Camo Girl (16 page)

That's when I realize he knows. Tonight isn't just another night. Tomorrow won't be just another day. It's the beginning of the end of something. Something amazing and special that we share. After this the world tilts back toward ordinary, and what kind of a life will that be?

“Zachariah,” I say, taking his frenzied hand. “Everything's about to get so much better.”

“Better,” he repeats. “Better, better, better . . .”

A chill breeze stirs the leaves, swirling around us as if conjured by Z's mumbled chant. We shiver, not dressed for the night. Z lies down and tucks into a ball.

“We can't sleep here,” Millie says. “We don't have our sleeping bags.”

“Yeah.”

But Z's busy cozying himself among the pillows.

“Brave knight,” I say. “The fair lady Millicent must return to her castle, across the cold dark plain. Not a safe journey to make alone.”

Z's eyelids flutter sleepily, but he can't resist the call. “I will escort her, milady.”

We descend one by one, and I walk with them to Millie's
back door. I want to grab Z and hug him, but he would protest. So I curtsy.

“Good night, Sir Zachariah.”

“Good night,” he murmurs. “Good night, fair Ellie-nor.”

I wonder if he knows good night really means good-bye. Good-bye for now, anyway. I touch the screen as the door closes behind Z.

I want to see him the rest of the way, but I can't. He needs something else now, something more than what I can give. And I love him enough to let him go.

 

I
wake in the morning, knowing what i have to
do. Today must be the final ride of the Lady Eleanor.

I glance at the photo of Daddy, like I do every day. His smile gives me courage like nothing else could. It's Year Four, Day One, and I am ready.

I slide my toes out from under the covers, feeling for the golden stirrups that await me. I mount my steed with casual elegance, tossing back my unruly mane of glorious curls. I gallop around the room for a minute, getting a feel for things.

I've decided there has to be a certain amount of ceremony to it. After all, I've lived with Lady Eleanor off and on for three years, and every day of the past year she's made an appearance. It's not super easy to put all that aside.

I pause before entering the hallway. It's hard to imagine a world without Z, which is where I'm going to be living for a while. Maybe forever, because when he comes back, he'll be his real self. I have to be ready.

The trusty horse carries me, eyes wide open, into the bathroom. In front of the mirror I dismount, with a flourish. I take a deep breath, let the cape fall away, and stare into the face of me, Ella.

I step close and closer, lean across the counter to get a good look.

This is my face forever.

This is the face I'll be wearing when I walk to the bus stop. The face I'll be wearing when I finally get to eat lunch with Millie and her friends. The face I'll wear to meet Bailey at the basketball hoop, whenever his grounding is over. The face that Z will be looking for when he finally comes home.

I thought it was easier to close my eyes. To make believe that hiding would make it all better. The truth is, there's no way to hide. Bailey knows what I look like, and Millie, and Z. They like me anyway.

I stare at myself hard and harder, but blinking gets in the way. Every time I come back, I see something different. I see light brown, dark brown. I see ugly. I see camo. I see eyes, nose, mouth. I see blotches. Camo. Brown. Ugly. Eyes.
Camo. Mouth. There . . . something else . . . just for a second. I try to get it back, but I can't.

I lean away, reaching for my toothbrush, still looking. Always looking. Ella, the girl in the mirror. Camo. Brown. Skin. Face. That other thing, that elusive thing, it comes and goes, still trying to come out of hiding.

“Anyone who can see will see you beautiful,”
Mom always says. Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to see.

 

ALSO BY KEKLA MAGOON

the rock and the river

ALA Best Books for Young Adults

ALA Coretta Scott King/John Steptoe Award for New Talent

ALA Notable Children's Book

Bank Street College of Education Best Children's Book of the Year

Capitol Choices List (DC)

CCBC Choices (Cooperative Children's Book Council)

I
am grateful for the depth of support and
encouragement I receive in my life and in my work from a wide range of people and communities:

My parents, who continue to believe in me no matter what, and my brother, who always lets me sit at his table, even though he's so much cooler than me.

My Champagne Sisters, for their advice and for their friendship: Bethany Hegedus, Laurie Calkhoven, Josanne LaValley, and Vivian Fernandez.

The women of my Writers' Group for their constant support and invaluable feedback: Susan Amesse, Diana Childress, Barbara Ensor, Catherine Stine, and Vicki Wittenstein.

The faculty, alumni, and students of the Vermont College of Fine Arts who continue to support me and my work, especially Tami Lewis Brown, Carrie Jones, Leda Schubert, Sarah Sullivan, Cynthia Leitich Smith, and Rita Williams-Garcia.

My agent, Michelle Humphrey, for bringing me to the next level and for introducing me to the greatest cupcakes on earth.

My editor, Kate Angelella, and all the folks at Aladdin/Simon & Schuster who help transform my manuscripts to hardcovers and my ideas to reality.

Thanks to you all!