornered Glenda in the Smoking Room. She was sitting there alone, smoking a cheroot. She’s often alone. She never looks happy.) When I’d done my turn (and it was a turn really),
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Paul Flynn
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(Labour, Newport West) did a quirky two-minute response, but didn’t press for a division. I was then invited to ‘present’ my bill. This involved my moving from my place to the entrance of the Chamber, bowing once, moving forward five paces, bowing again, moving forward five more paces, by which time I was by the mace, and bowing a final time. Then I moved round the clerk’s desk and handed the bill to the clerk who handed it to the Speaker who ordered the bill to be read a second time.
‘What day?’
‘Friday 22 January,’ I said (as instructed). And that was that. The Second Reading is just a bit of flummery. The truth is: the bill will never be heard of again.
I was closeted with Peter Brooke at the DNH, the meeting was about to begin, and a secretary sidled in, shimmied over to the Secretary of State and handed him a note. Peter read it and looked up. ‘The Prime Minister is making an important statement to the House at 3.30. I think we should go.’
We arrived just as the PM got to his feet. ‘It is announced from Buckingham Palace that, with regret, the Prince and Princess of Wales have decided to separate.’ Suppressed gasps and a rumble of sympathy. ‘Their Royal Highnesses have no plans to divorce and their constitutional positions are unaffected.’ More murmurings. Major elaborated on this: the succession to the throne is unaffected; the Prince of Wales’ succession as head
of the Church of England is unaffected; there is no reason why the Princess of Wales should not be crowned Queen one day! I find that a little hard to credit.
John Smith was commendably brief. Paddy Ashdown less so. Ted Heath went way over the top: ‘It must be one of the saddest announcements made by any Prime Minister in modern times.’ Willie Ross
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and Ian Paisley
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threw in their Celtic ha’porth and then (this was truly bizarre) Bob Cryer
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was on his feet asking us to remember divorcees everywhere and telling us that it’s poor housing and unemployment that puts marriages under strain and it’s all the government’s fault! Next up popped Dennis Skinner to tell us ‘we don’t need a monarchy any more and why should we swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen and her heirs and successors because it’s now clear we don’t know who they are.’ He did not catch the mood of the House.
In the Tea Room William Hague was quite funny: ‘At least this’ll keep the Chancellor of the Exchequer off the front pages.’
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Peter Brooke, MP for City of London & Westminster South, 1977–97; later Baron Brooke of Sutton Mandeville CH.
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David Trippier, MP for Rossendale 1979–83, Rossendale & Darwen 1983–92.
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1914–85; Labour MP for Belper, 1945–70; Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, 1960–70.
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Writer and artist; in the ’70s and ’80s, she and GB shared a literary agent.
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Lord Privy Seal and Leader of the House of Lords 1990–92; MP for Nelson & Colne 1968–74, Clitheroe 1979–83, Ribble Valley 1983–90. Later Governor of Bermuda, 1992–7.
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1910–94; MP for the City of Chester 1956–74.
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GB was a non-executive director of the games manufacturer J. W. Spear & Sons which had a French subsidiary.
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Leader of Westminster City Council 1983–91, Lord Mayor of Westminster 1991–2. Dame Shirley’s husband, Sir Leslie Porter, was the first chairman of the company that mounted GB’s unsuccessful Royal Britain exhibition.
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Dr Stephen Smalley, Dean of Chester Cathedral, 1987–2001.
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John Smith, 1938–94; shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer 1987–92; Labour MP for North Lanarkshire 1970–83, Monklands East 1983–94.
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MP for Nottingham South 1970–74, Sutton Coldfield 1974–2001; later Baron Fowler. In 1990 he left the Cabinet ‘to spend more time with his family’. During the 1992 election campaign he was a special adviser to John Major and, after the election, became Conservative Party chairman.
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Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson in 1986. The marriage was formally dissolved ten years later.
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MP for Epping 1970–74, Chingford 1974–92. Later Baron Tebbit CH.
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Heseltine, as Environment Secretary, had rejected a local plan that would have allowed development on Green Belt land in and around Chester.
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1937–2012; MP for Braintree 1974–97; later Baron Newton of Braintree.
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Leader of the Liberal Democrats since 1988–99; MP for Yeovil 1983–2001; later Baron Ashdown of Norton-sub-Hamdon GCMG, KBE.
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Secretary of State for Trade and Industry 1990–92; MP for St Albans 1983–97; Hitchin & Harpenden from 1997.
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During a general election campaign broadcasters are required, when covering a specific constituency, to give equal coverage to all candidates for that constituency.
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Cheshire county councillor and Conservative activist.
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MP for Wallasey 1974–92; later Baroness Chalker of Wallasey.
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MP for Lewisham West 1983–92; Stratford-upon-Avon 1997–2010; later Baron Maples.
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1948–94; MP for Eastleigh 1992–4; journalist and broadcaster, contemporary of GB at university.
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MP for Falmouth & Camborne 1992–97; Olympic gold medallist in 1980 and 1984; later Baron Coe of Ranmore CH KBE.
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MP for Rushcliffe since 1970; he had been Secretary of State for Education 1990–92, Secretary of State for Health 1988–90.
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MP for Edinburgh Pentlands 1974–97; he had been Secretary of State for Transport 1990–92, Secretary of State for Scotland 1986–90. Later MP for Kensington from 2005.
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MP for Folkestone & Hythe 1983–2010; he had been Secretary of State for Employment 1990–92. Later Leader of the Conservative Party, 2003–5, and Baron Howard of Lympne CH.
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MP for Surrey South West 1984–2005; she had been Minister for Health 1989–92. Later Baroness Bottomley of Nettlestone.
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MP for Norfolk South West 1987–2005; she had been a Minister of State at the Treasury 1990–92. Later Baroness Shephard of Northwold.
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MP for Enfield Southgate 1984–92.
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Graham Bright, MP for Luton East 1979–83, Luton South 1983–97; PPS to John Major as Chancellor of the Exchequer and Prime Minister 1990–94.
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Sir Michael Neubert, 1933–2014; MP for Havering & Romford 1974–83, Romford 1983–97.
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MP for Cities of London & Westminster 1997–2001; later Baron Brooke of Sutton Mandeville.
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1925–2014; Labour MP for Bristol South East 1950–60 and 1963–83, Chesterfield 1984 – 2010.
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1930–2007; MP for Oswestry 1961–83, Shropshire North 1983–97; later Baron Biffen.
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Labour MP for West Bromwich 1973–4, West Bromwich West 1974–2000. Later Baroness Boothroyd OM.
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David Davis, MP for Boothferry since 1987; in the Whips’ Office 1990–93; soon to be nicknamed ‘DD of the SS’ by GB.
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Labour MP for Wallasey since 1992.
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‘Where the dykes come from’. Ms Eagle ‘came out’ shortly after joining the government in 1997.
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MP for Tunbridge Wells 1974–97; Secretary of State for Northern Ireland 1992–7. Later Baron Mayhew of Twysden.
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MP for Acton 1968–70, St Marylebone 1970–83, Mole Valley 1982–97; Secretary of State for Education 1986–9; Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster and party chairman 1989–90; Home Secretary 1990–92. Later Baron Baker of Dorking.
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Andrew Mitchell, MP for Gedling 1987–97; he was soon to join the Whips’ Office, 1992–5, and then became Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Social Security at the Department of Social Security 1995–7. Later MP for Sutton Coldfield from 2001, Secretary of State for International Development, 2010–12, and briefly Chief Whip.
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Labour MP for Bolsover since 1970.
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1944–2006; MEP for Birmingham North 1979–84; MP for Mid-Worcestershire 1983–97.
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Labour MP for Southampton Test 1974–9, Dagenham 1983–94; opposition Environment spokesman, soon to contest for the Labour leadership and deputy leadership unsuccessfully, abandon politics and return to his native New Zealand.
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1933–99; MP for Cambridge 1976–92.
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MP for Woodspring 1992–2010; North Somerset from 2010.
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MP for Brecon & Radnor 1992–7. Both Fox and Evans were promoted ahead of GB.
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1926–2001; MP for Woking 1964–97; chairman of the 1922 Committee of Conservative Backbenchers 1984–92. Later Baron Onslow of Woking KCMG.
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Richard Ryder, MP for Norfolk Mid 1983–97; Chief Whip 1990–95. Later Baron Ryder of Wensum.
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1927–2002; MP for Shipley 1970–97.
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MP for Stafford 1984–97; Stone from 1997.
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1937–98; MP for Wolverhampton North West 1974–97.
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1933–95; for Kinross and West Perthshire 1974–83, Perth and Kinross 1983–1995.
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1924–2001; Labour MP Stepney 1964–70, Stepney and Poplar 1974–83, Bethnal Green and Stepney 1983–97. Later Baron Shore of Stepney.
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MP for Glasgow Cathcart 1964–79, Southend East 1980–2005.
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Labour MP for Grimsby 1977–83, Great Grimsby since 1983.
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MP for Monmouth 1992–7.
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MP for Chingford since 1992.
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MP for Devon West & Torridge 1987–97. Later Baroness Nicholson of Winterbourne.
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Tim Smith, MP for Ashfield 1977–79, Beaconsfield 1982–97; a contemporary of GB at university.
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1931–95; MP for Huddersfield West 1979–83, Littleborough & Saddleworth 1983–1995.
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1913–92, cookery writer.
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MP for Colchester North 1992–7; North Essex 1997–2010; Harwich & North Essex since 2010.
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Early Day Motion: a means of setting out backbench opinion on a specific issue. An MP tables a motion expressing a view and invites colleagues to become cosignatories. The motion is printed in the following day’s Order Paper in the theoretical expectation it may be debated ‘at an early day’. It never is. In the 1939–40 session twenty-one EDMs were tabled. In the ’50s around a hundred were tabled annually. Now EDMs are tabled by the thousand and because of the number of them and the range of issues raised – the future of the European Union, the performance of an MP’s local football team – the currency has been wholly devalued.
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MP for Morecambe & Lonsdale 1979–83, Morecambe & Lunesdale 1983–97; Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State at the Foreign Office 1990–94.
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Major-General Martin had been Colonel of the 22 (Cheshire) Regiment in the ’70s and was now one of the leaders of the campaign to prevent the Regiment’s proposed amalgamation.
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David Mellor, MP for Putney 1979–97.
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MP for Cannock 1970–74, Staffordshire South 1974–2010; later Baron Cormack.
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MP for Hartlepool 1992–2004; formerly the Labour Party’s director of campaigns and communications 1985–90. Later Baron Mandelson.
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Sir Anthony Durant, MP for Reading North 1974–83, Reading West 1983–97.
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MP for Arundel & Shoreham 1971–4, Shoreham 1974–92; Minister for the Arts 1985–90. Later Lord Chamberlain to the Queen and Baron Luce KG, GCVO.
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Roy Hattersley, Labour MP for Birmingham Sparkbrook 1964–97; Deputy Leader of the Labour Party 1983–92. Later Baron Hattersley.
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Baroness Blatch, Minister of State at the Department for Education 1992–4.
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MP for Stockton South 1987–97.
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MP for Nottingham West 1959–64, Horncastle 1966–83, Lindsey East 1983–97, Louth & Horncastle since 1997; Father of the House from 2010.
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MP for Stirling 1983–97. Later Baron Forsyth of Drumlean.
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1927–2013; MP for Newcastle East 1959–64, Brierley Hill 1967–74, Altrincham & Sale 1974–97.
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1935–2007; MP for Southend West 1959–97. He was elected in a by-election and succeeded his father, the diarist Henry ‘Chips’ Channon, who had been MP for Southend-on-Sea 1935–58. Later Baron Kelvedon.
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MP for Salisbury 1983–2010.
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MP for Watford 1979–97; Minister for Europe 1990–93. Later Baron Garel-Jones.
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Eaton Hall, the Chester home of the Duke of Westminster.
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MP for Macclesfield 1971–2010.
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GB was completely wrong. The play was a critical and commercial success and Cadell won an Olivier Award for his performance.
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1924–2010; MP for Holborn & St Pancras South 1959–64, East Grinstead 1965–83, Wealden 1983–2001.
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The Times
’ economics editor 1990–2010.
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MP for Staffordshire Mid 1992–7; Lichfield since 1997.
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1940–2014; MP for Bradford West 1970–74, Ruislip Northwood 1979–2005.
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MP for Worcestershire South 1974–2010; later Baron Spicer.
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MP for Ayr 1992–7.
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1939–93; MP for Newbury 1992–3; political secretary to the Prime Minister 1990–92.
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Shadow Chancellor; Labour MP for Dunfermline East 1983–2005; Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath since 2005. Chancellor of the Exchequer, 1997–2007; Prime Minister, 2007–10.
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MP for Whitehaven 1970–83, Copeland 1983–2005; later Baron Cunningham of Felling.
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Minister of State for Environment; MP for Wokingham since 1987.
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MP for Bridgwater 1970–2001; later Baron King of Bridgwater.
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Unnamed Cabinet colleague, quoted in
Iain Macleod
by Nigel Fisher (1973).
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Brooke had been brought back into government as Mellor’s replacement as Seretary of State for National Heritage.
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The UK permanent representative to the European Community 1990–95.
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European Commissioner, Vice-President of the European Commission 1989–92 and since 1995; MP for Cleveland & Whitby 1974–83, Richmond North Yorkshire 1983–8. Later Baron Brittan of Spennithorne.
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Minister of State at Defence; MP for Thanet East 1974–83, Thanet South 1983–97.
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Actor, 1922–92.
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1913–1992; Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany 1969–74.
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Entertainer, 1933–96; he had been injured in a car accident.
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Anthony Barbour, High Sherriff of Cheshire 1987–8, and his wife Diana.
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Baron Walker of Worcester since 1992; MP for Worcester 1961–92.
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1940–2010, MP for Stretford 1970–83, Davyhulme 1983–97; grandson of Sir Winston.
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MP for Batley & Spen 1983–97.
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Armed Forces Minister; MP for Epsom & Ewell 1978–2001; later Baron Hamilton of Epsom.
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In the Whips’ Office 1992–4; MP for Harrow West 1987–97.
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MP for Harrow Central 1964–83, Cambridgeshire South West 1983–97.