Broken and Screwed 2 (The BS Series) (28 page)

“No!” he roared. “I won’t stand here and listen to my good name being ruined. I won’t have it. Shelby, come with me.”

“No, Don.” She touched his arm, but her hand was gentle. He tore away from her. My mother never flinched. “I tried to lose myself because of everything you put our family through. I won’t lose my daughter. She’s my last living child. This has gone on long enough. You wanted to shield her from this, but we’ve done the opposite. We’ve hurt her. It has to stop.”

“Mom?”

“NO!”

“Then leave,” she snapped at him. “But I’m staying. I am staying with my child. You can go, and keep your good name. That’s all you care about. Your name. You don’t even care what you did to Ethan. My son killed himself because of you. It was all because of you.”

My son killed himself… My son killed himself… I couldn’t not hear those words again and I shook my head as they kept repeating. Over and over, I heard them. They wouldn’t stop. Someone stood in the distance and a faint voice said, “I think we should go home.” More people rose from the table. People were murmuring their goodnights. A few touched my arm, but I couldn’t get past what had just been said.

Ethan killed himself?

I looked at Jesse. Guilt. He knew. My gut kicked in as I realized that he’d known the whole time. Sucking in my breath, I started to move away. Why hadn’t he told me? But no, there was more. I lifted my head and saw my mother was still there. She had taken her seat again, looking composed despite the evening’s events. Jesse had sat as well. I kept looking around. No one else remained. It was the three of us and both of them were waiting for me.

Slowly, I reached behind me to feel for my seat. As my fingers found it, I sat but I never looked away from my mother. She picked up her wine and sipped from it. Setting it back down, she leaned back in her chair again. She was still waiting.

I choked out, “What?”

“Your brother killed himself. The car accident wasn’t an accident.”

Jesse spoke up, “We don’t know that.”

My mother sucked in her breath, only to release it at once. The trembling was gone and instead she looked broken. I recognized the look because I’d had it and now I got my second shocking realization for the evening.

I wasn’t broken anymore.

I didn’t know when it happened, but it had. I breathed in and out, trying to get over that surprise and I tried to clue in. This was about my brother. I feared that I wouldn’t hear this again so I shoved everything aside and only listened to my mother.

She started again, swirling her wine around in the glass, “All of this started, well, it didn’t start with the girl, but it did for me. Earlier in the year, Ethan brought a girl home to meet us. I believe you were at a party with the girls. He wanted us to meet her first. You know how Ethan was with you, he always wanted to protect you and make sure you only knew the tiniest bit of information. He did it out of love.”

“I never knew Ethan had a girlfriend.”

“He didn’t. Not for long.”

Jesse leaned forward beside me. His arm touched mine. I knew he did that on purpose, but I pulled away. My hunch was telling me things would different after this evening. The secrets were coming out. All of them.

“This girl was named Claire and imagine my surprise when I realized who she was.” My mother tipped her wine glass towards me. “Her mother used to be my best friend. She worked with your father. I even named you after her daughter.”

My middle name was Claire.

“I thought they had moved away. That’s what Stella told me all those years ago. I think they did move away, but I never knew they came back during the summers. I had no idea, but Stella’s husband, Claire’s father, still worked with Malcolm on a few projects.”

Jesse spoke up, “I took Ethan to a party that summer before. I was bored. My dad was making me go so I asked him to go. I had no idea what would happen, Alex.”

“Anyway,” my mother took center stage again. She had finished her wine so she reached for my father’s. The waiter had poured it after he gulped down the first one. It had been left untouched until now. She picked it up and drank half of it in one swallow. As she took a breath, her eyes moved to the side. She was looking over my shoulder. The pain filtered in and I knew she wasn’t seeing me. She was seeing Ethan. I could feel him. He was always there. “You can’t even know the bomb that she dropped that night. Little Miss Claire recognized Ethan from the beginning. She got close to him because she knew the real reason why her parents had split from us.” She laughed to herself, a sad and lonely one. “She walked in on her mother and your father. They were having an affair. Don never wants to talk about it, but I think it had been going on for a long time. He won’t even tell me when it started, just some time when you and Claire were little. I think they only stopped because her daughter caught them. And afterwards, your father threatened Stella. He told her to go away, to stop our friendship, everything, or he was going to tell her husband. I still don’t know if Jacob ever knew. He was a good man.”

So much was swarming my head. I was struggling to get all the information correct.

My mother continued as she finished my father’s glass of wine, “I think I’m drunk.” She giggled to herself as a tear slid down her cheek. “I think that’s the only way I could tell you all of this.”

“Mom,” I whispered. I was reeling. Everything was being pulled up inside of me and it was swirling into a massive storm. I couldn’t do much except sit there and listen. Everything would settle once again. I hoped it would.

“Your father made them break up. I think he scared Claire away and I think she stopped talking to your brother. It wasn’t good, honey. It wasn’t good at all. We found later that the reason Ethan wanted us to meet her that night was because she was pregnant. I was going to have a grandchild.” She stopped and bowed her head. The wine was pushed away and she began weeping into a cloth napkin.

Jesse found my hand under the table.

I clung to him. It was all I could do.

We listened as she continued to cry. As we sat there, I lost track of time until she had regained control. When she looked back up, I barely recognized my mother. She was broken, but she wasn’t the mother who had raised me. She wasn’t even a shadow of that woman. This person was a stranger now.

She gestured to the wine bottle beside Malcolm’s seat. “Jesse, pour me a glass. I need it tonight.”

He did and when he handed it over, her arm had the shakes. She didn’t care. She didn’t flinch as she guzzled more of the alcohol. “As I was saying,” her eyes grew haunted. “That was the beginning of the end. For me and for your brother. Ethan got a letter. She served him with a restraining order to stay away from her and the baby. I didn’t know about that letter until later, but it broke my heart. I think it broke him too. He got depressed. He got really depressed. I think he was doing drugs. He started having new friends.” Her eyes glanced at Jesse. “I know you two started fighting.”

“Benson wasn’t a good influence on him.”

She nodded, her hand trembling as she lifted the glass again to her mouth. “He gave me the letter at his graduation. I didn’t open it until that night. That was his instructions. He said, ‘Mom, don’t open this until tonight. You’ll know when.’ I got so scared, but then I thought maybe it was a good thing. I think I didn’t want to read what he wrote. I was scared. I failed him as a mother. If I had read it, I could’ve stopped him. If only I had read that damn letter…”

Jesse leaned forward. His arm dropped from mine. “He gave you a suicide letter?”

She couldn’t talk so she only nodded. Her tears were cascading down her face now.

A look of horror came over him.

I frowned. “What is it?”

He looked over, but gave me the slightest of head shakes. He didn’t want to tell me, not then, not in front of my mother. She didn’t even notice. She had crumpled forward over the table. Her shoulders shook as she wept into the table, the sounds muffled from the tablecloth.

My mother was done for the night.

We both knew it and we both had to help her leave the hotel. She was so thin, I wondered if she ever ate anymore. Her legs were wobbly from the wine and she grabbed a hold of me. Mumbling apologies the whole way to the car and to the hotel, she kept repeating the same thing as she clung to me. “I lost my marriage, my son, and my grandchild. I lost them all. I’m so sorry, honey. I lost everything.” Then she repeated the same sentiment over and over. “I lost my marriage, my son, and my grandchild.” When we finally got to the hotel and learned my father had checked out and left, Jesse brought my mother to his house.

Derek and Kara were still awake.

She gasped softly when I helped my mother into the house, but it only took one look between the couple before she nodded to me. “She can stay in Derek’s room. I’ll sneak him into the dorms.”

“Are you sure?”

She reached out and pressed a hand to my arm. She was fighting back her own tears as she squeezed my arm. “I’ve never been so sure of something in my life. Your mom can stay as long as she needs to.”

And then I broke down.

My mother went to Jesse, still mumbling the same phrase, and Kara gave me the tightest hug I had ever received. She pressed me close and her hand cradled the back of my head. Then she rocked me back and forth, as I finally let my own tears fall free.

My mom
called a cab for herself the next morning. She was gone by the time I woke. I never heard from her again. I assumed she had gone back to my father, who blocked me from his email, his Facebook, his phone, his everything. I felt dead to him.

Jesse asked how I was every day, but it was the same answer. I was fine. If I were being honest, I’d tell him that I hadn’t processed anything. I didn’t think about my brother killing himself. I couldn’t imagine the letter he gave my mother. I didn’t want to know about the extent of his depression. And I really couldn’t handle knowing that there was a little Ethan in the world somewhere that I couldn’t hug, but I found myself staring off at my brother’s portrait when I’d be at the dining table or in the living room. Both rooms were positioned so I had a clear view of him.

It hurt.

My brother had hurt me. Again.

“Hey, girl.” Hannah shoved her head through the bathroom door. Her voice echoed around the empty bathroom and six stalls behind me. “I’m buying shots tonight.”

I was jerked back from my daydreaming. Thank god. “Uh, sure. No. What?”

“Shots.” Hannah stepped inside as two girls followed behind her. “Lots of them. You’re drinking tonight.” She winked at me and made a clicking sound at the same time before she turned a cold glare to the two behind me.

I didn’t look, but I knew they were there. They were always there. Even though things seemed on track again with Jesse and me, I still hadn’t moved back in at his house. I spent nights, but most of the time I returned to the dorm. Hannah was gone most of the time. Things had continued to heat up between her and her still-unnamed-rockstar-boyfriend. She called him Scarred Baldy so everyone else in the group went with the name.

An image of Ethan flashed in my head again. That damn portrait. I used to love it, now it haunted me. Literally. I hadn’t admitted it to Jesse, but he was part of the reason why I hadn’t moved back in. He was a reminder of Ethan and a reminder of what my brother had done. Maybe it shouldn’t have changed things for me, but it did. Along with the renewed mourning and pain, resentment was stirring inside of me too.

No.

I took a deep breath and stopped myself. Again.

I couldn’t deal. I wasn’t ready to so I jerked my gaze up from the sink and found myself staring into two snooty girls from my floor. Kate and Amanda? I think those were their names. Hannah had backed up so she was beside me, resting against a sink, as she was in a stare-off against the two. When her hand rose to her hip and her chin lifted, I knew sparks were going to fly. Then she started, “You got a staring problem, honey?”

One girl sighed in disgust and flounced into a bathroom stall. Her friend wasn’t as smart. She narrowed her gaze and pointed to me. “Just looking at Jesse Hunt’s reject. That’s all.”

Oh, snap.

I wasn’t sure who was more surprised, Hannah or me. They weren’t scared of her anymore.

“Let’s go. I’m ready.” I grabbed my stuff and tugged on her arm.

“Yeah.” Hannah twisted around as I steered her out the door. “Reject, my ass. Jesse Hunt’s coming to pick her up tonight. That’s right. The only one who got rejected was you when you hit on him last weekend.” I pulled her the last of the way, but she hollered as the door swung shut, “Don’t think I don’t know about that. You’re the reject, not her.”

We heard the snort inside.

I had to laugh. It was too ridiculous. “What’s going on with you? I like that they think we’re not together anymore.”

“You’re so weird.”

I shrugged. “I’d rather deal with that attitude than when they’re being fake and trying to be friends with me.”

“You’re right. Having friends is horrible.”

“They are when they’re not real. Who wants to surround yourself with people like that?”

“You do. You’re buddy-buddy with my sister now?” Hannah pushed open the door and Beth sat up on the couch. She put her book on the floor.

I set my stuff in my closet and went to my desk. As I opened my email, I frowned to myself. I should’ve seen this coming. Since my mother’s departure and the revelations from that night, Tiffany had extended an olive branch to me. We had come to a cease fire after my parent’s first visit, but it was now bordering on a we’ll-not-ignore-each-other-and-maybe-say-hello-bu t-only-when-no-one-else-is-around sort of deal. Hannah hated it. I’d been waiting for this to happen and I said now, “We’re not buddy buddy.”

“You had lunch with her yesterday.”

“Because she eats with Jamie in that private cafeteria and I eat with Jesse. We walked together. That was it.”

Beth rolled her eyes and laid back on the couch. Her book was opened again and I knew she tuned us out. Hannah scrunched her eyebrows together as she shook her head.

I gestured to her closet. “Are you ready? The guys will be here in five minutes.”

She groaned, stripping her shirt off in one smooth motion. It was lifted over her head and her jeans were unsnapped and flung across the room in the next second. With matching black bra and panties already on, she grabbed a dress and shimmied it over and down her body. The thong fell to the floor and she kicked it into her closet, before shutting it and sitting on the couch.

“Hey!” Beth scrambled to keep from being sat on.

Hannah ignored her as she leaned forward. Her hair was flipped over and she wound it together in a twisted up-do. Snapping it in place with a clip, she straightened. Her hair fell down, framing her face with curls that looked professionally done.

Bitch.

I sighed and turned back to my computer. “Things have thawed between your sister and me, but we’re not friends. You do not have to worry about that happening.”

Hannah snorted as someone knocked on the door. “Whatever. If you come home with a friendship bracelet from her, I’m moving out. That’s all I’m going to say.” She went to the door and swung it open.

Instead of the guys, Kara gave us a friendly wave. “Are you ready? The guys are downstairs.”

As we traipsed through the hallway and the lobby, we had expected Derek and Jesse. They were there, along with Jamie, Tiffany, Cord, and a new date. He held hands with an exotic-looking girl this time, and like the others, she stood in the background. She was chewing her lips as she eyed Tiffany.

Go figure.

Hannah put the brakes on. “What the hell? You cannot come.”

Tiffany tossed back her golden locks. “Like hell. You’re getting serious with this guy. I’m checking him out.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

The two squared off and Jamie eased away from them. He stepped sideways, around Derek and Kara, and saw me. “Looking good, Connors.”

An arm came around my waist. I was pulled into Jesse’s side as he remarked, “Are you hitting on her now?”

“No.” Horror flashed in Jamie’s eyes. “No way, man. No way at all. Just saying, she looks good. You’re a lucky man.” Leaning forward, he patted Jesse on the shoulder. It was the most awkward exchange I ever witnessed between the two.

“Thanks.”

“Oh helllll noo.”

Beth and I snapped to attention. That was Hannah’s war cry. As we turned around, the two girls from the bathroom were there. They were dressed to go out in tight, short dresses. But when I expected them to leave, they didn’t. They stayed. That was when I clued in to what Hannah had realized right away. Even though they didn’t come over to the group, they lingered close enough to overhear the conversations.

Hannah stepped up to them. Her arm twisted in the air and her hand found her hip. She stuck it out. Her elbow mirrored the motion as her eyes bulged at the girls. “You are not doing what I know you’re doing.”

They both tried to look bored. Only one succeeded. The other’s chest was rising too quickly and she wouldn’t look away from Jesse. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped to a small o. I couldn’t blame her as I snuck a peek. His shirt clung to him, but it wasn’t too tight. It showed off his lean physique. Then Hannah purposely moved to block her view. I moved to the side and saw the girl looked ready to piss her pants, but the first yawned, “Can you get out of my breathing space? You’re sucking all the air in.”

Tiffany stepped next to her sister. That was when I learned where Hannah had gotten some of her fighting ways. The two looked so similar, almost like twins, as they turned their noses up at the other two. Well, Tiffany tilted her head back so she was snubbing the two. Hannah had her head bent and her eyes were locked on her target. If she could’ve drilled holes into the girl, she would’ve. Tiffany and Hannah were a unified front.

I was close to pissing my pants and their hatred wasn’t directed at me.

Beth sighed as she locked elbows with both of her cousins. “Come on. This is stupid. If they find out where we’re going, they’re going to find out. Let’s go.”

“No way.” Hannah dug her feet in.

“Tiffany.”

She swept a hand to the girls. “I’m supporting my sister. I’m trying a new leaf too. Join, not judge. I’m a supportive sister.”

Beth’s eyebrows shot up. I frowned. Hannah’s mouth dropped. “You’re doing what?” But she didn’t wait. She rolled her eyes and grabbed her sister’s arm. “Let’s go. I’ll text everyone directions from the car. No way are these two riding coattails.”

The one harrumphed. The second one’s teeth started chattering. She was still holding her breath.

Everyone separated into cars. Beth and Hannah rode with Jesse and me. Cord, Cord’s date went with Jamie and Tiffany. Derek and Kara took their own vehicle. When we got into the vehicles, the two girls from my floor hurried into their own car.

“I should slice their tires,” Hannah grumbled.

“Don’t. You’ll get into more trouble.”

She shot her cousin a glare and stuck her bottom lip out. “Whatever. Jesse, go fast. Those two pariahs are going to tell everyone where you’re at.”

“No, they won’t,” Beth corrected her. “They want him to themselves. They won’t tell a soul.”

After we got directions to The Jukebox, Jesse grinned when he pulled into the parking lot. There was a line outside of the single door to a small dive bar. Three giant-sized security guards were in front checking drivers’ licenses.

“Nice one, Hannah,” Beth griped. “They’re checking IDs; no one in this car is twenty-one.”

“Shut up. I’ll call Emerson. He’s in the band. I’m sure he can get us in.”

“Wait.” Jesse twisted around. “You said Emerson?”

She nodded, holding her breath at suddenly being Jesse’s sole focus. “Uh, yeah. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Around five foot ten?”

She nodded, still holding her breath.

“Bald?”

Another nod.

“Scar across his face?”

Once again.

Jesse grinned. “Attitude up his ass?”

“You know him.” She didn’t look happy about that.

“Yeah. We’ll get in just fine.” Then he got out of the car and made a phone call. A minute later, a girl opened a back door. It’d been overlooked since it was hidden behind two large dumpsters. She waved at Jesse, who gestured back.

As I got out of the car, I knew that girl. She was the same stunner from The Shack. Black hair, black eyes, and a body that I knew every guy wanted. I tugged on Jesse’s sleeve. “Isn’t that…what’s her name?”

“Bri.” As the group walked over, he flashed her a grin. “Hey, Bri. The guys are playing tonight?”

She rolled her eyes and swiped back some of her hair. Tiffany instantly lifted her top lip in a faint snarl. Hannah was all smiles, wiggling her fingers at the girl. Eyeing Hannah cautiously, recognition flared in her depths when she switched to me. “Hi. You’re…”

“Alex. From the—”

“Yeah,” she cut me off, skirting a nervous glance to the others. “I remember. Luke texted you, Jesse?”

“Nope. Not this time.” He gestured to Hannah, who linked elbows with me. “She’s a friend of Alex’s. I believe she’s dating your cousin.”

“Yeah.” No warmth traveled to her gaze as she lingered on our linked arms. “That’s too bad.”

Beth started laughing. Hannah stiffened and Jamie snorted. “Even she knows you’re a whore, Hannah.”

Before she could twist around and slap him, I tugged Hannah with me into the overcrowded bar. As we passed by Bri, who was holding the door for us, I murmured, “Thanks for letting us in like this.”

She shrugged. “Luke really likes Jesse. It’s no problem.” After everyone was inside, she shoved through the crowd back to our side. “Just don’t get in trouble since you’re underage and don’t—”

But whatever else she was going to say was cut off. A guy from the bar shouted her name, “Brielle! Help please!”

She groaned. “I have to go. If you need drinks, come to the edge of the bar. Only you two.” She pointed to Jesse and me. “I only like you two. Gotta go.”

And just like that, she was swallowed up by the crowd. Expecting her to emerge from behind the bar, I was surprised when she merely climbed on top of a barstool. A large muscular guy from behind the counter lifted her over the bar and sat her down beside him. He ruffled her hair, which she slapped away and then she started filling orders right away.

Jamie sidled up next to Jesse. “Holy shit! That’s Braille on stage.”

Tiffany stood next to him. She was captivated by something beside the stage. I followed her gaze and saw Hannah had already taken root there. Beth was next to her, biting her lip, and casting wary looks at the crowd behind them. More than a few scantily clad girls were pushing forward for a better spot.