Broken Rules (23 page)

Alex’s email to Kara and Sam read:

By now you’ve both probably heard from James
Willen re: the upcoming shoot. I need some female advice, accompanied by wine
or vodka or tequila or all three. Can we all get together soon, like tonight?
My treat.

Kara replied first:

Tell me when and where and I’m there.

Then Sam chimed in:

Ditto
.

Alex made reservations for a small quiet Italian
place that was convenient for all of them. It was dark, intimate and somewhere
they could have a conversation without yelling.

She spent the rest of the afternoon reading the
script, so totally able to see Marco play the young husband torn apart by what
seemingly was his wife’s suicide. But something doesn’t add up, and as he
starts digging through the few clues, he uncovers secrets she had been keeping
their entire relationship, and he realizes he never knew the woman he thought
he loved. But he also uncovers that there’s no way it was a suicide. She was
murdered. He’s torn between pursuing the investigation as he’s battling with
feelings of anger and resentment at her having lied about everything. But even
knowing that, he knows in his heart that she loved him, that that couldn’t have
been a lie. And whatever woman she was with him, he knew she could never have
killed herself. Ever.

Alex knew just by reading the script that this
could be a career-defining role for Marco. She was shaken just by the words she
read. But knowing him, knowing what intensity he could bring to the role, and
knowing what a master James was, this could really be something special. She
knew she had no right to be happy for him, or feel proud of how far he had
come. But she did, nonetheless.

Once again, she got to the restaurant first and
ordered a nice Barolo. Just the first couple sips helped relax her. About 15
minutes later, both Sam and Kara walked in. Simply seeing them both, there for
Alex in her time of need, made her misty.

 “Oh no, Alex. The waterworks are already
starting and we haven’t even gotten to the table!” Sam teased as she pulled her
into a tight hug. Alex laughed and sniffled.

 “Now you can see why I had to call this
emergency meeting!” Alex exclaimed and all three women laughed as they went to
their table.

 “Soooo, Aleeexxx…” Kara started.

 “It’s ok, Kara, you don’t have to walk on
eggshells.”

 “Whew. I thought it was going to be a really
long night if I did!” they all laughed, and then both Kara and Sam looked
expectantly at Alex.

 “Kara and I walked in together. She told me
that you and Marco weren’t together anymore?” Sam said with her usual
bluntness.

Alex took another sip before answering, “Yeah,
that’s kind of why I wanted to meet with you both. With this shoot coming up,
I, hell I don’t know.”

 “What don’t you know, sweetie?” Kara asked.

 “Everything. I don’t know how I should act
around him. I mean, it’s going to be awkward seeing each other… and, oh who am
I kidding: I think I want him back but I don’t even know if he’d ever be able
to take me back after what I did…”

 “Whatever you did, it couldn’t be any worse
than what I did to Laurent. And he took me back.” Alex and Kara exchanged a
look, then Sam continued. “He never stopped loving me. Even when
I
stopped loving me. When I hated myself for betraying him and for not believing
that what we had was so special that I threw it away because I was afraid that
I’d be one of those women who chose love over career, and I didn’t realize that
I could have both.” Sam said as she reached out and took Alex’s hand into hers,
giving it a light squeeze.

 “Oh, I’m pretty sure I can top yours.” Alex
said ruefully.

 “Well, before we play ‘who’s the bigger
jerk’, do you want to be with him?” Sam asked sincerely.

 “Almost every minute of every day.” Alex
said with a small laugh. “I never thought I could miss someone so much. You
know, after my parents died, I missed them so much, I never thought I’d feel
such a sense of loss ever again.” She paused, steeling herself for strength.
Talking about her parents, even all these years later, was still painful.

 “But with them, there wasn’t anything I
could do. They were gone, and they were never coming back. The crash took them.
Now, with Marco, I worry that if I just let him go, it will be my fault that
he’s gone, even when he’s still there. I, I guess I feel like I’m being
disrespectful to the relationship that could be, if that makes any sense. Like,
to throw away something that was so good isn’t respecting how special it is. I
mean, how special it was.”

 “So then there’s your answer.”

Alex shook her head. “It’s not that simple, or
that clear. I still don’t know if I can deal with all the things that come with
him being an actor. The invasion of privacy. The tabloids. All that crap. You
know, even though this town has made me what I am today, I really fucking hate
a lot of it.” That got a good laugh from all the women, as they all nodded in
agreement.

 “More than that, I don’t know if he feels
the same way. I hurt him. I really, really hurt him.” As Alex said this, her
eyes filled with tears again.

 “You know, Alex, the last time I saw you was
when we were out with James and Laurent, and we haven’t had a chance to even
talk about Marco since then. I didn’t realize it was so serious.” Sam said and
then Kara piped up.

 “Have you seen the pictures of the two of
them?” Kara asked eagerly and Sam shook her head. “Oh my God, you’ve got to see
them. Then you’ll see how good they are together!”

 “Kara, they’re just pictures!”

 “Alex, with all due respect, I know you’re
the photographer, but a blind person could see the connection between the two
of you in those shots.”

 “Ok, now I’m dying to see them!” Sam said and
Alex pulled out her phone to show her.

 “Oh my God, Alex, Kara’s right. These are
amazing. You guys look… you look so happy together.” Sam said almost
reverentially.

And once again, the tears started flowing. “Oh,
damnit! Jesus, this is ridiculous. I’ve become a waterfall!” Alex said,
laughing through the tears as both Sam and Kara reached for her hands to give
her a reassuring squeeze.

 “So now what? I don’t trust myself anymore
to make any decisions when it comes to me and Marco. I need your help. What do
I do?”

Sam held onto Alex’s hand when she said simply,
“Well, you could always start with an apology.”

Sam was right. Regardless of how it turned out, of
whether they could ever be friends, or more, again, Alex owed Marco an apology.
She just didn’t have the vaguest idea how to go about it, or whether he’d even
answer the phone if he saw her calling.

But after that dinner with the girls, Alex
realized she had one thing that she could use as a peace offering. She went to
the lab and made large, 16x20 watercolor paper prints of each of the shots of
them together. There was the first one of them in the tub at his house, then
the two of them with the sea lions, Marco pouring alcohol into her mouth at
Ceci’s bar, the two of them out on the boat, and countless others from their
time together.

If nothing else, he would have a visual reminder
of what they had shared. After the first print came out, she decided to make a
separate set for herself. What she had printed represented less than a week
together, but the images captured feelings that had no bearing in time. After
the final print came out, and after Alex looked one more time, checking to make
sure that the cropping, the output, the everything was perfect, she finished by
placing all of them into a large box and put a note on top that read:

Marco,

I don’t know how a simple “I’m sorry” could ever
express how much I regret hurting you. But they say a picture is worth a
thousand words. So I hope these reminders of happier times will show you what words
can’t convey.

Con amor,

Alex

Alex messengered the large box to Marco’s house,
making sure that the messenger waited and got a signature for it. The last
thing she needed was the box to be left outside and found by paparazzi or a
nosey neighbor.

Alex got an email confirmation that Marco himself
signed for the package, producing both relief and anxiety at the same time. She
knew that she had no right to expect anything from him. But when the hours
passed and her phone didn’t ring, she was starting to regret her decision, and
worried that she had made the wrong choice. Until her doorbell rang. She shook
her head and rolled her eyes, she should have known better than to think he’d
call.

Alex opened the door with trepidation. She hadn’t
planned what the next step after the photos would be. But seeing him standing
there, she had to hold herself back from leaping into his arms. The pull was so
strong, it was like nothing she had ever felt with anyone else. Even still, she
couldn’t read his expression. All he did was stare intensely at her as she
listened to her heart pounding in her ears. Annie and Ansel broke the mood only
slightly as they happily greeted him, tails wagging, noses sniffing. Marco
couldn’t help but smile down at them, softening as he pet their heads. But when
he looked back up at Alex, his expression turned serious again and he bit his
lip as he shook his head and ran his hands through his hair.

 “I’m sorry, Marco. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t
know how else to say it.” Alex said, unsure of what she could say or do, but
worried that whatever it was, it seemed it wouldn’t ever be enough to regain
his trust in her.

He finally took a step inside and closed the door.
Only then did he reach out his arms and pull Alex into a tight, silent hug.
After embracing for minutes, he finally broke the hug, still not having said a
word, and holding her hand, led her to the couch. Finally, once they both sat,
he spoke.

 “Alexandra, I have missed you so much.” He
paused. It seemed like just saying these words somehow pained him. “I’ve had so
much time to think about you, about our relationship.” He paused again, each
time, he looked down as though he had to fortify himself to continue talking.
Each pause felt like an eternity to Alex. “And I can’t tell you how much you hurt
me, how angry I was, I am. I never knew someone else could upset me so much.”

 “I’ve told you I’m sorry, Marco. I’m not
sure what else I can say.” Was all she could get out before he continued.

 “I know you are. I just don’t know if that’s
enough to change things.”

 “You came over here to tell me how upset you
are? To make me feel even worse than I already do? To punish me more than I’ve
already punished myself?”

 “Maybe.” He admitted, and looked down at his
hands. Then he took her hands into his. She started to pull away, but he held
them in his until she relaxed. “But I also came over here because I know that
only someone who means as much to me as you do, only someone who I love as much
as I love you, someone who I have given my heart to, only that someone could
hurt me like that.”

 “I, I don’t know what you’re saying, Marco.”

 “I’m saying, Alexandra, that if you ever lie
to me again, or hurt me like that, or don’t trust me enough to understand you
and stand by your decisions and support them, even if I may not agree with
them, if you ever treat me like that again, I won’t come back. No matter how
much I love you.”

 “Are you saying you want to try again?” Alex
asked softly.

 “No.” Marco said, and Alex’s face dropped as
she again tried to pull her hands out of his grip.

 “I don’t want to
try
again. I want to
be
again. I want to be with you. Like a real couple. Out in 
public. And in private. And everywhere in between.” Finally, Marco smiled a sad
smile as he gently lifted Alex’s hands to his mouth to kiss first one palm and
then the next.

Alex felt her stomach was going to drop out of
her. She was frozen upon hearing his words. It was what she wanted to hear,
desperately so.

 “But I’m serious, Alexandra, about being a
couple. Couples communicate, and discuss things, even unpleasant things. And I
know that being with me isn’t going to be easy. I know that. I know I’m asking
a lot of you. Your whole life will change.
I
know being together will be
worth it. But you need to know it too.”

 “I feel like you’re threatening me, Marco.”
Alex said softly. “Like you’re challenging me to see if I really want you.”

 “I just want to know that if we’re going to
do this, we both go into it with our eyes open.”

He was right. They both needed to know what they
were getting back into. Perhaps when it started, neither knew how serious it
would become. And she needed to make sure his eyes were open to everything too.

 “Marco, I want to be with you, but you have
to know, I’m never going to want children. Ever. And if that’s something you
want, you’re going to resent me if I hold you back from something so important.
Your eyes have to be open too.”

Finally he softened, the serious edge evaporating
as one of his trademark grins spread across his beautiful face, “Well, you said
you’d never date an actor or get on a small plane, and look at what happened
there.”

 “Marco, I’m serious.”

 “I know,
mi amor
. And I want to be
with you. I don’t know about children, I really don’t. I think I would like to
have them one day, but it’s so far off my radar right now, I can’t even imagine
it. My career is just starting to take off, and I don’t think I’d be able to
devote what I want to devote to it if we were to have children now. Someday,
maybe, but it’s not something I am so sure in my heart about that I know. But
you, from the start, I knew.”

Alex had heard Marco say before that he knew what
he felt about her from the start, but she couldn’t understand how anyone could
be so sure of what they felt, so freely willing to give their love to someone
they barely knew. She knew that he meant it as she hadn’t ever heard him say
anything just for effect, but still, it was a concept she couldn’t grasp. “How
could you have known from the start? How is that possible?”

 “You don’t believe in love at first sight?”
he asked, his tone now turning sexy and soft as he pulled her into his lap.
God, it felt so good to be in his arms again, as much as Alex didn’t want to
talk anymore, she had to know how he could be so sure of something like this.

 “I, I guess not. I mean, I was attracted to
you from the beginning, but…”

 “But you knew I was an actor so you didn’t
even consider it. You listened to your mind instead of your heart.”

Alex looked up at him and smiled, “You are a
romantic and a poet, Marco Flores.”

 “I don’t know,
Corazon
. I just know
what I feel. And I felt it for you that first night. You were so cute the way
you handled Kimberly, you made me laugh and smile almost the second I met you.
And so strong and sexy, so clear about what you wanted us to do, so confident,
yet you blushed so easily,
ay, dios mio
.” He kissed the top of her head
and then continued, “But it was more than that. You were the first person, the
first woman I’d met in this town who was real. None of the pretense, nothing
fake about you.”

He laughed and then said, “
Ay
, and then
when you came to my house, oh, that was it. You weren’t afraid of my dogs, and
most people,
dios
, most people act like Jesús acted.” He laughed out
loud at the memory. “But not you, you weren’t just brave, you were respectful
and knowledgeable.” His hands started caressing her torso, and then slowly made
their way up to her breasts, “And then, oh, I thought I was going to lose it
when you got up after being on the wet pavement, oh, Alexandra. It took all the
control I had to make sure I didn’t get hard right then and there.”

He was making small circles lightly tracing around
her nipples. “You’re strong, but you’re also emotional. It broke my heart
seeing you in that airport, on that plane. I wanted to take care of you, to
hold you, but you had Jesús…” he paused, still making little circles, almost
idly tracing her nipples, making them hard as he continued to tell her why he
loved her.

 “And you’re professional and successful, but
you don’t take yourself too seriously. And
dios
, you open your home to
every animal in the neighborhood, so even if I didn’t know it otherwise, I know
you have a huge heart.”

 “Even after what I did to you?” she asked
softly.

 “I know you didn’t do it
to
me. I
know you didn’t do it to hurt me,
amor
. I know you couldn’t, wouldn’t do
that.” He paused, clearly still pained. He took a deep breath and looked at her
with such sad eyes, Alex would have done anything to change the way she handled
things.

 “It did hurt, but I know you did what you
felt was the right thing, what you had to do. I wish you had told me. I wish I
could have been there for you. But I know you did what you did because you want
what’s right. For you, for us, for the baby. I don’t want to bring a baby into
this world unless he’s completely wanted.” He stopped stroking her breasts and
leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “I know any baby of ours would be
loved though, I have no doubt of that. But it’s not something you should be
forced into. It’s not fair to anyone. I just wish you would have told me.”

 “I know, and I’m s”

 “Shhh, I know you are. No more apologies.”
He kissed her head again, and turned her towards him.

 “Thank you for the pictures.” He grinned.

 “You like them?” she grinned back.

 “I love them.”

 “Me too. I made a set for myself, just in
case.”

 “Just in case, what?”

 “In case you didn’t want to try again. I
made a set as a reminder of the best time in my life.”

He grinned and said, “I’m glad you feel that way.
It was special, wasn’t it?” he asked rhetorically and Alex nodded.

As if a lightbulb went off, Marco said with
relief, “Now I can finally talk to
mi abuela
.” Alex looked puzzled “I
knew if I talked with her and told her we weren’t together, she’d probably get
on a plane and drag me to your house, or you to mine. I feel so bad, I haven’t
called them for so long, but you know her, she’d see right through me.”

 “Let’s call them now, before you make love
to me.” Alex said with a mischievous grin, which he returned but shook his
head.

 “I’ve waited this long, they can wait till
tomorrow. Come, let’s go to bed.”

Marco held out his hand, and Alex put hers into
his as they walked together down the hall to her bedroom. Once again, Alex was
a bundle of nerves. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about what she did and how
she hurt him. A small part of her wondered how they could just pick up where
they left off after a betrayal like that. She knew what she felt for him, but
she wondered how he could forgive her so easily when she still couldn’t
completely forgive herself. She knew why she didn’t tell him. It wasn’t just
that she was afraid he’d try to convince her otherwise. It was also because she
had always lived her life alone. Since she was a teenager, she made her own
decisions. She couldn’t remember the last time she had to get someone else’s
input or blessing on something in her personal life. She wasn’t used to being
part of a couple. She wasn’t used to discussing things.

 “
Mi amor
…”

Alex looked up into his crystal clear blue eyes
and smiled as he broke her from her thoughts and brought her back to him.