Breathless (The Breathe Series) (11 page)

My thoughts
pounded deep inside me as I stumbled through the room. My body was riddled with exhaustion and completely drained of tears. I never cried. Ever. Tanzi had left a few minutes earlier, and now, as I looked around the darkness of the room and my eyes traveled to the door between Sav and me, I cringed at the conversation I still desperately needed to have with her. It was close to three in the morning, and all I needed was Sav. I needed to hold her and feel her warmth against me. I needed the comfort only she could provide. Switching off the lights, I stumbled towards the bedroom and silently opened the door. Sav had left the bedside light on, and my eyes found her sleeping on her side, cuddled into my pillow, a small frown etched on her face. I stripped out of my clothes and climbed in beside her as quietly as I could but still she stirred.

“Tate?”

I swallowed hard. “Yep, it’s me. Go back to sleep.”

She rolled over onto her back and her eyes found mine. Her face clouded with worry. I looked at her, my eyes running over her face, trying to show her that I was okay without having to speak. I knew I had explaining to do but I really didn’t want to do it. Not tonight. Not when she was the one who needed the comforting.

“Just tell me that you are okay and I promise I won’t ask anything until you want to talk about it.”

I ran my knuckles over her cheek before lifting her chin with my thumb, making her look at me. “I am okay as long as I have you by my side.”

“I know you aren’t okay but I’ll take that answer for now.”

I laughed lightly, pulling her to my body, and her arms wound their way around my waist before she rested her chin on my chest, looking up at me. It was so cliché but it was like a Hollywood movie moment.

“Have I told you lately how beautiful you look? I love when I get to see your little tummy, and I love knowing that our baby is safely tucked up in there.”

Her eyes closed at my words and she snuggled in close to my body. We lay in silence. The only sound in the room was our breathing and the faint murmur of the traffic below. The lights of the city filtered through the window, letting me see shadows on Sav’s face. My mind was racing but I was feeling a sense of calm just from having my girl in my arms.

Her voice startled me. “You are going to be an awesome dad. Maybe a bit psycho protective but still awesome.” Laughing, she ran her hand down my arm and looked up at me with
those
eyes. I pulled her cami up over her small stomach, placing my hand flat against her skin.

“I can’t wait until I feel Jellybean kick.”

“It’s going to feel so weird. Sometimes I feel these little flutters but I don’t think it’s anything. I will probably cry when it first happens,” she confessed, love saturating her words. She rolled onto her back, allowing me better access to her stomach. I waved my hand over her skin, running from hip to hip and finally resting on her lower stomach. She placed a hand on top of mine, our fingers entwined entwining with each other’s immediately.

“We are going to be parents. Seriously, that shit is crazy.” I laughed softly and shook my head. Finally I found her eyes smiling at me.

“The coolest parents ever! Super protective but cool. Imagine if we have a little girl and the first time she goes on a date?” She teased. Shit! I hadn’t thought of that.

“She won’t be dating until she is twenty-five,” I replied instantly.

She giggled. “And if we have a little boy, you can teach him about football and take him surfing.”

“He would be the coolest little dude.” I smiled and rolled over, resting my head on her chest. Her heartbeat echoed below me. Me with a son? That was just crazy talk. I still couldn’t believe we were at this point. “Did you ever think we would be here?”

“What, in New York?”

“Haha you’re funny aren’t you?” I pushed her playfully and rolled my eyes. “Us two together, like this. What did you think when you first saw me?”

Her face softened as if she were in a faraway place. “Truthfully, I first thought you were incredibly fuckable and that you were using the moves I used. Remember you were with that girl? I won’t forget that day though. I was a wreck. I was in a new city away from everything in my past with only one person who knew the real me, but then I saw you and you were just...wow. Oh and that trip in the lift… It took everything in my power not to pin you up against the wall and have my way with you.” She raised her hand and ran her fingers through my hair as I remained lying on her chest. “And then I found out you were my new friend’s brother and instantly you were off-limits.”

“Well I am glad you are a badass and broke the rules.” I lifted my head from her chest and winked at her. “I knew you were bad news the moment I saw you bent over the desk with your pert little ass on display.”

“I’ll keep my ass to myself from now on.”

“Like fuck you will.”

I dropped my head back to her chest and listened to her steady heartbeat. Guilt soared through me. I had to tell her. I had promised myself I would never keep anything from her, and I knew the events of the night were playing on her mind. I sighed, knowing I was only minutes away from falling asleep. My body was at the point of relaxation, and the feeling of her fingers running through my hair and the kisses that she was splashing on my forehead added to my slumber.

“I’ve got to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out,” I whispered. Maybe she wouldn’t hear me.

Her fingertips halted in my hair, and the sound of her taking a deep breath made the hairs on my arms stand to attention. “You cannot start a conversation with ‘I don’t want you to freak out’ and not expect me to freak out.”

Rolling to my side, I propped my head up with my hand. My emotions bubbled deep inside me as I looked down at her. It was now or never. My breath caught in my throat before I spoke the words I was so frightened to say. “I am going to try and contact my father.”

Savannah’s eyes widen slightly at the sound of my words and her brow furrowed before she regained her composure and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Shocked, I looked at her. My heart felt like it had sunk within my chest. “Is that all you have to say?”

“I am not going to tell you not to contact your father.”

“I want you to say more than ‘okay’ though.”

“This is massive, Tate. I’ve seen how your father affects you, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t worry me. I promised you I would always support you, but you need to be doing it for the right reasons.”

I looked at Sav lying beside me. She was the reason, our baby was the reason, but I knew if I told her she wouldn’t support it. I nodded and closed my eyes briefly.

“Tanzi’s pissed at me and Mom thinks I am crazy.” Rolling over, I moved my head back to her chest. I needed her close. The uneasy feeling was swarming me again. Why the fuck had I brought this up tonight? I knew what tomorrow was, and Sav did not need to deal with this.

“Why is Tanzi pissed? Is that what you two have been fighting about?” she asked, looking down at me with her killer green eyes, so full of warmth and concern.

“Yep. I told her earlier today and she completely blew up at me. She thinks that I am leading myself to heartache all over again, that he is worthless and not worth a second of my thoughts. But I need to do this. I need answers. If I am going to move on from all of the shit he put us through, I need to know. I might not like what I hear and I might not understand it but I need to do it.”

“I just want you to be happy, Tate, and if that means supporting you to go to the darkest part of your life, then I will. I have told you a billion times before, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Will you come with me?” I asked in a voice that held no confidence. The look that flashed through her eyes as she stared down at me answered my question.

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“I just can’t live my life like this, Sav. It’s not fair to you. I can’t handle the thought of hurting you because of something someone else did. You don’t deserve that. I am always wondering if I really deserve you at all.” I felt the lump moving up my throat. “I feel like it’s all going to be ripped away from me. That’s how I spend my life
—
waiting. Waiting for the moment people in my life to decide I’m not worth it and leave. If my father could leave, what’s making anyone stick around?” My arms tightened around Sav’s waist, and I scooted down her body to rest my head on her stomach. I needed the comfort my unborn baby could provide. Sav didn’t say a word. Her fingers soothingly ran through my thick hair and her thumb swiped my cheeks, capturing a single tear that had spilled. I had never cried this much in my life.

“Can I tell you why you deserve me?” she asked, continuing before I had a chance to speak. “You deserve me because you are the best man I know and you love me like no one has ever loved me before. You deserve me because I feel protected with you and because I am a better person because of you. But the biggest reason you deserve me is because you are the only man I will ever love. Tate Connors, you are everything to me, and I won’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. You allow me to look beyond everything in my past and finally be able to smile at the smallest things. You let me know that I deserve to be loved. I can’t live without you.”

I
stretched my body, raising my arms above my head, and heard the distinct sound of my bones being pulled to their capacity. Sav and I had finally passed out around four am. I’d had no words after her admission and I had never felt so invincible.
My name is Tate Andrew Connors and I am officially whipped.

A splash of blond hair fell over my bare chest, and the feeling of Sav’s light breathing on my skin caused goose bumps to stand at attention. As usual, Savannah was curled up on the side where my Connors tattoo was. No matter where we were, whether it was in my bed, her bed, or in this case a bed in New York, she was still there. My thoughts drifted to our conversation about the future, and my face was overtaken by the thought of Savannah becoming Savannah Connors one day.

Rolling my neck slowly, I glanced at the clock. It had just clicked over to six am. I swallowed hard. Today was the day. Sav and I hadn’t discussed it, but I knew. It was the date of the worst day of Savannah’s life
—
the date she had lost her parents. My protectiveness of her heart was at full capacity, and all I wanted to do was wrap her in cotton wool and protect her from the trauma of the world.

My arms scooped her up and pulled her flush against my naked body. Her legs tangled with mine and she murmured softly before snuggling back into the confines of my chest. I looked down at her as worry saturated me. She was blissfully sleeping, a smile on her face, but I knew that would be destroyed as soon as she woke up. Fuck. Sav and I were a whirlwind of emotions. I am sure some would call us a train wreck. Jesus Christ, I should be exhausted, but in reality, it had been the perfect trip.

I swept a piece of loose hair off Sav’s face and my brow furrowed. The thought of the girl lying in my arms hurting and not being able to take away her pain tore me apart. I couldn’t wrap my head around that. She was an innocent, carefree ten-year-old girl when her world had crashed around her. Every child needs their mother and father, but life decided to be a bitch and ripped them from her, but still she had no idea how strong she was and how much I respected and admired her. Fuck, at ten years old, the biggest worry I had was trying to kiss Lizzy Quinnly at school.

I brushed my fingertips along Sav’s bare shoulder, causing her to stir under my touch, and her arms tightened around my waist, trapping me in. I let out a soft sigh when she feathered a kiss on my chest.

“Morning,” she spoke huskily, opening one eye and looking up at me through long eyelashes.

“Morning, snorey,” I grinned, kissing her lips softly.

She scoffed, attempting to move away from me, but my grip tightened and held her against my body. “It’s too early to be an arsehole.”

Her face dropped and she stiffened like a board against me as realization swarmed her. Tightening my arms around her, I allowed my protectiveness to kick in. Her legs entwined with mine, and she shifted her body and was now half-covering mine. My arms loosened, dropping towards her hips, encasing her and gripping her with dear life, offering her anything I could to take away the pain that was quickly destroying her.

“It’s today,” she sobbed into my chest, and I felt the start of her tears falling.

I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes. It killed me. “I know, babe. I know. What can I do?”

She lifted her face to look at me, her eyes red and raw with emotion. “This. Just hold me, Tate. I just need you to hold me.”

I let her cry. My words couldn’t help but my arms around her would. The hustle and bustle of New York City was coming alive below us, but in this room, the world stopped. Her sobs filled the room while her tears covered my chest. I ran my fingertips along her back in a silent comfort and splattered kisses her forehead. Every time I kissed her, her grasp on me tightened.

“I should get ready for work,” she said in a restricted whisper. “I have to work. I have a meeting with the LA team I need to attend. I could probably get off early though, or maybe we could have lunch. I have to stay busy. I need to just do something. I will go to work. Yeah, I will go to work. Can it just be us tonight?” She pulled away slightly and looked at me as a new rush of tears threatened to release. I kissed her lips and knew that I would do whatever she wanted.