Broken Gates (5 page)

I brought my much smaller hand up to rest on top of his. “Khol—thank you. I don’t know what else to say. But I’m not that girl. A part of me wants to be—but I would end up hating myself if I made my decision based solely on what’s easier for me.” I paused to try and gather my thoughts better; everything was happening so fast, as per usual in my world. “I thought everything was settled. We’ve been down this road before . . . kind of . . . with the whole you and me and Bryn thing. It actually feels a little déjà vu-ish. I can’t keep going in circles.” But how would I stop? Maybe . . . I don’t know . . . Maybe it was time to let fate decide once and for all. A plan slowly started to form in my mind, and honestly I didn’t see any other option that I could live with. “I’m going to let fate decide.” I lifted my face up so I could meet Khol’s eyes. “Whoever’s child I’m carrying . . . I’ll mate with him.”

Khol’s jaw ticked with tension. “And if Bryn has already mated with another, or refuses you because of his stubbornness?”

Would he? Would Bryn refuse his child and me if that ended up being the case? I just couldn’t imagine him doing that to me, but then again I had never imagined him actually walking away from me either. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” I grimaced.
Almost nineteen and pregnant
 . . .
Way to go, P.J.!
“Is there a way to tell this early?” I was sadly uneducated when it came to paternity stuff. Of course never in a million years did I ever think I’d end up having a “
who’s your daddy?”
moment.

“No, not without risking the health of the child.” He cupped my face in his hand tenderly, his illuminated green eyes glowing with hope. “But does that mean that you’ve decided to keep it?”

I bit my lip as I looked at him. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
Huh.
I was going to be a mom. I—P.J. Stone was—going to be . . . a mom.
I’m going to be a mommy.
I knew it would happen eventually, but the feelings of a panic attack began in my chest and starting worming its way through my nervous system. “I can’t be a mom,” I choked out as I gasped for air. Why was it suddenly so hot in here? And why did it feel like I had an elephant sitting on my chest? I reached out and dug my nails into Khol’s arm. “I can’t—” But I couldn’t finish the sentence, my lungs wouldn’t let me.

He laid me back down on his bed and pushed my now sweaty hair out of my face as I continued to struggle for oxygen. “Shhh . . . my little Seer. I will take care of you.” He dipped his head down to brush his lips against mine and it was as if they contained the oxygen my body was craving. I took in a shaky deep breath as my eyes fluttered shut. “That’s right,” I heard Khol murmur in a cajoling tone. “Rest. You need to rest.”

“But what about our plans to find the dragon Queen. What about . . .?”

Khol’s lips brushed against my forehead this time, and his sweet caress made me feel all warm and safe inside, quieting my worries. “You rest now, and afterwards we can go to our Queen.”
We
—he wasn’t planning on going with me before, but I guess he’d changed his mind, or me being knocked up had changed his mind for him. “No matter what, I’ll be by your side; you won’t go through this alone.” It was the last thing I heard before I fell into a fitful sleep.

I woke up alone in Khol’s bed. I lay there a few minutes trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was actually pregnant. My hand slid down to touch my belly; it was as flat as ever. Did that mean the gestation period was moving slower like a dragon’s because Khol was the father or had the child just been conceived more recently? How long would I have to wait to find out who my baby’s daddy was? Maybe I should go on
Maury Povich
to find out.

I rolled out of bed and lumbered over to the door, wanting nothing more than a nice hot shower and some breakfast. Pancakes—no waffles—no scrambled eggs and bacon—wait—I don’t even like scrambled eggs and bacon, or maybe I did now. Or maybe the baby did? It certainly seemed to have a predilection for meat. Did that mean it was mostly dragon? I was so caught up in thoughts about breakfast and the baby that I ran head first into Bryn’s chest. “Oh . . .” His delectable scent stole the rest of the words from my mouth. His eyes then flashed an intense dragon blue as they skimmed down to briefly rest upon my stomach before they made their way back up to my face. My head swam at the realization.
He knew.
He knew that I was pregnant.

“Peej,” he said gruffly. “I was just on my way to see you. Why are you out of bed?” He lifted his hand up to touch me but then stopped short as if he suddenly thought better of it.

I tried to control my voice. “Who told you?” But it came out shaky anyways.

“Khol.”

I slid my eyes shut unable to look at him. “Of course he did.” I never thought to tell Khol not to inform Bryn of my circumstances; I’d been too upset and focused on other things.

“So you really were planning on not telling me?” His voice broke an octave lower than normal and I cringed at the accusation, especially because it was true.

I slowly opened my eyes but I still couldn’t manage to meet his, so I let my gaze settle on the floor in between us. “I didn’t want it to affect your decision about me—about us.”

“Whether you like it or not, it makes a difference if you’re carrying my child,” Bryn ground out.

Sudden tears splashed down my face and my lower lip began to tremble uncontrollably. “I just wanted you to pick me for me—not because I might be pregnant with your child.”

Bryn tilted my chin up toward him with his index finger and the minute my eyes met his, I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms. But I fought the urge and remained where I was. “Peej, I never stopped wanting you, and I never will. All those things I’ve said to you about loving you—I will—always. But that’s not what all of this is about. I just wanna protect you—make sure you’re safe. Khol is your best option for that, but if you are carrying my kid”—he ground his teeth together—“then he’s not raising
my
kid.”

I slid my gaze away from him again, even though his finger still rested under my chin. “And if it’s not yours?”

Bryn’s hand dropped away from me. “Then it’s obvious. You mate with Khol.”

Had Khol told him about my plan too? “So you’re going to go along with me mating with whoever’s child this is?” I brought my hand up to rub my stomach.

Bryn was silent for a few moments and I could have counted the seconds by my heartbeats, but I had nothing else to say so I waited anxiously for what his response would be. “Yes,” he finally said. “Khol and I have already discussed the arrangements. We’re both going to take care of you until the day we all get our answer and then—”

“And then I’ll mate with one of you.”

Bryn nodded once in affirmation. He swallowed a few times, his Adam’s apple dancing up and down in his throat nervously. “I don’t want this to be weird. I’m sorry about what I did before; you have to know that. You have to know I love you, Peej. Nothing could ever change that.”

“Bryn,” I interrupted and he let me. “I’ve known you almost all of my life. I know you better than I think I even know myself sometimes and yet . . .” My face crumpled up but I continued on. “I never thought you’d walk away from me the way you did. If—if it turns out to be yours . . .” I rubbed my belly again. “How do I know you won’t walk away again at some point because you’re feeling insecure or something?”

He stared at me in shock, his dark blue eyes muting out almost all of the reflected light in them. “You think I would leave you and my kid?” I let him see all the hurt in my eyes that he had placed there, and as his face clouded over . . . that’s when I knew he finally understood what he had truly done to me . . . to us. He’d broken us in some way and taken away the only thing that I’d been sure about since this whole mess started . . . him. “Peej—” he started.

I shook my head. “No, now isn’t the time. I have to get ready to search for—”

“The dragon Queen, yeah, I know. Khol filled me in on that part too. We’re both going with you now.” My mouth dropped open ready to catch any nearby flies. “Like I said, we’re both going to take care of you until we all get our answer.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage. Well, wasn’t this new development a nice little plot twist in the story of my life? Me going on a quest, of sorts, with both of the guys who could be the father of my child. Fabulous . . .
absolutely fabulous
.

5

It’s one thing to want someone, to desire to be with them, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually
need
them. I never wanted to need anyone ever again. I had a desire to be a stronger version of myself so I could be ready for whatever my new life could throw at me, and truth be told, I had been deluding myself. I thought I had become tougher, stronger, but in actuality I had just been leaning on Bryn more and more. And when he decided to walk away from me, I broke into a million pieces. I had to learn how to rely on myself, and only myself, if I had any hope of truly becoming the person I strived to be. I needed to grow up and to stop clinging to the insecure habits of a child, because . . . well . . . I was going to have a child, so I couldn’t be one anymore. It was time to get off the carousel from hell that I’d been circling on and to develop myself into an actual functioning adult. If Bryn and Khol thought that I was going to make ‘taking care of me’ a piece of cake, then they had another thing coming, because I would no longer lean on the shoulder of any man for support. What was that saying? Oh yeah . . . I am woman hear me roar!
Rowr!
I chuckled to myself as I roared like a lioness in my head. Hmmm . . . maybe the pregnancy hormones are making me a little
off
.

“What’s so amusing?” Khol’s voice cut into my inner musings.

I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. “Nothing that you would appreciate.” Nope, he definitely wouldn’t be appreciating any time soon what had just been tickling my funny bone.

“Why don’t you try me?” Khol said with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

I eyed him suspiciously. Sometimes I swore that he could read my mind and he just wasn’t telling me. But then again, what would he find amusing about what I had just been thinking? Unless he was under the testosterone driven impression I was deluding myself and that I needed him and Bryn. Or did he find me amusing like you find your new kitten when she tries to puff up and act all intimidating but all she manages to be is super cute? “No, I don’t think I will,” I snapped with annoyance.

Khol’s glint of amusement spread into a full smile that threatened to blind me. “Have it your way, kitten.”

Ugh . . . how was he getting under my skin so easily? Did he just read my mind, or did he just get the kitten thing from my emotions? I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?” I ground out through clenched teeth.

Khol’s face drew into serious lines, signaling the subject was closed as far as he was concerned. “It’s time.”

“Oh.” My mind was reeling. “What should I bring with me? Anything specific? Why didn’t I think to ask you before?” A jolt of adrenaline coursing through my system made me start to pace the small space in my room.

“You have nothing to worry about, my little Seer. We shouldn’t be gone long.” Khol took my hand in his and tugged me toward the door. The fact that he was taking every opportunity to touch me since the bond with Bryn had been broken wasn’t going unnoticed. I hated that his touches comforted and excited me, making me crave more from him.
More
 . . . that word had come back to haunt me tenfold in the past year. But I wouldn’t cave, and I wouldn’t let myself
need
a man’s touch ever again. And yet . . .
damn
I certainly
wanted
it right now.

I trudged along after Khol, mentally chastising myself the entire way until I found us standing in a clearing out in the woods where Bryn, Jeremy, Jenna, and Macon stood waiting for us. I drank in the sight of Bryn greedily, and noticed his eyes flare dragon blue when his gaze snagged on Khol’s and my intertwined hands. I automatically tried to tug my hand free, but Khol tightened his grip possessively. It was then the two of them locked eyes in a very male way. So that was going to be the way of it? So much for their agreed truce until we found out who the father of my child was. Or maybe the truce was keeping them from actual physical blows like it had come down to in the past. But I wasn’t going to let myself get caught up in any of it again. I would stick to my plan and let fate decide my course of action. Until then it was hands off for both of them.

“You’re not all going with us now, are you?” I asked as I finally freed my hand from Khol’s grasp, causing his lips to turn down slightly at the corners, and Bryn’s to tip up.
Ugh
 . . .
men.

“No.” Jenna’s lip stuck out in a demonstrative pout. “Khol says it might draw too much attention to you if we all go. As if the two of them aren’t going to draw plenty of stares.” She waved her hands first in Bryn’s direction and then Khol’s.

I laughed. She kind of had a point. Both Bryn and Khol, even if they looked nothing alike, shared the drop dead gorgeous gene. “So why are you all here then?”

Jeremy cleared his throat. “I need to open the Gate for you guys.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise at his words. I hadn’t been aware that we were going to be doing any traveling of that kind. Khol had simply explained to me that the Queen would let us know through some kind of sign when we would begin our journey. Khol had also informed me that I needed to be ready to go at anytime, to which I hadn’t been as evidenced by my lack of being packed status. He said that in the old days, the days when the Dragon Queen had reined supreme, that was how it had been done. If she wished to see me then it only made sense that we would follow suit because that’s what she would be expecting. I had been under the impression we would receive the sign, or rather, Khol would since he knew what to look for, and we’d simply travel to wherever she had deigned it appropriate for us to meet with her. Although Khol had alluded to the possibility it could be a bit more complicated than that, I had chosen to oversimplify the situation, it seemed. Maybe we would be
searching
for her after all. My stomach dropped into my feet. Why did this whole thing suddenly have the feel of some kind of quest from the days of yore? I just wasn’t the quest kind of girl. I had a feeling it would be bad for my complexion.

“So where are you opening the Gate to?” I asked hesitantly, not sure if I really wanted to know. As if I wouldn’t know shortly anyways.

“Well, I’m just kind of opening it,” Jeremy said with a note of confusion in his voice.

Khol stepped forward and captured my gaze with his. “She will bring us to where we are supposed to be. We must trust in her . . . in the dragon ways.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jenna exclaimed. “You guys can’t just step into a Gate without any sense of where you’re going! You guys could—”

“Get lost,” I finished her sentence for her and gulped while still maintaining eye contact with Khol. His green eyes were imploring me to trust him, but that wasn’t the problem; I did trust him, just not some Dragon Queen who I had never met. “I know. But I trust Khol. He wouldn’t let anything happen to me or . . .” My voice trailed off as I raised my hand to my stomach. “Or my baby.” I finished up knowing that I didn’t exactly sound as confident as I had hoped I would.

“P.J., you can’t go.” Jenna stared at me with an intensity that seemed to say she was under the impression she had suddenly become a
Jedi
and could will me not to go with her mind alone.

I thought about refusing to go, but I had too many questions and the Queen seemed to hold all the answers. “I have to.” I had no other choice, just like with a lot of other things in my life.

Khol took my left hand in his and stepped forward with me in tow, while Bryn grasped my right hand tightly in his and followed along with us. I suddenly felt overheated touching both Khol and Bryn at the same time, and my overly hormonal addled brain conjured up images of the three of us together in a much different scene. One that I pushed away as quickly as it sprang to life because it wasn’t actually something I would ever consider in reality. But the effects of my momentary fantasy still had me wishing for a cold shower and a little bit of space from the two men at my side. How was I ever going to get through this with them?

“Begin,” Khol commanded to Jeremy in a tone that was meant to halt any more protests from Jenna. Too bad Jenna didn’t get the memo.

“Jeremy, don’t,” Jenna snapped, before whipping her head around to plead with Macon next. “Macon, please, don’t let him take her into the Gate like that.”

Macon smiled tightly at her and then glanced up at a very annoyed looking Khol. “It’s the way of the dragon,” he said flatly. “Something that I don’t expect you to understand.” His tone held an undercurrent of emotion that pointed at a double meaning to his words. Uh-oh, had Jenna been voicing her discontent about the mating situation to him like she had been with me earlier this week?

Jenna’s face flushed with anger. Not a good sign. “Not everything is about the way of the dragon. Everything can’t be explained away using that stupid excuse.”

Macon’s eyes grew brighter with his own escalating anger. “It’s not an excuse, it’s just the way things are.”

They squared off with each other in silent battle, none of us privy to what was really going on between them. It was Jenna who spoke first. “It’s over.” Her voice was ragged. “I can’t deal with all of this dragon bullshit anymore.”

“Your best friends are both half dragon, do you plan on turning your back on them too?” Macon snarled, but there was no mistaking the pain in his eyes.

“I’m not sleeping with them! And besides look at the mess being part dragon got them into! I don’t wanna end up like them!”
Ouch.
How about telling us what you really think?

“Do you think you’re fooling me? I know you have an interest in someone else. Don’t hide behind the dragon excuse,” Macon growled.

“You don’t know anything! You—”

“Enough!” Khol hissed, his hand gripping mine tighter. “This isn’t the time or place for the two of you to air out your problems.” He turned back to Jeremy, his jaw twitching in renewed annoyance. “Begin. Now.”

Jeremy nodded nervously, his wide brown eyes averted away from Jenna and Macon. I almost wanted to laugh if he thought that was going to keep him out of the argument. Macon seemed to already have a clue about what was going on with Jenna, and if he hadn’t figured it out already, it wouldn’t take him long to find out Jenna’s new object of affection was Jeremy.

A sudden crackling of energy drew my attention to Jeremy and what he was doing and kept it riveted there. I’d never actually seen a Gatekeeper open a Gate before. Sure I’d been taught what to expect but nothing compared to actually seeing it with your own eyes. Jeremy’s hands moved in quick sweeping motions, and he moved back and forth and side to side as if doing some kind of weird dance steps, but he did them with such confidence and grace that I sat back in utter awe of him. Slowly the Gate appeared before us, much like I’d seen in my visions, it looked as if a piece of sky had been ripped into the side of the forest. Different shades of purple and blue with flecks of night shown in a pulsating, changing state. I gasped at its beauty, unable to put into words the true nature of what I was seeing.

Jeremy stepped aside and Khol tugged me forward, and I pulled Bryn with me. I had an errant thought about why the Queen would require us to make this kind of travel when Khol couldn’t open the Gate. In fact, as far as I knew, no dragon could travel the way we were about to, so how could it be tradition? Fear spiked through me. What if we were making a huge mistake? But I had no time to follow my thought thread any farther before I found myself stepping into the Gate and a feeling of ice raced along my skin. I inhaled the cold crisp air sharply and tried to focus my eyes on what I was seeing . . . or rather not seeing. The colors from the outside of the Gate had given way to complete and utter darkness. If not for still being able to feel Khol and Bryn’s hands clutched in each of mine, I would have panicked.

“Keep going,” Khol’s voice sounded in my head. “Let her guide us to where we need to be.”

So I did the only thing I could think of to do . . . I focused my thoughts on the image of the dragon Queen and began repeating her name in my head over and over again.

Mori . . . Mori . . . Mori . . . Mori . . . Mori . . .

The last thing I remembered was . . . “Damn it!” I sat up with a start. “Why do I keep passing out, or getting knocked out or whatever? I swear I’ve spent more time unconscious in the last year than not!”

“Where are we?” I heard Bryn’s groggy voice rumble in response to my rant.

I blinked the fuzz from my eyes and focused in on Bryn’s prone figure lying next to me in an unfamiliar bed. I won’t lie . . . It kind of made me feel slightly better to know that I wasn’t the only one who’d been knocked out this round. “We’re in the Smokey Mountains,” Khol said, sounding not at all like he’d lost the battle with consciousness anytime recently, much to my dismay.

I turned toward his voice and saw that his massive back was angled toward us as he stared out a ginormous window that took up almost the whole wall of the room we were in. “How do you know?” I asked.

“I, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out, did not succumb to the magic inside the Gates and remained awake where as the two of you didn’t.”

I glared at his back, which seemed to mock me, I swear, or maybe that was just Khol’s tone. “How long have we been out?” I asked choosing to ignore my feelings of annoyance.

“Just a few hours.” He finally turned so that I could see his face and he regarded me as if his mind was still partially somewhere else. I was just about to ask him if he’d seen the Queen or knew where we needed to go when he dipped down on one knee beside the bed and offered me a letter. “This is for you.”

I suspiciously regarded the letter resting in his outstretched palm for a moment before taking it. The plain white envelope with my entire name printed on it in elegant script was kind of giving me the creeps for some reason. After a few more seconds of staring at it, I finally decided I was being ridiculous and I just needed to open it. With short jerky motions I tore into the envelope to produce a single piece of white paper about the size of an index card. In the same handwriting as was found on the front of the envelope were two lines of text . . .

Let him go. Don’t leave the cabin for any reason.

“What does it say?” Khol asked. Like he couldn’t just pull it out of my mind somehow, or at least get the gist of it. He was so patronizing sometimes.