Brooke (4 page)

5

W
hen I finally make it to my tent, I’m crushed to find it empty.

Clara isn’t here.

I want to go search for her, but I’m too exhausted. Normally, Hyde and I would have traded shifts, two hours on watch, two hours asleep, but we’d felt it best to double up after what had happened with Wylan, both of us alert for danger. We were thrumming with adrenaline too, but now that rush has faded and my eyes won’t stay open.

I collapse onto my bed pad and barely pull my boots off before I plunge into sleep.

At some point I feel the covers shift, and I emerge from the rainbow colors of a dream to see Clara. She burrows under my blanket and nestles beside me. It’s the middle of the day, and she shouldn’t be here, but I love that she is. I love that my sister has come to find
me
. I pull her close and drift back to sleep, breathing in her strawberry scent.

When I finally wake, Clara is still sleeping. In my dreams I saw her standing in the rain, shaking and crying. Great big hiccups came out of her between sobs as she said,
Don’t leave me
, over and over.

But then I touch my shirt, feeling the dampness at my breastbone, and I know it wasn’t a dream. Not all of it, anyway.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help her. She’s not like Talon, who seems to have returned without missing a step. Talon lost his parents and his aunt, and yet whenever I see him he is laughing and running off somewhere with Willow and Flea, no sign at all of being scarred.

Not my sister.

Don’t leave me,
she cried in my arms.

Clara isn’t lost, like I thought before. She’s worried we’ll turn our backs on her again. Sell her again. She is afraid of being betrayed. She is afraid that if she lets herself love, she’ll only be abandoned again.

And I understand that. I won’t pretend what I’ve gone through is the same, with Perry, but it’s not different, either.

I am afraid too.

Fear is what pulled me away from Hyde.

An unexpected sadness washes over me as I remember what he said. That he wanted to
know
me. He was opening his heart, but I couldn’t because mine is closed. Mine is bruised and wailing and grasping to stay afloat. Mine is hiding in a corner, terrified it will be discarded again.

And I don’t want it to be.

So much, I don’t want it to be.

A lump rises in my throat as the urge to talk to someone slams into me. I need to tell someone how lonely I feel. How Perry and Liv and Roar left a hole in my life that I don’t know how to fill. I need someone to tell me that everything will be all right.

Molly.

Molly is strong, like my mother isn’t. I don’t have to worry that my problems will burden her with worry. No one else is as wise and understanding.

I pull on my boots, tuck the blankets in around Clara, and jog to the Dweller cave, because that’s where I’ll surely find Molly.

Right away I see that the situation in here has deteriorated. The Dwellers are not shivering and drifting in and out of consciousness anymore. They are silent and still and barely breathing, and there is nothing even partly amusing about it.

It’s frightening.

They are on the verge of dying, and it’s so chilling that I almost forget why I came here until Molly calls my name. I see her in the dimness, crouching over one of the Dwellers. But any thought I had about having a long talk with her vanishes when she snaps, “Hurry, Brooke! Now!”

I rush over and see that she’s pinning Aria down.

Aria is convulsing. Her legs thrash against the blankets and her eyes are wide, but I can’t see her pupils. They’re rolling back.

“Get Perry,” Molly says. “Bring Perry and Marron now!”

For a second, I can’t move. I can only stare. The bandage has been removed from Aria’s arm. The bullet wound on her bicep almost makes me retch. It is swollen and raw. The smell that comes from it is curdled and festering and wrong. The infection is worse. Even I can see that it’s spreading into her bloodstream.

“Brooke, go get Peregrine!” Molly snaps.

I turn to go, but it’s as though Perry somehow sensed he was needed, because there he is, running toward us. Gren appears behind him, and that explains why Perry is already here.

Gren is an Aud. They were likely in the Battle Room nearby and Gren heard Molly. Heard her panicked voice shouting Perry’s name.

I step back before I am run over by them. There is a mad scramble as Molly issues orders. Then Aria is in Perry’s arms and it’s like the night she was poisoned. The night of her Marking ceremony.

He carries her out, but this time we all follow.

He takes her into the Battle Room and sets her on the trestle table. Marron enters, making clipped demands for clean towels, boiled water, and surgical supplies from the Dweller Hover. I have never heard such a commanding tone from him.

I’m there. I know I’m there because I see and hear everything. But I am numb as the supplies arrive. Numb as Aria is injected with needles that finally relax her rigid, shaking muscles. Numb as her arm is sliced open by Molly while Marron aids her.

The smell and the blood make me queasy, so I stare at Perry’s face as he hovers over Aria. He speaks to her though she’s unconscious. He begs her to hold on and he tells her in a dozen different ways that he loves her.

The things he says . . . they are beautiful.

I don’t want to see or hear any more.

I leave the Battle Room, with its small army of people fighting to keep Aria alive, and wind my way through the dark corridors of the cave.

I wander aimlessly for a while, not feeling angry or hurt or much of anything.

All I can hold in my mind is hope. I want Aria to heal. I don’t want Perry to have his heart broken too. As much as it hurt to be left by him, he’s my Blood Lord. And he’s my
friend
.

He was my nemesis in archery competitions when we were young. He was my best friend’s little brother. Roar’s constant companion in tormenting Liv and me. A pest for many years, in truth. Awkward and gangly and too quiet, until the day he became gorgeous and graceful and quietly confident.

He is not just a friend, I realize. He is family. That means we have an unbreakable bond. I want him to be well and happy. Even if it’s not with me.

His face appears in my mind as he whispered to Aria so passionately and desperately. The bond between them is
visceral
, like Marron said in the meeting this morning.
Life-sustaining.

It’s what I want.

Perry never
felt that way about me. He cared for me. I know he did.
Does.
But he never felt that for me, like if one of you dies, you both die.

Then it hits me, and I don’t know how I didn’t realize it before.

I never felt that way about him, either.

6

I
t’s a revelation.

It’s a revelation, and I need time to consider it.

It’s a precious jewel; I need to hold it up to the light. Turn it, so I can see its shine from every angle.

I cross the main cavern in a daze, barely aware of the eyes that follow me as I pass the platform and walk outside to the sandy cove. I don’t stop until the waves are pushing against my shins. Then I stare at the ocean and let it come. All of it.

The truth.

There was no beginning to Roar and Liv. No starting point. The day Roar came limping into the compound with his grandmother, he was already in love with Liv. She was in love with him, too. Everyone in the tribe saw it. We all knew the seed was there; it just needed to emerge. When it did, Liv had something incredible in her life.

Something I wanted too.

But there was more to it than just that. There were other reasons I wanted Perry. My attraction to him was growing by the day, and he had always been honest and loyal and good. I wanted him for who he was, and for what he’d help create. A perfect foursome of friends, made up of two couples. Made up of two sets of best friends. Every combination felt good.

More than anything, though, I wanted us to be like Roar and Liv. As unabashedly in love. But we weren’t.

Unlike Liv and Roar, Perry and I had a beginning. It was a spring night, in the clearing. The tribe was gathered after supper, enjoying a crisp evening outside after a long winter. Roar was singing while Pierce played guitar. I sat next to Perry on the dirt, close enough that our legs bumped. He moved to scoot away, but I grabbed his forearm and kept him there. Then I kissed him, right there in front of everyone.

At home, my mother nearly pinched my arm off for that. But I knew Perry too well.
Know
him, since he hasn’t changed. He doesn’t do anything unless he believes in it, heart and soul. I knew I’d need to give him a
big
push to get us started. And it worked.

After that kiss, everyone assumed we were together. I let them think we were. I watched Perry’s amusement at the notion gradually shift to acceptance. The next time I kissed him, he kissed me back, and that was all.

In a way, Perry was the last to know about us.

But while I initiated things between us, it didn’t stay that way. Perry was
there
for me. Laughing with me. Wanting me. I know, for a time anyway, that he was as swept away by me as I was by him. But that started to change as soon as Liv and Roar left for Rim. With our foursome split in half, Perry began to drift away from me.

The hints were subtle at first. He’d draw away from a kiss too soon, or fall silent when I spoke to him about our future. Then the signs grew into bigger things. Misunderstandings. Arguments that never felt like they were resolved. I saw the direction we were heading. I just didn’t want to believe it.

But I believe it now. Perry and I had a beginning. We were bound to have an end. And I understand that we were great together sometimes, but what we had was flawed and maybe a little forced. Maybe it was something that I
really
wanted, but that wasn’t actually there.

Maybe the magic wasn’t in
us
. It was in my eyes.

7

W
hy do you get to go outside, but I can’t?” Clara asks me that evening.

“I have to,” I answer.

Clara blinks her wide blue eyes at me. “But I haven’t been outside in months and months and months.”

“You aren’t missing anything.”

“Yes, I am! I want to run on the sand! And it’s so dark in here.”

“It’s dangerous out there, Clara.”

Wylan and his band aren’t the only things I want to protect her from tonight. Outside, the Aether is raging, dropping funnels only a few miles from the cave. When the wind blows in from the right direction, it carries the smell of smoke from forest fires. It’s a measure of Perry and Reef’s concern that they’re sending us out there tonight. They wouldn’t put the patrol at risk unless they had legitimate fears about Wylan returning.

Clara crosses her arms and makes a sulky face, like she is five instead of eight. She thinks it’ll melt me, seeing her act so young. Like the sweet, innocent little sister I lost. But my reaction is the opposite. At some point in the past year she learned to manipulate people, and that makes me want to hit something.

“Then why are
you
going?” she asks.

I’m not going to tell her about Wylan, so I drop a kiss on her head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Brookie, please take me with you,” she says, her eyes filling with tears.

Those aren’t an act. They’re real, and my throat tightens up. “Clara, I
have
to do this. You know I wouldn’t leave you otherwise.”

Around the platform, people are watching us. The tribe has been shaken all day, worried that the Dwellers are faltering. The only thing we want less than sick Dwellers on our hands is
dead
Dwellers on our hands. Aria’s condition has rattled them as well. She pulled through her surgery, but it was close. She almost lost her arm. And judging by the restless glances thrown my way, the tribe has heard about Wylan and his band too.

It hasn’t been an easy day for anyone.

I can tell my tribe wants me outside, where my bow and my eyes can protect them. It’s where I need to be for Clara’s sake too. So I tell her that.

“I’m going out there for
you
, Clara. To keep
you
safe. I have to go now.” I hug her. Then, to take my mind off leaving her, I count my steps as I walk outside.

One, two, three . . . five . . . eleven . . . twenty.

Hayden falls in step with me when I reach forty-two. By ninety-seven we have stepped completely out of the cave. I pause on the small strip of sand and finally allow myself to look back.

Bad idea. The pull to return to my sister is immense. Strong, like I’m falling toward her. She needs me in there and she needs me out here, and how am I supposed to know what’s right? What’s best?

“Ready?” Hayden asks. He is watching me closely.

“I’m with you tonight?” My voice is sharp, like the crack of a whip.

I wonder if Hyde requested not to be with me. I wonder why I feel jilted and depressed when I was the one who balked at what he offered. Which was tenderness and poetry and smiling kisses.

Good job, Brooke.
Because those things are all so horrible.

Can this day get any worse?

A laugh bursts out of Hayden. “I’m glad you’re so happy about it.” He gives me his back before I can respond, and breaks into a jog, threading his way up the steep switchback path to the bluff.

“Thrilled,” I mutter, catching up to him.

My walk with Hyde last night on this same trail felt contemplative, but Hayden attacks it. He is muscular and long-limbed like Hyde, but more energetic. Louder and more aggressive. The pace he sets forces me to focus on my footing and my breathing in order to keep up with him.

In minutes, sweat rolls down my spine, but I relish it. Since we’ve been in the cave, we haven’t run like this. Everyone is always shuffling around, looking miserable.

You can’t be miserable when you’re running. It’s such a simple and pure way to feel alive. As we put miles behind us, my mood begins to lift.

Gren and Reef aren’t far to the north, and Hyde and Straggler are just south of us. We have reinforced our patrol numbers in all posts, but most substantially here on the eastern approach—the shortest distance to the cave. If Wylan is coming, this would be the most direct path, the one that would give us the least amount of time to react. This is where we are most vulnerable, so Perry appointed the Six to guard it tonight—the Six and me.

I am with these warriors because I am
one of the best
, but that distinction brings me nothing but pride now. It’s an honor to be regarded as their equal.

After an hour of running, we stop to catch our breath and drink water. My eyes drift to the range of hills to the north, and dread seeps through me. The Aether looked fierce last night, but today its threats are not empty. The sky there flashes with funnels. Along the ridge below, a glowing orange line has appeared.

Fire.

Land is burning. Tide land.
Mine.

I’ve been so focused on the trail ahead of me that I didn’t see it.

“Do you think Reef and Gren are in that?” I ask. Then I gulp water, trying to slake my thirst.

Hayden’s Seer eyes take in the distant hills, and then settle on me. He shakes his head. “They were swinging south to avoid it.”

I focus my attention on the trees around me. The flutter of their leaves and the sway of their branches. “The wind is blowing our way, Hayden. You do know what that means?”

He takes another deep drink from his water skin and nods. “Why do you think I’ve been in such a hurry?”

“You knew the fires were going to blow our way?”

“I had a feeling.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wasn’t sure.” He smiles. “But now I am.”

I shake my head at him. “Great.” The dry creek bed we followed from the cave is pooling with smoke. Our path is disappearing behind us. “We can’t go back.”

“No. But we better keep moving.”

We have no other choice. The fires to the north—the source of the smoke that’s blowing our way—show no sign of abating.

We run again. The wind continues to build, blowing hot, thick smoke that swirls past us. Black pieces of ash and glowing embers flutter by, some as large as leaves.

My lungs ache when Hayden finally stops. I have to press my thumbs into my eyes for a few seconds to relieve the stinging.

Still trying to catch my breath, I scan the distance for our position. I want to see the wooded slope where Hyde and I posted up last night, but I find that I can’t see more than three hundred yards away. I know this territory as well as I know Clara’s face, but with smoke billowing past, nothing is recognizable.

I bite back a curse. Sight is my gift. When I can’t see, I’m not happy.

“Well, I’m terrified,” Hayden says. “How about you?”

I look at him. “Where are we?”

“Definitely lost.” He kneels, pulling his quiver over his shoulder. Sweat drips off his forehead. He swipes at it absently and withdraws a compass from a small pocket.

Relief washes over me. “I could hug you right now.” That small instrument may have just saved our lives. It’s easy to lose direction when you can’t navigate by sight. As disoriented as we are, we could get turned around and head directly toward the fire line.

“A nice thought, but unnecessary.” Hayden checks the compass. “We haven’t gone off course by much. We’re still heading east.” He points straight ahead and stands. “Let’s keep going. We have to get clear of this smoke.”

As we run again, he doesn’t state the obvious. We aren’t protecting the tribe anymore. We are no longer looking for signs of Wylan and his group. Our mission has shifted. We are running to save our own lives.

The night becomes snatches of foreign-looking woods. The dirt beneath my feet and Hayden running next to me. I have the feeling we’re getting swept out to sea. Away from safety and everyone we know.

I don’t know how long we’ve been running when my energy begins to flag. Unable to keep up anymore, I slow down. Hayden notices immediately. He hooks his arm into mine and yanks me forward, giving me the boost I need to climb a small hill.

We collapse at the top, sprawling on the dirt.

I lie there for a while, facedown, trying to catch my breath. Then I roll on my back and stare up at the Aether.

My muscles twitch, and I’m so light-headed it feels like the world is spinning. A gust drifts over me, cooling me down. The air is clear here. Not a trace of smoke. I close my burning eyes and drink it into my lungs. My sweat-drenched clothes are heavy on my skin.

I sense Hayden climbing to his feet. “You all right?”

“I’m great. Just perfect.”

He doesn’t move away. When I peer at him through my lashes, I find him looking down at me, his full lips parted just slightly. “Still want to know where we are?” he asks.

I climb to my feet, my legs quavering a little.

I know where we are. The Tides’ territory is shaped like an hourglass, narrower in the middle, broader at its poles. Three hours of running due east would cut right through this narrow section and put us at the edge of the territory—or just beyond.

Though I’m positive about where we’ve ended up, I need to hear Hayden say it. I don’t know if I’ll really believe it otherwise.

My voice is barely above a breath as I say, “Tell me.”