Breathe Me (17 page)

Snapping awake from dozing off yet again, I groaned
and shifted from my warm spot on the couch, a permanent indention now worn into the material. My skin felt sticky, even with the freezing AC going, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. My hair was stringy, and my scalp was starting to itch. Barely dragging my feet to my room, I grabbed a fresh outfit to wear to bed and drew a scorching hot bath, along with a gallon of bath bubbles. I was going to have to soak to get the film off me, and maybe I’d drown in the water while I was at it. Yep, the world felt so bleak, I couldn’t have cared less if it was burning outside my window at that instant.

The water
made the gooseflesh ripple across my skin from how hot it was. I let myself sink into the Roman tub until my head bobbed just underneath the surface. I held my breath and relished the silence. The scene back at Joss’s party repeated itself over and over in my head. So did the day Sasha had ridden with me on the Ferris wheel after supposedly showing up out of nowhere. I thought back to Leah letting it slip that they’d seen him prior to the fair and that he’d spoken with Joss extensively about me. More flashes hit me, and I saw Sasha’s sexy body hovering over mine, his musky scent mixed with sex and sweat as we made love, and, to top it all, me furiously tossing my hospital badge onto Marianne’s desk before declaring that she could take the job and shove it so far up her ass, she might find the devil lurking inside there before marching out all haughty and steaming.

My life was a messed up
, choose-your-own-adventure which was chopped into so many screwed up scenes, I had no idea which page to turn to. I hated the situation, hated Sasha, Joss and definitely despised Marianne and Thomas at work for fucking up my perfect life. Okay, so it wasn’t so perfect, and quite frankly, it’d been a long string of boring I had tried to pass off as my life. I wasn’t actually angry I’d left my job, I was angry I had let this circus go on for so long. It was all my fault, really. I should’ve known better.

Popping up from under the water, I sucked in a breath, feeling lightheaded from the excessive heat. I added some cooler water until it felt a bit more tolerable and started the task of scrubbing myself.

After my bath, I slumped onto the bed, hoping to pass out right away. I wasn’t ready to emerge into the real world and Lord only knew what it would take to forgive Joss and Sasha. Would I forgive them? I groaned and stuffed a pillow over my head, mad that I wanted to forgive them already. Not being able to hold onto my grudge—something I’d never had a problem doing in the past—was irritating. But that’s was good, right? Maybe for them. They were lucky I loved them, or maybe I was the lucky one.

I blinked away tears until I finally fell asleep, delighting in a sudden, calming revelation which took the tightness from my chest away with one, swift
whoosh. I knew full well that they weren’t the only lucky ones—they weren’t the ones who needed me like a breath of air. No, it was me. Not Sasha, who stellarly broke my heart. Not Joss, who watched me like a worried mother. It was me… I was the one being saved.

The doorbell rang
before I could answer it, I heard a key turning in the lock and Joss walked right in. She was the only person who had a key to my apartment, so why was I even surprised to see her? I was furious she had the gall to even come to my place. I knew she would try to talk me out of my slump.

She waltzed into my room
, and I watched the distress pass through Joss’s features. It screwed up her pretty face and made me want to just hold her, pull her close and wipe all those worries away. She was like a sister to me, even if we were cousins. But she’d crossed a line, and I didn’t know how to forgive her for it yet. Eventually I would, but what would I do next?

Joss’
s eyes narrowed, watching me as they cast a more determined, dark look across her face. I’d never seen her like that, ever.

“I’ve been calling you.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“And Sasha…
he’s been calling you too.”

“Don’t even talk to me about Sasha.”

Joss frowned, her face flushed from the heat outside. I was pretty sure she was fuming at me, too, and restraining herself from choking the living shit out of me.

“Look at me, Piper. Really look at me, pl
ease.” She leaned forward, making me cross my arms and stare at the ceiling. She sighed loudly before slumping down on the other side of my bed. The silence between us was thick, neither of us wanting to relent. “You can’t hold on to demons like this.
Let it go
. The past doesn’t define me. It’s just a place I’ve been. You let it haunt you, like some restless ghost that screams in your head at every waking moment. Why do you let it paralyze you until you can’t remember what you really want? Don’t do this, Piper. Don’t let it win.”

I shifted and flicked
my piercing stare from one of her deep brown eyes to the other, hoping to find the answers within them. “How?” I whispered as my voice choked, deep in my chest. “How do I let go?”

She appeared
relieved by my answer. “It’s not something anyone knows how to do. You just breathe. You get up each day, smile, take in the precious things all around you. Enjoy them with every fiber of your being.” Her words prickled my skin as she spoke. “Most of all, you have to love passionately and let yourself be loved just as much. You know I never meant to ever hurt you. I did it all out of love for you, and by not telling you what I was up to, I made you mad. I get it. But… get over it. He loves you, I love you. Don’t push us away. I’m sorry.”

L
istening to her drone on and on about life, sorrow, tragedy, about the way things sometimes go and how they aren’t under our control and yada, yada, I laughed out loud.

Joss screeched to a halt, her
eyes wild, wide and confused. My giggling continued, bringing my fair complexion to a cherry red tone for sure. In the end, it wasn’t a game, but my own unwillingness to see what was so extremely obvious in front of me this entire time.

“Piper?”

My laughter choked out into a fit of coughing before I managed to clear my throat and peek at her. She inched closer to me, asking me if I was okay and if I needed anything. Boy, would she regret asking me such a thing. For now, there was only one thing I wanted.

“Yes, I do need something
,”

“What
is it?”

“Don’t get me wrong, none of this is funny. I just realized that despite
your conniving intentions and your obvious ignorance of my feelings about all this, I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” Her
eyebrows twitched, not understanding me. “You don’t care about what exactly?”

“About all
this
. It’s stupid to stay mad at you. I care about you, about Sasha, Cam and Leah. So in all that, no matter how crazy it was of you and him to think that I could be fooled so easily without consequences, it doesn’t matter anymore. I love him. I know that now. I forgive you both. I just had to stew over it. You’re the one who always says to never forget the people around you who cherish you the most, because in one second, they could be gone.”

The look
she gave me was all I could ever ask for. It was brilliant, like a sun bursting through the morning dullness, bringing life and light to every living thing which needed it. She was always my sunshine, even when her eyes were shiny with the wetness of unshed tears. I reached out, yanking her into my embrace and squeezing her.

“You know, that wasn’
t very cool, though.”

She nodded
, laughing and sobbing all at the same time.

“Love you
, Joss.”

“I love you back, Piper.”

Piper

I STARED THROUGH
the slit in the doorway, studying his dark blue eyes beaming back. My heart was racing, and this surprise was certainly a pleasant one. He looked somewhat tired, but it only added to his incredibly delicious features. It was difficult to stay mad at him, and it made me feel weak, even though I was tired of fighting my feelings.

“Hey,” I whispered, barely aware that I had yet to
unhook the brass chain dangling just under my nose. “What’s going on? You scared me. I thought the building was on fire or something.”

“Sorry about that.” H
e rubbed his chin where the short stubble growing finely on his jawline made me want to feel its slight roughness with my fingertips. Tracing his lips would have been infinitely pleasurable. “I know it’s late. I just… I had to see you.”

I wrinkled my eyebrows at his statement, feeling jilted out of place
, but I couldn’t deny wanting to pull his arms around me. “One sec.” I yanked the chain off and opened the door wider, letting him through before I clicked it shut, pressing my back against the cool metal of the door.

“
Can’t sleep?”

He shook his head, invading my space as I
reseated the security chain. His proximity was more than I could bear, but he inched even closer until his arms slipped around my waist and his breath made mine catch. “The nights are long, especially when all I can think about is you, Piper.”

How could
I respond to that? I couldn’t. At least my stuttered words would never leave my lips, as his were pressed onto mine, his hands softly cupping my cheeks. Kissing with an intensity that grew with each second, I let myself relax into his body, melting like butter right into him. I kissed him back as my eyes closed, not wanting to feel anything but this. His eyes were tightly shut, and his body reacted immediately to mine as we stood there, devouring each other.

I couldn’t even breathe, but somehow, I didn’t mind it one bit. It was like being in
an orgasmic bubble that stopped time and let me feel the rush overwhelm me as his lips left mine to explore my jawline, then up toward my earlobes. His tongue tickled my skin, making me gasp. My clothes were swiftly moved aside as his hands explored my body, first through the thin camisole and then slipping under it to caress my skin. It sent waves of energy up my navel and down to every place inside me capable of pleasure.

My silky robe fell to the floor in
a rumpled pile before he pulled me close and lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his torso. We continued to kiss, his tongue furiously tangling with mine. Already I was on fire, and his love would be the only relief from the building inferno within me. At that moment, I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted him before. More than in college, or on the many lonely nights I’d prayed he’d come crawling back to me and beg forgiveness. All of that was now meaningless. I was here, in his arms, set ablaze by every finger trace and lick upon my skin. It was a place to disappear into, and I was more than willing.

His fingertips burned
, and I could feel the warmth of him increase as he pulled me toward the bedroom. I didn’t know if I would make it. I was breathless, and my senses felt hyperaware of every movement, ever touch. Once there, he stood in front of me, pulling his shirt off and letting it drop to the floor. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, his rippled stomach, his scent intoxicating as he continued his kisses down toward my belly button and onto the edges of my lace panties. His tongue slipped across my skin, near the indention of my hipbone, making me suck in a gasp as he pushed at the lace and then helped it along with his fingers.

I want
ed him to rip them off and take me immediately. The urge to grab him and shove him onto the bed for me to devour filled my mind with a desperation I hadn’t felt in such a long time. It was a feeling I wanted to drown in and relish forever.

Tucking his fingers unde
r the band of the lace, he yanked the thong down and tosses it to the side. Still kneeling, he gripped my thighs and brought his soft lips across my leg, nipping as he made his way up. Goosebumps flared across my skin, making everything contract, inside and out. It threw me into a shivering mess, every touch, every flick of his tongue. I was done for. I’d do whatever he wanted as long as he continued to lick and nip his way across my skin. He found my lacey satin bra in his way, reached behind me and unclasped it with ease.

The way those indigo eyes stared at me, full of mischief and gleaming in the dim lighting of the room
, imprisoned me. I couldn’t help but to run my fingers through his thick blond hair, loving the feel of his messy locks. It made him smile, the lust apparent in his eyes a reflection of my own. He was enjoying every second of my torment, and I was most definitely a goner, overtaken by his spell once again.