California Woman (Daughters of the Whirlwind Book 1) (18 page)

South
Fork Cabin

March 1, 1848

Dearest Alex, I know it will seem strange, should you ever read
these pages, to see that I have taken to writing them somewhat in the form of
letters to you. Letters I will never send, letters that you will only read
after I am dead and gone, having previously arranged for this journal to be
delivered into your hands. Somehow, the notion of sharing what has happened to
me, both bad and good, is a comfort in the midst of my decision to maintain my
new identity and let you begin a new life. I must not, CANNOT allow you to
become enmeshed in what will eventually unfold in mine. At the same time, I
hope it will be possible for you to read these scribblings (you will
undoubtedly outlive me!), so that you will not only understand why I have done
what I have done, but so that, in a way, you will have been with me during all
of it.

I wish you could be here in body as well as spirit, but that is
no longer possible. What is possible is that you will one day be privy to
EVERYTHING. I will attempt, as I continue to write, to be open about even my
innermost thoughts. Normally we all conceal our little secrets, even husbands
and wives. It will be small consolation to either of us, but I vow to record in
these pages even those things I would not tell another soul, not even you, if
we were still together. In that way you will know me, in a sense will have
lived with me, more fully and in more important ways than if we had slept in
the same bed together for however many years are left me.

For the first time since learning of the discovery of gold at
Sutter's sawmill near Coloma in late January, my mind is clear and things have
finally come into focus. Three elements made for such prolonged confusion. The
find itself—by Sutter's partner, James Marshall—would be enough to make anyone
giddy. But concern about what the discovery portends for Miwokan and his people
adds to my disorientation. Compounding it all, my mind has been pulled one way
and another by conflicting interests. I do care deeply about the welfare of the
Indians, and do not relish being a part of anything that might harm them, but I
have also come to realize what the gold could mean to me in achieving the thing
that matters most to me now: Mosby's undoing. I think I have found a way to
reconcile the two.

Although I was prepared for it to happen eventually, I was
stunned when Sutter visited me in mid-February and told me of the discovery.
Marshall and his men were working on the tailrace of the mill and he literally
stooped down and picked up "something shining in the bottom of the
ditch." At first none of them believed it was gold, but Marshall took the
stone, and several others, to Sutter at the fort, and tests confirmed their
value.

Ironically, Sutter suggested that I enlist some of Miwokan's
tribesmen and pan for gold here. "It is your property," he said.
"If there is gold near Coloma, possibly it is in these parts as
well." He asked me to keep it a "secret," which I have! Thought
better of telling him I had already found the metal here, at least until I
speak to Miwokan tomorrow.

Oh, Alex, my strength and my wits have returned to normal, but I
tremble thinking of what the meeting with Miwokan means to me. I MUST convince
him, persuade him to help me pan for the gold! In my weakness and
disorientation last year, in my preoccupation with the birth of the child, and
during the aftermath of the bear attack, I wavered in my resolve about the man
who dishonored me and caused the death of our son. I knew I wanted to settle
the score with him somehow, someday. But I had neither the strength nor the
wits nor even the beginnings of wherewithal to do such a thing. I had no plan,
and still I do not. But I know that gold will mean money, and money will mean
power—the extraordinary power a woman alone in these times would need to make a
man like Mosby pay for what he has done. I must have it, Alex. I MUST have it.
To trace him, keep track of him, and then, when the time is right, to formulate
a plan, trap him, and have my revenge!

Dearest husband, I know what these words must sound like to you.
You would not recognize them as the pennings of your young, God-fearing wife. I
am that young girl no longer, no matter what my age may be. Often, when I hear
that sweet girl's voice within me, quaking at the prospect of eternal damnation
for even thinking of harming another human being, I wish that things were
different. Oh, how I wish the sickness had not held me at Bent's Fort. That we
had journeyed to California together, and that I was in Monterey in your strong
arms at this very moment. That John Alexander were alive and well. But he is
not. And I can no longer be with you. For I am no longer Elizabeth Purdy Todd.

Forgive me, Alex, for what it is in Esther Cable's mind to do.
Forgive me for denying you what small comfort my presence might mean to you. I
long to hold you. I do not ever lay my head to rest without feeling the absence
of you in my bed. Forgive me for the decision to forego a life together. But
things are as they are. And I must do what I must do. I will not rest. I will
not "let the sun take me back," as the Indians would say, until I
have accomplished what I hope to set in motion tomorrow, no matter how long it
takes.

Dear God, please understand. The Lord smiteth the wicked
himself. How I wish I could share this with you now, dear husband, and know
that you understand and forgive me as well.

Thoughts of Mosby and what the gold might
mean to her filled Esther's mind as she rode through melting snow toward the
Indian village just after sunrise. She carried the baby boy in a makeshift
sling on her back.
Solana
was
waiting for her at the central hut when she arrived, but Miwokan and his horse
were gone. The Indian woman wore a slight frown.

"He waits for you by the waterfall.
He knows what you wish to speak of." Beyond
Solana,
a half-dozen women sat repairing nets and
weirs. Otherwise the village was unusually quiet, and the older men were
nowhere to be seen.

"He has heard, then, of what is
happening at Coloma?"

Solana
laughed.
"We have known since the day Marshall picked up the stones in the tailrace
of Sutter's mill."

"And Miwokan? How does he feel about
it?"

"You will have to hear his words
yourself,"
Solana
said,
turning and starting into the hut. She stopped just inside and turned back, her
expression softening. "Leave the child here while you speak with your
sunbrother."

As
Solana
took the baby, gazed at it, and broke
into a loving smile, Esther realized how uncharacteristically cool the Indian
woman had been to her. Steeling herself for resistance, she wheeled her horse
around and cantered toward the river.

Miwokan sat watching the water rush out
from under the softening ice at the lip of the fall as Esther reined the horse
up and dismounted. A dozen of the older braves in the village sat around him in
a semicircle, smoking several long pipes and whispering to one another. Miwokan
glanced at her as she approached, then went back to his musings. She brushed
the snow off a low, flat rock and sat down to wait. The elders grew silent as
Miwokan gazed at the tumbling white water for a full five minutes. The sound of
it filled Esther's ears and calmed her.
No matter what he says,
she
thought
, I must convince him. It is too important to allow him to stand
between me and the wealth I will need to bring Mosby down. If he refuses…

"Why do you wish to dirty your
hands?" Miwokan suddenly said, interrupting her thoughts. The elders
nodded in approval. "Do you not believe what I have told you about the
gold and all those who worship it? Was this not proven to you?"

"Miwokan. Sunbrother. I do not
worship the gold. I need it."

"For what?"

"There are many reasons. Some I
cannot tell you. But it is enough for you to know that a woman alone must have
the means to support herself."

"A husband could do that."

"I do not want a
husband!"

The elders recoiled at the sharpness of
her voice. Miwokan stared at her, his face expressionless.

"I did not mean to speak
harshly," she said. "But I cannot seem to make you understand."

"I understand more than you
know." He looked away as a chunk of ice became dislodged, fell, and sent a
spray of sunlit water across the base of the fall. "I understand that
something has happened that makes you hate the thought of being with a man. I
think it has to do with the child and its father."

"That may be," she said,
uncomfortable with the tack he was taking.

"And it is foolish. One thieving
priest does not mean that the whole church is evil."

"I do not hate all men."

"Only one?" he asked. The
elders leaned forward.

She hesitated. She felt outnumbered, her
privacy unfairly breached. Their eyes seemed to bore holes in her forehead.
They
know, she thought.
Somehow they know everything.
Then she realized it
was the only thing that might persuade Miwokan. "Yes," she finally
said.

"Who is this man? If he has wronged
you, we will find him and make him pay."

"What is done to him I must do
myself."

The elders looked at one another in
astonishment. A woman did not speak this way, let alone set out on such a
course. Miwokan's brother shook his head disapprovingly.

"And I cannot do it without
money," she added quickly. "Do you understand?"

"How do you know the gold you find
will be enough?"

"i
don't. It is a gamble I have to take."

"I will not help you, then. I know
what gold, as well as revenge, do to the human heart."

Esther tossed her head in frustration.
"If you do not help me, I will have to hire white men. They will come here
and change everything."

"You would do that?" Miwokan
was off balance. He had not counted on such determination, defiance. The elders
murmured and shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, but I would have to. I
would rather you and your people worked with me. That way the legend would not
come true. That way you would share with me, your tribe would be strong in a
different way than it is now. Much stronger, in fact. It would not be the end
of your people, but a new beginning."

"How can that be?"

"Men are mining near Coloma. Sooner
or later, they will come here to search for gold. If no one has staked a claim,
they will simply move in, and your people will be driven off."

"We will fight them," Miwokan
said. "These are our lands. This has been our place forever." The
elders nodded uneasily.

"Don't you understand? They have
better weapons! There will be more of them than you! If you have the gold, you
can buy weapons to protect yourselves. You can be equal to them in other ways
also. In time there will be change. Just as there was change when your people
came across the islands of snow and ice. The life of your people must have been
different on the far side of the great water. To make it better, you traveled
thousands of miles."

"What you say is true. But those
changes did not have to do with gold."

 "It is time for change again,
Sunbrother. This time the gold will help you make a better life, now that the
white men are here. As long as you continue to worship the sun, love one
another as you do, and stay together, the gold will not be the end of you.
Can't you see?"

"I know that you have great wisdom
for a woman. But you are too young to know what will happen. Even I do not know
that."

"Listen to me. I have read of these
things. The new people, the whites, will move in and take your place if they
have the gold and you do not."

"You are certain of that?"

"Yes. In other times, it was not
gold. Something else, spears, gunpowder, arrows, something, made the new people
stronger than those who were there before them. This time it is the gold that
will make the difference."

He thought for a moment. "If you
hired the white men,
you
would be making them stronger."

"I don't want to do that. That is
why I have come to you."

"But you would do it if I
refuse?"

"I have no choice. I
must
obtain the money I need."

"Will you tell me more about this
man you hate so much?"

"He has dishonored me, and I must
make him pay for it." She wanted to reveal more but could not. She saw
they still were not satisfied with her response. Reluctantly she resorted to
turning their beliefs about her to advantage. " This is why the sun helped
me walk across the mountains in the deep snow."

Miwokan turned to the elders and saw they
were moved by what she had said. He felt himself swayed by the power of her
determination, and the sun
had
protected her, aided her in her mission.
"These words are strong. They bend my mind toward your wishes."

"Then you will help me? You and your
people will join me in the work?"

"I
did not say that. The legend also stands strong in my thoughts. Let me reason
this out," Miwokan said, waving his hand as she began to protest.
"You have told me what you believe. And the sun is with you or you would
not have lived. I must think of a way to do this thing without offending the
sun. I will try. Leave me now, and I will talk with you again about it
tomorrow."

At noon the next day Miwokan arrived at
the cabin with a dozen young braves. Each of them carried a shallow woven
basket and a crude, wooden-handled stone hacking tool.

"There is a way to do this
thing," Miwokan said after she had asked him in and they were sitting at
her table. "We will work
for
you. Not with you. For wages. Just as
we have for Sutter."

"But I wish to share what we find. I
want you and your people to benefit."

"Can you—how is it said?—stake a
claim here and on the river near the village as well?"

"I don't know. I think so. I will
have to look into it."

"If you cannot, there is another
way. Once or twice in
Alta
California,
the Spanish and the Mexicans paid to use the lands of my people. They… leased
it. Such a thing has not been often done. But it might work for us."

"I would use the land, pay you for
the use, but you would own it?"

"Yes, it would be a way to stop the
legend from being fulfilled. For I can see no way harm could come to us from
the gold if we were simply working for you. You would gain what you want, we
would not be seeking the gold for ourselves, and we would not have other whites
here."

"But why not share in the profits
with me? That would make you stronger."

"That is the part of it we cannot do
without risking the anger of the sun. If we dig not for ourselves but for
another, we are simply working at a new thing. It is no different from working
in the wheatfields for Sutter."

"Is there no way I can persuade you
to take some of the gold for yourselves?"

"No. You will pay my people the same
wage Sutter pays us. I will watch over the work and receive a small amount
more. I will be… the boss."

Esther laughed. "The chief
boss…" She reached out and touched Miwokan's hand. "Would the sun be
angry if I paid you more than Sutter? After all, it is harder work. And the
water is cold."

"We have been in the water forever.
It does not bother us. But wait until the white men are in it. They will find
it not easy to work the riverbeds for long."

"You think they will go away?"

"No. They will want the gold as you
do. For reasons not as good, but just as much. They will suffer in the getting
of it. From the icy waters and in many other ways."

"I want to pay you twice as much as
Sutter."

"That is too much. I do not want to
tempt the sun to punish us."

"Your people cannot work all year at
it. The snow and ice will stop the work every winter."

"That is true."

"Twice as much, then?"

"One and a half of one,"
Miwokan said.

"Done. But twice as much for the
chief boss."

He smiled then, but only halfheartedly.
Normally his sense of humor would have had him grinning broadly, and Esther
finally realized how much he had yielded simply to please her. "We will
start now," he said. "It is a simple thing when the stones are close
to the surface. Later, when those are gone, it will be more difficult."

"I will pay you and your men in
gold. Is that all right?"

"It does not matter to me. However
and whenever you wish. I ask only one thing of you, Sunsister."

"Anything," she said, already
feeling a surge of desire to get started, to begin taking the first steps
toward the day of her vengeance.

"Sunsister, I ask only that we do
not touch any of the gold under the waterfall. And that you speak of that gold
to no one."

"Of course."

"There is enough in other parts of
the river to give you more than you will need."

"I will never tell a soul about
it."

"Do not be afraid," he said as
he slipped the long knife out of its sheath and took hold of her hand.
"This is our way of sealing all we have agreed to. It is a swearing."
Interlocking his fingers in hers, he pressed their palms together and quickly,
lightly, sliced skin deep across the soft flesh at the base of their thumbs.

She felt faint for a moment as she
watched the blood emerge from each of their hands, trickle, down and then
commingle inside their tightly pressed wrists. But then, suddenly, in her mind
she saw the knife in her own hand and the flesh beneath it was Mosby's and the
cut was long and inches deep and the blood was gushing out of it—and she smiled
with clearheaded, almost frightening satisfaction.