Breathless (25 page)
My hand went to my neck. I was still wearing the necklace my mother had given me on Friday. What had she said? Something about getting the pendant before she found out she was pregnant with me? From Mrs. Cantle, the woman who everyone said was a witch.
"And I guess they worked," said Aunt Stephanie. "I mean here you are, a medical miracle. But the price, I'm telling you. To lose my sister to the worship of Satan. My God. It just . . ." For once, Aunt Stephanie seemed to be at a loss for words.
"So," I said, more to myself than anyone, "all of it was just to have me."
Aunt Stephanie nodded. "Yes." She turned to Jason. "So were you there when this Black Mass happened?" she asked him.
"Yeah," he said. "They, um, tried to kill me."
"Oh my God," said Aunt Stephanie. "You poor things. Well, look. Neither of you worry about anything. I am so happy you got away from that woman, from that place.
You'll be safe here. Just consider yourselves at home."
* * *
The rest of the day, Jason and I lounged in Aunt Stephanie's den on lush, overstuffed couches, watching television and eating snacks.
I felt so relieved. Everything was going to be okay now. I relaxed. I luxuriated in our surroundings and soaked up the atmosphere. During a commercial break, I looked over at Jason, who was sitting very close to me on the couch. We'd started off sitting far away from each other, unsure if our touching would be rude to Aunt Stephanie.
But as the afternoon wore on, we'd gotten closer and closer. Now our heads were inches from each other, resting on the back of the couch.
"If you could live anywhere," I asked, "where would you live?"
"The Sons wouldn’t be chasing me?" he asked.
"Of course not," I said.
Jason considered. "I don't know," he said. "I never really thought about it."
"Never?" I asked.
"Where would you live?" he asked.
"Um . . . by the ocean," I said. "Somewhere warm."
"Sounds nice," he said. "I don't know. All I've ever wanted is to be normal. I wanted to go to school and play video games and think about things like girls and sports.
Now, I only ever think about one girl."
I smiled, feeling my heart leap.
"So, I guess, if I could live anywhere, I'd want to live where you live," he said.
I couldn't help it. That was too sweet. My heart swelled, and I reached over and kissed him. "I want that too," I said. "I want to be with you."
He smiled and put his arm around me. He rested his chin on top of my head. "So, we'd live by the beach. In the evening, we'd walk on the sand barefoot, holding hands. And when we woke up, it wouldn't be because something was after us, and we had to run."
Jason mused. "I could take you on dates. To the movies or to restaurants. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?"
"Of course I would." He had his arms wrapped around me, and he had to ask?
I moved out of his embrace for a second so I could look at him. "You know, Jason," I said. "If things hadn't worked out the way they did in Bramford, if everything hadn't gone insane, I still would have ended up with you."
"You can't be sure of that," he said. "It's okay, you don't have to—"
"No," I said. "I mean it. When I kissed you at the dance, it was like everything lit up for the first time. Even if I'd never heard that conversation between Toby and Lilith, I never would have gone with him that night."
"Really?" Jason asked.
"What I feel for you is so much different than what I felt for Toby," I said. "I just feel
. . . drawn to you."
"Yeah," he said, recognition in his voice. "Like I can't look away, even if I want to."
I nodded. "Yes. When you're around, you're all I think about."
"When you're not around, you're all I think about," he said.
I settled back into his arms. "Mmm," I said. "I don't like it when you're not around."
"I don't like it either."
"We're together now," I said. "That's all that matters."
Then, of course, Jason had to ruin everything.
"You know I can't stay here, right?" he said.
I didn't know that. I had thought that everything was fixed. I had thought that we could stay here forever and that the nightmare was over. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"It's only a matter of time before the Sons track me down," he said. "I can't stay anywhere."
"But you said they'd never look for you here," I said.
"Maybe not for a while. But even in Bramford, they found me."
I remembered Hallam's hand on my throat. Remembered his cruel voice telling me to run away. Oh. I really didn't want to leave here. I liked it here. It was awesome here.
"I don't want to go," I moaned.
"You don't have to," he said. "You should stay. She's your aunt. You've got family.
You'll be safe if I'm gone. I'll know you're all right. You should stay."
I pushed myself away from him. I gaped at him. "After what I just said, how could you think that I could do that?"
Jason looked away. "Maybe . . ." he said, " . . . maybe if things ever changed, I could come back."
"Jason, if you leave, I'm coming with you," I said. "I won't lose you. You don't know what it was like for me when you ran away in Bramford. I couldn't eat or think or concentrate. All I could think about was whether or not you were hurt or dead. You can't do that to me again. I won't let you."
"It won't be right away," he said. "I can stay here for a while. Let's not talk about it now."
"I want you to take it back," I said. "I want you to say you won't leave me."
"I can't say that," he said. "Azazel, I love you. I can't put you in danger. Not when there's some better alternative."
He loved me? I was shocked. My mouth hung open. Everything else he'd said was blotted out for now. "I love you too," I said. I knew it was true. Jason and I may not have had the longest courtship. We hadn't been traditionally together for more than a day or two, really. But there was something between us that transcended all of that.
There was something about what we had that was too big for traditions. We were something incredible. We belonged together.
* * *
I screamed. I screamed and screamed.
And Toby balled up the sheets on the bed and thrust them in my mouth. His face was bruised and purple. His nose was twice the size that it usually was. But I would have screamed anyway, even if he'd looked like the cherub he used to resemble. I had hoped never to see Toby again.
"Listen," he whispered. "It didn't work. The Invocation didn't work because you didn't join the Circle. We have to complete the ritual."
How had he gotten in here? Where had he come from? And what the hell did he think he was going to do to me? I spit the bed sheets out of my mouth.
"Toby, you are not going to complete any kind of ritual with me, okay?" I said.
He looked apologetic. "I don't really want to do this either, Azazel. I don't want you to be all struggling and screaming and . . . It makes me feel really bad. But we have to do this. It's important."
"How did you find me?" I demanded.
"Your aunt called your mom to gloat," said Toby.
What?! Aunt Stephanie had betrayed us? She clearly didn't understand the seriousness of the situation.
"We drove all night. All of us," said Toby.
"All?" I said.
"Yeah. Me, your mom, your dad, my dad, my mom, some other people."
"And you're all here? In this house?"
"Yes."
"And Jason?"
"Will be waiting for you to complete the ritual as soon as we're done here," said Toby.
Oh my God. This was awful. Going to Aunt Stephanie's house had not been a great idea. It was not a beautiful dream. It was just another chapter in the nightmare that had become my life.
And now Toby was going to . . . I felt sick just thinking about it.
"Look, Azazel, I know you don't want to do this with me anymore," said Toby, "but if you lay still and don't . . . well, I think it'll be better. Just don't fight me."
Don't fight him? How could I? My arms and legs were tied down. Couldn't fight physically. And they already had Jason. There was no one to hear me scream. What was I going to do? I could beg Toby not to, but I didn't think that would work. I could
. . . God what could I do?
Toby began pushing my nightgown up, over my legs.
I could tell Toby I had AIDS. Except he'd know that was a lie, because he knew I was a . . . Wait.
I had an idea. "Toby?" I said.
"Yes," he said.
"For the ritual to work, didn't I have to be a virgin?" I asked.
He looked at me. "Yeah, you did, but why would that matter?" He made a face. "Why did you say 'did?' Past tense?"
"I'm not a virgin anymore," I said.
"What?" he said. "Of course you are."
"Not," I said. "I totally did it with Jason last night."
"No way."
"Yes way," I said. "Twice, even."
"You're lying," he said. "You're just trying to keep me from doing this."
God. He could see through me so easily. I told myself to stay strong. "I'm not lying," I said. "Ask Jason."
"Well, he's not in here, and if I leave you, you'll figure out some way to get untied, and you'll run off," he said. "I'm just gonna have to do it anyway."
No! "What if I'm right though?" I blurted out. "You already said you didn't want to do it. Think how much effort and discomfort you'll have to go through for nothing."
He considered. He started to untie me. "Fine," he said. "We're gonna go downstairs and talk to your dad about this. And when he finds out that you had sex with that . . .
thing, he'll probably kill Jason himself and save you the trouble."
Oh please God, no. Maybe this had been a bad idea.
Everyone was in Aunt Stephanie's massive dining room. They sat at the long, long polished wooden table, still decorated with a bouquet of white roses. Behind them, a huge picture window looked out onto Aunt Stephanie's elaborate gardens. Aunt Stephanie, Jason, her cook Lydia, and Marci were all tied to chairs and gagged. My mother, father, Sheriff Damon, his wife, and several other members of the community were all seated in chairs around the table.
"That was fast," said Sheriff Damon when Toby and I appeared.
"I didn't do it," said Toby. "She says she had sex with Jason. And the ritual won't work if she's not a virgin. I didn't know what to do."
As Toby predicted, my dad was angry. He got up and ripped the gag out of Jason's mouth.
"Is that true?" he demanded of Jason.
Jason was trying hard not to laugh. "Yes," he said. "That is true." He winked at me.
"Twice."
I grinned at him. It was like we could read each other's minds! He was never allowed to leave me. I wouldn't let him.
My dad backhanded Jason.
"She might be lying," said Toby.
"Might be," said Sheriff Damon, "but how do we know?"
My mother spoke up. "Zaza, baby, just be truthful with us. Tell what really happened."
"Why should I tell you anything?" I said to her. "You turned to Satanism so you could get pregnant with me."
"Oh sweetheart, did Stephanie tell you that?" my mother asked.
I nodded.
"I wanted you so badly," she said. "And the coven needed a vessel. And it was the only way."
This just got worse and worse. "So you had me specifically to be a vessel for a demon which you then named me after?" I demanded.
"Satanism is about the individual," she said. "I already believed that. Your father and I both already believed that. You were born with a specific purpose. We raised you to end the suffering that Jason will cause. Why can't you see what he is?"
"I do see what he is," I said. I gazed at Jason. "He's amazing."
Jason smiled at me.
"Stop trying to reason with her, Jodi," said my dad. He turned to Toby. "Toby," he said. "Didn't you have gym class with Jason?"
"We all had gym together," said Toby.
"Ever see him in the shower?" asked my dad.
Oh God. Where was this going?
"Azazel," said my dad, "is Jason circumcised?"
Damn it! And how disgusting was it for my dad to ask me something like that? My parents were horrible, horrible people. Well, I had no idea.
I looked at Jason. He looked at me. I tried to find some clue in his eyes. I sifted through everything I knew about him. The Sons of the Rising Son were religious and religious people got circumcised, so, "Yes," I said.
Jason winced. He shook his head.
Damn it. So much for reading each other's minds.
"No," said Toby. "He's not. I
knew
she was lying."
I felt my heart sink. What were we going to do? I could see that Jason was struggling against the ropes that held him to his chair, but he wasn't having any luck. There wasn't any hope for it then. What I'd thought I'd escaped in Bramford had come for me in Alpine, New Jersey. And here in this lush house, I wasn't going to be able to stop Toby from doing what he came to do.
Toby grasped my arm and turned my body around. I stiffened. I wasn't going to walk with him. If he was going to try to do this, I was going to struggle every step of the way. There was no way I was making it easy for him.
I looked at his face, those blue eyes I used to think were so beautiful. Now there was only a twisted expression on his face, something hovering between disgust and hatred.
Toby had become a monster.
Unexpectedly, the picture window behind everyone shattered. Pieces of glass rained down, clattering against the marble floor. And Aunt Stephanie's throat blossomed with blood. She gargled through her gag, her eyes wide. Then her head slumped down.