Broken (Broken #1) (36 page)

I elbow her to shut her up and
continue, “He kept telling me he was staying but I couldn’t even
comprehend the reality of a man as amazing as Caleb, after only a
few days, promising me the world.”

“
He always
did promise you the world,” Sasha sighs wistfully, her hand
clinging to mine.

“
I don’t
think he ever realised he’d already given me it,” I mumble, feeling
that familiar ache of grief in my chest. “He was my
world.”

“
Soppy,”
Tommy pretends to hurl on the sidewalk. Immature much?

“
Do you think
he’d be angry with me? I promised him I’d stay away from
Nathan.”

Tommy shrugs, “Probably not, I
mean, the circumstances haven’t been ideal. I’m sure he’s grateful
of his brother.” Why don’t I feel like this is true?

Sasha shakes her head, “Nah,
he’s definitely pissed. Caleb was the jealous type, but he’ll
understand too. I don’t think you need to be worried about what
he’ll be thinking, he knows you’re doing the best you can to get
your life how you want it.”

“
I hope
you’re right.”

“
We
are.”

Chapter
Eighteen

I cry when my friends leave at
five. They promise to visit again in a couple of weeks, so our
parting wasn’t too difficult. It was difficult hugging them and
thanking them for all they did for me, it brought back memories but
it needed to be said.

When they left I instantly
raced up the stairs and pulled the envelope back out of the
draw.

It’s been half an hour and I’m
still stood slapping it against my other hand, wondering how I’m
going to deal with this.

“
Gwen?”
Nathan shouts as the front door closes.

Oh bugger, I was supposed to
make dinner. I hastily throw the envelope back in the drawer and
jog to the stairs. “Sorry, I fell asleep,” I’m lying. You mind
fucked me with your note and ring and I stared into space for god
knows how long.

He smiles, his eyes soften, “No
problem. Go and rest, I’ll make dinner.”

“
Umm, no,
that’s okay. You’ve been driving and I just… I’ll go and…” I point
to the kitchen. “That way.”

His lips twitch, “Everything
okay?”

“
Yeah,” I
turn and walk straight into the small desk that holds a vase of
fresh flowers that I stocked only two days ago. I grab it before it
can roll, inwardly cursing at my clumsiness.

Nathan takes a few steps over
to me, “Are you okay?”

“
Yeah, just…”
He asked me to marry him, in a note, which I guess is better that
him asking me to my face. I don’t think I could handle that. “I’m a
little out of sorts. Is that the kettle? Did you press the kettle?”
I begin my journey to the kitchen but Nathan’s hand wrapping around
the back of my shirt stops me. “Problem?”

“
I was about
to ask you the same thing,” he’s standing right behind me, like
directly behind me. “Is there something you want to talk
about?”

My mouth opens and closes. Do
I? “I should start dinner if we want to eat before midnight.”

Even though his chest is to my
back, I know he’s licking his lip. “I’ll help.”

“
You don’t
have to,” I tug forward but he pulls me back, my heart hits my
throat, I can hear it in my ears.

“
I want
to.”

“
Kay,”
gulp.

He finally releases me and
follows me into the kitchen, I collect the ingredients needed and
start preparing. Nathan stands to the side waiting for orders.

“
Could you
pass me the milk?” I ask as I cut the pasta sheet into smaller
squares and start filling each one. He looks over my shoulder as I
dip the sealed parcels in the milk and place them in the boiling
water. “Why did you leave last night?”

“
I wanted to
give you and your friends some privacy,” he responds and I’m
shocked by his honesty. Although now I feel guilty. “Don’t look
like that, I didn’t mind. I had work to do anyway.”

“
Well… thank
you,” I look at him with a grateful smile and grab the salad bowl.
“How are things with your parents?”

“
My father is
furious but he’s also scared. My mum isn’t speaking to me and the
business is suffering because my father refuses to change his stock
and prices.”

“
That’s not
good,” I shake my head a little as my hand wields the salad knife
of rolled up lettuce. “What are you going to do?”

“
Actually,”
His lips purse as if thinking about whether or not he should tell
me. “I was thinking of starting my own.”

I stop chopping and tilt my
head, “Your own jewellery business?”

“
Yes.”

My curious expression slowly
melts into a smile, “Nathan, that’s a brilliant idea.”

He blinks as if shocked, “You
think so?”

“
I know so.
You’ll do great, the jewellery you showed me is fantastic. Better
than anything I’ve seen of your dad’s.” It’s true, his jewellery is
really good, although I don’t speak for everyone. We all have
different tastes. But if his dad’s business is failing then maybe
that’s the direction he should go. I tell him my thoughts and his
face stretches into a smile I’ve not seen on him before. It makes
him look very handsome. Too handsome.

“
You have no
idea how…” he clears his throat and chews on his lip for a moment.
“You’re amazing. Thank you.”

“
I didn’t do
anything,” I laugh, enjoying his giddiness that makes him look his
age rather than the age he pretends to be.

“
Excuse me
for a moment,” he leaves the room and races up the stairs like a
kid going for his favourite toy.

Still
smiling, I look back at the meal I’m preparing and continue with
it. This has been a very,
very
good day.

At dinner Nathan pulls out a
large folder full of laminated sheets of paper. I glance at it as
he flicks through each page, he uses a marker to write notes on
certain items of jewellery and occasionally asks me what I think of
the ones I see. Mostly I like them, a couple of them I don’t but
not because they aren’t good, only because they aren’t my style.
But this is great because he needs a diverse range.

Fortunately, having already
been in the business he knows how to kick start this kind of thing.
I don’t have a clue so I just promise that I’ll keep him well fed
and thoroughly entertained throughout the experience. His smile
tells me he appreciates it.

After dinner he takes the
folder, plus two more, into the living area and spreads them out on
the table and ground. I watch as he brings down an easel of sorts
and starts cutting out smaller images of his designs and placing
them in groups on single sheets of A2 sized paper.

His concentration is
mesmerising. I’m not sure why, but watching him in his element,
murmuring to himself and darting back and forth makes it impossible
for me to keep my eyes off him.

Eventually he removes his
jacket and rolls the sleeves of his shirt up.

I keep his coffee filled and
nurse a Horlicks by the open fire.

“
Just a
second,” his voice disturbs the silence followed by him leaving the
room.

I wait, although it’s not like
I’m doing much else.

“
Here,” and
he’s back. Damn his footsteps are almost silent. I didn’t hear him
until he was walking into the room. “Lift your hair.”

“
Why?” I eye
the arm that is hiding behind his back.

“
Please?” He
places his free hand on my shoulder and gives it a reassuring
squeeze.

I relent and lift my hair.

“
Close your
eyes,” he whispers, I do so.

Something flat and cool taps
against the swells of my breasts, a thin chain follows as his
fingers trail around my neck and clasp it at the back. He pulls my
wrists away, allowing me to release my hair.

I daren’t open my eyes.
Obviously I do eventually and my hand and eyes immediately go to
the unique, flat pendent hanging from my neck. My breath rushes
into my lungs and stays there. “Nathan…”

“
I know you
said you couldn’t accept it before but I need to see it on
somebody. I want you to have it,” he kneels in front of me. Is that
a camera in his hand? “It fits you. Perfectly in fact.”

Shit. What do I say? He’s
already given me so much. This is… it’s beautiful and I adore it,
but how can I accept it?

“
I’d like to
take a picture,” his gloved hands rest on my knees. “If you don’t
mind.”

“
I look like
a frizzy freak.”

“
Quiet, you
look beautiful,” he moves back and sits on the table. “It’s just to
capture the necklace against your skin.”

Nothing to do with my boobs
then? “Sure. How do you want me?”

Did he just squirm? Nah. I’m
imagining things. Although his cheeks are slightly flushed.
Probably because he just ran upstairs and back down again. “Okay,”
he raises the camera to his face and looks at me through the lens.
“Relax.”

That’s hard to do when you’re
suddenly under a spotlight you never wanted to be under. I duck my
head and tuck my hair behind my ear, waiting for him to finish.

“
Hold it,
with just your thumb and finger,” he says and helps me move my hand
into place. “Excellent.” A few more clicks sound before he finally
finishes and I release the breath from my lungs. “Thank
you.”

“
Want a
cookie?”

“
You made
cookies?”

I nod and climb to my feet,
“I’ll fetch them.”

As soon as I enter the kitchen
I splash water on my face and pour myself a drink, trying to get
rid of the heated feeling in my stomach, trying to get rid of his
almost chocolate eyes dilating in between each shot. There is
something horribly wrong with me.

Caleb. Forgive me.

I’m lost without you, mind
included. I think you took it with you.

Could you please send it back
at some point? If I’m to live without you I’m going to need it.

“
Gwen?”

“
Jesus!” I
squeal and drop the glass in the sink, it doesn’t break but it does
splash water onto my front.

He chuckles and hands me a few
pieces of kitchen roll, “You’re acting odd tonight.”

My mouth drops open, is he
serious? “Yes… well…” I look at his sparkling eyes and relaxed
stance and sigh. I’m not going to drag it up tonight. The proposal
can be addressed another night. “I’m just tired.”

“
It has been
a long night, go to bed,” he tilts his head to the side and
assesses me for a moment. “Is there something you want to talk
about?”

“
No, not at
all,” I’m such a terrible liar. “I think I’ll just go to sleep. You
should too.”

He smirks, his lips parting
slightly in the middle, “Is that an invitation?” I gasp in horror
as his hands fly up in surrender. “Kidding. I’m just kidding
around.”

“
I know,” I
lie and push Caleb from my mind. His face keeps flashing before my
eyes and as much as I love seeing him, he shouldn’t be witnessing
this conversation.

I’m going nuts. It’s
official.

“
Go to bed,”
he steps to the side, giving me space to pass. “Goodnight
Gwen.”

“
Night,” I
murmur in response and waddle as quickly as possible to the stairs
and then to my room.

When in bed I touch the
necklace resting on my chest and admire the small red jewel at the
top left of it. I wrap my hand around it. The one with my
engagement ring. One of the only reminders I have that Caleb
existed. The gold band lightly touches the flat gold disk and my
tears of frustration fall.

I need to distance myself from
Nathan, he needs to know that I can’t ever be that to him. I know
he thinks he’s being noble or something along those lines, but he
doesn’t have to be. Why would he give up a lifetime of happiness to
be with someone who will never love him that way?

Starting tomorrow I’ll make it
clearer. It’ll be as clear as crystal.

We’re friends and friends
only.

Maybe I should leave but I can
barely even comprehend the thought of going back to my mum’s. I
don’t trust her, this sounds horrible but I genuinely don’t trust
her to keep her word and I doubt I’ll be as happy with her as I am
here with Nathan.

Plus… I think he needs me.

I think he needs me almost as
much as I need him.

******

The next day I don’t get a
chance to hint to Nathan about our current relationship status as
he left immediately after breakfast. He looked exhausted but
determined so I packed him a lunch, straightened his tie and sent
him on his way. Then I kicked myself for not keeping myself at a
distance.

When he got home he had a quick
dinner, almost sleeping at the table. I sent him up to bed
immediately, a little worried about him.

It’s now dinner time the next
night and he’s still up there. He hasn’t left his room once. I want
to go up to see if he’s okay but I daren’t invade his space.

He’s avoided me before but he’s
always come down at some point to eat something. Plus he has no
reason to avoid me right now.

Maybe he’s just tired. Or maybe
he has company.

I’m not sure why but the latter
annoys me a little.

Another hour passes and now I’m
really worried. I’ve checked the fridge and nothing is missing, his
breakfast went untouched, his lunch and his dinner.