Butterfly Lane (23 page)

Chapter Fourty

Z
anny knew she wasn’t going to forget the trip to Lexington anytime soon. They took her car because it was larger and more comfortable. They arrived early in the afternoon on Friday and checked into the hotel near the biggest mall in town. They shut the place down that night, and Emma had only gotten started. She’d set appointments up for them at a day spa on Saturday. When Zanny heard about some of the planned activities, she balked.

“A wax? You want me to let them wax what? No way.”

Emma leveled a look on her that Zanny knew would serve her well as a mother in years to come. “Remember our discussion? This is part of it. Look, if you don’t like it, don’t have it done again.”

Since part of her new mantra was trying things outside her comfort zone, Zanny gave in. The waxing was not a pleasurable experience. The mani-pedi, facial, and massage that followed were much more relaxing and fun. She dug in her heels, though, when Emma suggested a trip to the tattoo parlor.

“A small one? On your shoulder or your ankle? Come on, Zanny. Break free. Be a rebel.”

“Emma, I don’t even have my ears pierced. I hate needles. You know that.”

“Is this whole thing about you finding yourself or not?”

Zanny put her hands on her hips. “Seriously? A tattoo? No.”

Emma’s frustrated growl followed her out the door of the spa. “At least go look.”

“Will it shut you up?”

“It will.”

“Fine.”

The store wasn’t what Zanny had been expecting, and yet it was. The people working there were so friendly that she soon forgot her fear. But she wasn’t about to get a tattoo, no matter what Emma said.

“She’s a chicken,” Em was telling the girl who had greeted them. “She doesn’t even have her ears pierced.”

“Okay, now you’re making me feel like a fuddy-duddy,” Zanny protested.

“We could pierce your ears,” the girl offered. “Rodney is very gentle. I swear, you wouldn’t even feel it. He has a cream he uses that numbs your skin.”

Emma was watching her expectantly. “Well? What do you think?”

Zanny was tempted. She had always wanted pierced ears, but she had always chickened out. The idea of jabbing a needle through her sensitive earlobes terrified her. After a while, she’d put it to the back of her mind, figuring she was too old to bother. But there they were, in an honest-to-God tattoo parlor, and the desire to take a step outside the box she’d put herself in was strong.

“The cream really works?”

“Sure does. It wears off pretty quickly, and you will feel some aching then, but it goes away after a day or so. We use it on the little ones who come in.”

Ready to take the plunge, Zanny held out her hand to Emma. “Okay.”

An hour later, they were eating dinner, and she couldn’t stop pulling her compact from her purse to look at her new gold studs. She was grinning ear to ear, and it was all she could to do keep from touching them. “I got my ears pierced. Do you believe it?”

Emma smiled across the table at her. “I’m such a bad influence. You do realize that was my goal all along, right? I knew you’d never go for a tattoo.”

They both laughed, though Zanny found herself flushing all over when Emma told her their next stop was the adult bookstore.

“You need books, and that’s the best place to get them. And maybe some videos.”

Firmly shoving her inner prude in a closet, Zanny went.

Since the mall was only open for a few hours the next day, they packed as much as they could into the time. By the time they made the last trip to the car for the day, Zanny was exhausted. The circles under Emma’s eyes told Zanny she had to be, as well.

“Think we should drive back tonight or get a room again?” Emma asked.

“Why don’t we eat dinner and see how we feel?”

The food revived Zanny, and with Emma stretched out in the seat beside her, dozing, she drove home. She was grateful for the time, using it to think about all her purchases. She’d been very careful and had gotten as many bargains as she could, but she’d still spent more money on clothes and accessories than she’d ever spent in one shopping trip. Emma had been impressed with what she was able to do with the amount she had, but she hadn’t let Zanny get away with buying inferior items.

“You’re going to be the face of the business as much as I am.”

Zanny knew that was true, but also that Emma was using it as a tool to manipulate her a bit. Since the result was for her own good, she went along. It put a dent in her private account, but Zanny was certain it was money well spent.

They’d both gotten makeovers and haircuts at the spa, and the stylist had shown Zanny some tricks to use on her unruly hair. Thanks to her deft touch with the makeup wand and the new hairstyle, Zanny felt more primped and pampered than she had her entire life. The woman didn’t try to completely change her, but had enhanced Zanny’s good features. The results were subtle but stunning. She could hardly wait to see John’s reaction.

She knew part of why she’d let Emma coerce her into doing so much was because she wanted John back. But as the weekend wore on, Zanny realized how much fun she was having and how nice it was to do something so extravagant for herself. In the new underwear, especially after the waxing, she felt utterly feminine. Emma’s assertion that becoming a more sexual creature was simple seemed to be proving true. Changing the way she felt about herself was having a startlingly deep effect on Zanny’s outlook. She’d let herself become Zanny the mother for so long, she’d forgotten what it was like to be Zanny the woman. With unexpected insight, she knew that was part of the problem between her and John.

The next week was going to be rough. The furniture and equipment would be delivered to the business as well as Emma’s house, and things were sure to be chaotic. But Zanny was looking forward to the challenge.

She was also looking forward to doing her homework and reading the books Emma had made her get. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to buy any of the videos or the toys, but she’d loaded up on books.

All the modifications might not help her ignite John’s passion again, but she sure as hell wouldn’t fail for lack of trying on her part. Time would tell, she assured herself.

Chapter Fourty-One

Z
anny was nervous about Easter, but she tried to not let it get the best of her. Though John didn’t seem quite as angry as he had been, there was still a very real tension between them.

He surprised her by showing up at church that morning, dressed to the nines in a suit.

“Hey. Mind if sit with you?”

“Not at all.” She slid over in the pew, wincing as Eli clambered over her to get to John. His little dress shoes were sharp.

All through the services, she kept stealing glances at John. He was wearing the dark grey suit that was her favorite, and she could smell his spicy, warm cologne. Sitting so close to him without being able to touch him was difficult. If the boys hadn’t been between them, she didn’t know if she could have kept her hands to herself.

The thought of John’s surprised face made her giggle inside, and she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing during what had to be one of the most serious sermons the pastor would deliver all year. Emma and the sexy books were wearing off on her.

While they were waiting in the receiving line after services, she asked John why he’d come. Since they were separated, his showing up for church had been the last thing she’d expected. “Not that I’m complaining. I’m just curious.”

The question made him uncomfortable, that was plain to see, but he answered. “I knew if I wasn’t here on Easter Sunday, people would start to wonder. And I didn’t want you to have to go through that.”

Zanny was touched. “Thank you.”

He took the boys with him, and Zanny stopped by the house to pick up the deviled eggs and collard greens she’d made for dinner. She made the eggs every year, but she was more than willing to admit the greens were a peace offering. John loved her collard greens, and they were her small way of saying she was sorry without opening the doors all the way for a reconciliation. She hoped he got the message.

Something else was on her mind, though. She had a talk with John that next evening when he dropped off the boys because they’d wanted to stay the night at the farm. She was so stressed out thinking about what she was planning to tell him that she’d nearly been sick, but felt she needed to say it.

“I want you to consider seeing other people while we’re apart.”

He was floored. “You what?”

“Want you to consider dating. Other people. Figure out if you really want to be with me.”

“Are you saying that because you want it for me, or you want it for you? Have you met someone, Zanny?”

“No!” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh, this is stupid. Look, I’d rather you find someone now, while we’re not together, and if you’re going to have an affair, just do it. Get it out of your system. I’m giving you permission to have a midlife crisis, if you want. Find someone to screw around with.”

He stormed out, his face darker than Zanny had ever seen it.

He didn’t speak to her for two full weeks after that. He’d finally calmed down, though, and things were better. Zanny wondered if it was because he had found someone, but she was too afraid to ask.

“I seem to spend a lot of my life being afraid of this and afraid of that. I’m tired of being afraid,” she told her reflection in the rearview mirror one night as she drove home. “Just let the damned chips fall where they may, and get it over with, okay?”

Chapter Fourty-Two

I
n the weeks that followed Easter, Zanny stayed so busy that it was all she could do to keep up. She and Emma opened the studio doors a week after Easter, and at first, traffic was slow. But after the first wave of walk-ins got a look at the portraits Emma had put up on the walls, the number of visitors picked up almost overnight. She’d also advertised in the paper, and within a very short time, they were booked up several weeks in advance.

When they’d sat down and planned things out, they knew they would have to block off a significant chunk of time around Emma’s due date. Zanny was concerned, because their bookings were already getting close to that date.

“You may have to hire a temporary assistant to handle the workload, maybe the girl who develops your film for you.”

“Seriously?” Emma stood behind her and looked at the appointment book. She rubbed her belly absently, and Zanny had to smile at the picture she presented. “I’m hoping that with school starting in August, people will be backing off some. And then around October, it should pick up again with everyone wanting portraits in time for Christmas. That’s how it always worked in Savannah.”

By the time two months had passed, Zanny was starting to get the hang of things. She wasn’t completely exhausted at the end of the day when she got home, anyhow. The house wasn’t as perfect as it had been before she’d started working, but she was coming to find that she was okay with that.

For the first couple of weeks after she started working, she’d tried to do everything. It had proved to be impossible, and she’d stopped trying. She’d turned the bills and household finances over to John, and Ben was coming in once a week to take care of the yard. Leaning on other people had been hard to swallow, but she thought back to her conversation with John the day she’d miscarried, and she thought she understood better what he had been trying to tell her.

She was no closer to figuring out how to start mending the breach between them. She’d started going to Sarah and Owen’s for some Sunday dinners, and she and John had talked a little bit when he picked up the boys or dropped them off, but not at any length.

She mentioned it to Emma as they were closing up one Thursday evening in early June. The weather was warm, and the cloudless sky was open above them. It would be the perfect evening to spend some time with the boys in the yard, chasing the butterflies and fireflies. They were spending the night with John’s parents, though, so she would have to enjoy the twilight alone.

“How is John?”

“Okay. Why?”

Zanny shrugged. “Just wondering. I don’t know how to reach out to him, to start the dialogue between us. He’s been warm and friendly, especially compared to how things were in April, but I don’t know that he’s interested in rekindling things.”

Emma hmmm’d. “Let me think about it. I’ll come up with something.”

“I hope so. Because I’m really starting to wonder if I was right—if the reason the passion went away is because he got tired of me.”

“Given the way he’s been acting since he moved in with me? I don’t think so. He’s too…tense. I feel like he’s barely keeping it leashed, you know?”

“Well, I wish he’d unleash it.”

All Zanny could do was hope Emma was right and pray for ideas. Because if something didn’t give soon, she would have to break down and flat out ask him how he felt. The idea terrified her, but she knew she had little choice.