Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2) (24 page)

He's more relaxed now, and I look at him curiously. “Weren't there ever any girls that were scared to be tied up? Especially with a stranger? I mean, you said the girl you dated for two months was your first and only girlfriend. These were now one-night stands, correct?”

“Yeah, in the beginning there were some that were excited by the idea and had seen me around enough to know I wasn't a danger to them. Then, there were others who were uncomfortable with the idea of being restrained, so I'd fuck them in a position that kept them from touching me. It didn't take long for me to gain a reputation. All it takes is for one girl to experience a night with me and to share the details with a friend. I know it sounds cocky, but if a friend can vouch for the kinky guy obsessed with restraints—the friend is more likely to want to experience it, too.”

He smiles wryly. “You'd be surprised how many women secretly have that kind of fantasy. They used me to live out their fantasy, and I got to have sex the way I like it. Very few resist the idea of it these days. The last time I had sex that didn't involve restraints was...” He hesitates slightly before saying, “Two years ago, I think.”

It's hard hearing him talk about sex with other women, and yes, my stomach is churning with jealousy. Yet, these are things I need to know, so I try to tamp it down. “Can you tell me what you don't like? I mean, I know the obvious, but I need to know so I don't try to do anything with you that you're not comfortable with.”

Ace is silent for a moment. “I don't like being jerked off or gone down on. I've never allowed it since camp.” His eyes meet mine. “I want that with you, I really do. I just...”

“It's okay; I understand. You're not ready, and you might never be. What else bothers you?”

“I can tell you this, I'll never let you ride me. Ever. It's just not going to happen. That position has been ruined for me permanently. The idea of you going down on me excites me, but you ever being on top makes me feel sick,” he says honestly.

“I promise I'll never try that,” I assure.

He grimaces. “I probably should have confided in someone after it happened. Maybe if I'd talked about it and not held it in so long, I wouldn't have such an aversion to some of those things. My need to be in control has become a part of me. I don't know how to give that up.” His eyes lock on mine. “I think that's something you'll be able to help me with, because I do trust you, Faith. I want things with you that I've never wanted before. I definitely don't want you restrained.”

“But if that's—”

“You don't get it, Faith,” he cuts me off gently. “I'm saying it turns me
on
thinking of you sprawled on my bed without restraints. There's still a part of me inside that wants regular sex. I can have a regular sex life with you, I know I can. I just need to ease into it slowly.”

I don't want him to feel like he has to shut down the part of himself that he's become—the side that craves it. However, now is not the time to argue over it. I nod in understanding. “Sex where my hands can't reach you. Like...” I bite my lip, struggling to name off a position.

“Like from behind. Or against the wall. On all fours. Bent over the couch. In the shower—your hands wrapped around the shower head—”

“Oh my God, you've thought a lot about this haven't you!” I burst out with a laugh while my face flushes slightly.

He grins wickedly. “Angel, you're in my dreams every night. What do you think?”

“I think I can handle that,” I say as I boldly meet his gaze.

Heat warms his eyes, and then it slowly flickers out and regret shines in them. The suddenness of it confuses me until he speaks. “I shoved you,” he says remorsefully. “I'm so sorry, Faith. It was just a gut reaction. I didn't know I'd react—”

I cut him off with a gentle finger pressed against his lips. I peer into his face, making sure he's listening. “That I completely understand, and you don't have to apologize, Ace. I get the whole gut reaction thing. For weeks, if anyone came up behind me without me hearing them first, I freaked out. In the beginning, I'd go into screaming fits because Justin attacked me from behind. It would throw me into flashbacks. Don't apologize for reacting instinctively. Now I know what I can do that you'll like and what not to do. It's forgotten,” I assure.

He looks torn, like he wants to argue with me, but in the end he wraps his warm hand around my wrist and brings my fingers back to his lips to press a tender kiss to them. His eyes then drop, and he pulls my hand away from his face so that he can open his fingers and reveal the hummingbird tattoo. He studies it intently before his eyes lift to mine. “Why a hummingbird?”

I know better than to mention Logan's name, so I keep my explanation simple. “I was told they're a symbol of surpassing hardships.” I stare at the tattoo, my lips curving into a soft smile. “The beauty of it will always remind me that there's hope. That life can be beautiful, I just simply have to reach out and choose to make it happen.” I lift my eyes to his and allow them to consume me with their unwavering stare. “You taught me that. When I look at this tattoo, I think of you as well. Without you, I don't think I would have embraced what true freedom means. You opened my eyes to everything I was blinded to.”

Emotion flickers across his features. “Sounds cheesy as shit, but I think we were always meant to meet each other. You touch me in here,” he says, pressing a hand to his chest, “in ways that no one else has.  That empty feeling is disappearing,” he says a bit gruffly.

The fact that he would admit even that much to me lets me know that he cares deeply for me. I reach for him, needing to kiss him. As his lips touch mine, I realize I have fallen head over heels for this man. I'm in love him. I can only hope and pray that love will be enough to keep us together, because I know the road ahead will be anything but easy.

The next few days passed by pleasantly with no stress or drama. On Sunday, Ace had taken me out of town with no set destination. We simply picked a direction and followed the road, stopping whenever something caught our eye. It was a fun day of exploring the attractions that were beyond Long Beach. Unfortunately, Monday turned out to be a busy day for Ace, and all we were able to do was text message a couple times throughout the day.

Today is Tuesday, and we have a date. I check the chicken that's keeping warm in the oven as I wait for Ace to arrive. We plan on having dinner here at the apartment, and then we're going to a movie later. I'd made chicken cordon bleu and a fruit salad. The dinner rolls are also in the oven keeping warm.

I quickly set the plates and silverware on the island counter and wish for the millionth time that I had a kitchen table versus just a counter top. It would have been nice to set up something romantic. I'm just positioning the napkins by the plates when I hear a brief knock on the door. I'd left the door unlocked—which is the norm when I know Ace will be over.

The door opens and he walks right in, grinning immediately when his eyes land on me. “Hey, beautiful.” I see that Ace's hair is damp from a recent shower, and he's dressed up a little for our outing tonight. He's wearing khaki's that do amazing things to his body and a navy blue shirt that hugs muscles that I am very much familiar with.

I can't help but smile in reference to his compliment. Up until Ace, I've always been insecure about my looks. I've learned lately that it's impossible to be around him and not feel sexy. Especially when his eyes are always roaming over me appreciatively. They're doing exactly that, right this second, as they take me in from head to toe. I'm dressed in the white dress I'd almost worn to the club last week. It's sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline while the skirt falls almost to my knees. I'd finished off the outfit with a pair of tan, strappy wedges.

“I love white on you,” Ace murmurs as he sets a paper bag on the counter top and pulls me into his arms.

“I thought you liked yellow,” I argue playfully as I hug him back.

“I like anything you wear.” His eyes turn devilish. “Especially matching lingerie. I think I've got a new obsession for cute, little, yellow flowers on white,” he says in reference to the lingerie I'd worn last Tuesday.

I arch an eyebrow. “You sure about that? You haven't seen what else I've bought. There could be something else that might interest you more than that simple set.”

Sexual hunger flashes in his eyes. “Why don't you show me, and I'll let you know what I like best.”

My lower belly quivers as sexual tension swirls around us. Since we'd talked on Saturday, all we've done is kiss. There haven't been any heavy makeout sessions, and I've been dying for more. I get the feeling he's holding back because he wants me to set the pace of our relationship. Now that I know about his past, I've been wondering if I should hold off on taking things to the bedroom—which is exactly where I want to be with him now that we've opened up more to each other. His honesty with me makes me feel closer to him. He let me in and showed me parts of himself that he hasn't shown anyone else. I want to give him everything I have in return. Unfortunately, I have a little bit of hesitation now that I know what he's been through.

After dwelling over the situation for the past few days, I've decided that when the time is right, I'll initiate the possibility and see if he's ready for it. I'm pretty sure he will be. Before I knew his past, he'd been ready to take things to a more intimate level much faster than I had been ready for. And now that I know his boundaries, I think he'll be more comfortable this time around.

We both will.

“What are you thinking?” Ace asks, his voice lower and deeper, as if he can sense where my mind has gone.

I smile widely. “That's for me to know and you to find out,” I tease as I pull out of his arms. “Sit down while I get dinner dished up,” I tell him as I walk away. I grab the padded mitts on the counter and begin pulling the dishes out of the oven.

“Sorry, I'm a little late. I practically bolted out of the city campus the second I was able to, then I had to make a detour. By the way, I brought wine.”

My nose wrinkles as I peer at the cupboard that holds my simple glasses. I turn and look at him. “I don't have any wine glasses.”

“Wine glasses aren't needed to drink wine anyway,” he says easily as he pulls a bottle of wine out of the bag.

I turn back and carefully begin to set up dinner. When it's all set, I walk over to the other side of the island counter so we can sit next to each other. Ace politely stands next to me until I'm settled on my stool before he settles on his. He reaches out and picks up a box near his plate that I hadn't noticed until now. He pushes it towards me with a knowing smile.

I accept it and glance down to see that it's a sales box for a camera. A small, black camera is displayed on the front. My eyes jerk up to him, and I give him a look. “You bought me a camera?”

Don't get me wrong, I'm secretly excited over it, but showing any excitement over a gift from Ace is like giving him the green light to buy me more. Now that I know about his family and wealth, I realize he could spoil me like crazy if he wanted to. The very last thing I want is for him to think I'm after money or material possessions, so I am going to continue reprimanding him for buying me things. All I want is him.

“I know you wanted one. And before you get all bent out of shape, I had ulterior motives when buying it,” he says simply.

I cock my head. “What are they?”

He grins. “We don't have any pictures of us together,” he points out. He plucks the box out of my hand and opens it up, the little camera falling into his palm. “I’ve already charged it and inserted the memory card.” He points it at me, and the flash goes off.

A laugh escapes me as I make a grab for the camera. “Give me that!” He relents and hands it over. I inspect it for all of two seconds before I hold it up to take his picture. “Smile,” I order.

His lip quirks up in the corner, and I snap a photo. Then I quickly press a button to inspect what I'd just taken. It still amazes me every time I see him how absolutely gorgeous he is.

I beam at him. “I love it. We'll play with it later,” I say firmly as I set it down so we can eat our dinner. If we don't eat soon, we're going to be late for the movie we plan on attending.

We dig into our food, and Ace lets out a heartfelt groan. “This is amazing. How did I get lucky enough to find a woman like yourself that's perfect at everything she does?”

“I am hardly perfect,” I counter back.

“To me you are,” he says simply as he picks up his glass and takes a drink of his wine, his eyes focused on me over the rim.

“Ha, just you wait,” I warn him. “Get to know me better, and you'll find that I'm not the perfect package.”

“How so? Spill,” he orders as he picks up his fork.

“Right,” I muse. “You want me to list all my faults? I don't think so. I'll let you figure them out on your own.”

“I highly doubt you do anything that's aggravating.”

“I'm sure you'll eat those words,” I tell him.

“Doubt it.”

We enjoy our food for a bit, and then I can't help but start asking a few questions. I've always sensed that Ace isn't one to talk about his family, but now that he's opened up to me a little bit about them, I'm hoping I can get to know him better. “Your father's company is pretty impressive and quite successful. Did he expect you to follow in his footsteps?” I ask a bit cautiously as I watch for any signs that his family is still a topic that's off limits.

Ace shrugs, not looking the least bit uncomfortable. “As any father in that type of business would, yes. He was incredibly disappointed when I chose to go into athletic training rather than business. With me being his only child, he had every intention of passing the company down to me when he retires. It's a bit of an issue between the two of us, which is one of the reasons I don't go back to Hartford too often.”

“That's too bad. Surely he can understand that you have your own interests. I mean, he won't hold it against you forever, will he?” I ask hesitantly, my fork pausing near my plate as I wait for his answer.

He looks up and meets my gaze, his expression wry. “He can and he will. It's not as big a deal to me as it would have been if we were ever close. He was that intimidating parental figure growing up. I was always on my best behavior around him, but the second he'd leave the room, a feeling of relief would come over me. I try to think positively about the situation and tell myself he could have disowned me, but he didn't. He has to care to some extent.”

I feel sad that he hadn't had the kind of home life I'd had growing up. At least I knew my parents loved me, and they'd always gone out of their way to show it even when they were busy with their careers. “What about your mom?”

His smile turns genuine. “She's great. She and I didn't really connect until I moved out here. I think she realized once I was gone that she wasted a lot of time she could have had with me growing up, and she's trying to make up for it. She calls every so often and sends emails. We're not as close as you probably are with your parents, but the fact that she's putting effort into our relationship is what matters.”

“I'm glad she's trying to stay connected with you. Do you think she'll ever come out to visit?”

“She's been talking about it.”

“I hope she does. I think it would help her to see you in your element. When you talk about your future, you practically light up the room. She should see what makes you really happy,” I tell him as I reach for my wine and sip it.

Ace reaches out and touches my thigh, causing a zing of warmth to spread through me. His eyes hold mine as he says, “Then she should most definitely meet you.”

My eyes search his. Meeting one's family is a crucial step in dating. It means things are serious. “You'd want to introduce me to her?”

“Yes.”

“I'd like that,” I tell him quietly.

He squeezes my thigh before turning his attention back to his meal. “Do you think your family will approve of me?” he asks a bit casually.

I can tell my answer is important to him. “My brother already does,” I say simply as I pick up my fork.

“What do you mean?”

I glance over to see he’s staring at me. “I called him about you after we...uh...had that situation in your bathroom.”

His gray eyes widen comically. “You told him about that?” he asks with disbelief as his fork clatters to his plate.

“God no!” I say, my face turning red. “Ben doesn't need to know what I do sexually. I only told him we kissed.”

Ace looks immensely relieved. “Go on. Now I really need to know about this conversation you had with him.”

“I explained that you'd become a really good friend, but we'd acted on our attraction and kissed. I wanted advice. I didn't want to be pushy, so I was trying to figure out if I should wait for you to approach me or if I should make the first move. Anyway, I told him about how you've helped me to become more independent. I also told him that my past doesn't bother you, that you're willing to talk about it with me.” I look at him seriously. “You don't turn away from things when they get difficult. Ben admires that.”

He stares long and hard at me for a minute. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he processes what I told him. He clears his throat, looking awkward. “I've never met a girl's family before except Z's. I didn't think...I figured I'd have to work hard to get your family to like me,” he says quietly.

I reach out and touch his arm. “No worries on that. You already have an 'in' with Ben. As long as my big brother approves, you're as good as gold,” I promise.