Brothers (3 page)

Outside the police station, Baldy Li's mother walked silently, head bowed, along the dark side of the main street. He followed behind her, strutting and swinging his arms blithely, as if she had been the one caught in the latrine and not he. When they got home, Baldy Li's mother walked into her room without saying a word, shut the door, and didn't make another sound. Late that night, in his half-asleep state, Baldy Li thought he sensed her walk up to his bed and, as on other nights, replace the blanket he had kicked off. Li Lan didn't speak to her son for several days, until finally one rainy night she tearfully uttered a single phrase: "Chip off the old block." She sat in the shadow of the dim light and recounted to Baldy Li in an even dimmer voice how his father had drowned while peeping at women's butts in the public latrine. At the time, she had felt so ashamed that she had considered hanging herself, but she had resolved to live on only thanks to her newborn s tears. She said that if she had known then that he would turn out the same as his father, she would have gone ahead and killed herself.

CHAPTER 2

B
ALDY LI'S
peeping ruined his good name but at the same time guaranteed that everyone in Liu Town would know that name for years to come. Out on the street, women shied away from him—even little girls and old ladies avoided him. Baldy Li was indignant, thinking that though he had spent less than two minutes trying to catch a glimpse of some naked bottoms, he was being treated as if he were a serial rapist. But, at the very least, he had gotten to see Lin Hongs bare bottom. Lin Hong was the preeminent beauty of Liu Town, and all the towns men—including old men, young men, and even little boys—stared at her with googly eyes and drooling mouths. Some even got so worked up that blood started running from their noses. It was impossible to calculate how many of these men were lying in bed at night masturbating as they fantasized about two or three key parts of Lin Hongs figure. These poor saps were overjoyed if they had the good fortune to run into her once a week, but even then they'd only see her face, neck, and hands. In summer, they might have a bit more luck and glimpse her sandaled feet and her calves peeking out from under her skirt but not an inch more. Only Baldy Li had seen her bare bottom, and this aroused the envy and admiration of all the men of Liu Town, leading them to conclude that Baldy Li must have done something spectacularly virtuous in a past life to have earned his present-day erotic karma.

Baldy Li became a celebrity. Though women hid from him, the men would invariably greet him with warm and knowing smiles, throwing an arm over his shoulder when they ran into him in the street. When they were sure that no one was within earshot, they would quietly ask, "So, kid, what did you see?"

Baldy Li would answer in a ringing voice, "I saw naked butts!"

The man in question would then flinch and grip Baldy Li's shoulder, saying, "Damn, lower your voice." Then, after looking around once more, he would whisper, "Hey, so what's Lin Hong's like?"

Even at this tender age, Baldy Li fully appreciated his own worth. He understood that though his reputation reeked, it reeked like an
expensive dish of stinky tofu—which is to say, it might stink to high heaven, but damn, it sure tasted good. He knew that out of the five butts he saw in the public toilet, four of them were completely worthless while the fifth—Lin Hongs—was a priceless, five-star view. The reason Baldy Li would later become Liu Town s premier tycoon was that he was a born entrepreneur. At age fourteen he started using Lin Hongs butt to do business, knowing instinctively how to drive a hard bargain and adjust for inflation. The moment he saw those lecherous men grinning at him, grabbing his shoulder and slapping him on the back, he knew they were after one thing and one thing only, and that was the secret of Lin Hongs butt. When the five policemen at the station had tried to extract that same secret from him during his questioning, Baldy Li had told them everything, not daring to hold anything back. But after that initial interrogation, he wised up and resolved to stop providing free lunches. From then on, whenever he encountered one of these insincerely buddy-buddy fellows, Baldy Li remained tight-lipped and wouldn't sketch even the shadow of a single pubic hair. Instead, he would only utter the single word
Buttocks,
and those men who had come forward to unlock the mysteries of Lin Hongs butt would go away empty-handed.

Writer Liu, who was originally a lathe worker at the metal factory, earned the favor of the factory head thanks to his ability to whip up a fancy phrase and talk up a storm, and as a result was promoted to sales manager. He already had an average-looking girlfriend, but as soon as he received his promotion and had his story published, he decided that his girlfriend was no longer good enough for him. He therefore started having designs on Lin Hong, since she represented the ultimate fantasy of all Liu Towns men, unmarried and married alike. Writer Liu tried to dump his girlfriend, but she absolutely refused to be let go of. She went and stood outside the police station and started wailing that she had been bedded by Writer Liu, tearfully holding out all ten fingers. Everyone assumed that she meant that Writer Liu had slept with her ten times; they therefore were flabbergasted when they realized she was counting by tens, meaning that the two of them had slept together more than a hundred times. After this performance, Liu didn't dare dump her. In those days, if a man and a woman slept together, they had to get married, so the factory director summoned Writer Liu and chewed him out, telling him that he had two choices: He could marry his girlfriend and keep his job or dump her and settle
for cleaning toilets. Weighing these two options, Writer Liu concluded that his career trumped romance and so crawled back to his girlfriend, apologizing abjectly. Soon the two of them were as good as ever, taking strolls together, going to movies, ordering furniture, and even making preparations for their wedding.

Whenever Poet Zhao happened upon someone, he expressed deep sympathy over Writer Liu's travails, feeling that Liu had handed over his life to a shameless hussy. Lust had gotten the better of him and had ruined his life. He would conclude, "This is an example of the proverbial
single misstep leading to regret of a thousand ages."

The townspeople did not agree with Poet Zhao's choice of literary allusion here and retorted, "How was this a single misstep? He bedded her a hundred times, so at the very least that would make it a hundred missteps."

Poet Zhao was left momentarily speechless, so he tried a different literary nugget, intoning,
"Even the mightiest hero still falls at the hands of a beauty."

The crowds still begged to differ, asking, "How is he a hero? And she certainly is no beauty."

Poet Zhao had to nod in agreement, thinking that it is indeed true that The People see all. If Writer Liu couldn't even survive a non-beauty, what
could
he survive? So Poet Zhao no longer expressed his sympathy and regret at his compatriot's downfall. With a dismissive wave, he sniffed, "Well, he could never amount to much."

Even though Writer Liu was in the thick of his wedding preparations, he was still dreaming of greener pastures. Every night before going to bed he would get all worked up fantasizing about each and every detail of Lin Hong's body, hoping at least to be united with her in his dreams. Though it was Writer Liu who, along with Poet Zhao, had paraded Baldy Li through the streets of Liu Town, he was rather awed by the fact that Baldy Li had glimpsed Lin Hong's naked behind. In order to increase the authenticity and realism of his fantasized couplings with Lin Hong, Writer Liu urgently wanted to know the remaining mysteries of her body. So now every time he saw Baldy Li, he greeted him like an old friend. However, he was sorely disappointed by Baldy Li's refusal to utter more than the single word
Buttocks.
One day Writer Liu good-naturedly slapped the back of Baldy Li's head and asked, "Can't you spit anything else out of that mouth of yours?"

Baldy Li asked, "Like what?"

Writer Liu replied, "The word
buttocks
is a bit too abstract. Can you give me something more concrete … ?"

Baldy Li asked in a ringing voice, "How do you make buttocks concrete?"

"Hey, hey, stop hollering!" Writer Liu looked about him, then continued, gesturing wildly: "For instance, how big or little the butt was, how plump or bony…"

Baldy Li reflected on the five bottoms he had seen in the latrine and then announced delightedly, "You're right! Butts
do
vary in size and shape."

But then he became tight-lipped again. Writer Liu thought that he needed further guidance, so he patiently prompted: "Buttocks are like faces. Everyone's face is different; some have moles and some don't. So how was Lin Hong's?"

Baldy Li thought carefully, then replied, "Lin Hong doesn't have a mole on her face."

"I know that she doesn't have a mole on her face," Writer Liu said. "But I'm not asking about her face. What was her butt like?"

Even at this tender age Baldy Li had already mastered his poker face. He quietly asked Writer Liu, "So what will you give me in return?"

Writer Liu had no choice but to try to bribe him. Reasoning that Baldy Li was still a kid, he had brought along a few pieces of hard candy. Baldy Li gnawed on the candy and gestured for Writer Liu to lower his head. Then, with considerable gusto, he launched into a detailed description of the worthless little butt. Writer Liu asked dubiously, "That's
Lin Hongs
butt?"

"Nope," Baldy Li replied. "That was the puniest one."

"You little bastard," Writer Liu cursed. "I'm asking about Lin Hong's butt."

Baldy Li shook his head. "I can't bear to talk about it."

"Damn." Writer Liu continued to curse. "She's not your mom, and neither is she your older sister."

Baldy Li decided that he had a point. "You're right, she's not my mom, nor my sister…" But then he shook his head again and added, "But she
is
my dream lover, so I can't bear to talk about it."

"What kind of dream could you have, you little bastard?" Writer Liu asked impatiently. "So what would it take for you to be able to bear talking about it?"

Baldy Li frowned and pondered for a long time. "Why don't you treat me to a bowl of noodles? Then perhaps I could bear it."

Writer Liu hesitated, then gritted his teeth and agreed. "Okay."

Swallowing hard, Baldy Li went in for the kill. "I don't want a nine-cent bowl of unseasoned noodles. What I want is a thirty-five-cent bowl of house-special noodles—the kind with fish, meat, and shrimp flavors mixed together."

"Three-flavored house-special noodles?" Writer Liu bellowed. "You little bastard. Even I can't afford to have house-special noodles more than a few times a year. If I can't bear to buy them for myself, why would I be willing to buy you a bowl? Keep on dreaming, kid."

Baldy Li nodded earnestly. "Yeah, if you can't even bear to buy house-special noodles for yourself, how could you possibly treat me to some?"

"Damn right." Writer Liu was very pleased with Baldy Li's attitude. "So you'll have a bowl of plain noodles."

Baldy Li swallowed and said with an air of regret, "But for unseasoned noodles, I don't think I could bear to part with my secret."

Writer Liu gnashed his teeth in fury. He wanted nothing more than to smack Baldy Li in his face until it was a bloody pulp. But in the end he agreed to treat Baldy Li to a bowl of house-special noodles. He cursed again, adding, "Okay, here's your house-special noodles. Now give me all the details."

Blacksmith Tong also came to hear about Lin Hong's butt. After discovering that Baldy Li had glimpsed Tongs own wife's plump butt, Tong had given him a good thrashing. But Blacksmith Tong was also a "greener pastures" sort of guy, and each night as he went to bed with his plump wife in his arms, he closed his eyes and fantasized about Lin Hong's slender figure. Unlike Writer Liu, Tong went straight to the point. When he spotted Baldy Li in the street, he blocked the boy with his massive figure and peered down, saying, "Hey, kid, you remember me?"

Baldy Li looked up. "I'd recognize you even if you were a pile of ashes."

Blacksmith Tong glowered. "So you wish me dead, kid?"

"No, no, no," Baldy Li quickly answered, thinking that he had to avoid those big hammer fists at all costs. He pried his mouth wide open with his hands, showing Blacksmith Tong. "You see, you see? I'm short two teeth because of you."

Then Baldy Li pointed to his left ear. "It's like a beehive in there with all the buzzing."

Blacksmith Tong laughed and proclaimed for the benefit of the passersby "Well, since you're just a kid, I'll treat you to a bowl of noodles to make up for it."

Blacksmith Tong strutted toward the People's Restaurant, with Baldy Li closely following, hands behind his back. Baldy Li thought to himself that Chairman Mao was right when he said that there is no such thing as unmerited love or hatred. So if Blacksmith Tong suddenly wanted to treat him to a bowl of noodles, it must be because he wanted to find out about Lin Hong's butt. Baldy Li scurried forward and quietly asked him, "So you're treating me to a bowl of noodles to find out about buttocks. Right?"

Tong laughed and nodded. "You're a smart kid."

Baldy Li said, "But you already have some ass at home…"

"You know how men are," Tong confided. "They're always peering into the pot even when they're eating out of the bowl."

Tong walked into the People's Restaurant with the air of a big spender, but the moment he sat down he became a cheapskate and only bought Baldy Li a bowl of plain noodles. Baldy Li
hmmphed
to himself but didn't say anything. Once the bowl was on the table, he dove in with his chopsticks and slurped away until he was covered in sweat and his nose was running. Blacksmith Tong watched as Baldy Li's snot ran down to the edge of his lips and was sucked back up, again and again. After watching four rounds of this, Tong suddenly noticed that half the noodles had already disappeared, and he became impatient with Baldy Li's reticence. He said, "Hey, hey, don't just sit there and eat. Time to talk."