Broken Road (39 page)

“I called.”

“Once.”

“I needed your help.”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find him for you.” He said referring to the day she asked him to find Riley for her.

“That’s okay. I found him myself.” She admitted and she saw a look of surprise and worry cross his face.

“Did you see him, talk to him?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I wouldn’t know where to begin.” She said and stood up. Maybe he would get the hint. She didn’t want to prolong this conversation anymore than she had to. He stood up but he didn’t make his way to the door instead he came up behind her and put his arms around her. It was so familiar, so comforting. Brenda closed her eyes. For a moment, it was like it used to be except that it never should have been. She knew that now. She knew it even then but she was vulnerable and hurting. How could she begin to forgive herself for that? For her part in the brokenness of their relationship? Something to think about later. Brenda pulled out of the embrace.

“Why won’t you reconsider?” Jon asked “I care about you and the boys. You know that.”

“And I’m grateful, Jon. But I have to be honest with you and with myself. I love Shane. I always loved him even when I was with you. I was just hurt and confused.”

“So, I was a distraction? Something to pass the time?”

“I never saw it like that. I saw you as a friend, someone I could count on when I was falling apart.”

“Is that why you slept with me? To keep from falling apart? Or to make your husband jealous?” There was anger in his voice as he said it.

“I’m not proud of that, Jon. I was being unfair to you.” She felt helpless but that was the truth and he deserved to know. He looked crushed. She was ashamed of herself.

“I still think we could make it work, Brenda.”
 

“No, Jon. It can’t. I. . .I’ve met someone.” She was shocked even as she heard herself say it. His eyes widened and she saw the hurt in them spread.

“What?”

“I want to see where it goes.” What was she thinking? Was she talking about Riley? She didn’t even know where he went.

“Is it the soldier. . .the one who was with Shane in the picture?” Jon said flatly and it was her turn to be shocked.

“How did you. . .”

“Meagan McGuinnis, the reporter from
 
Channel 9.” He buried his face in his hands.

“I don’t understand. When did you ever talk to her?”

“She called me about an hour ago.”

“Why?”

“He’s going to see her. He’s giving her an interview. Whatever it’s about, it’s big and it includes you. She knew about the two of you.”

“Then why did you pretend you didn’t know I’d found him?”

“I was hoping she was bluffing to get something out of me. But it’s true?” He was angry.

“I don’t know what he’s going to tell her or why he’s going. She’s out to destroy us all of us. Even you.”

“What do you mean?”

“She found out about us, Jon. She threatened to expose both of us. To tell our families. She said other reporters knew. That’s why I canceled the interview with Sandra Simmons. She was planning to ambush me on live tv.”

“How did McGuinnis find out?”

“I don’t know. But it would have ruined Shane’s memory and destroyed your career, humiliated me and the boys. I couldn’t let her do that.” Jon looked at his watch.

“Well, it looks like your soldier is letting her do just that. He’s still at the station. When she called she said he’d just arrived but she wanted to confirm one or two more details before she started the interview.”

“Did you tell her anything?”

“Of course not.”

“I can’t believe he would talk to her.” Brenda was devastated. How could Riley betray her like that? She had told him everything. Well, almost everything. Her name wasn’t that big a deal was it? But she’d poured her heart out about the affair with Jon and how she felt about Riley? After everything they’d been through how could he turn to Meagan McGuinnis? Her heart was breaking all over again.

“How much does
 
he know, Brenda?”

“He knows everything. Jon, I’m so sorry.” Her mistakes seemed never ending.

“He knows about us? He knows who I am?”
 

“He doesn’t know your name but Meagan McGuinnis will fill in the blanks for him.” Jon’s shoulders slumped and she felt exposed and vulnerable all over again.

“Why?” he asked and she found she had no good answer for him. She had followed her heart and obviously it had led her astray again. She was desperate.

“I have get to the station. I have to stop the interview.”

“That’s impossible, Brenda. If we show up there it’ll confirm everything he’s telling her.”

“If we do nothing we’ll lose everything, Jon. I can’t do that to you. This is my fault.”

“Brenda. . .” She saw that he was ambivalent.

“You don’t have to go, Jon. I would never ask that of you. But I have to go. I have to stop him. I have to protect my kids.”

“No. I won’t let you do this alone. I’ll drive you. Is there someone who can stay with the boys?”
 

“I’ll wake up Callan and let him know that I need to step out for a bit. He’ll watch Taylor until I get back. Cal was here when Riley came over, he’ll understand.”

“The soldier was
here
?
Tonight
?” Jon was exasperated and she didn’t blame him.

“Yes, and something triggered him. That’s probably why he’s doing this.”

“This is a mess. . .”

“My mess.” She said starting up the stairs. “Wait for me outside. I don’t want Cal to see you right now, okay?”

“I understand. I’ll be outside.”

She made her way up the stairs to Callan’s room and saw that Jon was right. The lights were off and he was sleeping. She went to the side of his bed and placed a hand on his shoulder gently shaking him awake.

“Mom? What’s going on?”

“Honey, I have to go out for a little bit. I need you to watch over your brother while I’m gone, Okay?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s Riley. Remember the soldier who was here earlier? I found out where he’s staying and I’d like to go talk to him.”

“Can I go? Please?”

“No. Not this time.”

“But Mom. . .”

“Cal, trust me. This time I’m the one that needs to go.”

“Okay.” He agreed reluctantly.

“Keep your phone on so we can communicate.” Callan nodded and Brenda made her way back down the stairs and to the coat closet. She took out her own coat and grabbed Riley’s on the way out the door. She got into Jon’s car and put on her seatbelt.
 

“What are you going to do when you get there?”

“I don’t know. But I have to think of something. I have to stop the interview no matter what.”
 

No matter what.

Riley wiped the tears from his eyes. He was staring at the floor. He didn’t know how long he’d been doing that. Maybe the whole time? The reporter hadn’t said a thing since he started and she wasn’t saying anything now. When he looked up he saw that she was staring at him but she wasn’t leaning back casually in her chair anymore. She had both elbows on the desk, hands clasped and she was leaning forward.

“My God.” She muttered. “Why didn’t you tell them the truth when you were over there?”

“I tried. But who wants to hear a story like that? The other one’s better.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She said and shook her head in disbelief.

“Does she know? Did you tell her any of this?” He knew she was referring to Brenda.

“No.”
 

“Why not?”

“I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“So you decided to tell a reporter? You realize that it’s going to be all over the news? When we do the interview people are going to find out what really happened.
She’s
going to find out, Riley.”

“I know.”

“You’d rather she hear it on national tv?”

“No.”

“Then why tell me?”

“Because I needed to tell someone the truth and I need to set things right.”

“Why not a priest instead? ” She asked sarcastically.

“A priest wouldn’t have given me the same deal. I’m not looking for absolution.”

“ You prefer a public hanging? You promised me an interview. So if you were thinking of backing out. . .”

“No. But you promised to keep Brenda and her family out of it.”

“True. But how am I supposed to do that after what you’ve just told me?”

“I’m not. I’m asking you to keep the focus on what really happened.”

“
Your
version of what really happened.”

“Do you want the interview or not?”

“Yes, but you can’t expect me to chop the legs off the story.” She complained.

“There’s only one story here and that’s the one I want you to tell.” He said and Meagan McGuinnis sighed and leaning back in her chair she shook her head-clearly exasperated.

“Riley, there are more pictures. Pictures taken by Steve Rappaport-the photo journalist who was part of the documentary team assigned to one of the other units that was in the village that day. He’s the one that took that picture of you that everyone saw.”

“I know you said that back at the farmhouse. Have you seen them?”

“Not yet.”

“So you lied?”

“No,my source has already seen them and from what he’s told me they’re pretty clear.”

“What does it mean?”

“The DoD is reviewing them and there’s a good chance that they’ll continue with the investigation.”

“So you mean they already know what happened.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But if we do the interview you’ll have the chance to tell your side of the story before they shut it all down. Unfortunately, I can’t promise there won’t be consequences.”

Riley sighed. He was ready to pay for what he had done.

“Once you go on record with this story everything is going to change. You came home a hero. People won’t see you that way anymore after this.”

“I can’t keep lying.”

“Are you sure you want to do this? Don’t you want wait and see what the pictures show?”

“Are you trying to talk me out of it, after all the hustling you’ve had to do?” he said somewhat sarcastically.

“No. Of course I want this story more than you can possibly imagine. But I’m not a total bitch. I meant what I said. I want to help. . .if I can. I’ll make sure the story is fair and that the interview is tight. The i’s dotted and the t’s crossed, I promise, but you need to know what you’re getting yourself into. I saw you and Brenda back at that farmhouse. There was something there between the two of you and I imagine there still is. Once you do this there’s a fairly good chance you’re going to lose her. Do you understand that?”

“I’ve made my peace with that. I know what happened on that road. I was there. I’m responsible.” He said and every inch of his heart was feeling the pain of that truth.

“Okay, then. Give me an hour to get this ready. Can you do that? There’s a private lounge where you can hang out I’ll even order something for you to eat. I want you to take some time, compose yourself and then we’ll record it in the studio.”
 

Riley agreed and he decided to take her up on her offer to go to the lounge, stretch his legs and get a bite to eat. The one hour wait would seem eternal but would come quickly enough. He knew he had to be ready. Months of keeping the secret had been long enough. As he walked toward the lounge he tried to keep his mind focused on what was coming and not on what he really wanted to think about. Brenda. He wished he had been brave enough to tell her the truth face to face. He thought about it so many times after she left. But the shock of realizing who she really was and fighting the feelings he’d developed for her when he thought she was Renae, made it too difficult to see things clearly. Now, it was too late. But he hoped that what he was about to do might make up for the many mistakes he’d made back on that road and here at home. He could only hope it would set things right . . . even if it cost him his one chance at happiness. Even if it meant he would lose Brenda forever.

They drove in silence. Brenda kept going over the events of the past few hours, the past few months wondering how she could have missed so much. How could she have trusted a man she barely knew to keep her secrets? Especially after she had lied to him and made him fall in love with her? Why couldn’t she stop making mistakes? She stared out the car window at the houses decorated for the holiday season thinking back to how the evening had started and how it had ended. Brenda thought back to the anguished cry of her youngest son when he mistook Riley for his dead father and the look of despair on her oldest son’s face after he failed to get answers about Shane’s last moments from the man who had been there. It broke her heart and it reminded her of her own unanswered questions. She glanced over at Jon. Had Shane known about the affair? Is that the question he had wanted to ask her when he called on the last night of his life? How could he have known? Who might have told him? So many questions and so much guilt she could hardly breathe under the weight of all of it. Jon must have sensed she was looking at him. He turned to look at her for a brief moment before looking forward again.

“Do you love him?” he asked and the question startled her. She looked away. How could she answer the question?
 

“Jon. . .don’t.”

“Just answer the question.”

“Why?”

“I need to know, Brenda. But I need to hear it from you. Not from some reporter.” He turned to look at her and she could see the pain she had caused him in the eyes that looked back at her.

“Yes.” She answered and found that she didn’t hesitate in saying what her heart felt even if had proven to be the wrong answer, the wrong choice and given the present circumstances,the wrong man.

“Does he feel the same about you?”

“I thought so.”

“But now you’re not sure?”

“Not after this. Not if he’s with Meagan McGuinnis.” She felt the tears in her eyes well up again. It was true. How could she be sure that Riley felt the same if he went to the reporter with his story? Their story? How could he possibly explain such a betrayal of trust away? It crushed her every time she thought of it. Maybe it was retaliation for having lied to him back in Bess, for leading him on without ever letting him know that she was the widow of the man he had dragged down a desert road as smoke, gunfire and explosions surrounded them. Riley had been through so much. So much heartbreak and death maybe her lies had put him over the edge and triggered a final breakdown. She’d made a fool of him and now he wanted to make a fool of her by exposing her lies and her affair to the world through Meagan McGuinnis.