Breathless (46 page)

“Yeah,” I mumbled.

I heard her shut the door and turn the lock. “Alright then, let’s get you back to bed.”

“I don’t need your help, Nora. Just leave me alone.” Please don’t.

I walked back in my bedroom and sat down on the mattress, hoping she’d leave. If she didn’t leave, I’d have to. Hell, she probably had a date tonight anyway, and with the thought of that, I picked up the Lagavulin bottle on the nightstand and took a swig.

She walked in, frowning at me. “I guess I can’t say anything about the drinking. Been there, done that,” she said, watching me set the bottle back down.

“I’m old enough to drink. You’re not.”

Her lips tightened, and she looked away from me. Yeah, I knew that barb bothered her. Maybe I wanted to hurt her. Maybe it would make her leave.

I lay down on my stomach and closed my eyes, and even though she was near, my body relaxed and dark oblivion beckoned me. Her proximity soothed the beast in me, making me yearn to wrap her up in my arms. Love her. Protect her.
Stupid.

She sat down, and I opened my eyes to half-mast. “Nora, what are you doing?” I said, slurring. “I’m fine, go home.” Please.

“But what if you get sick?” she said.

I rolled over and grabbed her. “Leo!” she yelped as I pulled her down until she was lying across my chest. When I caught the scent of peaches, I pressed my nose in her hair and groaned, my body arching into hers, needing contact.

“Are you sniffing my hair?” She leaned back to look at me.

I stared at her mouth. “No.”

“Liar.”

I soaked in her face, her eyes, those red lips. She nibbled on it, her white teeth worrying what I wanted. “I know what love is,” I said.

“You believe in love all of a sudden?”

“I never said I didn’t,” I muttered.

“Just not for yourself, right?”

“Raising Sebastian, starting and running my business,” I said. “Guess I never had time for it.”

“And you do now?”

I didn’t answer.

“Are you in love with Tiffani?” she asked.

I sighed heavily.

“Leo, are you in love with Tiffani?” she repeated, her voice sounding small and scared.

I scowled at her. “Are you in love with Drew?”

“Drew is special, yes. We’re probably going to UT together.”

I pushed her off me and rolled back to my stomach, hating the words that had come out of her mouth. “Bring me a trash can in case I need it,” I mumbled, hoping this conversation was over.

She didn’t move for the longest time, but she finally got up and brought the trash, putting it next to the bed. She stroked her hands through my hair, and I pulled away.

“There’s some pictures Teddy took. I want you to have them. Take them out of here,” I muttered. “They’re over on the dresser.”

She went over to the dresser and let out a small gasp as she looked through them, reminding me of what they showed.

It hurt, knowing she’d found someone. I ached to be alone with my pain.

It was all my fault though. I deserved the misery I had. She’d practically told me she loved me weeks ago, and I couldn’t run away fast enough.

Now it was too late.

“Get the out of here, Nora.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Get. The. Fuck. Out,” I spat, my heart hating the cruel words I used on her but needing the distance, needing a reprieve from the hollow feelings I got whenever I thought about her and Drew. How it made me insane. Like I wanted to rip him apart.

She let out a whimper.

“Please,” I begged.

Chapter 29

Nora

“I can’t forget the words you’ve never said.” –
Nora Blakely

Drew had been on his way over when Sebastian called me, so before I’d gone to the gym, I’d texted Drew and told him what was going on. He was standing at the shop’s door as I walked up.

“He’s drunk,” I said shakily.

“What happened over there? Did he hurt you?” he scowled.

I swallowed. “No, nothing like that. He told me—no, he ordered me to get out. He didn’t want me around,” I said, not meeting his eyes.

He narrowed his eyes at me and then sighed, like he was sad. “Shit, Leo’s the one you want?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.

“No, wait, let me say this. When something hurts this bad, Nora, you need to let it go. Let him go.”

“I know. I’m trying,” I whispered.

“And I’m
not
giving up on us. I want you as mine,” he said, walking over to me. He tipped my face up to look at him.

The air thickened with tension, and I sensed somehow things had suddenly changed between us. “Why?” I whispered.

He pulled me against him. “Because I see who you are now. And I’d walk over hot coals to make you love me,” he said, lowering his head. He kissed me hard and deep and for the first time since we’d gotten reacquainted, I felt real heat bloom inside me.

He murmured my name and tugged me closer, his hands pressing on the small of my back until I could feel his erection. I rubbed myself against him, making him groan.

“Are you ready to take us further, Nora?” he whispered, kissing my neck.

“Yes.”

“I’m dying to make love to you again,” he said into my shoulder, his lips going lower and lower.

“Yes, soon,” I promised as I pulled his face up to me and gazed into his hazel eyes, liking what I saw. In the past few weeks, we’d grown close and although I hadn’t told him about Finn, I had considered it. The thought of one more person knowing terrified me, but I had to learn to be true to myself. If he cared about me, then my past wouldn’t matter.

He grinned his crooked smile and picked me up and swung me around until I squealed. When he sat me down, we were both breathless.

“Kiss me again,” I said.

Like a kite string that’s been broken by a strong, sudden wind, I felt the tenuous hold I’d been keeping for Leo in my heart finally snap. He was gone, drifting away somewhere out there, destined to belong to someone else.

***

A few nights later, I met Drew and Sebastian and Mila at one of my favorite locally owned bookstores. It was within walking distance from the shop, and with its regular signings and readings, it was a hangout for college-age kids and hipsters. It had three levels, which included a basement area that held out-of-date college textbooks and discounted books. After we’d gotten a table and purchased some lattes from the café, we settled in at table to read and people watch.

After a while, I headed downstairs to the less populated basement to search out some interesting books. I’d just unearthed one about the Victorian poets, when I heard steps behind me in the stacks. I turned, expecting to see Drew, but it was Leo.

With a couple of books in his hand, he stood there frozen, looking at me with a stunned expression on his face. He obviously hadn’t expected to see me.

I glanced at him nervously. “Hey. Find anything good?”

He stared at me blankly.

“Leo?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said holding up two books, “found a bargain on
Bob Dylan’s Lyrics
and another one on football in the 1970s. What about you?”

“Still looking.” I peered around him, expecting to see the meerkat scurrying around the corner any moment. “Where’s Tiffani?”

He stiffened and shrugged. “Where’s Drew?”

“Upstairs with Sebastian and Mila.”

He nodded. I nodded. We looked around the basement but not at each other.

Crickets may have chirped.

“So . . .” I murmured.

“Uh . . .” he said at the same time.

We both tried to laugh.

I sighed. “Things are weird between us aren’t they?”

“I don’t want them to be.” He stared at his books. “Sorry about Saturday. I never drink like that.”

“I know.”

He nodded.

“Are you happy with Tiffani?”

He dropped his eyes and when he didn’t speak, I smiled regretfully.

“Are you happy with Drew?” he asked, moving close enough to me that I could feel his heat. My breath whooshed out when he touched my hair, rubbing it between his fingers. “Does he kiss you like I did?”

Anger rose in me. “Yes. In fact, I think he’d like to thank you for telling me to leave you alone.”

He closed his eyes, and I think he looked like he was hurting. Then he stared at me like I was his manna from heaven, and I wanted him so bad right then, that if he said he wanted me, I would throw caution to the wind—but instead I heard, “Okay. I guess that’s good then.”

“Yes, it is,” I said after a bit, struggling to get the words out.

“Nora, I’ve been wanting to say something to you about what you told me, and there hasn’t been a time when we’ve been alone. I know I was too late to protect you from Finn, but if Drew, or anyone for that matter,
ever
hurts you . . .” he paused. “Tell me, and they’ll never walk again.”

“Drew won’t hurt me.”

He took a deep breath. “Just let me be there for you, okay? Please. If you ever need me.”

I nodded.

“I got one last request, and I’ll never ask again.”

“What?” I croaked out.

He set his books on a shelf and then took mine and set them beside his. He tugged me to him until our chests were touching.

“What are you doing?” I mumbled in confusion.

He put his hands on either side of my face and slid them into my hair, letting out a breath as if in relief. “Just saying goodbye, Nora.”

“You’re going to kiss me?” I asked, tears pricking my eyes at the sadness in his face.

“Please, just this last time, Buttercup,” he said.

And with that one word, I was his.

He lowered his head, his gaze holding me captive. When our lips touched, his heated eyes stayed open and mine did, too. My mouth melted into his, moaning as his hot tongue explored the details of my tongue, my teeth, my lips. We started slow but it escalated rapidly, the passion between us burning higher and higher. He closed his eyes, shifting his body to press more firmly into me, gripping my hair as if he were afraid I’d try to get away. He owned me with his mouth, making me all his, and I was lost.

I tightened my arms around his waist, grinding myself against him. He hissed at the increased pressure and pushed me back against the sturdy bookshelf, picking me up and positioning me so his hips fit into my pelvis. He held me in place, rocking into me. Gasping at the feel of him, I lifted one of my legs, and he caught it and wrapped it around him. I clutched his ass and pulled him against me, my passion for him expanding, growing bigger and bigger as the room got hotter.

“Say my name,” he muttered gruffly as I sucked hard at his neck and then licked it. He grunted, and I dug my nails into his back as I kissed my way around his collarbone, sucking another spot.

“Say it, Nora. S
ay
it
,” he ordered me hoarsely, and more heat rushed to my center at his demand.

“Leo, Leo, Leo,” I pleaded, arching my back, pushing into him.

He shuddered. “Love that,” he whispered and then placed his lips back on mine, dominating my mouth, like a man starved. All I could think about was him, him, him . . . his lips, his tongue, his taste, his butterscotch smell. I wanted all of him, and I’d never have him, and that thought made me frantic. I gripped him tighter, pushed my nails deeper, and kissed him harder. I never wanted his mouth to leave mine, not even for those little sweet kisses. I never wanted my tongue separated from his. I never wanted this moment to end.

“Want you so much. I’ve dreamed about making love to you a thousand times,” he whispered out, and the anguish I heard in his voice terrified me.

Leo!
I loved him. Would it make a difference if I told him so? Would he suddenly give us a chance? I didn’t know the answers, but I knew this was everything; this was gut-wrenching love.

“Make me come, Leo,” I said desperately. He groaned and slipped his hand under my dress and shoved my panties to the side. Pushing his finger deep inside me, he kissed my neck feverishly as I trembled and tried to move underneath him, needing more. He pumped me fast, moving his fingers around, grinding me with little circles.

“You’re wet,” he groaned into my ear, biting down on it.

His lips came back to my mouth, his tongue dueling with mine. “Come for me, baby.”

Heat gathered in my spine, in my legs, and in my core, and I panted out his name as I came, my body clenching his fingers, the waves hitting me and hitting me, sending me over into a place I’d never been.

“Leo,” I said weakly, gazing into his eyes.

He looked wrecked.

He tightened his arms around me and opened his mouth to say something, but the sound of approaching footsteps startled us. He reluctantly pulled away from me, and I slid down. We straightened our clothes, neither of us breaking eye contact.

An older couple walked by, glancing at us and smiling as they passed our aisle.

He rubbed his jaw. We stared at each other, and I
saw
the bleakness in his expression. I shook my head, feeling the finality of it in my bones. I wanted to howl; I wanted to scream.
No, no, no
. I could never say goodbye to him forever. Not yet and not here in this dusty room of old books.

Why didn’t he love me, too?

Why did they call it heartbreak, when it felt like my entire body was dying?

“Please, don’t be sad,” he said in a broken voice, looking as sick as I felt. But that couldn’t be.

This is hell
,
I thought,
living my life without my soulmate
.

I closed my eyes to block out his face, the pain tearing into me so brutally I knew I’d never completely be over him. I’d given him my heart, and he’d given right back. I reached out and ran my fingers around his swollen lips. He kissed them lovingly.

“Maybe in the next life,” I whispered to him and walked back upstairs to Drew.

Chapter 30

Nora

“As soon as this life is gone, I’ll be over you.” –
Nora Blakely

When I woke up the next day, I didn’t realize it would be one of the worst days of my life. As I drove to school, it seemed like a normal October morning, except it was a tad chilly for Texas. The weatherman had predicted a low of forty degrees tonight, plus a big meteor shower was supposed to streak through the sky around midnight. Strange things were brewing.