Broken (Broken #1) (15 page)

I’ve always been into modern
and quirky furnishings but this place is all antique and comfort.
The walls could do with brightening up from their deep browns and
oranges. The hallway is beige with a wooden border to make up the
bottom half.

“
These lights
are cool,” I remark and point at the candle shaped wall
lights.

“
If you get
cold the thermostat is here, there’s one upstairs in the hallway.
Just press the plus button until you get to the desired temperature
and press this button,” he moves on to the next thing, showing me
how to work the oven and the ice box. “I need to leave now. Make
yourself at home. My number is by the phone in the kitchen, call me
if you need anything.” He goes to leave, stops and turns back,
“Your room is up the stairs, take a right and go up the three
steps. It’s down that hall, two doors on the right. My room is on
the next floor. Respect my privacy and stay out.”

“
Kay,” I
watch him leave, his body perfectly poised, his legs carrying him
with a grace that shouldn’t be possible for his height. He’s a
couple of inches taller than Caleb now that I think about it. It’s
the hair that’s driving me nuts when I view him from behind. He
needs to have it cut, soon he’ll be tucking it behind his ears like
Caleb had to. I loved it on Caleb, I won’t be able to handle it if
I see it on his brother who looks so much like him.

The wind is powerful up here, I
discover this fact when I wander outside into the garden and the
wind blew me back a few steps. The house is along a secluded path
with nothing but a narrow road leading to it, between rows and rows
of trees. This area is private, I know this because I just passed a
‘Trespassers Beware’ sign.

I don’t wander far, mostly
because the sky’s grey with thick clouds and my ankles are aching
with each step. The farthest I go is a mile before heading back.
It’s beautiful out here. I want to go to the cliff edge at some
point, not too close because my fear of heights will paralyse me,
but close enough to look over the countryside. There’s no sea here
which is sad as I’ll miss the sounds and smells, but the air is
fresh and the views are stunning so I don’t mind too much.

I’m back at the house and it’s
a little bit cold so I fiddle around with the thermostat until I
hear the hum of the radiators heating up. Next I explore, this
place is big and beautiful and way too clean. My nesting instincts
don’t kick in like they usually do.

His cleaner is obviously
brilliant, I bet she gets paid well. I can’t see a speck of dirt
anywhere. Although the scent of bleach lingers in every single
room. It’s irritating, I need to get rid of that.

So that’s what I set out to do
next, I keep away from his room and also his study when I discover
it on the first floor. The first thing I do is almost gag on the
strong scent of bleach. It’s almost burning my nose. The room is
spotless, I doubt there’s even a speck of dust in the air.

I back away slowly and move on
to the next room.

Three hours later I’ve managed
to give the house a little bit of air, but now it’s freezing again
so I shut all the windows and turn the heating back up. That’s the
extent of what I do for the day. Not including raiding the fridge
and finding nothing but organic fruit, veg and fresh meat.

I can live with this.

Heading up to my room, which is
large and actually quite feminine and beautiful in a floral sense,
I sit on the padded window seat, my phone in my hand. All the while
skimming through a book that I’m not actually focusing on. It’s
raining, rather badly now. Every drop hits the window like a tiny
baseball. It sounds like I’m in a green house, that’s how heavy the
droplets are on the window. The rattling sounds like it’s coming
from every direction.

It’s depressing.

I give up on the book and climb
into my temporary bed instead.

My bed is comfy but it doesn’t
smell like Caleb, it still offers me the security I need at
present. Burying my face under the covers I close my eyes and shut
off my thoughts. Back into the abyss I go.

******

Waking at nine I have time to
call my boss and quit, I apologize for not giving him notice but
he’s completely fine with it considering the circumstances and
wishes me the best of luck. I don’t want to go downstairs, I want
to stay in bed but my stomach is eating itself. No matter how sad I
am I need to put the baby first.

I have breakfast which consists
of toasted brown bread and beans.

What Nathan doesn’t know won’t
hurt. I would’ve preferred eggs but I can’t see any in the fridge
or anywhere else. My thoughts go back to what he said yesterday.
Does he think they’re bad for the baby or does he just have a
problem with eggs in general? Do I honestly care?

I’m certain it’s raw eggs that
aren’t brilliant for pregnant women and not cooked eggs so his
concerns don’t worry me. Not that I can actually call his concerns,
concerns. This is because he doesn’t seem bothered he just seems
like the type that likes to be in control and this is a shitty
situation so those urges are kicking in, in all of the wrong
places.

I’m sure he means well.

I wonder what he’s doing. Maybe
he’s on a business conference or something.

I know Caleb’s father owns a
chain of jewellery stores spread across five countries and it’s
forever expanding. He owns the company that finds the gems and the
company that finds the metal. I’m not sure how rich this makes him
or how rich this makes Nathan or if they’re even rich at all.

Obviously they probably are and
this house certainly screams ‘wealthy’ but it doesn’t scream ‘Bill
Gates’. Not that I care. It’s just something to think about to keep
my mind off the other issues I have to deal with.

Like the fact I’m technically a
widow. Oh my god. I’m a widow… sort of.

That’s something you read
about, or hear about, or see in older people. It’s not something
you experience at the age of twenty one.

Well, twenty one as of seven
weeks ago.

I know it is something people
experience at this age, I’m not stupid. You hear about it but you
never think it’s going to happen to you. I wish we’d taken out life
insurance, safeguarded our future.

It should’ve been the first
thing we did when I fell pregnant. At least then I wouldn’t be
here, I’d have been able to afford the rent and everything the baby
needs for a while until I finished university and got a job.

Gah. It’s no use thinking about
any of this. Why am I torturing myself with ridiculous what
ifs?

“
Morning,” a
cheery sounding female voice calls as the main entrance door opens
and then closes. “Anybody home?” She enters the kitchen, sees me
and smiles. I’d smile back but I haven’t gotten to that point of my
grief yet where I can feel emotion enough to change my facial
expression from blank or tortured. “Well look at you.”

“
Hi,” I say
politely.

She’s a mid-forties woman with
a soft smile, her eyes are deep blue and you know just by looking
into them that she’s lived. It’s odd how you can just tell that
with some people. I wonder if you can tell that by looking at
me.

“
You must be
Mr Weston’s guest, Guinevere right? It’s a pleasure to meet you,
I’m Jeanine” she opens her arms and gives me a firm hug. Her hand
rubs my back a couple of times before she holds me at arm’s length,
her smile still certain. “You are absolutely gorgeous, and look at
this bump. May I?”

“
Sure,” I
say, my fingers tucking my hair behind my ears.

She instantly places her hands
over the small swell, “My, my, my. You’re going to have an eight
pounder, easy.”

“
Great,” I
murmur solemnly and try to picture my future. All I see is a whale
with my face.

“
A healthy
one too,” her smile gets brighter. “You sit. I’ll make us some tea.
How are you feeling?”

“
Fine,” I
respond but her eyes tell me she knows the truth.

Fortunately she doesn’t
comment, she only sets about her business, a bounce in each step.
“It’s wonderful to have you here. I’m sure Nathan thinks so
too.”

“
Ha,” I let
out unintentionally.

If this woman smiles any wider
she’s going to lose the top of her head. “He gets awfully lonely up
here even though he denies it. Rarely gets to leave what with
work.” Oh, so he’s a work from home kind of guy. That explains the
distance from the city thing. “It’ll be nice having you here and of
course the baby.” I watch as her smile falls, pity and concern
replacing it. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I was told not to
mention it but it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t offer my sincerest
condolences.”

“
That’s okay,
thank you. No point avoiding the obvious,” I say this on a
sigh.

It’s true though, there’s no
point tiptoeing around something so huge or the people dealing with
it will never fully learn how to face it. As much as I don’t want
to face it and it hurts to be reminded that he’s gone, he is in
fact gone and I have to deal with that. For my sake and the
baby’s.

“
Well, have
you eaten?”

“
Yes.”

“
I’m sorry
about the food, Nathan insisted I buy only organic for his niece or
nephew. But…” she smiles wickedly and places a finger to her lips
before beckoning me to the pantry. “If you look back here, there’s
a large plastic container. I filled it with goodies.” Goodies?
People still say this? And I highly doubt he referred to my unborn
as his niece or nephew. Or maybe he did, I don’t know him well
enough to assume.

I want to hug her again, “Thank
you. I’ve been desperate for chocolate.”

“
I didn’t get
you anything with peanuts but what I got is still bloody
brilliant,” she wanders away leaving me to raid the container. I
find a Twix and almost cry. “How do you like your room?”

I shrug, “It’s very…”

“
Old
fashioned?”

“
You could
say that. It’s beautiful though.” It’s just a room with a bed where
I can bury my head. I don’t care about the décor.

She grins again, “Redecorate.
We’ll do the nursery too. How I do love decorating a nursery.
Although it’s been a long time since I had this joy. My youngest
just left home last month.”

“
I’m sorry to
hear that.”

She lets out a short cackle,
“Oh I’m not. It’s about bloody time he figured out his place in the
world like his older siblings.” I want to laugh, the feeling is
there but I just can’t. She doesn’t take offence, her eyes yet
again are knowing. She does however, touch my shoulder gently and
add on a quiet whisper, “It’ll get easier my darling. You will
smile again.”

With a nod I sit back down and
watch her potter around the kitchen. She natters away about her
kids and life and how she came to work for Nathan three years ago.
The story isn’t interesting, he put an ad in the local newspaper
and she was interviewed, so were two other younger and slimmer
women but she kicked their arses. Again I wanted to smile but
couldn’t. She laughed and smiled enough for both of us so that’s
okay.

After half an hour and a cup of
tea she leaves me in the kitchen and goes about her business.

Now what do I do? I guess I
could see what’s on the TV. Hopefully something interesting.

Chapter
Eight

Two days slowly pass by and I
get no word from Nathan. Not that I want nor need word from him.
I’m absolutely exhausted. Today I walked two miles out instead of
just the one and almost got lost on my way back. Tomorrow I’m going
to take a piece of chalk and mark the trees as I go so I don’t get
lost. My skills at exploring are definitely below par.

I also need some walking boots
and some more clothes. All of my things are still in Nathan’s car
which is irritating. The only thing I brought in is my rucksack. I
wonder what made him in such a rush that he couldn’t spend twenty
minutes bringing in my things.

Sigh.

It’s late, I’m currently curled
up on the couch in a robe which Jeanine brought for me this
morning. I’m wearing the matching night gown beneath which is satin
and feels amazing against my oversensitive skin and especially my
belly. It fits perfect, snug around the breasts but floats over my
belly and back like a silky cloud.

Caleb loved satin, he tried to
make me buy satin bed sheets but they’re irritating when it’s warm
and the quilt inside the cover never stays in place.

My eyes burn, I refuse to cry.
But sometimes even though you tell yourself not to cry, you can’t
help it.

I miss him so much and the
baby’s kicking. Every time I’d feel a flutter, Caleb would
instantly put his hands or his head there if he wasn’t busy. Even
though he couldn’t feel it, he liked sharing the experience with
me.

He’s never even going to get to
hold him, never going to see his first smile.

I can’t stop them as they flow
down my cheeks. This time I don’t try. I cry so much exhaustion
sweeps through me. My eyes drift shut but I don’t feel like moving
so I don’t go to bed. There’s no point.

Something is sliding under my
legs. That tickles. “Hmm,” I murmur, my eyes still shut. My arms go
around the neck of whoever is lifting me as a strong arm snakes
around my back. I press my forehead to his neck and inhale deeply.
He smells like fresh linen and a cologne I don’t know the name of.
It smells wonderful. Kind of spicy but also sweet. Manly. “I’m
heavy,” I mumble but get no response.

From his scent alone I know
he’s not Caleb but part of me can’t help wishing.