Brutal (42 page)

“Thought he’d never leave,” he says taking my hand. “Just wanted to, uh, say thank you. For, uh, saving Macy, and for saving Rogan, too. He’s different with you, almost human. I’ve always loved the guy, but I always felt like he just tolerated me. Now I think maybe he does like me, but just has a shit way of showing it. You, though, that guy comes alive for you, like you do for him. So you need to snap out of it and make him right again.”

I’ve never had my hand held so much in my life. I like it. Who knew? Rafe has a firm grip, which to me is a comfort. He’s also bat shit crazy over Macy. I can’t get a read on her, though, and let me just say that’s a first.

“It’s weird how shit happens,” he says. “He finds you, and finally gets something right in his life. I find Macy because of you, and I’m fucking it up left and right. I’m into her, Venessa. Don’t know what to do about it, though. That woman is special. I’ve never dealt with special before. Train wrecks, hot messes, pyschos, even a stutterer, but never someone like her. She’s got her shit together. Thing is, when I’m with her shit makes sense. When I’m not, I’m figuring out how I can show up, without her tazing me. Yeah, you can laugh. She pulled a taser on me again. She probably got it as a birthday gift from you or some shit. I can hear him pacing outside of the door, so get your ass back here, so you can help me get the girl alright? You did good, Venessa. Real fuckin’ good.”

He kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

I hear Rogue come back in and I’m anxious to have him touch me again. But Rafe? Damn. I really like that guy. He’ll be good for Macy, if he can get past her defenses. I can’t help smiling to myself, thinking that she busted out the taser again. Hell yeah!

Feeling his weight register on the bed, I notice he’s humming to me again and it’s the oddest thing. I feel lighter.

Like maybe I’m floating again, but not away from something, but
toward
something.

Him.

L
eaving her in Rafe’s care doesn’t sit well with me at all. What if she needs me? What if she wakes up? What if he says something that upsets her? So, I decided I’d wait outside the door, just in case.

If there’s one thing about Rafe, it's that he has no ability to be quiet. He’s a loud talker. It used to piss me off, but that guy never gave up on me, so I’ll tolerate his loud ass mouth. He’s not just a partner anymore, he’s a friend, too. He helped me out a lot since meeting Venessa, so I owe him for having my back, and hers.

He’s into Macy. She’s good people. Plus, Venessa loves her, so she gets my vote.

The two of them together, though? I don’t see it, but what the fuck do I know. Macy is a class act all the way. Rafe? He likes to…Well, damn. I guess I don’t really know what he likes to do. Whatever it is, it’s probably not shit she’s into, and he’s probably really fucking loud when he does it.

Staring at her, I never thought I’d feel this way about another person. With her, its elemental, this bone deep need to share air with her. I can’t stop looking at her. I can’t stop holding her hand, either. She has these tiny little hands, and they fit just right in mine. Having this connection to her grounds me, weird as that sounds. I can literally feel her fighting to come back, so I push all of my energy toward her, urging her to take it. She’s close. I can feel it.

“Fight, Angel,” I say. “Fucking fight. I’ve got you.”

Jesus Christ! Her fingers just moved!

If Macy or the doc walked in they'd kick my ass for this, but I can’t hold out anymore. I move the tubing that’s attached to her out of the way so I can bring her into my lap. I take my right arm and support her head and neck, and with the left I move her up onto my lap. I’m holding her like I would someone’s kid. I rock with her, I hum to her.

“I’ve got you,” I say. “Come back to me. It’s safe, Angel. I’ve got you. I love you. Need you, Angel. Come back and save me. This isn’t how it ends, this is how it begins. Come back.”

I bury my face in her neck, and continue to rock her. Asking her to come back, to save
me
this time.

Knowing she’s close has me so worked up that it takes me a second to figure out why her hair and neck are wet.

I panic, wondering if she’s bleeding. Did I hurt her? Then I realize it’s not her.

It’s me.

I’m fucking crying.

Okay, so fuck it, I’m crying. Dudes cry. I live for this little life in my arms. I’m no pussy for saying so.

Now that I feel better about it, I really fucking cry.

I feel a tug on my beard and the entire god damned world screeches to halt.

I jerk my head up and there she is, my angel.

Fucking smiling for
me
.

“Rogue.”

“You came back to me,” I manage to say, while bawling like a bitch.

“I keep my promises.”

“Anything you need, you tell me. What can I get you?” I beg, willing to get her anything she needs.

“Can we take a vacation?”

“Fuck yeah, we can,” I promise.

T
wo fucking amazing weeks later…

Outside of this wicked ass scar, hidden under my hair, I’m looking like me again. I’m happy to report I can use the restroom alone. (Which translates to him waiting outside the door.) My bruises are healing, the staples have come out and I can’t wait to be able to train again.

I’m also able to stay awake longer, since I gave my pain meds to Rafe, who needed them after Macy did, in fact, taze him after another produce reference.

Rogan’s been with me, here in my loft, and the Cap gave him paid time off to keep me on the road to recovery. Diane, though not wanting to see me all banged up, did call me and we had a very long overdue, and seriously emotional chat. She doesn’t hold what went down with Gary against me, either and, truthfully? I think she and the Cap both feel like he’s finally free, even if they never say it out loud.

Macy avoids Rafe like the fucking hounds of hell are after her and its driving him insane, poor guy. Just listening to him trying to talk to her is painful. Macy is really laid back, and not easy to rile, but shit, the things that come of that boy's mouth? No lie, it’s that bad.

Tony calls to piss Rogan off daily, but he’s more annoyed than pissed. I’m trying to figure out how that happened, but when I ask, I’m graciously ignored. Max is struggling with a shitload of guilt about Gary finding me. I had texted him earlier, asked him out to lunch for real this time, hoping to ease his mind and let him know he’s not at fault. He’s excited about lunch, so we agreed to make it early next week. Did I mention? I’m actually showing up this time.

The boys are holding it down for me at the club for now. The doc says after suffering a seizure, I need to stay away from the ear splitting music and strobe lights.

Although I’m not happy about it, Rogan insists that I listen.

I fucking hate being told what to do.

Macy and I, though, she’s been her usual hands on best friend. She washes my hair, does my nails and toes, and after Rogue cut my knees, took over leg shaving duties, since I’m not allowed to bend over yet. We laugh more, we touch more, and she even told me how she sees me through her eyes. I did the same. She’ll never believe me, but she really is the coolest fucking chick I know.

So while I’m stuck here healing, what passes the time?

The four of us watch movies, eat meals together, watch the Lions lose their asses (again). The guys pick on my poor ‘artsy’ neighbors, and at night when Macy and Rafe leave (separately), I play my guitar and sing to Rogan. What’s crazy amazing? He sings now, too. I should mention he has the voice of Tom Waits mixed with Warren Zevon, which means it’s fucking beautiful.

Tomorrow, the Cap asked if he could come over and talk to us about a few things, which I’m guessing is the paperwork we need to do, and statements I need to give to put this to rest.

But tonight? Tonight, Detective Rogan Black is all mine.

T
hese last two weeks have been the best and worst of my life. Having her to myself was what I thought was going to happen. What actually happened was every fucking hour someone else stopped by, like her loft had a god damned revolving door. We’ve had pimps, hookers, dealers, ex-dealers, and a fucking crime boss visiting, and to say that I had no issues with it means something. These people love her; she’s a part of their lives, a good part. She’s healing, that’s the best part. The worst is that I want her so fucking bad I can’t walk straight.

But watching Macy and Rafe defy the laws of dating is almost funny. Almost.

I hate to bust his balls, but I really don’t think she likes him. At all.

Every ‘fuck off’ she gives makes him try that much harder. I don’t know, but from where I’m sitting she looks pretty fucking serious.

Back to my angel. Since she’s woke up, everything about her is just ‘more’.

She smiles more.

She laughs more.

She touches more.

She lets me help her, mostly. She’s still fucking stubborn.

Like her taking a piss with me in the room is weird or something? But I wait outside the door, like she says.

What if she gets dizzy? Shit. See?

I begged her to let me shave her legs, because I fucking love those legs. However there’s a reason I have a long ass beard. She didn’t even have to say anything, once I butchered her knees. I willingly handed Macy the razor and went to watch TV.

Every night, though, I get her to myself.

She plays for me, sings for me, and falls asleep on me.

It’s fucking everything I’ve ever wanted.

The Cap is coming by tomorrow, and requested the four of us to be here. If it was serious, he’d have told me, so I decided not to sweat it. Instead, I just want to crawl next to her and stay there.

“Rogue,” I hear, and I jack knife off the couch. Shit! Did she fall?

I run over to the bedroom, turning on every light on my way to her.

“Angel,” I say, rushing over to her. “What hurts?”

“I’m okay,” she says, giggling. “Come here.”

“Does your head hurt?” I ask, looking her over.

“Rogue,” she says, now serious. “Come here.”

I crawl up onto the bed, as requested, and start touching her everywhere. Fuck, she scared me.

“You think too much.”

“I thought you were hurt,” I say. “What do you need?”

“You,” she says quietly, reaching for me. “Just you.”

“Fuck, Angel,” I say. “Isn’t it too soon?”

She grabs my beard hard, and pulls me down to her mouth. Holy fuck, she tastes delicious. I missed her mouth.

With her free hand, she runs her hands up and down my side, just how I like it.

With what gentleness I can muster, I take her face in both hands, and kiss the ever loving shit out of her.

“Mmmm.”

“Angel,” I say. “Fuck, I missed you.”

Reaching straight for my cock, she wraps her hand around it, and pulls hard. Again, just how I like it.

With both her hands occupied, I remove my left, and head straight for the promised land.