Bring Me Fire (7 page)

Chapter 13

Sky walked. She didn’t know when exactly Conner would be back and she certainly wasn’t going to stay on Josh’s property to wait for him to come back. Her face still felt hot with humiliation and an angry disappointment in herself. What had she been thinking? The soles of her shoes slapped the pavement as she walked, sending jolts up her calves. She couldn’t get the sound of Josh’s voice out of her head, the look of disgust that had been on his face. It would’ve been better if he’d screamed at her, if he’d completely lost it, instead of that detached expression of absolute abhorrence. She shuddered and tried to block the whole thing from her mind, but it kept playing over and over again, a never-ending movie snippet that she couldn’t pause or fast forward, or, even better, delete.

She wasn’t sure how long she walked for, down one winding hill then another. The houses became smaller, the yards closer together. There was more traffic, storefronts, people out walking on the sidewalk. Eventually, a bus rumbled by, coming to a wheezing stop a few yards ahead of her. She ran to catch up and then spent a hassled minute digging through the bottom of her handbag for enough change to cover the fare.

She sat down next to a woman with several plastic shopping bags arranged precariously on her lap, a few more by her feet.

"
Does this bus go anywhere near the BART station?" Sky asked the woman after a minute.

The woman nodded.
"Sure does," she said. "You’ve got probably eight or nine more stops till then."

"
Thank you," Sky said. She took a deep, raggedy breath. She wondered what Josh would tell Conner when he got back and she hoped he wouldn’t be in trouble.
Didn’t I tell you to make it clear to her that that room was off-limits?
She didn’t want to imagine what Conner’s response would be in return.

"
You okay?" the woman next to her asked after Sky gave another jagged sigh. "You look flustered."

Sky wondered how bad she actually must look for a complete stranger to ask her if everything was all right.
"I just made a really big mistake," she said. "And at the time, I knew that I shouldn’t be doing it, but I did anyway."

The woman nodded; a knowing look on her face.
"I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t done the same thing myself once or twice."

"
I’ve probably done it more than once or twice," Sky said. "But this time I really screwed up. It’s like I just couldn’t help myself. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but I did and now I don’t have a job anymore. And I was lucky to get this job to begin with. A dream job." Clearly, there was something wrong with her. Was she completely unemployable? She put her face in her hands.

"
I know it seems like the worst thing in the world right now," the woman said. "And you’re thinking about how things might be different if you hadn’t done what you did. And I don’t know what you did; but trust me when I tell you, you won’t always feel like this. You won’t."

Sky lifted her head.
"That’s very kind of you to say," she said. "I don’t know if I believe you, but I’d like to."

"
You’re going to be just fine."

Sky nodded and wished the woman would stop talking to her, even though she knew she was just trying to be nice. Every time the woman said something like things were going to work out or she was going to be fine, Sky believed it a little less and less. By the time she got off the bus and was on BART back to the city, she was certain that she’d ruined her chances with pretty much everything. She had no idea what to do.

She walked back to her apartment, clutching her phone, hoping that Josh or Conner would call, knowing that neither would. When her phone did buzz it was just a text from Julia confirming that she was free to make lunch in a few days. Another text immediately followed from her sister, just saying hi and asking how the job was going.

Sky held the power key down and turned the phone off, dropping it back into her handbag. When she finally got back to her apartment, she turned the light on and surveyed the space. She’d let the housecleaning go for a few weeks now - she’d just kept putting it off and things were definitely looking rather unkempt. She supposed she’d have more than enough time now to get things in order, but that was the last thing she felt like doing. The state of her messy apartment seemed to be a perfect reflection of how she felt, her messy life. She kicked her shoes off and went over to her bed. It didn’t matter that it was still daylight, that she wasn’t the least bit tired. She crawled beneath the sheets and closed her eyes, part of her hoping that when she woke up she’d realize this whole day had just been one bad dream.

Chapter 14

A buzzing sound jolted Sky out of an uneasy sleep. She looked blearily at the clock, not quite able to believe the green numbers that read 1:32. Sunlight was trying to pierce its way through the blinds, so she knew it was the middle of the day. She had no idea how long she’d been asleep for. The buzzing was not her alarm clock but the intercom, and she lay back in bed and willed it to stop, but when it didn’t, she forced herself up.

"
Hello," she said.

"
Sky?" It was Julia. "Let me up."

Sky pressed the button to open the door downstairs without saying anything and then lurched back to the bed and threw herself down. She heard a knock at the door, and then the door was opening, and Julia was standing there, hands on her hips.

"Your door was unlocked," she said. "What happened here? What’s going on? Are you sick?"

Sky sat up, feeling her back creak. Her neck felt stiff and it seemed that her eyes didn’t want to open all the way.
"I’m not sick. I don’t know what I am."

"
I thought you were going to meet me for lunch."

Sky sighed and lay back down, rolled over onto her side.
"I’m sorry," she said. "I completely forgot."

Julia went over and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked fresh and healthy and full of energy and for a second, Sky hated her for it.
"Are you okay?" Julia touched her shoulder.

"
I am drowning in a bottomless pool of self-pity," Sky said. Julia smiled. "No, I’m serious. I had this plan for the past few days that I’d get up, I’d go out and find a new job, I’d..."

Julia shook her head.
"You got fired? What was it this time? Oh no, tell me that you didn't break into his secret room."

Sky looked miserable.
"I did, I just couldn't help myself. Josh was furious so I walked home and haven't heard from him since. I'm an idiot, I know. I don't even want to talk about it. I should do something, do the laundry, even. I haven’t done laundry in like two weeks. Or clean the place up a little. But I can’t do it."

"
Sure you can. I’ll help."

"
No, you don’t have to do that." Sky buried her head under the pillow.

"
So what are you going to do, then? Just lie here in this pig sty until they evict you?"

"
That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Although I’m sure I’d end up doing something that would screw that up. Because I can’t do anything right, did you know that? Did you know you’re friends with a person who is incapable of doing a single thing right in her life, even when she has these amazing opportunities handed to her?"

"
Okay, now." Julia yanked the pillow off Sky’s head. "That’s enough of that sort of talk. Listen. I get that it sucks that you got fired, and I know you really liked that job. It’s kind of like a breakup. And breakups aren’t fun. But the only way to move past a breakup is to
move
. You can’t just lie around in bed all day. Do something. Such as meeting your best friend for lunch, for example. Go look for a new job. Put yourself out there. So you let your curiosity get the better of you. Honestly, Sky, I’m not surprised. But now you know, right? Now you know, and at your next job, hopefully, that sort of thing isn’t going to happen. And there are plenty of good things about you, and I’m sure you’re not going to have that hard of a time finding a new place to work. They’re actually looking for a receptionist at the gym, if you’re interested. I know it’s not the art world, but it might be something good to have in the interim." Julia grinned. "I’d even give you a stellar recommendation."

"
Why would you want to tarnish your reputation like that? I suck. I’m completely unemployable. A total failure. I should probably just call my mom and tell her I’m moving back in."

"
Seriously, Sky, stop. Come on; get up. I’ll help you get this place cleaned up, and then we can go out and get lunch. I’m starving."

Sky shook her head.
"I appreciate the support, but I just need to be alone right now. Really, Julia. I don’t know why you even want to be around me.
I
don’t want to be around me. But unfortunately, there’s not much I can do about it. Please just let me be alone right now."

Julia stood up, sighing.
"All right. But I’m coming back later so take the time to sort yourself out. Maybe I’ll bring some of that chocolate you love. Chocolate helps all things, right? I’m not going to let this completely derail you. It’s just silly."

Sky pushed her head back under the pillow. She listened to the footsteps as Julia crossed the room and left, then the sound of the door opening and closing. After a few minutes, when all she heard was the noise of traffic outside the window, she pushed the pillow back and sat up. Julia was right, of course. And she did kind of feel like this was a breakup of sorts, and she knew the worst thing you could do during a breakup was to sit around and dwell on it. But the very idea of getting up, of starting the hunt all over again for a new job, even of running a brush through her hair, seemed insurmountable. Part of her knew she was being ridiculous, but at the moment she felt powerless to do anything about it. What was the point? She was certain that anything she’d try to do now she’d mess up, anyway. She lay back down and closed her eyes and tried to
will herself to go back to sleep, even though it was the middle of the afternoon.

Chapter 14

The buzzing sound again jolted Sky from sleep and she jerked upright, and this time, disoriented from a dream she couldn’t quite remember, she thought the noise was her alarm clock and she was late for work. But the light was all wrong; it couldn't be early in the morning and for a second she sat there, disoriented, unsure of what time it was or what she was supposed to be doing.

The buzzing continued and she realized that it was the intercom. She stood up slowly, her legs stiff and her lower back tight. The clock on her bedside table said it was four forty-five. Had she really been in bed all day? She gingerly walked across the room, feeling a twinge in her knee.

"
Hello?" Sky said, pressing the intercom button. She expected it to be Julia, back with some consolation chocolate, so she was surprised when she heard a man’s voice saying her name.

"
Who is it?" she asked.

There was a pause.
"It’s Josh."

Sky opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
Josh
? Josh was standing outside of her scruffy apartment building?

"
Um..." She swallowed, her heart racing, and then tried to disguise her voice. "This is actually Sky’s friend...Sky went out, I’m not sure when she’ll be back. I can take a message, if you’d like?" She brought her hand up to her forehead and scrunched her eyes closed.
This is not actually happening right now
she thought.
Just go away.

"
Sky, stop playing around, I know it’s you. Look, I’m double-parked; I just want to come up for a minute."

"
I don’t know if that’s the best idea right now," she said faintly, surveying the apartment with the mugs still half-filled with old coffee balanced precariously on her desk and a mountain of dirty clothes in the corner next to her unmade bed. She didn’t even want to know what she looked like. "Maybe you should move your car. The meter maids around here will definitely get you. They might even tow your car. Or put one of those boot things on it. It’s really not a good idea." She hesitated, waiting for a response.
Please, please, please, just go away
, she thought.

The seconds ticked by and she didn’t hear anything. Had he left? She breathed a sigh of relief and started to run her fingers through her hair but stopped when they got caught up in an impressive-sized knot. She yanked at it, the pain a somewhat welcome distraction. She started to walk over to the window to look out and make sure Josh had
drive away when there was a sharp knock at the door.

"
Sky."

She froze, her hand still entangled in her hair.

"Sky, since I happen to know you’re in there, why don’t we just cut the bullshit and you let me in. I just want to talk to you for a minute and then I’ll be gone, okay?"

"
It’s really not a good time," she said, her voice cracking.

She heard him sigh.
"When is it ever? I’d really prefer not to have this conversation with you with a door between us."

She looked down at what she was wearing: an old San Francisco Giants t-shirt and a pair of ratty boxer shorts that she’d been meaning to throw away for a few years now and just hadn’t gotten around to. Wild-eyed, she hurried
to the closet to try to find something less tattered looking to change into.

"
How do you know where I live?" she shouted towards the door, stalling. She found a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt that did not have any noticeable stains. She pulled them on and then fumbled with the hair elastic around her wrist, trying to twist her hair into some semblance of order.

"
It’s very easy to find out this sort of thing when you know the right people to ask," he was saying. "Actually, Conner told me. You did fill out an employee form, remember?"

"
I wasn’t really expecting any visitors."

"
I know. And I don’t generally make surprise visits a part of my regular routine, but I’ve actually tried to call you a few times and it would appear that your phone is off."

"
Oh?" She frowned, a vague memory of her turning the phone off after her sister had called for the third time surfacing in her mind.

"
Okay, Sky. Are you going to open the door?"

She took a deep breath and briefly considered if escaping out the window was an option.

"I’m coming."

She walked over and opened the door. He was wearing a baseball cap pulled low on his head and aviator sunglasses. She caught a faint scent of that cologne he wore. She tried to smile and felt like her face was going to crack.

"What did you want to talk about?"
"Can I come in?"

"
I think that is probably not the best idea."

He smiled.
"Are you entertaining guests?"
"No, I just I haven’t been feeling well and have sort of let the housekeeping duties fall by the wayside."

"
That sort of thing really doesn’t bother me. I’d rather not have this discussion with you in your apartment lobby. Would you like me to keep my eyes closed? Okay, they’re closed."

She looked closely at his face.
"How do I know if you’re telling the truth? I can’t see your eyes behind those glasses."

"
I guess you’ll just have to trust me."

She didn’t know how long they were going to stand there going back and forth about it, so she finally relented.
"Fine," she said, stepping back so he could come in. As she did so, she felt herself letting go of any remaining dignity she might’ve had left. Here was her former boss, who had oodles of money and lived in an impeccable mansion, coming into her tiny, filthy, postage-stamp sized apartment. "Would you like the grand tour? Over there is my unmade bed, and that right there is a gigantic pile of laundry I’ve been meaning to do and in the kitchen, I can assure you, is a sink full of dirty dishes."

He pulled the sunglasses off his face.
"Charming." But he had a smile on his face as he said it and he did not seem too bothered by the mess as he went over and sat down in the chair in front of her computer desk.

"
Have you really been sick?"

"
I haven’t been feeling well, no."

"
Isn’t it generally considered good practice to call in and let your job know you won’t be coming in for a few days because you’re ill?"

She stared at him.
"But...but I don’t have a job. Do I?"

He raised his eyebrows.
"I don’t know - do you? I don’t recall ever firing you."

"
You told me to leave. I went into that room that I shouldn’t have. I didn’t think you’d want me to come back."

"
You did do something you weren’t supposed to," he agreed mildly. "And did you know that no one else has ever been in that room before?"

"
No, I didn’t."

"
Tell me, what did you think was going to be in there?"
"I don’t know. I was kind of driving myself crazy trying to guess. And I’m sorry I did that. Really, I look back on it now and it seems so stupid that I just couldn’t leave it alone."

"
What did you think about what you saw in there?"
She hesitated, unsure if she should make up some sort of vague lie,
I don’t know what I thought about it,
or tell the truth -
I liked it!
But she could tell by the expression on his face that he really wanted to know and that he’d be able to tell if she was lying, anyway. It's not like she had her dignity to worry about anymore, anyway. "I was pleasantly surprised," she said finally. "And impressed. It’s a great collection. Erotic art is not something I’m unfamiliar with."

He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back slightly in the chair.
"Is that so."

"
Yes. I took several classes in college actually."

"
It’s probably not difficult to surmise that I am a very private person. And so naturally, I have some things that I like to keep to myself. That room is a sanctuary, of sorts and some place I didn’t think I’d ever want anyone else to go. It was somewhat surprising to find you in there, hence my reaction. But then I had this realization after you left. I
liked
that someone else had been in there. I don’t know how long you’d been snooping around, but I liked the idea that someone else had been able to see all of that artwork. Pieces which I’ve never shown to anyone else."

"
Okay," Sky said slowly, trying to process what he was telling her. Did he like the simple that
someone
had been in there, or, more specifically, that she herself had been in there?

"
I also like that it didn’t seem to make you uncomfortable and you seem to have a genuine appreciation for that sort of thing. Art like that; it can make certain types of people squeamish, shall I say."

"
Well, I didn’t get a chance to look at much, but I liked everything that I saw."

"
Glad to hear it." He stood up, the wheels of the chair squeaking a little as they rolled on the bearings. "So, if your health has returned, I’ll expect to see you tomorrow?"
"You mean I still have a job?"

"
That’s what I mean." He put his sunglasses back on. "I really am double parked, though, so I should get going."

"
Of course. And yes, yes, I’ll be at work tomorrow."

"
Good. I’ll tell Conner to pick you up as usual."

He paused in front of her as he was walking toward the door. He was close enough for her to reach out and touch, but she kept her hands at her sides, unsure of what to say. It seemed that he, too, wanted to say something, but
didn't, for whatever reason. They stood like that, not speaking, the seconds ticking by. She wasn’t sure how long they might’ve stayed there if the intercom hadn’t started buzzing again. She jumped at the sound and then turned to press the button.

"
Sky!" Again, it wasn’t Julia as she thought, but the shrill voice of her sister. "Sky, are you there? Are you okay? Mom and I have been trying to get in touch with you all day today! Sky? Hello?"
"Shit." Sky looked at Josh. "It’s my sister."

"
She sounds a little worked up."

"
This is nothing compared to how she’s going to get if she discovers you are here." She pressed the intercom button again. "I didn’t realize my phone was off, Robin. I’m sorry. Everything’s fine though."

"
Will you let me up? I have to pee really bad and then Kelsey and I are going to the Metreon, if you want to come. But let me up quick! I drank a venti mocha on the way over and I’m about to wet my pants, seriously. And there’s some asshole double parked out front so I can’t pull in front of the garage like I usually do. The last thing I need is to get another ticket, Mom will kill me!"

"
You better let the poor girl up," Josh said.

Sky stifled her laughter.
"Come on up," she said. She looked back to Josh. "If you take the stairs, you’ll probably miss her. My sister is your self-proclaimed number one fan."

"
Oh boy. Maybe I should."

But as Sky opened the door to let him out, she could hear a thundering on the stairwell and knew that her sister was bolting up the stairs. She appeared a second later, face flushed.

"The fucking elevator’s not working..." Robin started to say and then stopped when she saw who was standing next to Sky. "Oh my god." She clapped her hand over her mouth. "Am I...is this...oh my
god!!!!
"

"
Robin, I’d like you to meet the asshole who is double parked out front," Sky said, taking guilty pleasure in the horrified look that crossed her sister’s face. "Josh, this is my sister Robin."

"
I so didn’t mean that!" Robin shrieked through her fingers. "I can’t believe it’s really you! You were up here that whole time? You heard me talking about wetting my pants! I am
mortified
. I want to cry. No, I want to jump up and down because I am actually seeing you
in person
."

"
If you have to pee as bad as you say you do, jumping up and down is probably not the best idea," Josh said, smiling wryly.

Robin brought her hand down from her mouth and placed it on her chest. It appeared she was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Come inside," Sky said. "Josh was actually just about to leave."

"
Will you sign something for me?" Robin asked. "Sky, do you have a piece of paper or something? Or can Sky take my picture with you? I left my phone in the car, but Sky, can you take a picture of me with Josh? Please? Please? I know you hate that sort of thing," she said, looking at Josh, "but it would be the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. It really would. I’m not lying when I say that."