Bunny Tales (15 page)

When Emma and I moved into the Mansion, Tammy, who had been there for two years, had a Porsche Boxster, and Holly had a hand-me-down Escalade that was left behind when Buffy Tyler was asked to leave the Mansion. When Holly moved in, Hef offered it to her because he was already paying for it. She accepted it, but it wasn’t her car of choice. Holly had a hard time driving the huge truck, regularly getting into problems for which Hef was paying. I was the first in the newly formed group to ask for a new car. Since Emma and I were the only ones officially living at the Mansion, besides Tammy and Holly, and Emma had just received breast implant surgery from Hef, I had to be the first to ask for something new, although it was always easier to follow in another’s footsteps when it came to asking Hef for things. It was kind of intimidating, but Tina told us that Hef likes to be asked; he enjoys feeling needed. I mustered up some courage, presented my case for why I needed a new car, and held my breath. He said yes, and I was ecstatic!

What I really wanted was a black Escalade, but apparently Holly complained bitterly over the fact that I was going to get the same car she had. Tammy called me while I was car shopping to tell me that I should not do it or it would create problems. I didn’t understand it since Holly always seemed to talk about how she didn’t want that truck and was going to trade it in as soon as she had the opportunity. Furthermore, she had a white one that was raised up on huge monster wheels; I wanted a black one with chrome rims—a totally different look, especially since Cadillac had come out with a new, altered model of the car. My understanding is that Holly went and complained to Mary as well, and when I called to say I found the car I wanted, negotiated the price, and filled out the papers, I was told by one of Hef’s assistants that I had to find another car. I was hurt, sad, and thought it was unfair. I went to look at other cars the next day, and I found one similar to the Escalade, the Chevy Tahoe. When I called Hef’s assistant, who usually took care of the money, to give her the details, she told me that it was too expensive and I should look for something cheaper. I was confused; it was already pre-approved by Hef. It wasn’t just what she said, but the way she said it: she was condescending and acted like the money was hers and not Hef’s. I broke down crying right then and there in the dealership. This was such a joyous occasion for me, and it was agreed to by Hef, and now I was being denied, again? It was embarrassing enough to go to the dealership as Hugh Hefner’s Girlfriend and to tell the salesman that I did not have the permission to get the car, but to have Hef’s assistant yell at me on the phone was over the top. Eventually I spoke to Mary, who realized the silliness of the situation, and I got the green light for the Tahoe. I was really happy. I had it totally custom made with the chrome grill, sunroof, 22-inch rims, DVD player, TV, back-up camera, and navigation system. In the end it cost as much as the Escalade, although I paid for the upgrades with my own savings. And the biggest irony of it all lies in the fact that less than six months later when Tammy left, Holly ditched the Escalade and got herself a white version of Tammy’s black Porsche Boxster.

After my unpleasant experience, it was much easier for the rest of the girls, but no one ever really got their fantasy car, the way previous Girlfriends had been able to. Emma was next, and she got a Land Rover (she is British, after all), but she had to get one that was used and had frequent problems with it. If a girl got the new car she wanted, she could not get any of the accessories, or she got the car she wanted, but it was used. No one believed us if we told them that Hugh Hefner would not pay for our cars, and that some of the girls had to get used cars. As for Hef’s assistant, I never got over the way she treated me, and we had recurring problems throughout my life at the Mansion. I could not help but feel that some of the employees resented us; I felt that they saw us as frivolous young women who didn’t know how good we had it. Although my feelings or pride were sometimes hurt by the condescending manner in which I was being spoken to, I was always friendly and respectful because that is how my parents raised me. I was not some girl Hef took in off the street; I had a professional career ahead of me and if I was working in my profession, I would be doing all right without Hef.

An additional benefit of being Hef’s girl was plastic surgery: Hef kept a running account with a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. In star-studded beautiful Hollywood, you can never be too perfect. The level of preoccupation with perfection was even higher at the Playboy Mansion. When I first met Hef and his Girlfriends, I heard that he paid for their plastic surgeries; mostly it was breast implants (around $10,000) and nose jobs ($8,000). One girl who had a baby had a tummy tuck, and a couple of girls had liposuction. I was surprised to find out that a couple of the girls who were trying to join the group were doing so solely to get some plastic surgery out of the deal. It was a strange concept to me at the time, that one would get involved with someone only for a nose or a pair of implants. But they were models and thought that a smaller nose would get them more jobs. I didn’t have a plastic agenda in mind when I met Hef, but since “everyone was doing it,” I succumbed to peer pressure. Although it might not be a priority, many girls at some point wonder, “If I could change one thing about myself, what would it be?” This innocent self-inquiry is no longer philosophical when someone is willing to pick up the tab and arrange everything for you. Hef wasn’t just willing to pay for the girls’ plastic surgery, he told me more than once that he had the skin under his chin (and his neck) tightened. I am not sure if that was the only thing he had done, but he looks great for his age.

Major things, or things that cost a lot, were something we usually requested for our birthdays. All of the girls always knew what they really wanted from Hef, such as a boob job or porcelain veneers, a nose job, or whatever it was, and they always planned ahead of time when they would ask him for it. We had to wait a couple of months until after we moved in, and a birthday was usually a good occasion to ask for the most expensive things. For our birthdays, Hef always gave us the same thing: a small frame with a photo of you with him, and a card with $2,000 cash in it. In addition, you would get your surgery or whatever it was. The previous Girlfriends taught us to always ask for what was most important to you first, just in case you left the Mansion before you had a chance to ask for anything else. If you stayed long enough, then you could get everything you wanted; for example, Emma got her breasts and her nose done, her veneers, and Hef paid for her green card, which costs thousands, and all of that adds up to a lot of money. She was really good at getting things from Hef by being extra affectionate and using baby talk. I just couldn’t do that; when I needed or wanted something, I simply explained myself in a logical manner. Needless to say, it didn’t work as well as the baby talk and kisses.

What does a millionaire playboy boyfriend get you for Christmas? We each got $2,000 from Hef as well as various gifts. We would see these huge bags with our names on them under the mantle and we were so excited to open them! That was until we actually looked at what we got. The first Christmas I spent at the Mansion we got the most random collection of gifts. There was one terrific item, such as the diamond Playboy bunny necklace with a sapphire eye, which you can buy on
playboy.com
for $1,500, but the rest of the stuff left a little to be desired. There were several items that came from the Smithsonian catalog, like small glass ducks, sea life nesting dolls, a pillbox in the shape of a turtle, and cloisonné boxes. Those are nice items for someone who collects those things, like grandmothers who put them in their display cabinets, but not for girls in their twenties living at the Playboy Mansion. We went to our rooms and laughed—what the heck are we going to do with all this stuff? We couldn’t even give those things away; no one we knew wanted them. Out of curiosity, one of us tried listing them on eBay but got no bids. We thought Mary, Hef’s assistant, must have ordered these things, but then we were told it was Holly who chose them. Because the gifts used to be great, some girls only remained at the Mansion until Christmas to get the gifts. Now the message was:
don’t bother waiting
. The rest of the things we got were Playboy items, like T-shirts and earrings and small knick-knacks. But even those things were the ones that Playboy could not sell and were on clearance—for example, the shirts we got were orange and purple. We loved the necklace but we were disappointed overall; we went to our rooms and laughed at the duckies, turtles, and other animals we had in our possession. No one in the outside world would believe us if we told them what we got for Christmas from Hugh Hefner. The thing was, Hef didn’t even know what we were getting. It was all ordered by his staff, with the assistance of Holly.

The second year was a bit better; we got all Playboy things (company discount must be high). But again, they were things like Playboy neon lights, Playboy blankets and pillows ... Playboy overload. I kept a few of the items, but the pink Playboy décor did not suit the wine-colored velvet couch and mahogany furniture I had in my apartment. We didn’t get any special items like the diamond necklace we each received the year before. A major issue arose with the necklaces we wore because we wanted one that Holly had. We were all given Bunny necklaces when we became Girlfriends. These were the exclusive, official Playboy necklaces that were given to the Playmates. At Christmas time the first year, Hef gave us each a white gold Playboy bunny necklace. We loved our necklaces, but sometimes when we went to events, we wore outfits accented with gold, so we told Hef that we really wanted the same version but in yellow gold. However, Holly already had one because he had given a gold necklace like that a year before all of us were Girlfriends, and she did not want us to get them. We were told that Holly asked Hef not to get the gold necklaces for us so that she could distinguish herself by being the only one with a yellow gold bunny necklace with diamonds. We did end up getting gold necklaces, but they were $50 ones, not like the nice one Holly had. Again, we gave most of the stuff away.

The best presents we got were the ones we bought for each other. Each year Hef gave us a certain amount of money to buy gifts for each girl. There were seven Girlfriends, and he gave us $500 to spend per girl, so we got $3,000 each. The first year we decided to only spend a $100 on each other and spend the other $2,500 on gifts for our families and Hef. The second year, Hef was not going to give us any money to buy each other gifts at all. We were all so upset and disappointed; I had a feeling it was Holly who told him it wasn’t necessary. Emma and I went to talk to him and basically told him that if he didn’t give us money to buy each other gifts, then we wouldn’t be able to get each other anything. We already had to buy presents for our families, for him, and for so many people who work at the Mansion and it all added up. Finally, he agreed to give us the money, but Holly said that if we didn’t spend all of the money he gave us on each other’s gifts, she would tell him what we were doing and we would get in trouble. We outsmarted her; we did spend the full $500 on Holly and Bridget, but all of the other girls had a side agreement to only spend $100 on each other’s gifts and use the rest of the money on Hef, the staff, and our loved ones. As for Valentine’s Day, the most romantic holiday, Hef didn’t really get us anything. Each year we got a heartshaped box filled with a couple of pairs of Playboy underwear, a Playboy tank top, and maybe a pair or two of Playboy earrings or something. No flowers, no chocolates. That was all we got from Mr. Romance himself.

What did we get Hef, you may wonder? What do you get a man who has everything and doesn’t like new things? We gave him photos. That was the standard, a nice large photograph of ourselves. We also got him stuffed animals. That was pretty much all you could give Hef. During his birthday and the holidays, Hef got so many gifts from various people. Most of the things were taken by Holly since she shares his room, but sometimes he split things among all of the girls.

When I think of all of the things Hef paid for on my behalf, nothing means more to me than my dogs. I am and will remain eternally grateful to him for buying me my first and second pug. I had not had a dog since the day I left my first dog, Nuka, in Poland, and that in itself was a very significant and emotional thing for me. Many years later, when I was old enough to think of purchasing my own dog, I went to the library to learn about dog breeds and to choose one that was right for me. My research led me to believe that a pug was perfect for me, though I had never even seen a pug. Two years went by until I saw my first pug puppy in a California pet store; it looked like a little alien dog. I was in love. Pugs have a relatively large head for their body size and big bulging eyes set far apart with tiny little buttons for a nose. I had never seen anything cuter, but my love was obstructed in two ways: the places I lived did not permit dogs, and pugs cost more than a thousand dollars. For a student’s budget, that meant a large part of a semester’s fund. During the two and a half years in law school, I visited many pet shops and played with many pug puppies, but I always walked away sad. More than once I thought that stealing one wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

You can understand then that one of the things I loved most about living at the Mansion was that it was so animal friendly. Almost all of the girls who lived at the Mansion had a dog, and I thought it was terrific. That was a big draw for me. About two months after I moved into the Mansion, I went into a Malibu pet store and saw the cutest pug girl I had ever seen. I took her into the play pen area and she did two things to win my heart: she gave me a kiss and then she went and attacked one of the toys. She showed me affection and personality within seconds, and I was hooked. I called Justin to tell him I found the love of my life and needed to know what to do. Justin knew I had wanted a pug for so long, and he encouraged me to get her. I called Hef and explained to him that I found the cutest pug ever and asked if I could please have her, and he said
yes
. I could not believe that this little puglet was mine! I picked out a few puppy necessities, which totaled more than $2,000, and we were off. I could barely drive home to the Mansion, looking over at the little pup in the passenger seat trying to chew her way out of her new kennel. I was devastated when we had to go out that night and I had to leave her behind—it was one of those nights when obligations and feelings conflicted. I was obliged to Hef for getting her, but I resented the fact that I had to go to the same boring bar where my presence was not necessary, while I had a brand-new little puppy who really needed me on her first night here. Luckily one of the girls just had a nose job and was staying in, so she looked after my baby. I went out that night and made an effort to be close to Hef and have a good time with him; I was grateful and I wanted him to know that.