Breathless - Jesse Book 1 (17 page)

Niki

“You’re moping. Stop picking at your sandwich.” Kat scolded and shoved the large half of a turkey and avocado on sourdough into her petite mouth. Kat joined me at my favorite sandwich shop on my break between my fashion design classes. Right outside this very shop, Jesse had brought me the ice cream cone study break treat. Where he first showed up, unannounced, to “stalk” me, then smashed his cell phone as an excuse for being at the mall.

Most of my sandwich sat untouched on my plate. I teased half a red tomato slice out from between the slices of bread, lifted it to my lips then let it drop onto the plate.

“I don’t even want this.” I sighed and wiped my fingers on the napkin. I rested my chin in my hand. Why the hell was I so drawn to Jesse?

“Have you heard from him today?”

“Is the Pope Catholic? Of course, he’s begging to see me. He texts me day and night, well he backed off for a while, but he got his second wind.” I pushed the plate away. Kat set her sandwich down, her fingers still wrapped around it, a sure sign that a lecture was about to ensue. She stared me in the eyes with one of her serious “big sister” looks and leaned forward.

“I totally don’t understand you Niki. Give the guy another chance. He was defending Chase. We’ve been over this before and...I’ve seen how he looks at you. God, it’s like your shit don’t stink girl.” She laughed.

I broke a smile at Kat’s attempt to sway me, but...if I went back to Jesse wouldn’t I be following the path to my own destruction? “Oh, Kat. Guess who sent me a message last night.” Her eyes went blank. She’d never guess so I blurted it out. “Hot guy from Vegas.” Her eyes widened.

“Shut up. You mean Trevor? What does he want?”

“He wants me to go out with him.”

“I thought he lived in San Francisco.” She sucked on the straw in her drink.

“He’s in town on business or something.”

“You’re not seriously thinking of going out with him, are you?”

I sat up straight and I jutted my chin out defiantly. “I am.”

She slumped back down in her chair and took another sip, “You’re sick. I can’t believe you would even waste your time,” she said in an even voice.

“I can do what I want; besides, I need to get my mind of Jesse.” I said indignantly. “Trevor will be like a test. He will be my litmus paper. I’ll go on a date with Trevor and see how it compares to when I’m with Jesse.” I felt damn proud of myself for creating this idea.

Kat crumpled up her paper napkin and threw it on her empty plate. “I think it’s stupid but whatever. Do what you feel you need to do.” She stood up, leaned over the table and took one last sip, then gave me a hug. “You know I love you. I gotta go. I have a rehearsal in about....fifteen minutes ago.” Holding her large Coach purse in the crook of her arm, she flung her trash into the garbage and pushed the door open with her backside.

I fished my cellphone out of my purse and opened the text message from Trevor that had been waiting. I responded that I would love to get together. What harm could it do? I justified that it would get my mind off Jesse and help me think clearly. Jesse blinded me. He was exciting. He was dangerous. And I had decided to steer clear of him for a while for my own good.

~~***~~

Thursday night rolled around and I was ready to put my plan into action. I wanted to meet Trevor at the restaurant but he had insisted on picking me up in his rental Mercedes. I didn’t even know you could rent a Mercedes, but I didn’t like the idea of him picking me up. I wanted to keep it casual and if the date went bad, I had my own car.

As the waitress seated us, I moved clumsily, first stepping in front of him, then cutting in from the side, bumping into him. I told him, excuse me, and failed to land in my chair gracefully. It was a stiff beginning. I was out of my element. But despite the initial awkwardness, I was determined to make the best of it. Or so I told myself, as I sat across from him, wringing my hands under the table.

“Good to see you again, Niki.” He jangled the ice in his scotch on the rocks and drained it. “What have you been up to down here in So Cal, the land of the crazies?”

“Um, wow, nothing much, just mingling with the other
crazies
here. What’s wrong with Southern California? Does everyone from up north act like this part of the state is a foreign country?”

“It may as well be.” He pointed out self-righteously. “You talk weird, like, you know, like, like, like. And everyone is so vain. The women are fake, with all their hair extensions and everyone wants to look younger than they are. Jesus Christ they dress like sluts and the guys think they're surfer dudes.” The waitress placed another scotch on the table. I sipped my wine. Things were developing splendidly.

I chewed on the celery stick from my salad, bearing down hard, to grind out the bitter taste forming in my mouth.

“Excuse me. I need to use the Ladies room.”

“Sure sweetheart. Hurry back.” He downed his third scotch and slammed it on the table. He pushed his chair back and half stood up, as I turned to find the restrooms. I left the table and felt his stare burn a hole in my backside, assured that he was getting an eyeful of my ass. I pushed into the ladies room and leaned up against the wall. As usual, Kat was right. This was stupid. What the hell was I thinking, agreeing to go out with this guy? The thought of climbing out the bathroom window occurred to me; expect this restroom didn’t have one. I decided to suck it up and try to politely make it through dinner, then bail.

I came out of the restroom and gave a tug on the hem of my short skirt. I hoisted my purse over my shoulder and looked up to a searing pair of blue eyes. My heart jumped.

“Jesse. What are you doing here?” I hissed. He leaned on the bar with a Jack Daniels, neat. I scowled and leaned close so Trevor wouldn't hear or see me, though he was halfway across the main dining area.

“Hey Niki. Nice to see you too.”

“Are you stalking me? Again? How dare you. That’s so wrong. I’m on a date. How did you know I was here?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“Who’s to judge what’s wrong or right? Maybe I
am
stalking you. I have been known to be guilty of it before. ” He leaned casually on the bar. A playful smirk turned up the corner of his mouth.

“Kat told you I was here, didn’t she? “ I’m gonna punch her in the arm next time I see her, the little snitch.” I glared at Jesse and realized the desire for him ricocheted through my veins. I should be mad at him, I
wanted
to be mad at him, but deep down inside I was thrilled that he was here.

“Look Niki. What are you doing here with that dufus over there?” He set his drink on the bar and slid off the stool to stand next to me, so close that I felt the heat emanating from his body. He pierced me with his gaze. The intensity and truthfulness of his stare rendered me helpless.

“Just tell me why you are here, Jesse?” My voice trembled.

“I came because I need you. I came to beg for your forgiveness. I had a talk with my uncle and I realized something. I know I scared you and I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have gone all ape shit on that guy.” He leaned in even closer and his emotions filtered through his eyes. “Please, Niki. I’m gonna turn over a new leaf. I’ll do anything for you.”

The sincerity in his voice melted me even more. I looked down silently at the granite bar top, white knuckles gripped the strap of my purse. I held on like it was the sole tether to my sanity, fearful that if I gave in, I might slip into an unpredictable world with Jesse. I threw a nervous glance back over my shoulder. Trevor was waiting at the table. I wasn’t sure if he could see me.

 
“Actually, I’m glad you showed up. Things weren’t going so well with Trevor over there.” I pointed with my eyes.

“I’m here for you, baby.” He slid his hand over my forearm, his touch ran smooth and warm across my skin. I sighed. With his head bent down close to mine, his intoxicating musky scent swayed me. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Can you take me home?”

 
“Of course. Let’s get you out of here. Go tell him you changed your mind and let’s leave. Or do you want me to tell him?” He stroked my arm, the breath of his words fluttered in my ear.

“No, I’ll tell him. Just give me a minute.” I pulled away and returned to Trevor’s table. He was texting on his phone and hardly noticed me.

“There you are. I thought you had gotten stuck in the toilet.” He chuckled.

I managed a faint smile. “Sorry Trevor, I gotta take off. I’m not feeling well. Thank you for the dinner…and I’m really sorry.”

“Wow.” He looked me up and down. “Can you at least wait until I’m done eating? Then I will take you home?”

“Don’t worry. Stay and finish. I can get myself home. Bye.” I turned and walked towards the exit.

Jesse

Niki and I stood on the curb, as we waited for the valet to bring my truck around. The guy Niki had ditched on her date approached from behind. “What the fuck is going on here? Niki, who is this?” he asked in a gruff voice.

I dropped Niki’s hand and turned to address him. “Take it easy, man. My friend is not feeling well, so I am taking her home. Just go back to your dinner,” I said.

The valet pulled my truck up to the curb. Halfway between us and the restaurant, the dude stopped in his tracks and yelled. “Bitch, really? You’re leaving with another guy?”

Niki’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Before she had a chance to respond, he launched another insult.

“You’re nothing but a cunt and a cock-tease!”

His words froze me in my tracks. “What did you say, mother fucker?”

“I said your little girlfriend is a fucking cunt.”

I turned to Niki and spoke as calmly as possible, but under my skin my blood boiled in my veins. “Excuse me, can you wait right here for a second?”

“Ignore him, Jesse. Just take me home.” She reached for my arm.

I bolted back fronting him. His face was red from his shouting. “I thought that’s what you said.” My breath came quickly now. “But you know what? I totally forgot something.” I was now close enough to see sweat beads forming on his forehead.

“What did you forget?”

“I forgot this.” I wound up my fist and without warning, launched it, square on his jaw. As he hit the ground I shouted in his face, “That’s no way to speak to a lady. Learn some fucking manners, asshole.”

I left the dude groaning into the pavement and turned on my heels to take Niki home. Niki was gone. I raced to the corner, my eyes scanned the sidewalks, but she had vanished like a fucking magician. I grabbed my head with both hands. “Fu-u-ck!”

~~***~~

Niki

“What the hell happened last night?” Kat popped out of the bathroom and padded down the hall to the kitchen in her pink pajama pants. I poured a cup of coffee in her favorite mug and pushed it across the white tile counter in her direction.

“Jesse’s an asshole. I don’t know why I keep thinking he is worth pursuing. He hasn’t changed at all.” I slid the half-and-half in her direction and stuck the handle of a spoon out for her to take. “He showed up at my date with Trevor, thanks to
you.”
I wasn’t really mad at Kat for tipping him off. My real anger was at myself. I was weak and allowed Jesse’s charm to pull me in. “It happened all over again, like deja vu of that Five O Four place when he got in a fight...well, this time he didn’t go completely bananas, he just punched the guy. I think.”

“Oh my God Niki. You have men fighting over you. That’s so cool.”

I rolled my eyes. Kat had a unique way of looking at violence.

“Kat, it’s the same behavior. He’s solving his problems with violence and I don’t know if I can handle a guy like that.” I looked down at my coffee and stirred it again with the spoon. “What if I’m his problem one day? Is he gonna freak out on me?”

“No. Are you crazy? That guy adores you. Why did he go off on Trevor?” She took a seat on the stool and leaned her elbows onto the counter, intent on hearing all the details.

“Everything started a little weird with Trevor...well, he was being a jerk actually. Halfway through the date I went to use the restroom. When I came out Jesse was at the bar waiting, or stalking me, thanks to you. Well, I talked to him and...” I exhaled a breath. “God Kat, I really do like him. I don’t know what he does to me, but he’s got my heart. That why it’s so hard. How can you have such strong feelings for someone, yet despise part of his behavior?”

“Honey, no guy is perfect. So what did you do?”

“I caved. I melted right there under the stare of his dark blue eyes. I said, let’s just get the hell out of here and we left. We got outside and that’s when Trevor came barreling out the door yelling a bunch of shit, like I was a cunt and how dare I walk out on a date with him, blah blah, blah.”

“Wha-a-at? He called you a cunt?” Kat slapped the counter top with her palm.

“So when Jesse heard him call me a cunt, he walked right up to him and punched him. I was so freaked out I ran away and took a cab home.”

“Jesus Niki, are you fucking crazy or what? Jesse loves you like no one else. Of course he would punch him for saying that. And quite frankly, if I was in your shoes and someone called me a cunt, I would demand my guy to stand up for me. Jesse’s your knight in fucking shining armor, girl.” She cocked her head to the side.

“You don’t think that shows he’s a whack job? Unstable?”

“Hell no! He was defending your honor. What did you want him to do? Just let the guy get away saying that shit to you? No, I’m telling you, Jesse is not a psycho, nutcase kind of dude. He may be impulsive--and damn hot--but deep down, he’s really a good guy. He’s passionate about the things he believes in and has a hard time expressing it in words. But most men are like that.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I
know
so. You need to stop all this wishy-washy, namby-pamby, “I don’t know if I can handle him”, bullshit and claim him before another girl gets a chance. He wants you more than anything else in the world. He worships the god damn ground you walk on, sweetie. Even Chase say so.”

“What did Chase say?”

 
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Kat pushed my cell phone across the countertop until it was under my nose.

I pursed my lips and turned my chin up to the side. I raised the cell phone and called Chase. My heartbeat picked up its rate, as I waited for him to answer.

“Hey Chase. It’s Niki.”

“Hey Niki. What’s up?”

“Are you at work?”

“I’m always at work these days. What do you need?”

“Um, I need your advice on a matter, but first is Jesse there? Cause I don’t want him to hear--”

“No, Jesse's not here. As a matter of fact, he’s home right now packing. He is going back to New York.”

My heart dropped to the floor. I turned and looked at Kat and she mouthed the words, “Oh my God.” She heard everything.

“He can’t leave...” I blurted out. Desperation rose in my body. The air was sucked out of my lungs. My mind screamed the words, NOOOO! But my mouth said, “I mean, moving back to New York? Why? I thought he was here all summer helping at the bar?”

“Niki, I’m gonna level with you. The guy is in a hurt locker. He told me he messed things up with you again so he’s throwing in the towel. He’s leaving, Niki. He might even be gone already for all I know. If you care about him, get your butt over there before it’s too late and talk him into staying”

“Can’t you talk to him and convince him to stay?”

“
No, only you can do that. He’s broken right now. I’ve never seen him like this, Niki.”

My hands trembled as I placed the phone back down on the counter. Tears stung my eyes. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.

“Kat, what should I do? He’s leaving.”

“Do you really like him?” She asked in all seriousness.

“Yes.” I squeaked through tears spilling down my face.

“Then go. Go, girl. Tell him how you feel.” She tugged on my arm and pushed me towards the door, grabbing my purse and keys along the way. “You will be losing a great guy if you don’t hurry.”

I stumbled along, sniffing and wiping tears with the back of my hand as I went. I paused before I shut the door. “Thank you Kat. I love you, girlfriend.” She snatched a tissue from the box on the counter and waved it in my direction. “Here, wipe the mascara from your eyes.”

As I peeled off towards Kenny’s house, I took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel tighter, hoping it would steady my trembling hands. My mind raced. What should I say? What if he refused to talk to me, slams the door in my face and tells me to get the fuck out? Maybe I could go with him to New York? Oh shit. What was I thinking? I can’t leave my classes and my life here for him? Oh yes I can. I can do whatever I want. I never realized what I had with him. He was right in front of me the whole time and like an idiot I almost missed it. I figured it out, now it was clear.

I steered my car to the curb and cut the engine, in front of his uncle’s house. I fussed over texting him first to let him know I was on my way, but was afraid he would say, don’t come. I swallowed hard and made my way up the driveway to the door. I passed by his black, big wheel pickup truck. A pang of nervous desperation pierced my heart as I saw two boxes loaded in the bed of the truck.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I can do this.

I shook my hands out, like a boxer about to enter the ring. My nerves rattled me to the bone. I jabbed the doorbell with a trembling finger and waited.
One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, three-Mississippi.
.. I was counting the seconds. It was a nervous habit I had to distract my mind from overwhelming fear. When the door swung open, I audibly exhaled.

“Niki.” His voice sounded surprised and his face revealed it as well.

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. “Um...I...was just, driving by...” I turned and waved a hand, palm up to my car. “And thought I'd stop and say hello.” I bounced up and down on my heels, pursed my lips and nodded my head. I had rushed out without a thought for what I was wearing. I glanced at my plain white tank top. Not exactly dressed to sway someone’s heart, but it would have to do.

Jesse shot me a sidelong glance, eyeing me up and down. “Whatever you say. Come in,” he said, and swept a hand in a welcoming gesture. At least he didn’t slam the door in my face. I was nervously wringing my hands. I grabbed onto my purse strap and practically tip-toed past him, brushing close enough to his powerful chest to remind me why I was there.

Once inside the family room, I stood awkwardly in the silence of the house. His uncle must be at work. There was no sound except the ticking of a decorative round clock on the wall and the pounding of my heart was drowning it out.

“Can I get you something to drink? A Coke or bottled water?” He strode over to the kitchen, paused in front of the refrigerator, and rested a hand on the door handle.

“Oh, no thanks.”

Jesse pushed his unruly hair out of his eyes. the move was my Achilles heel. The move that drove me crazy watching his muscle ripple and flex under the tattoo. Was he that calculating? Or an Adonis who didn’t know his own power? I dipped my chin to my chest and cleared my throat hoping if I didn’t look up, it would release me from his magnetic pull. I had to get this out. I had to say it.

“Jesse, I’m just going to say it straight out. I came because I heard you were leaving, moving back to New York.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. He walked forward and stood leaning one hand on the breakfast bar and the other on his hip.

“Yeah, I plan on leaving in the morning.”

“Oh, I see.” I took a couple steps towards him, licked my lips and swallowed hard. “Well, um...what about us?” I cocked my head slightly to the side.

Jesse closed the distance between us in two strides and held both of my hands. Dipping his head he looked in my eyes. “Niki, I'm sorry, but after I saw you last time, I figured I’d fucked up one too many times and you would kick me to the curb. I thought that ‘us’ was over. I can’t stay here, if there’s no chance for us. This place…this city will always remind me of you. So, the only thing for me to do is go back to New York and get my life back together.”

His eyes pierced mine and we connected. The flood gates opened and I struggled to pull it together.