By Chance (12 page)

Dustin chuckled. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“It’ll be fun to watch the babies grow up, too,” Vince added.

“Yeah, it would be,” Dustin agreed quietly.

Vince frowned and glanced back at him quickly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it would be fun if I was around to see it,” Dustin replied, still quiet.

“Why wouldn’t you be?” Vince questioned.

Dustin was quiet a moment before answering. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s not guaranteed that I’ll be staying. Your dad said I had a job until the end of the summer, then we’d see.”

“My dad isn’t going to fire you,” Vince declared. “He wouldn’t have given you Justin if he had any doubts. Plus you’re a great worker. Sure, you can’t do everything because you’re just not that experienced. That doesn’t mean you’re a poor employee, it just means you need to get more experience. Which working will give you.”

Dustin didn’t respond, and when Vince glanced back at him, he saw Dustin just looking at the box of cats. He frowned again and looked back to the road.

I
N
THE
next couple of days, Vince started wondering more and more if Dustin might actually leave, even if Wes didn’t decide to let him go. The fact that he had such a bond with Justin strongly suggested that he wouldn’t choose to leave if he could stay, but there was still a nagging voice in the back of his mind warning him that it might happen.

The most terrifying part of the whole thing was when he watched Dustin wandering in the pastures among the horses and realized that Jane was right.

He wanted Dustin to stay around. And he couldn’t lie to himself enough to say that it was only because Dustin was his best friend besides Jane or that he was one of the best hands they had. The feelings he found that day were far beyond the realms of friendship, and he fled immediately to Xander’s pasture, where he lay down in the grass and let Xander graze around him. When that didn’t help, he took Xander by the halter to the fence and climbed onto his back. He lay there, looking at the sky, until Anna found him and informed him that he should wear sunscreen when he decided to take a nap on a horse’s back. He really wished he’d thought of that when he looked at himself in the mirror later.

Before he got into bed that night, he picked up the box on his nightstand that held the ring he had purchased for Jane. The ring she had rejected when she had forced him to face reality. He opened the box and stared at the shiny silver band and the glittering diamond. With his other hand, he picked up his cell phone and hit her number on his speed dial.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice sleepy.

He took a shaky breath. “Tell me how to act normal around someone on a daily basis after you realize you feel something for him and you can’t cope with a relationship yet.”

“Vince,” she said quietly. “You don’t want to do that.”

“Yes,” he replied, gripping his phone tightly, “I do.”

“Is this who I think it is?”

“Goddamnit, Jane!” he practically yelled. He pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up, then turned his phone off and threw it as hard as he could onto his bed, followed by the ring box. He sat down heavily on the mattress and went to rub his hands over his face, until the pain of his sunburn stopped him and he decided to attempt forcing himself to sleep.

S
OMEHOW
, V
INCE
managed to sleep fairly well that night and woke up feeling pretty good. Until the panic and fear set in about ten seconds after he opened his eyes. He grabbed his phone and turned it back on. There was one missed call from Jane from the night before and a text.

I’m sorry, Vince. Let me come talk to you.

He sighed and replied,
I’m going to the mall at 11. Meet me at Starbucks.

Instead of waiting for a reply, he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. After taking a cold shower with the sole—and failed—goal to clear his mind, he dressed and went straight to the barn to feed Xander. He felt like he was avoiding everyone there, but he was in no mood for social interaction, especially if it was Dustin who tried to talk to him. But no one did, and Vince heaved a sigh of relief as he walked back to his house a short time later.

At eleven, he walked into the mall, clutching the engagement ring he’d purchased for Jane and the receipt he had kept just in case.

The woman working that morning smiled at him from behind the bright glass counter filled with glittering jewelry in all forms, from rings to bracelets to necklaces and earrings. “Can I help you?” she asked cheerily.

He placed the ring box and receipt on the counter. “I need to return this.”

She took the box and opened it, then smiled sadly. “That’s too bad. You’re sure you don’t want to keep it for the next one? Or you’d rather pick one out specifically for her later?”

“That one won’t work for ‘next time,’” he replied, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets. “It won’t be the right style.”

She looked puzzled, but smiled anyway. “That’s all right. I’ll get this all taken care of.”

At eleven thirty, Vince met Jane at Starbucks, where she insisted on buying his coffee.

“Tell me what happened,” she began as they sat down in the most secluded part of the cafe.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know,” he stated. “I just started thinking about how he might be leaving.”

“And you don’t want him to.”

Vince nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“And it’s more than that he’s your friend and employee?”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“When did you come to this conclusion?” she asked, watching him curiously as he drank more coffee.

He shrugged. “Yesterday.”

“Took you long enough,” she mumbled. “How do you think he feels?”

He shrugged again. “No idea. I mean, he’s flirted with me before, but who’s to say that means anything or if he even realized he was doing it?”

He tried not to think of Dustin telling him that he obviously didn’t know when someone was flirting with him, because that would just mean that he had done it consciously. How could he think about that with any level of sanity? He couldn’t.

Jane thought for a moment, then took a sip of her coffee and placed her cup down on the table. “You’re not going to like what I have to say,” she stated.

Vince sighed. “Just tell me.”

“You should talk to him,” she replied. “Ask him why he’s not sure about leaving. Ask if he’s happy. Find out if he wants a relationship.”

“There are two problems with that,” he argued. “First, how do you expect me to start a conversation like that with
anyone
? Any time I’ve ever talked about feelings with you, you started it.”

“You asked for my help,” she interrupted. “You asked me how to cope with your emotions. So you started
this
conversation.”

“How many other times have I, though?” he countered. “I’m talking now because I need help. I have a situation that I can’t handle on my own. I haven’t needed help like this before.”

She waved her coffee cup at him. “Okay, I give you that. What’s the second issue?”

“
I
don’t want a relationship right now,” he stated plainly.

“You said you discovered feelings for him,” she pointed out. “The logical next step is to start dating him. Before you both end up hurt.”

He toyed with the cardboard slip on his cup that was
supposed
to protect his hands from the hot coffee. “I don’t want to hurt him. But dating him
will
hurt him. Then he’ll be on his own again. I don’t care about me. I care about him.”

“Exactly why you need to do something,” she agreed.

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No,” he said firmly, glaring at her. “No way in hell.”

Jane shrugged. “Then do whatever you want. I gave you my advice. If you don’t want to take it, that’s up to you. I just want you to find some real happiness,” she added quietly.

Vince nodded. “I know. I just can’t do that.”

She nodded sadly. “I’m sorry.”

They drank their coffee in silence for a moment before Jane spoke again.

“Why are you here anyway?”

“I had to return something,” he answered, not meeting her eyes.

“At least, it wasn’t a waste,” she murmured.

“Yeah. I guess I had low expectations when I saved the receipt. And that has nothing to do with you, so don’t be offended.”

Jane nodded. “I know you. The only time you have any self-esteem or confidence is when you’re working with a horse.”

“I’d have been kicked to death by now if I wasn’t confident around them,” he stated, taking another drink of his coffee. “And it’s easier to have a bond with a horse than a person.”

“I know what you mean,” she admitted. “Sometimes, it’s hard to trust and depend on another person. And that’s not a personal attack on you, either.”

Vince nodded. “I know.”

She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “You’ll be okay. Just think about what I told you to do.”

“I’ll try.”

But in reality, he wondered if he would ever be brave enough to try. When it came down to losing Dustin forever or having a chance to really be with him, could he do it?

He doubted it.

V
INCE
WAS
worried that Dustin would be able to tell that he felt awkward around him, but he couldn’t help the feeling. Somehow, it also felt like Dustin was avoiding him, and he wondered why. Finally, he decided to try making things normal again, no matter how hard it would be.

He found Dustin in one of the pastures a few days after his meeting with Jane and let himself in to talk to him. “Is everything okay?” he asked, watching the horses graze.

“I guess,” Dustin replied, not looking at Vince.

“Can I do anything to help?” Vince questioned.

Dustin sighed. “I don’t think so,” he answered quietly.

Vince finally looked at him. “Are you sure?”

Dustin nodded. “Yeah. Seriously. I’m fine.”

Vince nodded reluctantly. “I’m around if you ever need anything,” he offered, then turned and headed back to the barn.

T
HERE
WERE
really only two sports Vince cared about—horse racing and the highest level of show jumping. Sometimes, following jumping made him dream about making it to that level and being able to compete internationally, but he knew it wasn’t possible. He’d have to essentially give up on the other horses he was supposed to be training to focus solely on himself and Xander. The barn was his first priority in life. Everything else came after.

That didn’t stop him from sitting in the aisle of the barn with his laptop, watching the Olympic competition in August. He was the boss, so he figured he was allowed some time to dream once every four years. And his dad had put wireless Internet in the barn for the office computer, so it wasn’t as if he was sitting in his house away from everything.

“Hey, slacker.”

He looked up as Anna pulled a folding chair over next to his. “I’m in the barn, so I’m only half slacking. It’s the final round of team jumping; I didn’t want to miss it.”

“How are we doing?” she asked, leaning over to look at the screen.

Vince adjusted the screen so they could both see it. “Out of contention. My bet’s on Britain.”

“Home arena advantage,” she commented. “How far in are they?”

“Probably have another half an hour, if there’s no jump off.”

“What’s going on?”

Vince looked up again, this time at Mia, and Dustin coming up behind her. He knew Joe wouldn’t be far behind, either.

“Final round of show jumping from London,” Anna answered.

“You guys can find a couple chairs and watch, too,” Vince added. “Oh, and can you bring one of the lighter tack boxes from the tack room? I could use a table.”

Both Mia and Dustin turned around for the tack room and returned a minute later, dragging a tack box between them. They set it down in front of Vince and Anna before taking two chairs out from it. They had just gotten situated when Joe joined them.

“Crap those fences are high,” Dustin observed.

Vince hadn’t failed to notice that he had let Mia sit between them. It made him both sad and relieved at the same time, which he wasn’t sure he understood. “They’re about five foot four,” he explained.

“That’s almost as tall as I am,” Dustin commented. He sounded almost like he was in awe. “Can Xander jump that?”

“Right now? No,” Vince answered. “I’ve jumped him close to five feet, but we’d have to work up to that.”

“But he’d try,” Anna pointed out. “That horse would never refuse anything you pointed him at. He might not clear it, but he’d try his damnedest.”

He had to admit that she was right; Xander had never given him a refusal, even during training. He liked to think it was because they had a special bond, but everyone tended to think that when they had an amazing horse. Xander just trusted him enough to do everything Vince asked of him, but Vince didn’t beat him to get him to work.

“You guys could do this,” Mia said, pointing at the computer screen. “You know, compete in the Olympics.”

Vince laughed. “There’s so much work that goes into something like that, and the chances of making it are so low, it wouldn’t be worth it.”

“If you say so,” Joe said. “Someone just doesn’t want to try.”

“I don’t,” Vince lied. “It’s not for me. I’m just a casual competitor.”

“If you say so,” Anna said, repeating Joe.

Vince just shook his head. “Well, looks like we might get to watch a jump off.”

“Turn up the volume,” Mia commanded. “So we can hear what they’re saying about it.”

“It’s an old laptop, the audio sucks,” Vince replied. “I know how it goes anyway. All four members of the team ride again. The goal is just to go clear at first. If there’s still a tied score after they all ride, it’ll come down to who rode faster.”

“So they shouldn’t worry about the clock?” Anna asked.