Can I Wear My Nose Ring to the Interview?: A Crash Course in Finding, Landing, and Keeping Your First Real Job (5 page)

Q. I hate failure and rejection. I don’t want to call people and risk being rejected. I just want to curl up in a ball!

A.
Nobody likes rejection, but I want you to learn to embrace it rather than fear it. If an employer rejects you, it’s likely that her job wasn’t the right one for you. You have been spared so you can move on to find the right situation.

Let’s imagine the worst-case scenario. You call someone and he shouts, “WHAT? I can’t believe you’re calling to ask for my help. I’m busy, I don’t even know you, and you’re probably an idiot!” Okay, that would not feel good … Frankly, though, I’ve never, ever heard of such an outcome.

A more reasonable scenario: You e-mail someone to ask for advice and you get no answer. You try one more time, and then you forget about it. How terrible was that? Of course, you might start sabotaging yourself by inventing some special rejection scenario—your lack of experience sent the recipient into hysterics, and
that’s
why you didn’t get a response. Unlikely.

Don’t waste your time trying to read other people’s minds. If you don’t hear back from someone after trying twice, move on! I once didn’t hear back from someone I was sure would be willing to speak with a young job-hunter, and decided she had forgotten me or deemed my request inappropriate. Some months later, she apologized profusely: She had been grappling with a death in the family and a major health problem of her own. There was good reason for her silence.

Your network consists of a wide range of people, some of whom you know well, and others who are quite distant but with whom you have something in common: an interest, an experience, or a mutual acquaintance. Most of these people are right under your nose; you just haven’t thought of them in relation to your search.

It’s important to find people who work in or around the industry in which you’re looking; but you never know who might be in someone else’s network, so don’t make hasty assumptions and dismiss people out of hand.

As you read through the following lists of likely networking sources, write down every name you can think of in each category, then begin to gather contact information.

Your network includes people from:

Places you’ve lived.
Your hometown and anywhere you’ve lived in the past, no matter how seemingly disconnected from where you live now. Even if you are looking within a specific geographical area, people outside of it may be able to unearth contacts where you are or want to be.

Schools you’ve attended.
Elementary, middle, and high school; college and grad school. Schools may have alumni networks, career advisory networks, class notes, career panels, and online resources. But also think about students and faculty you knew there; might any of them have connections in the field to which you’re aspiring?

Workplaces.
Anywhere you, your friends, or members of your family have worked, interned, or volunteered. Think not only about former coworkers you knew well; it’s never too late to reach out to someone you missed an opportunity to connect with—“I used to work in the PR Department and I’m interested in pursuing a career in your area; would you have time for a brief informational interview?” Same goes for people hired after your departure.

Religious and other community groups.
Places of worship are filled with people of all ages and professions.

Family members and friends.
Don’t overlook your immediate and extended family and friends; sometimes the people right under your nose are the easiest to forget because you see them all the time. Include them in the process.

Activities and hobbies.
Think about the way you spend your time and the various activities, organized or more casual, with which you’ve been involved: the gym, yoga, sports, book clubs, theater, singing groups, and so on. Even if your career interests have little to do with your hobbies, you might find a connection there. (Perhaps the leader of your church choir is a lawyer in a firm you’re applying to….)

Your daily path.
Be open to talking to people you see regularly in everyday life—at the coffee shop, waiting for the bus or train, at your hair salon, dentist, or doctor’s office. You have no idea who knows whom. Mention that you’re looking for a job in such-and-such industry,
and you’ll be surprised at how often someone will say, “Oh, I have a friend who …”

Random acquaintances.
All of this also goes for strangers with whom you might strike up a conversation. The passenger sitting next to you on a bus, plane, or train; people waiting in line at the supermarket, the movie theater, or a restaurant.

Your references.
People often overlook their own list of references as a valuable networking resource. When you’re asking for a reference (see
chapter 5
), why not add a line that says, “If you know of anyone I should speak with in this field, please let me know.” Unless you ask explicitly, your recommender will remain in passive mode, waiting to be contacted by a prospective employer—not thinking about activating her network on your behalf. But if you ask, you may hear, “Oh, yes, my son-in-law is an engineer in Oklahoma; please feel free to give him a call.”