Bursting With Love (26 page)

SAVANNAH PACED THE bedroom floor, dying to know what was going on out in the living room. She hadn’t heard any yelling and assumed that had to be a good sign. She jumped to her feet when the bedroom door cracked open.

“Hi, angel,” Jack whispered.

The concerned look on Jack’s face and the way every muscle in his body tightened had her thinking the worst. She ran into his arms. “Are you okay? You’re shaking. What happened?”

“I’ll explain it all tonight, but first, there’s something I want to do. Would you be okay if we stayed at my house tonight?”

“Your house? What about—” Her mind spun in fifteen directions, and she couldn’t hold on to any coherent thoughts.

He pressed his finger to her lips. “Please?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Jack, I’m happy to do anything you need or want.” She pulled a bag from her closet and began packing clothes for the night.

“There’s something I need to do, and I want you and my father there.”

Savannah stilled. “Is your dad still here?”

Jack nodded. “He’s going to follow us out.”

“Jack, you’re worrying me. What’s going on?” She tried to read his expression, but it hovered someplace between happy and scared, and again, she felt lost.

“We’re moving forward.”

THEY’D BEEN DRIVING for more than an hour, and Savannah had been a good sport about riding on his motorcycle, though he’d have liked to have had a safer vehicle to share with her.
Just another thing on my “New Life List.”
He was thankful for the motorcycle on one level, though. He’d had enough time to think on the way over to know he was doing the right thing, and he hoped that Savannah would think so, too.

He glanced in his rearview mirror and spied his father’s Lincoln a safe distance behind. He patted the zipped pocket of his jacket and felt the package he’d purchased earlier in the afternoon. He finally felt almost whole again—almost.

Jack drove in the back way to his house, descending the steep hill toward his driveway. He pulled the motorcycle over where the pavement dipped to the left, exactly eighty-seven paces from his property line, and he parked in the grass. His father parked behind him, and while Jack helped Savannah off of the bike and set their helmets down, Jack tried not to concentrate on the blood rushing through his ears or the adrenaline pumping through his veins, causing his pulse to race.

“Jack, where are we?”

Savannah looked around, and Jack knew she couldn’t see the hidden driveway, and she wouldn’t think anything of the gaping emptiness in the otherwise overgrown woods across from them. She couldn’t see the flashing lights or feel the burn of the flames as he’d rushed over the edge two years earlier. Savannah couldn’t smell the pungent smell of burning oil and rubber, and—as Jack rubbed the back of his arm—he knew her heart wasn’t racing as his was, just as it had been the night of the accident, when he’d sped down the driveway after hearing an earth-shattering crash amid the thunder of the raging storm. She wouldn’t have to squint to see through the driving rain, as he had, and she wouldn’t feel the thick metal carving a path through his arm—almost to the bone—as he tried to free Linda’s lifeless body from the car. Savannah would never know that less than sixty seconds after he dragged her away from the burning car, he covered her body with his own, shielding her from the explosion. He rubbed the thick, rough scar, feeling the pain anew. She would not feel the searing heat as debris blew into his back, and she would never know the torture of the exact moment Jack realized that even with his body pressed against Linda’s, he couldn’t feel her heartbeat. And there was absolutely no way that she’d ever put the pieces together and realize that in that blink of an eye, his heart had stopped beating too—until he’d met Savannah.

He looked at Savannah’s trusting eyes and folded her into his arms. Her heart beat strong and true against his. Hopefully, what Savannah would know tonight was that Jack said goodbye to Linda—and his past—for good. He hoped she’d remember that tonight he promised his future to her and her alone, and that all the anger and all the guilt she’d helped him heal from and all the energy that he’d poured into holding on to the hurt would now be redirected. And every moment of every day he’d show her the man he was always meant to be.
Her man
.

“Son?”

Jack held Savannah’s hand as he turned to face his father, and for the first time in two years, there was no fight left in his father’s eyes, either. The guilt that had once swallowed Jack was now a shadow, fading a little more with each passing breath.

“Thanks for coming, Dad.” Flanked by Savannah and his father, he led them across the street. Jack reached for his father’s hand and felt it stiffen, then relax and, finally, embrace his large hand. Savannah held tight to his other hand. A million unanswered questions hung in her eyes.

“Savannah, this is where the accident occurred. The break in the woods is where Linda’s car spun out of control and flipped, landing upside down atop a number of trees that crumbled against the crushing impact of her car.”

Savannah wrapped her arms around his left arm and kissed his muscle, then rested her cheek against him. Jack drew strength from her love.

She slid her hand up the back of his shirt and over his scars, and when she looked up at him, he saw the question in her eyes.

He nodded, and knew she understood where his scars had come from, or at least that they happened that night, and that was enough. He loved that she didn’t push him for more. He would have told her whatever she wanted to know, but he would rather spare her the pain of knowing what he’d gone through.

“Dad, I thought you might need this final goodbye as much as I did.” He had no reason to believe that his father would know that he was giving him an open invitation to leave
his
past behind, too. All he could do was hope that he would take the opportunity to let it go.

Jack took a deep breath and closed his eyes, recalling every image of the night of the accident as if it were unfolding before him anew. He knew that he would never forget what had happened or the agony that followed, and he wasn’t trying to. He needed to see it one last time before releasing the hold it had over him and leaving it behind for good, so that when he walked away with the man who raised him and the woman he adored, he would be whole, without the weight of a ghost around his shoulders.

He opened his eyes and squeezed Savannah’s hand. “It’s time to say goodbye once and for all. It took me a long time to believe this, and with Savannah’s help, I can now see clearly what you, Dad, and everyone else who loves me, was trying to tell me all along. Linda’s death was not my fault.”

He felt his father’s large hand on his shoulder.

“That’s right, son. Leave it all behind.”

Jack nodded, hoping his father was doing the same. He turned and stood eye to eye, man to man, and for the first time in his life, truly felt like his father’s equal. “Dad, I think you can leave the guilt of your past here, too.” He knew his father would interpret his words to be related to the conversation they’d had at the apartment, and that was good enough for him. His father had carried more burdens than any man he knew, for too many years, and just because he didn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve didn’t mean they didn’t exist. He hugged his father and whispered against his rough cheek, “Let it go, Dad. I love you.”

Savannah was as selfless as ever, offering him support and strength while giving him the grace of silence to say his goodbyes. When the air around them lightened and Jack felt the oppression of the past ease, he said, “Dad, I needed you here with me.” He covered his heart with his hand. “Thank you. I think I’m okay now.”

His father nodded.

“Please go see Mom and tell her that we’re okay. She’s been so worried.”

His father didn’t utter a word. He pulled Jack into another hug, tighter than before; then he put his hands on Jack’s cheeks and kissed his forehead. His paternal touch infused Jack with so much love that he could not hold back the tears that streamed from his eyes, and he didn’t want to. Jack was finally ready to feel everything life had to offer.

He watched his father embrace Savannah, then kiss her forehead in the same sweet manner.

“Thank you for helping us both,” his father said.

Jack watched his father drive away, and then he and Savannah mounted his motorcycle. Savannah’s body pressed against Jack’s back as they rode up the steep driveway. Jack swore he could feel the remaining claws of the past ripping from his body and mind and freeing him from its confines.

SAVANNAH STEPPED FROM the bike, finally understanding why Jack had hidden away in the mountains for so long. Not only had he lost someone he loved, but he had the added stab of a daily reminder just down the road. How many times had he driven by before he snapped and decided he never wanted to go back? She didn’t quite understand everything that had transpired with his father, but she trusted that Jack would fill her in when he was ready. She trusted everything about Jack, from his understanding of what he needed to make it through his days to the safe and real love he felt for her.

He came to her side and looked up at the house. “This is where I live.”

The way he said it was not convincing, as if he’d said, “The earth is square.” Savannah knew what he was really saying.
This is where I lived when it happened
. It was obvious that Jack hadn’t really lived anywhere after the accident…until these past few days when he’d begun living again.

Savannah stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. “I’m right here, Jack, and no matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked down at her and furrowed his brow; then he placed his warm hands on her cheeks and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I know you’re not, and neither am I.”

Jack opened the door and they stepped inside. The house smelled woodsy and masculine with a hint of cedar.
Kinda like Jack
. He motioned to the open living space.

She took another step inside and looked at the warm furniture, the expansive fireplace, the mix of textures: woods, stone, granite. “This is very nice,” she said. “It looks like a place I could envision you spending time in, reading in front of the fireplace, sitting on the deck.” Her eyes caught on a photograph on the bookshelf next to the fireplace. She moved closer, and recognized Jack in his cap and gown. “Your college graduation?”

“Yes. That’s my family.”

She realized that the blond woman beside him was probably Linda. She was very pretty and was looking up at Jack adoringly.
Who wouldn’t? He is worth adoring
.

“And Linda,” he added. “If it upsets you, I can put it away.”

“No need. I feel like I know where her life ended, and I know she had a life with you, so it’s nice to put a face to the woman who loved you. I’m glad you kept it.”

Jack went to her side and pulled her against him. He kissed the top of her head. “I really don’t need to keep it out. It was just a happy time with my family.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “Jack, I’m not threatened by her. If it doesn’t make you sad, then to me, it’s just another family member who’s no longer here but who doesn’t deserve to be forgotten.”

“How can you be so good, Savannah?”

“When you love someone, you want them to be happy, and repressing ten years of your life can’t make anyone happy. I didn’t know her, but I assume she was a good person, or you wouldn’t have been with her. And now you have me. There’s no issue. If you compared me to her all the time or complained that I should be more like her, that would be cause for some different action to be taken, but I can’t see that happening.” She put her hands on his waist. “I do like your house. It’s very you.”

“I’m selling it,” he said. “I needed you to see where everything happened so you would understand what I’m going to do next.”

“Why?” The minute she asked, she knew why. It was one thing to say goodbye to his past, but another to be reminded of it every day.

“My life is no longer here, Savannah.”

A powerful and unexpected thought came into her mind, and she furrowed her brow, thinking it was too impetuous and she should tuck it away, but when she looked into Jack’s eyes and saw the love there, the desire to squelch the thought disappeared.

“Move in with me.” The words tumbled out. Her heart raced at the thought, and the faster it beat, the more she was sure it was the right thing to do.

He looked down at her, and behind the shock of his gaping mouth and wide eyes, she saw—and felt—the same excitement that sent her up on her toes to steal a kiss from him.

“Jack, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. No one knows that better than you.”

He searched her eyes, and she wished he would say something, anything. She knew in her heart this was the right thing to do. She didn’t want to come home one single night and know Jack wasn’t there. She thought of him all the time, and the more time they spent together, the more she loved him.

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around the room, blinking so much that she was sure he was trying to figure out how to let her down easily.

“It’s okay,” she said quickly. “I was just excited. I…I don’t know what I was thinking.” She looked away, her heart shattering into smithereens.
What have I done?

Jack lifted her chin with his index finger, and when she drew her eyes to him, he was smiling.

“Savannah, after my mother and sister left today, I spent two hours walking around the city, making sure that none of those dark thoughts would find their way back to me and thinking about us.”

“And?” Her stomach twisted into a knot. Hadn’t he just said goodbye to his past? Was he now going to tell her it was still there? She held her breath as he continued.

“You have taught me that life is about living, and you’ve loved me through the scars that my past left behind. Do you remember the rules of three? In extreme conditions a man can live three minutes without air, three weeks without food, and—”

“Three days without water,” Savannah added.

“Yes. Three days without water. Angel, my rules are now three plus one. I don’t want to live three seconds without you in my life. If you’ll have me, I want an eternity with you. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to your warmth beside me. I want to be there when you laugh and I want to share your sadness so you know you’re never alone. Savannah, you are my future, and I hope that I can be yours.”

Her chest constricted. She could barely breathe. “Jack?” she whispered. “Are you asking me…”

“Marry me, Savannah. I don’t care when. Tonight, next year, five years from now. Promise me an eternity and I’ll promise you the same. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my entire life.”

Now she knew why he’d been blinking so much, because as her eyes filled with tears, she couldn’t stop her lashes from trying to blink them away so his handsome face could come back into focus again.

“Yes, Jack. Yes, I promise you forever and a day.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he lifted her into his arms. It was the most natural thing in the world for her to wrap her legs around his waist and lower her lips to his, then deepen the kiss with thoughts of spending forever with Jack spinning in her head and filling her heart.

“I want to take you upstairs,” Jack said, then kissed her again.

“Take me.” Savannah was lost in their next kiss, and only when they drew apart again and she looked into his eyes did she understand the significance of what he’d said.
Upstairs. In the bedroom he couldn’t sleep in.
“Are you sure?”

“As certain as I am that I want forever and a day with you,” he said.

He lowered her to the floor and they went upstairs hand in hand. “I want to take you to my cabin in the mountains. Think you can break free next weekend?”

“I would love nothing more. I feel like the mountains are our place, Jack.”

He stopped at the landing and eyed the second door.

“The nursery?” Savannah asked.

He nodded, and she touched his cheek. “It’s okay, Jack. One day you’ll have a family. One day we’ll have a family.”

“Do you want children?” he asked.

“Many,” she said with a smile.

“Me too, angel. Me too.” He took her face in his hands and pressed another kiss to her lips. “Are you okay?”

She placed her palms against his chest. “As long as I’m with you, I’ll always be okay.”