Broken (14 page)

Chapter 10

***

K
yle was very pleased with the way the morning had gone. He hadn’t heard back from the realtor about the offer but he wasn’t worried. If push came to shove, he’d give them what they were asking for. But no matter what, the house was hers. He’d never seen anyone get that excited over anything before. Then again, he’d never taken the time to notice before. And it had served another purpose. At least she wasn’t sad about running into the other woman, at least not so it showed.

Things were coming at him hard and fast, and though he knew he had gramps’ approval, there was someone else he needed to hear from. Someone he knew would give it to him straight and pull him back from the brink if he was moving too fast. It was one thing to play this shit out in his head, but another to make it real. He picked up the phone as he looked out across the way at his gramps and Lucille sitting in her front yard.

“Hi ma how’s my fav…how’s my favorite girl?” He actually stumbled on the word because someone else was quickly taking over that spot. “I’m good baby, how’re you doing? How’s grandpa?” “He’s good, now that he’s busy planning my life.”

“What? What’re you talking about?”

“Never mind, we’ll get to that. I have a question.” He walked away from the window and paced the floor.

“Shoot.” He had to take a moment to think because once he opened this can of worms he knew there would be no going back. This one would make Attila the Hun look like a choirboy once she sunk her teeth into something.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” He had to take the phone away from his ear at her scream. “I’d take that as a yes.”

“Who is she? What’s her name? When can I meet her, is she there?” She rattled off questions like a platoon sergeant and he held his peace until she calmed down. “I’m coming out there, as soon as your father gets back here.”

“No mom, not yet. I want you to meet her but I still have some work to do.” Now comes the hard part. His ma’s idea of a wife for her baby boy is a lily white virgin fresh from the convent. He wasn’t sure how she’d take the news about the divorce, and he found that he wasn’t in the mood to hear anything negative about Kerryanne or their budding relationship. Not even from his mother, the only woman he’d ever trusted in his life.

“What work what’s going on?”

“She’s had some problems.” He told her about the divorce and the circumstances surrounding it. He told her about his baby’s innocence and the fact that she had no one in her corner.

She listened without saying a word until he was done. He held his breath awaiting her judgment and was startled to hear sniffling on the other end of the line.

“Ma?”

“That poor girl. Do you have a picture? I wanna see her.” He thought of the one he’d snapped of her while she slept last night when he looked in on her. That wasn’t for anyone else’s eyes but his. “I’ll get you one, but you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Son, this is you. If it were anyone else I might be a bit skeptical, but I know you-you wouldn’t be asking if it weren’t real. I’m happy for you son, so happy.” Not that he needed her approval, but the words made him feel like less of a fool. He’d given his heart to someone that he hardly knew. He needed all the reassurance he could get.

He got her off the line by promising that she could come out soon and then spent the rest of the morning working on relocating. He’d keep his office in Chi-Town he guessed. He wasn’t going to put his people out of work. They’d probably breathe easier without the big boss breathing down their necks anyway. He was gonna have to head back there at some point, but not before he’d sealed the deal here.

***

Kerry was on a high the rest of the morning. She didn’t know how so he’d shown her how to download the pictures to her computer. She spent more time gazing at those things than she did writing after he’d left, promising to come back for lunch.

The joy lasted as long as she kept moving, but now that he wasn’t there, and there was no beautiful mansion to distract her, something else kept teasing at the mirrors of her mind.

She tried putting it off by losing herself in her writing, and it worked for a little bit. She knew she couldn’t put it off forever but oh how she wanted to. It hurt, a deep gut pain that tore at her, seeing the woman who’d destroyed her life with the baby that should’ve been hers.

Having Kyle there, seeing the house that had always brought her so much pleasure, had helped to soften the blow, but now she was back to reality. Her reality hadn’t changed all that much now had it? Although the last few days had been like a whirlwind, when she looked at it, her circumstances hadn’t shifted any that she could see.

Kyle wasn’t hers and neither was the house. She had nothing. Her phone rang and she jumped. That was the first time the thing rung since she got it. “Hello.”

“Kerry, is that you?” Two hits in one day. She dropped back in her chair and fought the nausea. “Hi Paul.” Nothing, she felt nothing except the numbness that has been her cover for so long now.

“How are you Kerry?” Was she supposed to answer that? She became just a little annoyed at his stupidity. How the hell did he think she was? “I’m just dandy and you?” Was that anger? Hell yes it was, and it felt good. “What do you want?” There was an edge to her voice. About time, she thought. At least that much had changed.

“What? Why are you talking like that? I was just calling to check up on you. I worry about you.”

“You worry about me? Since when?”

“Now Kerry, don’t be like that. You know I don’t like it when you get like this.” He went on berating her and she was back to being that little orphan who had no one and needed him to be her shelter in the storm. By the time he hung up, she was a ball of misery.

Why had he called now? Had Jen said something? She couldn’t quite remember all that he’d said. She’d been too busy fighting the nausea and the ringing in her ears. But the call itself was suspect. The last time he’d said anything to her it was to tell her to get on with her life and out of his.

She laid on the couch staring at the walls trying to pull herself together. Why did she let him do this to her? Why was she still so weak? Was it because she’d never had closure? Because she still didn’t understand what had happened to her life? The whole thing had blindsided her yes, but hadn’t enough time passed that she should be getting over this?

Instead she felt gutted, bereft, all the things she’d been fighting before a certain someone came into her life. Sure it was not as bad as it was even a week ago. But this thing with Kyle was still so uncertain, if there even was a ‘thing’, that it wasn’t enough to take the pain completely away.

She could feel herself slipping back into that dark place and fought like hell to keep her head above water. Her mind went to Kyle and their budding relationship.

She tried picturing his face, that grin that transformed him. It helped, but it still wasn’t enough to wipe away the bitter taste of pain. Because of her past, what she felt for Kyle was more scary than comforting she realized.

She was so unsure of herself, how could she hope to hold his interest when she hadn’t been able to with Paul? She didn’t kid herself. Kyle was twice the man Paul was. She knew this after only a few days in his company. It was like night and day the two of them. And though Kyle hated that she made comparisons, there was no way not to. Their differences were so glaringly obvious.

The way he handled her, even the way he made her feel, was totally different to anything she had known before. Paul had been controlling yes, and though she sensed the same in Kyle, his was not of the selfish kind. In fact, he seemed more and more interested in her well being than anything else.

Paul had always looked out for himself first and foremost. Even going so far as to make her feel guilty if she took even a little time for herself. He was the one who got the best of everything even when she was the one working, leaving only the dregs for her. She hadn’t minded back then, had felt a certain sense of pride that she could do things for him-the big shot doctor in the making.

Kyle on the other hand, didn’t seem the type to let anyone else take care of him. He was in complete control of who he was and didn’t need to make her feel less than, the way Paul so often did.

It made her wonder why she’d fought so hard to hold on and why, even now, she was still having such a hard time letting go. Not of Paul, no longer that, but of the past they’d shared together.

Her mind went to the other man in her life-if you could call it that. Sure they’d shared some earth scorching kisses and he made her feel in ways she never thought to again, but did it mean more to him than something to pass the time while he was visiting the small town? Could she really risk her heart like that again?

Today had been wondrous. From the time she opened her eyes and stood over his half naked form on her couch, ‘til he’d left after taking her to see that house. It had left her spinning dreams in her head. But was she just making a fool of herself again?

Besides, he had a life back in Chicago and she wasn’t sure she could make it in a big city. So even if something was to come of their little flirtation, where would it lead? It’s not like he was gonna uproot his life for her now was it? But those kisses, and the hand holding. Not to mention the looks that made her melt. Maybe those things didn’t mean the same to him as they did to her. The thought made her tummy hurt and was like a dark cloud over the otherwise sunny day.

She’d only known one man her whole life. That relationship had started when she was little more than a child. She’d believed with everything in her that it was the real thing.

Her grandparents had been together their whole lives and most of the people in the small town had been much the same. It was all she knew. You met the boy, you married the boy, and you stayed together forever. That was the way of it, the way she’d been taught.

She’d taught herself to be content with her lot. Even those times when she doubted, when she questioned the true reasons behind her hasty marriage. Those times when Paul showed his true colors and she outright hated him. She’d chastised herself on those days, seen only the fault in herself. Obviously she had to be the one with the problem. After all he was working so hard in school to make a better life for the both of them. How dare she find fault with anything he said or did?

But on those days she did question everything about their life together and why it was that she’d let herself be talked into tying the knot right out of high school. She’d wanted a family-wanted to belong. And yes she’d loved him with all the innocence of youth. She’d had other offers in school sure. Guys had always found her attractive.

But Paul was the only one who’d ever made her heart beat faster. The one to bowl her over with dreams of a future together. One that she convinced herself she wanted as much as he did.

Now there was someone else who made her heart feel as if it would fly out of her chest, and it scared her. How could she trust her heart again after where it had led her once before?

True, Kyle made her feel in a way Paul never had. And this time her eyes were wide open, she hoped. But hadn’t she believed all those things about Paul? Hadn’t she trusted him to love and care for her for the rest of her life? Hadn’t she given him everything she had and still it hadn’t been enough? One of her fears was that she had nothing left to give.

The divorce had truly taken everything out of her. She knew that until a few days ago she was a mere shell of the person she once was. That carefree young girl who’d given her heart so freely was no more. Paul had seen to that.

Now here he was again, just when she was finally getting over the damage. What was it he’d said? Something about a strange man paying a visit to his office and rumors. She didn’t know what that was about, but she knew just the sound of his voice had set her back.

She moved like a zombie, when the knock came at the door a little while later. “What’s wrong with you?” Kyle took one look at her pale cheeks and glassy eyes and knew some fuck had happened. He never should’ve left her alone, not after the run-in with the twit, but he’d been sure the visit to the house had taken care of that.

“Paul called.” His eyes went to the phone.

“And you answered?”

“I didn’t know who it was.” He was pissed the fuck off. This juggling shit was not gonna work. He felt like a caged animal that didn’t know which way to turn.

He was trying to give her space or whatever the fuck it was she needed to get her head straight, but if she was gonna fall apart like this every time something from her past came up, he was gonna have to change tactics.

“You see this?” He snatched the phone up and showed her the little window. “It’s called caller ID, all you have to do is look here and it’ll tell you who the fuck is calling.”

“Well, I wasn’t paying attention okay so sue me.” She’d had enough for one day. First Paul and his lectures and now this, so her voice had gone up a few octaves.

“Who the fuck are you yelling at?” He advanced on her and she moved back. “Let’s get something straight. I’m willing to give you some rope make sure you don’t hang yourself with that shit.” What the fuck was he supposed to do with this shit? “Are you still in love with him, is that it?” He’d fucking strangle her is she said the wrong fucking thing to him.