Broken Heart (Broken Heart #1) (24 page)

right through mine pushed him over the edge. He opened his eyes and then shut them tightly and cried out, “Jenesis! Oh God! Baby! Fuck!” He shook passionately as he came inside of me, his

blue-green eyes exploded with relief as he dropped his head in between my breasts. I slid my fingers through his silky black hair and caressed his head on my chest. He lifted his head glancing

up at me, leaned over and kissed me gently on the nose. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him gently on his beautiful heart-shaped lips. He leaned his head on my shoulder and rubbed his

nose gently against it. He was still breathing hard, and I could still feel him jolting slightly inside of me. He lifted his head and smiled at me kissing my lips that were salty from my sweat and his.

He pulled out of me gently, holding on to the condom and then slid it off. It dripped of my love and… my blood. My heart began sprinting against my chest and panic set in. My mother didn’t

tell me sex for the first time would hurt like hell and that I would bleed. I was terrified and felt foolish at the same time for being so naïve and inexperienced. I placed my hand between my legs,

lifted my hand in front of me, and saw my blood that lightly covered my fingers. My eyes welled up with tears and my body began to tremble.

“You’re ok. You’re ok…come here.” Michael said as he gently lifted me up and carried me to the bathroom with urgency. He ran the warm water and filled up the tub as I stood there standing naked

in front of the man I loved; the man who took my virginity. I almost felt violated and I didn’t understand why. “Come, sit here with me,” he whispered as he reached out for my hand. You could

tell he was nervous and almost felt guilty that I was hurting. I stepped into the tub as Michael held my hand then followed me in.

We sat together in the tub facing one another. I was shivering as he placed his arms around me. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. I felt guilty and

I didn’t understand why. I’ve waited for this day to come. It’s exactly how I thought it would be minus the pain. He grabbed the bar of soap, lathered his hands, and slid them under the water to

find the spot between my legs that was torn and wounded. He washed me gently as I cringed from the sting of my torn flower. He rinsed his hand with the tub water and lathered them again, washing

my shoulders, caressing my back, then my breasts, then my thighs. He looked so happy and satisfied, but you could see the concern in his eyes, the worry, because he felt sorry for me that he

hurt me, unintentionally of course, but I guess he couldn’t help it. Meanwhile, I felt an alarming urge to cry and I couldn’t hold back. The tears flowed down my face and I began to sob.

“I hope those are tears of joy. Baby, please… what’s wrong?” he whispered as he kissed my forehead.

“I’m not going to lie…it hurt…a lot…but…I’m happy, too. I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed,” I said as I tried hard to smile. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders. He grabbed me by the waist and held me tightly against his chest. I was dying inside and I didn’t understand why.

“Jenesis, my sweet, sweet Jenesis. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but that happens sometimes, it stings a little and you might bleed. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that? I mean, I know you’re an adult

and all but…” He uttered those words into my hair close to my ear. Those words hit me hard and I sobbed even louder. I couldn’t believe how much I loved him and how little I knew about having

sex for the first time. Even though I felt guilty, I knew I couldn’t change what happened and I didn’t want to. My father made me live with so much guilt; guilty when I peed on myself as a child

when I heard his voice, guilty when I dressed up for my prom, and guilty for never loving him as much as I loved my mother. 

“No she didn’t and I’m sad to say, this is why I miss her so much. I need her. I’m sorry for acting like a child. I just didn’t know I would feel this way” I slid under the water up to my shoulders. I was shaking and he noticed.

“I love you, Jenesis. You don’t need anyone else but me,” he whispered into my hair.

I turned around in the tub and leaned my back against his chest. He placed his arms around my waist and held me lovingly as his pointer finger circled gently around my belly button. I felt so

loved…so…wanted. I sat thinking about how we just made love. How I lost my virginity to this perfect man. My body tingled all over with pure delight. I felt the sexual energy creeping up between my legs again. I sat up slowly as I push my bottom against him. I wanted him again and by the bulge that throbbed against my lower back…he felt the same way. Michael stood up and lifted me gently out of the water. He was hard…he was wet…and I wanted nothing more than to be hurting all over again the way he hurt me the first time…with that craving and longing for me…only me. We wasted no time drying ourselves and we laid in my bed as he tore into me once more…gently…rough…the way he knew I liked it…there…right there…hitting that spot over and over until the sun came up, until I fell apart around him over and over. I only had one condom left in my purse…and throughout the night…one condom wasn’t enough. I loved him. Oh, how I loved him. I never felt this way about any other man. He was the only man I ever made love to… and…I knew in my heart… he would be the last. 

CHAPTER 11

The next morning we awoke in each other’s arms, wrapped like a bow on a Christmas gift. Our legs entangled and his head gently snuggled between my breasts. I felt safe and I wasn’t afraid. The guilty feeling was long gone and I never wanted to feel that way again.

“Morning, baby,” Michael said as he held his hand over his mouth. 

“Morning,” I said as I held my hand over his hand and laughed. Michael gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and jumped out of the bed.

“I have to go.” 

“Where?” I asked curiously as my heart stopped beating for a moment with disappointment.

“I have an appointment at the firm for Tina Danielson’s Case.” He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower water and jumped in.

“Oh…okay!” I shouted. I lay in the bed with the sheets wrapped around me as the smell of sex ignited the air. I waited patiently for him to return to bed and slip under the covers with me.

Michael walked out of the bathroom in a towel wrapped around his waist. My mouth watered as I stared at him walking towards the bed. He walked over to the dresser instead and pulled out a pair

of boxers, and then started to get dressed. He sat on the bed as he pulled up his socks and put on his shoes. 

“I was hoping we could have round two today…or maybe three and four like last night.” I grabbed him by the arm so he wouldn’t leave.

“I have to go, but I’ll come back tonight.” I followed him to the living room wrapped in the bed sheet and watched him as he grabbed his belt and wallet from the table. I stood by the couch as

Michael rushed out the door to leave. He didn’t even kiss me. I was stunned when he walked out shutting the door behind him. I immediately felt abandoned and those feelings of mistrust came

crashing back. I didn’t understand why he was in such a rush. I didn’t want to overthink things so I walked into the bathroom and took a shower to ease my nerves.

I sat waiting for my cell phone to ring flipping through the channels on the television. I thought about what my father said, “Men are cheaters, even your husband.” I didn’t understand what was

happening to me. It’s nine thirty at night and he still hasn’t called. I started to panic and it brought back a memory when my father left me at the bus stop when I was six. 

“You stay there and don’t move, you here? This is what happens to little girls who don’t listen to their fathers when they tell them to clean off their plate,” he said as he left me standing near the bus stop in the pitch dark.

My father walked back around the car into the driver’s seat and lowered the passenger window and said, 

“Now, you stay put. If you’re not there when I get back, I’ll bring you back and this time…I won’t come back…Next time listen to your daddy, Jenesis.” The wheels of the car screeched as he drove away leaving me there…alone…in the dark. I looked around as my eyes became large to adjust to

the darkness, my heart was pounding and my little hands were clutched together. I remember holding back the tears, in case he came back to get me. My father left me there for three hours. A

young couple coming out of Shoprite saw me sitting on the bench alone and crying as I sucked my thumb to numb the pain. 

“Sweetie, are you alone?” the woman asked with a curious but warm smile.

I nodded my head.

“Come on sweetie, I’m going to take you somewhere safe,” she said as the man she was with grabbed me underneath my arms and picked me up. 

“I’m not going to hurt you sweetie, Debra…call 911,” he said to the woman as he patted me gently on my back. He was a strong, tall man and was wearing a robust but sweet smelling cologne that I recognized but I didn’t know from where.

They sat on the bench with me as I sat on this tall man’s lap. The police car came, flashing its lights, blue, red, and white. And the sirens were deafening to my little ears. I covered my ears as

the tall man held me a little tighter to reassure me it was ok. I was terrified to see the police. I knew when I saw the police someone did something wrong.

“Hey there little miss, where’s your mommy?” the police officer said as he brushed my face softly with the back of his hand. I grabbed Mr. Strong and held my arms tightly around his neck and shook my head.

“It’s okay...you have to tell them,” he whispered gently. I looked up at him, his eyes smiled at me. He had the biggest green eyes and such a comforting smile. I placed my thumb in my mouth and he gently pulled it out saying,

“Now…be a good little girl and tell us where they are…okay?”

“Daddy’s home with mommy,” I said then placed my thumb back in my mouth. As I leaned back into Mr. Strong’s arms, I saw my father’s car driving up to the bus stop. I immediately peed on myself all over Mr.

Strong’s pants. He stood still and looked at me as he noticed my reaction to the car pulling up in front of us. He motioned to the police officer to walk over to him and he whispered,

“I think that might be her father…She just peed on herself…I think she’s afraid.” The officer walked over to the car. My father parked the car and then walked out very slowly.

“Princess!” he shouted as he gave me a look of “I’m going to beat the hell out of you as soon as we get home”. I held Mr. Strong tighter than I ever held anyone in my life. He held me tight as my father approached us.

“Where have you been we’ve been looking for you all over the place? Let’s go…” he said as he held out his arms to grab me. I quickly took my thumb out of my mouth and looked at the passenger seat, tilting my head around my father’s body to see if my mother was there. She wasn’t.

The police officer picked me up and handed me to my father. My father’s face winced as he felt my wet bottom on his arm. The officer stood talking with my father as I stared at Mr. Strong. Mr. strong stood staring at me, his pants wet and his green eyes filled with sorrow. I wanted to stay

with Mr. Strong. I felt safe in his arms. My father then placed me in the car seat in the back of the car. Mr. Strong spoke to the officer and I waved my little hand at him as my father drove off. 

“You did it now, you little bitch…wait ‘til you get home,” he said as he looked through the rear view mirror at me with hate in his deep brown eyes. I peed on myself again in my car seat and

clutched my hands tightly. I stared out of the window hoping to see Mr. strong so he could take me…take me away…take me away.

My cell phone rang and I jumped. It was Dave. 

“Hey Jen, I wanted to know if you could work this Sunday? Jen, are you there?” He said as he was chewing on something. “Umm…yes…yeah…sure.” I snapped back into reality not completely escaping the memory. My heart was beating fast and I found it difficult to speak.

“Okay…see you Sunday at six. Oh, and brunch…don’t forget about brunch. Thanks, little lady.” He hung up the phone before I could say goodbye. I was preoccupied with the thoughts of my

hero, my strong, green-eyed hero. Did Michael remind me of him? Is he the one to rescue me? Where are you, Michael? Why haven’t you called? Why? 

One night of pleasure turned into three days of complete and utter misery.

I still didn’t hear from Michael or see Michael or breathe Michael. I was completely shocked and wholly distraught and I couldn’t believe what just happened. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. And my nightmares were causing me a nervous breakdown. I missed my appointments with Dr. Logan

and my mother was right, I gave it up to him and he took it and ran. I called, texted, left messages, and even walked by his apartment numerous times before work. He was nowhere to be found. 

Dave and I went to brunch that Sunday and I felt like my whole world was falling apart.

“Dave, I’m telling you…he left me…left me like a piece of garbage in the street!” I cried in his arms as we sat in the diner for Sunday brunch.

“Jenesis, please, it’s not what you think,” Dave said consolingly as he stroked my hair with his hands.

“Where’s Margaret? Does Tilly know? What about Eddie? What are you saying? What do you know that you’re not telling me?” I asked as I looked into his eyes and pushed away from him, crying hysterically. 

“Look, he’s just going through something right now. Margaret had an appointment. Jenesis, for God’s sake…calm down,” he said as he held me by my arms glaring at me with worried eyes.

“What? You’ve spoken to him?” I said disappointingly shaking my head, tears drowning my face. I couldn’t believe the audacity. 

“Well, he called me, but he asked me not to tell, until he was ready to talk to you,” he said as he looked at me with fear in his eyes.

“You mean to tell me I’ve been crying my eyes out and you knew about this! You spoke to him!” I grabbed my pocket book and walked out of the diner. Dave followed. “How could you do that to

me? Where’s your loyalty to me, Dave? Since when are you best friends with Michael, huh?” I shouted as I pushed him full force against his chest with my hands. I lost it.

Dave lost his balance and almost fell on the sidewalk.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he yelled as he tried to regain his balance.

“You know what, fuck you! And him! You can tell him, too! Since you’ve had the pleasure of speaking with him! You betrayed me, Dave! You betrayed my trust! How could you? How could you?” I shouted angrily as I turned around and walked away from him.

“Jen! Jen!” Dave shouted at me as he followed me through the crowd.  I walked away from Dave with a feeling of total betrayal. I started to walk faster and faster and then I began to run; I ran as

fast as I could bumping into people on the busy streets of New York City. I could hear Dave calling out my name, but I just kept on running. I was breathless and ran as if I were being chased, chased

by the monster behind me. Oh my God! What have I done? What have I done? I thought to myself as I ran across the street thinking only the worst. I could hear my mother’s words racing through

my head. Was my father right? He’s going through something right now? Dave sworn to secrecy? What could it be? Did I turn him off? Did I scare him off? What? What? 

Before I knew it I picked up speed and was running off the sidewalk into the street, cars were skimming by me as I darted out of their way, frantic, crazy. I lost my balance, almost falling backwards, as a yellow cab came at full speed in my path, down the street then screeched to a halt,

swerving to the side and slamming into another car on the opposite lane. The sound of the crash, glass flying and people screaming made my heart stopped as I froze in the middle of the street

staring at the black smoke and shattered glass. I was dizzy and my heart sank to the floor as panic set in. I fell to my knees, crying hysterically, placing my hands over my head. 

“Jen, come on…get up…come on!” Dave whispered frantically in my ear. “Dave?” I stared at him, his brown eyes fearful. “Help me, please, help me!” I cried uncontrollably, gasping for air.

“Come on Jen, before the cop’s come,” he said grabbing my hand and then lifting me and carrying me across the street.

“Oh my God Dave…what have I done?” I held him tightly around his neck and buried my face in his neck.

Dave tried to flag a cab down. He was so impatient he actually stood in front of the cab, held out his arms, and jumped in front of the cab. He opened the door and motioned for me to get in it. I ran hastily and sat in the cab.

“Police, 695 St. Marks, now!” he ordered the cab driver as he waved his badge at him.

Dave stared at me intensely as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

“My God, Jen…Were you trying to… kill yourself, Jen? Were you?” He cupped my face in his hands looking for an answer.

I looked up at him, my eyes brimmed with tears. I couldn’t contain myself. I held Dave tightly and whispered, “Why did he do this to me? Why? He told me…he told me…he…loved me.” I whimpered. 

“Don’t…don’t worry about him…you’re going to be okay…we’re home…we’re home,” he whispered as I sobbed into his chest. 

I woke up lying on my stomach barely able to open my eyes. They were so swollen and hurt to the touch. I slowly sat up leaning my hands against the mattress and glancing over at Dave sleeping on the chair near the window with his chin resting on his chest and his arms folded around his

stomach. I still had on my clothes from yesterday. I slipped out of the bed trying not to make any noise and I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door quietly. I looked in the mirror and

my make-up was smeared and my hair was standing on end. What have I done? Did anyone die in that crash yesterday? Why is Michael doing this to me? I felt like I was losing my mind.

“Jen? Jen? Are you okay?” Dave asked as he knocked on the door softly.

I opened the door slowly.

“Yes… I’m going to take a shower. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” I lowered my head in shame.

“Okay…I have to go. I have to make sure what happened yesterday disappears.” 

“Disappears? How are you going to do that?” The nerves in my stomach began to twist and turn.

“I got pull, Jenesis… remember, I’ve been on the force for a long time and I know a lot of important people. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll see you tonight and…Jen…Michael called me last night, he wants to see you.”