Call Me Cat (13 page)

CLASSES STARTED THE
next day, and I went to my 7 a.m. lecture bleary-eyed after staying up all night re-reading my mother's book. I learned nothing new about her work, though, and she'd apparently left no notes about her sequel. I'd talked to Detective Gray and he reviewed the case notes. They had interviewed everyone she knew at the time and looked through her house and office, but hadn't found anything about the new book she'd planned on.

By 10 a
.m., after three hours of lectures, I was ready for my coffee date with Jon, if for no other reason than to get a much-needed shot of caffeine. I called him. "You there yet?"

"Who is this?"

"Catelyn."

"Oh, sorry. You sound different on the phone. Yes, I'm there. See you soon."
He was leaning against a tree when I arrived, clothes meticulous, hair arranged neatly, like a Ken doll. So different from the wildness of Ash.

Just thinking about the tall
, dark and handsome older brother made my stomach clench. I hadn't heard from him as Cat or Catelyn since our night in Greece.

Lucky smiled his crooked smile and made me my coffee without asking
, while Jon and I sat at a two-person iron table under a tree that still clung to the last snowfall.

"How are you, Catelyn?
" asked Jon. "You look tired."

I sipped my coffee, sighing as the heat burned down my throat and into my st
omach. "Lots of studying. How were your classes today? You must be excited to graduate after this semester."

"I am. I'll be spending every waking moment studying for the
bar exam, of course."

"Yeah, that's going to be tons of fun. Are you worried?" We'd all heard the stories of people spending years in law school studying their asses off only to fail the
bar over and over. It was our collective worst nightmare.

"Not too much. I think I'll do okay with the way my dad's pushing me."

I shivered as a cold wind blew through us, pullin
g
my coat tighter around me. "It was nice meeting your dad at the party. How is he?"

He gave me an odd look. "He's fine. Same as always."

I tried to keep my voice casual. "And Ash? He must be shaken after that night."

Now Jon frowned. "I don't see my brother much. We mingle in very different circles."

"What kind of circles does Ash 'mingle' in?"

Something built behind Jon's eyes and his normally friendly demeanor hardened. "Did you only agree to meet me for coffee to ask about my brother?"

I blushed, ashamed at being caught. "No, of course not. I was just making small talk."

"I saw how you led him on that night at the party, only to reject him later. What game are you playing
at? Cat and Mouse? Seeing which one of us you want more?"

Now my face turned hard and I stood, tossing my empty coffee cup in the trash. "That's out of line. As I reminded your brother, I'm not a toy in some twisted g
ame. Nor am I the prize. I have to get to class," I said, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. "Thanks for the coffee."

I turned just as Jon punched the table, and
I jumped at the sound. He walked away with long strides, his shoulders set like granite.

Guess Ash isn't the only Davenport with a temper.

BRIDGETTE AND I
worked out an agreement for my work. I'd take my calls late at night, while she slept, and she'd sleep with headphones and music on. It wasn't ideal, and I was a zombie during the day, but it was the only thing we could think of.

Ash called that night, as if he could sense my need to talk to him. Or maybe his brother brought up my coffee
non-date, and he needed Cat to keep his mind off of Catelyn.

It didn't seem to matter to my heart, because it still skipped a beat when I heard his voice.

"Hi, Cat."

I wanted him to call me Catelyn, and cringed when I heard my phone sex name. This wasn't who I wanted to be, especially not with him. I didn't mind the sex. Well, to be honest, I looked forward to it. But I didn't like him thinking I did this with him as a job. And I didn't want him knowing Catelyn did this for a living, either.

Oh, the tangled webs. "Ash, it's good to hear your voice again."

I detected a slight smile in his voice as he asked, "Did you miss me?"

"Yes," I confessed. But dammit, the more I let Cat get close to him, the further I pushed Catelyn out of his mind.

"How would you like to go to Bali with me tonight?"

Did he mean for real, like, that's where he wanted to meet? Or in the same way we went to Greece? "Um… "

He laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kidnap you. For now, I'll settle for the phone trip."

"I've never been. Do you want to start?" I settled into my dorm bed, under the covers, spreading my legs and slipping my hand down my panties as I imagined him in the room with me, his hard body pressed against my soft curves.

"We'll go to Ubud," he said, his voice getting low. "It's a little town in central Bali and there's a hotel nestled in the heart of the rainforest preserve. A warm breeze blows through our room, scattering the tropical flowers laid out on the bed. We're dipping our toes into the private cascading pool that overlooks the jungles. In the distance, monkeys chatter in the coconut palms and we can hear the fast-flowing Ayung River toppling down waterfalls."

I closed my eyes and imagined it all as he continued.

"In the gardens are cocoa and coffee trees blended with bamboo, flame trees and orchids to give us our own tropical paradise. Everything is lush and full of color, the water warm on our feet."

"You might be better at my job than I am," I joked, then immediately regretted spoiling the mood, so I picked up where he left off. "I slip into the water, letting my white cotton sundress soak through, clinging to me until it's a see-through second skin. You can see the white lace bra and panties I'm wearing, and you pull off your clothes and join me in the water. With one hand you trace my hard nipples through the cloth, using the other to run your fingers through my hair."

"I grip your dress at the bodice and tear it off you until you're left in just the bra and panties."

My heart raced as I imagined him tearing my clothes off my body.

"I suck one nipple through the lace as I tease your pussy with my fingers, rubbing through the flimsy fabric, but not quite hard enough to give you real satisfaction."

I teased myself with my finger, imagining it was his, as I took over the narrative. "I drop to my knees in the water, using the steps to prop myself as I lick the tip of your cock, returning the tease. I take one of your balls in my mouth and suck as I stroke your shaft with my hand, looking up at you as I do. Then I use my tongue to trace a line up your shaft and around the head, paying extra attention to your most sensitive spots, using light strokes of my tongue to make you desperate."

"O
h,
Cat, yes." I could hear him playing with himself. "But I can't take it anymore. I push my cock deeper into your mouth, and you suck harder and more deeply, taking so much of me in I can barely contain myself."

"I make you come
down my throat," I said, "licking up the salty explosion as you release into me."

"But you keep sucking," he said. "And I'm still hard. I turn you around, pressing you against the edge of the pool, water flowing over us as I rip off your bra and panties, and with the waterfalls and monkeys and ancient Hindi temple as our backdrop, I shove myself into you, using my hands to stimulate your nipples and
clit as I fuck you from behind."

"Your cock is huge," I said, imagining the warm breeze on my exposed body, the sheer vastness of the jungle around us as
he pounds into me. "I can barely take you all in, but you stretch me and push until I do. The pressure builds in us both, like a volcano about to explode."

"I pull your hair as I shove one last time into you," he said. "And with that thrust, we both come, ripples of heat washing over us. You scream my name, setting off screams in the monkeys as they share in the magic of this moment. Once we are both spent, we collapse on the floating bed in the pool and I hold you in my arms, stroking your hair and kissing you as we let the warm air settle around us, the sounds of the jungle full of the wild abandon we just shared."

We both came just as he said, images of Bali in our minds. And as my body relaxed, sinking into my bed, I wished more than ever it wasn't a phone I was holding but him.

This double life had to end. I couldn't live like this anymore.

"Cat, I need you. Have you given any thought to my proposal? If it's about work, I can pay you."

"God
, no, I'm not a hooker!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. I just didn't want you to think I was trying to get something for nothing. I just want to meet you."

"Okay. We can meet."

"Really?"

"Yes. It's time." It was past time.

I WAS PUTTING
up a poster of Bali when Bridgette came back from class. She looked quizzically at it, and then laughed. "These are about Ash, aren't they?"

I nodded my head in meek confession.

"Do I even want to know?"

"No."

"Okay then. So, what's happening with loverboy, anyway?"

I sat on my bed and shrugged. "Nothing much. I'm just meeting him in person as Cat, in order to expose myself as Catelyn."

She shrieked. "What? Oh my God, that's huge! And about damn time, too! When? We need to go shopping for the perfect dress!"

"Tomorrow night. We're meeting at a restaurant in town. Imagine how surprised we were to discover we lived near each other!"

"Ha! Right! Okay, we have to go tonight. Studying can wait. Let's go." She pulled me from my bed and handed me my purse and jacket. "Time's a-wasting."

That night I got waxed, plucked, polished,
and buffed, and obtaine
d
a new dress that would, according to Bridgette, make him forget everything but his "immediate need to fuck me."

As we sipped coffee, bags spread around us, I stared aimlessly at the scenery.

Moonbeams danced on crystal flakes of snow and ice still clinging to the trees. The nearly full moon reflected off the street like something full of dreams and magic.

"If he doesn't hate me, if he can forgive me for lying to him, then we will have sex. I will have real
,liv
e,
i
n-
person, bo
d
y
-
o
n-
body sex for the first time. I'm nervous, Brig."

"Don't be." She blew into her coffee and sipped. "Once the initial sting is over, it's the most amazing thing ever with a guy who knows what he's doing, and I'm sure Ash does."

"Not about the pain. About the emotions. I'm already ridiculously in love with this guy, and we've only ever had phone sex. How will it be when we are finally together for real? What if this isn't as serious for him as it is for me?" God, I sounded like such a girl.

"Ash is clearly serious about you."

"Maybe. But Cat or Catelyn? I just want to be seen, you know? For someone to look into my soul, for someone to see into the darkest parts of who I am, and to love and accept all those parts, unconditionally. We all crave that witness, that other to see us and bear witness to our lives, as we witness theirs. That shared journey seems more significant now than I ever thought it would be. But he doesn't see me, not really. He sees two separate girls."

"Has it occurred to you," she asked, "that the Cat you are when you're with him
is
a part of the real you? That he sees Catelyn
and
Cat, and because he sees both, he's seeing more of the real you than you've ever showed anyone else?"

I COULD HAVE
swallowed a beehive full of angry bees and my stomach would have been more relaxed than it was right now. My dress, which had felt like wearing clouds the night before, now felt like wearing sandpaper. I could swear my shoes had shrunk overnight. My mascara wanted to mark every part of my face except my eyelashes.

Finally Bridgette banned me from my make-up and took over, doing my hair in a
French twist with curly ringlets around my face. She gave my eyes a sexy, smoky look, and polished my lips to match my nails—fuck-me-red.

The black spaghett
i-
strap dress clung to me like a second skin. I breathed deeply, terrified I was making the biggest mistake of my life, but knowing that I had to do this. I couldn't lie to him anymore.

Bridgette hugged me and dropped her car keys into my hand. "Be safe. Call me if you need me. And have fun!" She winked and then shoved me out the door with my winter coat and purse.

I was grateful for the coat. At least I didn't look as underdressed as I felt.

The drive t
o the restaurant took too long and ended too soon. Time played tricks on me, and my sweaty hands left prints on the steering wheel.

What would he say when he saw me? Would he freak out? Would he be disappointed that I was there to ruin his date with Cat? Would he be happy to know the two women in his life were one and the same? I played through every scenario in my head of what could happen tonight, and most of them ended badly for us both.

Parking near the restaurant was nonexistent, and I walked a few blocks in impossibly high heels, arriving out of breath. Standing outside, I opened my coat and let the chill of winter air cool my body and calm my mind. I remembered as a child I loved sucking on a peppermint candy and riding my bike really fast, breathing in the cool air, to capture the feeling I had right then. The smell of peppermint and cold reminded me of this, of winter, and a sleeping world with a secret life growing under it, waiting for spring to come. And now, also of Ash, of the way his mouth tasted when he kissed me. And in that there is also something sleeping, something secret waiting to come alive once the snow melts.

Through the windows of the restaurant, Ash sat in a corner booth staring at the candle flickering on the table. I could see him, but he couldn't see me, or hadn't looked up to notice. He was expecting Cat, a girl he thought he knew. A girl he thought he could trust. And he was about to get Catelyn, a girl he didn't want. A girl
who made him feel like a monster.

A tear trickled down my cold cheek. I thought I only had one choice in this situation—to tell him the truth and suffer whatever
fallout came.

But I realized in that moment there was another choice. A harder choice, but in some ways easier, or maybe better.

I could make Cat disappear. If she broke up with him, maybe he'd be willing to give Catelyn another chance. Maybe he'd see that she was the woman he needed. Because for all Bridgette's words, I couldn't accept that Cat was a part of me. She was an act, a role I played for money. I couldn't be her, because to be her meant I didn't know myself at all anymore. It meant I'd become someone I couldn't admit to myself, let alone other people.

I dug through my purse and found a pen and a paper. Scribbling a note, I chose my words carefully, then handed it and some cash to the valet and asked if he'd deliver it. He agreed, slipping into the restaurant, a blast of heated air making me shiver harder.

Placing my hand on the window, I drew a heart around the man sitting alone at the table. "I'm sorry, Ash. But you have to let go of her. She's not real. She never was."

And then I turned and walked away.