Breaking the Ice (20 page)

   I didn’t like the idea of her shelling out any cash from her own pocket, considering that tonight was just as much a ‘work thing’ for me as it was for her. But I knew how stubborn she could be about such things. It would be easier just to cave and let her think she got her way.

   I shot her a sham dirty look. “Fine. Fifty bucks.”

   “Sold!” she giggled. “That’s one helluva bargain, thank you.”

   “You’re welcome.”

   “And I’ll be able to pay you back sooner rather than later. I’m pretty sure I’ve already drummed up some new business.”

   “Oh yeah?” I asked. “The biddies planning a kegger or something?”

   That made her laugh. “No, you dork. The ladies from The Norman Society think I should join their committee.”

   I raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re not going to start wearing muumuus and rolling your pantyhose down to your ankles, are you?”

   She cracked up and explained, “No! That was exactly their point. They think it’s time to bring some younger blood into their club. There’d even be some money in it for me.”

   “Wow, Ave. That would be great for you. Jesus. I’m glad this stupid bar turned out to be good for something.”

   She tightened her eyes as she scrutinized my face, mulling over my comment. “Zac, don’t you see? This ‘stupid bar’ brings people together. You’re helping them in your own little way. You bring happiness to others. Don’t you know how hard that is? How many people can say that about their jobs?”

   I eyed her in admiration as a stunned smile tugged at the corner of my lips. The thing was, she was right. And I knew it. I’d spent so many years just looking out for myself, and now, I couldn’t believe how incredible it’s felt to help others. Selfish, though, because doing something good always made
me
feel good. It’s like I was doing it for me.

   “What am I doing to make
you
happy, Ave?” I asked, not trying to hide the hope in my voice.

   Her mouth dropped open slightly as her cheeks turned pink. I caught the spark in her eyes in the brief second it took for her to look away. She picked something off her plate and held it up between us, smiling as she said, “Keeping Felix on the payroll.”

   She shot a wicked grin at me as she took a bite from her sandwich.

   The tease.

Chapter Twenty-Three

   New Years’ Eve was one part newcomers, one part old friends, and all parts insane.

   The restaurant was still seating people at eleven o’clock, and my bar was packed wall to wall. Aside from my regulars, there were a ton of other faces filling the room, every last one of them drinking their faces off. My brothers had all popped in at some point for a quick shot before heading out for bigger plans, but it was nice that they’d all thought to at least stop by.

   Casey was practically drooling over Finn. “Avery. You have access to
that
and you’re hanging around with
this
? What is wrong with you, girl?”

   “Look who’s talking,” I shot back. “I’m not the one who hooked up with Toothless Wonder over there.”

   First Rule of Getting Your Balls Busted:
Deflect
.

   “Now that hurts, baby,” Simon guilted his wife, “You know damn well I’m ten times hotter than that guy. Even without the teeth.” We were cracking up already, but when Simon pulled out his spacer, Avery almost fell off her stool.

   It was pretty fuckawesome that the four of us were all together in the same room again. It had been years since that happened. Right before I tore up my knee, Simon got traded down to Philly. Seeing them tonight had me feeling ashamed that I hadn’t kept in better touch. But I cut ties soon after coming home from Texas. Being around Simon only reminded me of everything that I had lost.

   At least it used to. I didn’t feel that way all the time anymore.

   Which was good, because what good is
Auld Lang Syne
without some old friends around?

   New Years’ wasn’t the only reason Casey was in town to celebrate. Last week, as it turned out, Avery’s divorce was finalized.

   The two of them had spent almost every minute of the past few days together, going to movies, shopping, naked pillow fights… whatever the hell girls did when they got together.

   Simon and I spent most of that time drinking.

   He lifted his shot above the table. “To healthy gums!” he shouted as we all raised our glasses in a toast.

   We downed our booze as Avery laughed out a grunt. “Blech! How many of those have we done?”

   “Who knows?” I asked. “I lost count hours ago.”

* * *

   I didn’t even know what time it was when I finally threw the lock on the door. I’d switched to water sometime after midnight, but the damage had already been done. My skull was already slipping into a hangover and it hadn’t even hit a pillow yet.

   I crossed my arms over the bar and dropped my head. “Jesus. I’m beat.”

   When I looked up at Avery, she was just sitting on the stool next to me, grinning like a lunatic.  

   “Why are you smiling at me like that?”

   “No reason. I’m just smiling. Smiling’s my favorite.”

   “Well, cut it out. You’re giving me the creeps.”

   “Ooh. You’re an
angry
elf!”

   I didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about, but she sure was finding herself hilarious, holding her sides and busting up in a fit of giggles.

   “Franciscoooo!”

   I ignored her babbling and looked out at the view. It was such a clear night and the frozen lake looked so inviting. I felt a familiar ache grip my chest as I stared longingly out the windows.

   Suddenly, I had the urge to get on that ice.

   No. You know what? More than an urge. I
had
to get out there. It was now or never.

   I brought my hand down onto the bar, snapping Avery to attention. “We’re going ice skating.”

   The noise startled her, and she had her hand over her heart as she asked, “
Now?
”

   “C’mon. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

   “I don’t know, Zac. Isn’t it illegal or something?”

   “Who’s going to arrest us? The park ranger? He’s a twenty-two year old kid in a golf cart who happens to drink at my pub. I think we’re covered if we get caught.”

   “It’s not just that. I’m—”

   “Drunk?”

   “Sort of, but… I don’t know how to skate very well even when I’m sober.”

   She said that last part shyly, and my mouth dropped as I took in the information. “You’re kidding! You’ve grown up around hockey your whole life and you never learned how to skate? I find that pretty hard to believe.”

   “Well, my father was too interested in making sure his
players
could skate. Not his daughter.”

   That was pretty much the saddest thing I ever heard. I told you her father was a dick.

   Avery must have seen my face fall at her revelation, and quickly covered, “What am I saying? You actually want to go skating and I’m debating you about it? Oh my God, Zac. I’m so sorry. I forgot you haven’t…”

   She trailed off, probably realizing that she was dancing too close to pity.

   I think we’ve all learned how well I handle being pitied.

   “Alright. That’s it. No more arguments, no more excuses. You and I are getting out on that ice
now
. Move it, Brooks!”

   I shuffled her to her feet and grabbed her scarf. She groaned in protest as I wrapped it around her neck, tying it into a loose knot at her throat. It may have been the booze, but I found myself staring at the little spot of exposed skin, wondering what she would do if I just lowered my head and pressed my lips to the sweet, soft, inviting hollow of her throat.

   I raised my eyes as her brows raised, looking at me blankly. Her lips pressed into a tight line as she swallowed hard.

   Then she let out with a nervous giggle as she grabbed her coat, breaking the moment.

   I directed her into the alcove that separated the restaurant from the bar. Pulling open the closet door, I rifled through the wooden box of skates on the floor until I came up with my old practice blades. They were filthy and frayed, stiff from misuse after so many years. But they’d be able to get the job done.

   “Here,” I said, handing them over to Avery. “These are from when I was twelve. They should fit good enough.”

   She inspected them in her hands before holding them next to her feet as I plucked my skates off the hook on the wall. I had a quick moment of apprehension as I ran my fingers over the patterned leather in my hands. I almost changed my mind.

   But there was Avery, standing there all proud and excited. I didn’t want to let her down.

   We escaped out the alcove door, onto the deck, the cold smacking us in the face as we tied on our skates. When I was finished, I looked over at Avery.

   She was sitting on the bench seat next to me, biting her lip to keep from grinning. “They look good on you.”

   I shot her a smirk and replied, “Everything looks good on me, baby.”

   She rolled her eyes as I laughed.

   The lake had frozen over days ago, and thankfully, it hadn’t snowed. So, there was no shoveling required before we could head out onto the ice, take advantage of the endless sheet of glass.

   I left Avery on the safety of the deck while I stood at the bottom of the stairs and took a huge inhale, looking over the expanse of my surroundings, psyching myself up to make my next move.

   And then, for the first time in almost five years… I stepped out onto the ice.

   From the first clink of my blades, I was overwhelmed. I ventured out aways in a large circle, testing the surface, which I soon discovered had to be at least a foot thick.   

   A rush of memories flooded my brain and filled my entire being. I immediately felt my father out there with me, saw visions of him teaching me how to skate when I was little, cheering me on as a teenager.

   By the time I came back to Avery, I was smiling. “You ready?”

   She responded with a hesitant grin and a nod of her head. I held my arms out for her and she took them as I helped her down the steps. Once on the ice, she seized my jacket in a death-grip as I skated backwards, letting her get the feel of it. She almost wiped out a couple times, but I always caught her.

   Her ankles kept turning in and I tried not to laugh. “Easy, Drunky,” I busted.

   It took a while, but once she seemed a bit more surefooted, I said, “I’m going to let go, okay? I’ll stay right here, so if you feel like you’re going to fall, just grab hold.”

   Very tentatively, I released my grip on her, keeping my arms stretched out toward her just in case. She was unsteady at first, but holy hell, she was getting it! A rush of pride washed through me as I thought,
I did this.
I taught her how to skate. I was more than a little proud of myself.

   And her.

   “Holy shit, Ave! You’re doing it! Look at you!”

   She started to pick up a little speed, and I was about to tell her not to get so cocky when…

   “Race ya!” she called out, leaving me standing there staring at thin air, at the spot she just occupied.

   I watched her take off down the lake, her little skirt flying around her legs, her sweater-tights a receding gray blur.

   “Oh you lying, faking phony!”

   I chased after her; she had one hell of a head start but she was no match for me. I gave her scarf a tug as I zoomed by, and once I was on open ground, picked up even more speed.

   My legs moved on their own as I kicked off and pushed myself to go as fast as my aching knee would allow. The chill was slashing against my face, my nose was leaking, my eyes were tearing up from the cold… and I felt fucking phenomenal.

   How could I have denied myself this part of me for all those years? Because that’s what this was: A part of me. The air, the ice. The skates at my feet were an extension of my body, two limbs I’d cut off years ago.

   Once I neared the bridge, I skidded out, kicking up a spray of mist against the moonlight. I watched it settle as I tried to catch my breath. The cold filled my lungs in a soothing chill only to be exhaled in a cloudy haze. It was quiet, and the calm allowed me to realize
I was at peace
.

   I wasn’t a very spiritual guy, but for the first time in my life, I was suddenly one with everything around me. The fog rising off the lake, the smell of the winter crisp in the air, the distant sound of animals in the trees, the scrape of blades against the ice…

   Avery skating in my direction.

   She slowed her pace and did a full circle around me, eyeing me up cautiously, seemingly tuned in to my epiphany. Her breath came out in a smoky cloud as she smiled and said, “You’re happy.”

   She’d said that to me once before, five years ago on this very night. And I
was
happy. I was then, and I was now. How did she always know?

   “Yes. I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been in my life.”

   Happy? I was practically manic. My goddamn heart was practically beating out of my chest to see her standing there smiling, proud that she was able to share this moment with me.

   The look in her eyes was almost as elated as mine, and in my euphoria, I found my blades sliding closer toward her. I let my vision drop to her lips, clearly offering an invitation, even though I wasn’t exactly sure she’d accept.

   She hadn’t come to me over all these past months, why would she do it now? Would the fact that her divorce was finally official change that? Would a signed piece of paper make any difference between us?

   I sure as hell hoped so.

   I mean, Christ. She’d essentially been “single” since the spring. And yet, I gave her the space to let her figure everything out on her own. Gave her the time to decide not only to come to me, but come to me for more than just a distraction from her troubles.

   And here I was, still waiting.

   Our eyes were locked together as our heated breaths fogged the space between us, caught in a standoff, each waiting for the other to come to some sort of resolve. But as much as I was dying to get my lips on her at that second, I didn’t move in for the kill.

   The decision was still hers to make.

   She took a deep breath as her eyelids lowered to my mouth, and then before I could register what was happening… she was gone.

   Apparently, her decision was to skate back toward the bar.

* * *

   After we’d shaken off the cold and stripped down to a single layer of clothing, we pulled a couch over to the fire and tried to thaw out. I loaned her a pair of my slippers which looked like cinderblocks on her tiny feet, and I watched in amusement as she wiggled them from the ends of her toes, her feet stretched out toward the flames.