Caged: Cellar Door Series (20 page)

              Kylee appeared in front of me, the girls I’d seen her sitting with flanking her. 

              “JD, you remember Jenn, Brie and Amber?” I nodded at them before turning a stare on Kylee. I didn’t know what her game was but I wasn’t in the mood for a high school reunion with a bunch of females who couldn’t stand me or wanted to fuck me, sometimes both and she could tell it.

              A hand pressed to my abdomen as I reached for my fresh beer causing me to look down into those big browns that could slay me. My abs flexed under her hand, the fact a t-shirt separated her skin from mine didn’t mean a damn thing, my body automatically responded to Kylee’s touch which straight was fucking with both my heads, again.

              I needed to get the hell out of there. “Hope you girl’s have a good time. Be safe getting home.” I pulled my wallet from my pocket, thumbed out enough bills to more than cover my tab and laid them on the bar, before shoving my wallet back where it’d come from.

              “See you around.” I stepped around Kylee and her friends, making my way to the back. Troy, Cam, Braden and Mason were loading their equipment into a van and I busied myself helping them. Since Matt was MIA I figured he and Ronnie were having words, hopefully not the heated angry kind.

              Finished with packing up the van, I leaned back against the fender and shook hands with all the band members making some plans to catch up again soon before going in search of Matt. I found him in the room we’d been in earlier, speaking in low tones with Ronnie, her multicolored hair swaying as she bobbed her head in agreement to something he said.

              I rapped my knuckles on the door frame getting both their attention.

              “I’m heading out. You need a ride bro?” Matt gave me a hard once over not liking what he was seeing. Fucker was damn good at getting a read on me without me even saying a word some days.

              “Nah I got one. How about you, you doing alright?” Both Ronnie and Matt were giving me another full glance over. I flipped my ball cap around so the brim was facing front, pulling it down low.

              “I’m aight. Going to crash. Holla if you end up needing me.” Matt nodded; his eyes doing another hard stare before turning back to Ronnie. I had a gut feeling he was behind the pale face Kylee had sported earlier.

              I got inside my truck and got home in record time. I got the apartment door unlocked, made it down the hall and let myself fall onto my bed. I wasn’t sure how much if any sleep I would get but it was way the fuck better than losing my shit and fucking up my fight for Friday. It would have been almost a damn guarantee I would have screwed it up with the mood I was in.

              Matt and I had stopped by OverTime Sunday and chatted Ronnie up while she worked. We purposely had gone earlier in the day, leaving before close to throw off anyone who might be watching her. Matt went by later and did a drive by her house once he was sure she was home in bed. Ray and Javier had been alternating nights with Matt when Ronnie closed doing drive bys too so that if someone was casing her, they’d get the hint. She was not alone.

              My phone had blown up Saturday night after the show to the point that even Matt had left a message asking to just let Kylee explain but I didn’t need it. Sunday I’d received text after text that only had halted when I responded with a single word, stop. Matt had kept quiet not pushing at me realizing it wouldn’t do any good.

I had trained early in the day and had been busy as hell. I didn’t need the distraction, it was hard enough keeping my head straight when my heart was so fucking bent that I was lucky the damn thing still functioned.

Monday the texts changed. Single questions like how are you? I’d respond with one word answers and then move on to what I was doing; which was training. My entire focus was on getting ready for Friday night and trying to forget a certain dark haired beauty.

Tuesday and Wednesday went the same way. Since Monday I had begun my two 3 hour sessions of MMA training daily and in between those sessions I was conditioning. Then I would do warm downs once I was done for the evening to help keep my muscles from knotting up. I was dog ass tired, was sleeping for shit and stressing my body to the max to make up for the time off due to catching the blade in my side. I’d stayed busy enough I thought I was clear, that I’d managed to close everything back up inside of me that Kylee had ripped open. At least I’d convinced myself of it.

Thursday morning, the day before my big fights, I was pulling the only MMA session I’d have for the day, letting my body rest and recoup until the actual fights on Friday night after I finished up.

At Odyssey, I was in a zone working the heavy bag that hung from the ceiling. Garret, one of my fellow students held it for me as I practiced round after round of combination punches that he called out to me randomly, trying to shake me off my game. I was catching them, landing each one even when he jostled the bag left or right to try to trip me up.

The front door opened and the hair along the back of my neck stood on end. Fucking hell what was it with my body sitting up and noticing Kylee whenever she got within 50 feet of me. I grunted, pissed off when I heard Matt talking in low tones to her as they got closer to the mat I was training on. What the hell was my boy thinking? Matt knew what I had to do and was straight fucking it up by bringing her with him.

I swung out viciously, my anger spiking that Kylee was in my space, in the one place I could always find peace. I hit the bag over and over, stopped listening to Garret and just hammered the damn thing. Garret tried to get me to stop the attack I was giving the bag, called my name after he was rocked back on his feet by the bag with a heavy punch I landed before he walked off, throwing his hands up in the air.

I refused to look in Matt or Kylee’s direction, kept banging on the bag as Matt spoke to her. “Shit, I told you I didn’t think this was a good idea Kylee.” I railed out with another potent jab, slamming my gloved hand into the bag, rocking it on its chain before spinning and piercing them both with a glare. Raising my left hand, I gripped the strap around my wrist between my teeth and jerked the Velcro free, shaking the MMA glove off to the mat before repeating the process on my right hand.

I pinned Matt with my eyes, pissed off not even close to how I was feeling as I growled out at him.“You know this is fucked up Matt. You know what this place is for me and you bring her in here knowing that I need my head in the game. Who the fuck are you for? Me or the guys on my fight card tomorrow night because you’re straight fucking sabotaging me with this shit.” I wanted to beat the hell out of something, anything. I was beyond furious and it showed.

Matt looked back at me, his green eyes meeting my blue ones steadily. “JD, the past few weeks have been a shit storm for you. Kylee coming home, your dad dying, the shit at Sam’s; all of it. I know you’re at your max bro. I get it. But if you get in the cage tomorrow night without speaking to Kylee now, you are going to self implode. I know that for fact, better than I know my own name. Seriously, it’s a conversation, a few words passed back and forth. You can manage it.”

I stormed off the mat, straight out of the front door with nothing but my fight shorts on needing air before I really lost my control. I could feel it cracking, straining to break lose. Lacing my fingers behind my head I stared at the brick wall, thinking that punching that mutha fucker right then would be a stellar idea because the pain would allow me to pull my shit back together. My head was fucked enough, I didn’t need Kylee in the flesh to inflict any more damn damage only it wasn’t my head that was truly screwed and I knew it; so did Matt apparently.

The front door pushed open, Kylee emerging from it cautiously like she was approaching a wild animal and in a way, she was. Her hand landed on my lower back as she moved further into my space. “I’m sorry JD. Please calm down.”

I spun around, her hand dropping away from me and faced her. Instead of yelling, I sounded eerily at ease, my voice low and controlled. “Calm down? You come to the one place I can be me, that I don’t get looked down at or berated at, the one place everyone here looks up to me and fuck it all up just by walking in. Why? I don’t need the sorry Kylee. Shit is what it is. I get it. I’ve always known it so you don’t need to feel guilty or whatever it is your feeling that has you showing up here. Just let it the fuck go. I don’t need this right now.”

Kylee flinched, her brown eyes staring up at me sorrowfully but she stood there, didn’t move away. “All I want is a few minutes JD. Please…” Kylee gave me those baleful browns and as mad as I was...fucking kryptonite. I sat my ass down on the bench next to the front door and plowed my hands through my hair, mad at her, more mad at Matt and even more pissed I was letting her get to me, again. I was in so deep over this woman that I couldn’t think or see straight when she was close by.

Kylee moved between my legs and placed her hands on my shoulders and my muscles jumped beneath the contact. “JD I didn’t ignore you because I was embarrassed or ashamed. I was just trying to protect myself.”

I glanced up at her through my lashes, a questioning look on my face as I dropped my arms down to my thighs sitting hunched over. “What are you saying Kylee? Because that’s not how it fucking looked at all. And what the fuck are you saving yourself from?”

If I could have stopped my hands I would have, I think. Instead my fingers curled around the backs of her bare thighs, the shorts she was sporting damn near indecent and pressed my forehead to her tank top clad abdomen.

Kylee leaned over me, her forehead meeting the crown of my head. Brave damn girl with the sweaty ass strands she was touching.

“JD, I’ve known you forever. You hate clingy, you don’t do relationships. If I didn’t put some space between us, I would have been that girl, the one that you always run from. It would have killed me to see the rejection in your face, to hear it. I got it once from you. I can’t deal with losing you again. If all we are…” Kylee’s voice hitched before she continued. “I can’t say I can do this forever but if all I have is this then I want it.”

My fingers tightened around her soft flesh to the point I had to remind myself that I might bruise her and sucked in a deep breath. She was fucking killing me. Like I would ever use her for sex and then ignore her till I needed her again. What the fuck kind of asshole did she see me as? Then again, she was probably seeing me for the asshole I was with everyone else. But Kylee was different, always had been.

I shook my head back and forth in disbelief that she still wasn’t seeing it. “It shouldn’t be this fucking hard for you to get it baby girl. It really shouldn’t.” She was never going to believe me, to have faith in me that I wanted to be different, only for her.

“I don’t understand. I’m trying to make this easy on you JD.  I think I‘ve loved you from the first day I met you but I don’t want to chase you away. You cut me out of your life once. I can’t go through it again. I know this won’t be easy, that I’ll probably end up hurt. God I know it will hurt. Please don’t push me away again. If you need space, tell me.” Kylee’s fingers tightened as she sagged towards me.

I sat up, reached out to snag her wrist and lay her palm on my chest over my heart.  “You own this. No one has ever owned it but you. How do you not fucking see how much you mean to me? It’s not a roll in the bed thing with you. It’s not a little while thing. Far from it. Fucking Christ how do you not see it?” Kylee pulled back, her eyes drilling into mine, a sheen of moisture coating her shocked dark browns.

I’d never been told by anyone that they loved me. I didn’t have those comforting words as a child. I’d lived in a world of I hate you’s and you’re a piece of shit kind of words. I wasn’t even sure I knew how to love properly. I knew how to care, how to be loyal, that I fucking knew. Matt and Kylee had always had that from me but to love; that had been a foreign language but I was getting the condensed class on it with the way that organ in my chest was reacting to Kylee’s words.

Kylee bent to brush her lips across mine and I could feel some of the cracks that had formed around my heart recently along with older ones closing up. Matt was right. She was the one that could break me, but she didn’t want to and I didn’t want to break her either, something had to fucking give and fast.

I mumbled against the soft pillows of her mouth, the words never having passed my mouth before feeling awkward but true and beyond necessary. Kylee needed to get the clear picture of what she was to me, to my life. 

“I love you baby girl. Fucking hell but I do.”

Kylee’s slender arms surrounded me, her lips crushing to mine as she held me tight to her. “I love you. As Matt says, in all your fucked up glory, I love you.”

We sat for few minutes longer, her arms holding me like she never wanted to let go.  I got the fact that I had to give her the faith I wanted her to have in me if shit was going to work out between us, it finally fucking registered clearly. If I was asking for it from her, I had to be willing to give it too.
              Matt pushed open the door, my gym bag in his hands with a goofy ass grin on his face.

“Good. Now don’t let shit get screwed up again. Kylee, ride with our boy. JD, I have your gear man. It’s time to go home. You need a shower, to eat and to relax. You have to fight tomorrow.” Matt was in his manager mode, giving all the direction on how shit was going to go and I was fine with letting him.

Kylee stepped back, wrapping her hand in mine as I stood. My attitude had turned a full 360 from the past few days and a weight I hadn’t realized was bearing down on me, was lifted.

I got her settled in the passenger seat, snagging the tank top tossed at me by Matt and pulled it on after snatching my slides he chunked at me. I got in the driver’s side of the truck, fired it up and laid my palm on the console between us; Kylee’s immediately fitting against it as she turned to look at me.

“Matt was incredible. At his performance. I forgot how great he really is.” I met her smile with one of my own. Her enthusiasm filled the entire cab of my truck.

“Yeah he really was. I think Ronnie forgave him.”

Kylee got a thoughtful look, tapping a finger on her free hand against her chin.

“I think Matt really likes Ronnie.”

“Don’t go there baby girl. I’m not disagreeing. Ronnie’s cool. But don’t push at him.”

Kylee scooted closer, frowning when her hip bumped against the console separating us. “I am not trying to push at him. I’ve just never seen him act like he does with her. Ever.” Kylee was silent for a moment more before piping back up as I drove towards the apartment. “I like her. I didn’t at first. But she really does seem nice.”

I raised a brow, my piercings absent because of training. “You do huh? She’s good people Kylee. I think she can use all the friends she can get.”

Kylee sat back pondering that before a pink stain rose over her cheeks. “I really didn’t like that you are so comfortable with her.”

I thumbed the radio down to almost silent at the steering wheel, keeping my eyes on the road but squeezing Kylee’s hand. “I am comfortable with her because she doesn’t want anything from me. She respects what I do, I respect what she does. Simple as that.”

Kylee almost beamed, her smile shining brightly as I turned into my complex and parked my truck, Matt’s car sliding into the space next to us as Kylee murmured. “Yeah, I like her.”

I was still laughing when I got out of my truck, Kylee hopping down and shutting her door at the same time I shut mine. Matt got out of his car and looked over at both of us, clearly baffled.

“What?” Matt was a whole lot confused.

I shook my head as we walked to our door and made our way inside. “Nothing man. Just that Kylee likes Ronnie. Watch out bro.” Matt visibly paled before pulling it back together acting extra nonchalant; he knew Kylee as well as I did.

“What’s not to like? She’s a cool girl.”

I walked past him towards the bathroom.“That she is.”

I took a heated shower, letting the hot water work at my muscles thinking if I made it pro, I was getting a house that had a shower with multiple shower heads. The water was easing all the tension that had been built up over the past few days of training but the idea of having Kylee in one of those showers was getting me worked up in a whole other way.