Carry You Home (Carry Your Heart #2) (60 page)

It shouldn't have even started in the first place because the man in front of me was a weakness. As much as I wanted to attribute everything that had gone wrong in my life to Caleb, the only one really to blame was me. My choices had brought me to this. I never should've invited him out to the swing-set with me. Never should've kissed him. Never should've agreed to spend the night with him. Everything just escalated from there and spun completely out of control.

Well, it was time to grab hold of that control and put my foot down.

I charged right for him, smirking at the way Caleb's eyebrows danced up his forehead in surprise. He didn't get to come and go from my life whenever he felt like it and he didn't get to suddenly decide to give a shit just because I'd pulled the plug on whatever it was we'd been doing the last couple of days.

"Hey," I called out sharply. "What do you think you're doing?"

That lazy, unbelievably sexy, crooked grin curved his lips and I was somewhere in between grabbing him by the collar to jump him and punching him in the face.

"What does it look like?" Caleb shot back easily and rocked back on in the chair as he gestured to the yard with his head. "I'm mowing the lawn."

"No, you're not."

"Oh, yes I am."

I blew out a shaky breath, balling my fists up at my thighs. This route clearly wasn't the way to go. We weren't kids anymore and we could handle this like the mature adults we were, couldn't we?

"Caleb," I tried again, slowly and a little gentler this time. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I don't need you doing all this stuff here at the house. You've got more important things to worry about right now like getting your shop back in order. I can pay someone to do all this. Just go home, okay?"

The hard shift in his cerulean eyes told me I'd probably just made things worse.

"I'm not going anywhere, Iz," Caleb informed me pointedly. "At least not anywhere you're not."

"Come on," I tried again, flailing my arms out in front of my in a weak attempt to keep him at bay. "Nobody likes having to do all this kinda stuff, especially if you don't have to."

"I may not necessarily like mowing the lawn or anything else like that," Caleb shot back with an easy shrug. "But I sure do like you. In fact, I
love
you. I'm pretty sure I'll survive."

"Can we not do this?"

He just smirked and lifted a shoulder. "You started it."

So it was going to be like that. Fine.

"Do you want me to hate you? Is that what you want? Because if it is, you're doing a really good job of making that happen."

At least that seemed to get the reaction I was looking for because his features softened and his eyes shone with remorse. But when he jumped off the lawn mower and took a hesitant step toward me, I instinctively moved to put more distance between us. At this point I just needed to use my head and protect what was left of my heart.

"I'm sorry, Iz," Caleb murmured, his voice hoarse and thick. "That's not what I want. I
know
you don't feel that way, but I'm not doing this to make your life harder. You need someone here with you and you can't take all this on by yourself. I'm not gonna let you do it anymore."

"You know what really pisses me off?" I didn't wait for a response and charged ahead, gesturing toward the house. "I need to be in there right now with him for as long as I can because I don't have that much time left. And instead of doing that, I'm out here, arguing with you and wasting that time."

"I hear you," he nodded tersely and when his fingers brushed my forearm to pull me in closer, my body just wouldn't move. I wanted to bolt and sprint inside, leaving him and everything else behind, but my body stood frozen to the grass because my brain short-circuited the moment his fingers touched my skin.

"Look, Iz," Caleb went on softly, his blue eyes imploring and impassioned. "I've spent the better part of these last six years trying to figure out how to earn the right to have you in my life and all I had to do was pick up the damn phone. I've made so many mistakes with you I lost count—I never should've pushed you away, I should've got down on my hands and knees and begged you to take me back after I got out of prison, I should've come to see you in New York the second I decided to leave the club, but I'm done with that, Iz. I know you don't trust me right now, but all I'm asking is that you give me a chance to earn it back."

When my lips parted to protest, Caleb closed both calloused hands around my cheeks and kissed me with an ardent, whirlwind force that threatened to buckle my knees. By the end of it, I would've been a puddle on the grass if his hands hadn't been keeping me upright. When he finally tore his lips away, he leaned his forehead into mine, his chest heaving and I shivered at the feel of his breath brushing against my lips.

He lifted his forehead so he could look me right in the eye and the determination I found there was almost enough to topple my resolve completely.

"I want the life we're supposed to have together," Caleb whispered, his eyes never leaving mine as he spoke. "I want you to be my wife. I want you to be the mother of my children. I want to love you until the day I die, Iz, because there's no other way I can spend my life. I don't care what I have to do or how long I have to wait to do it. Wherever you are, that's where I'm gonna be."

His words enveloped me, warming my insides and squeezing me tight. At this point, it was difficult to tell where he ended and I began. There was too much in everything he'd just said to focus on all at once and so, in a vain attempt at self-preservation, I pulled away completely.

"You can't make promises you can't keep, Caleb, even if you want to," I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. "Too much has happened. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to forget and playing these games now isn't fair to either of us."

"This isn't a game to me," his eyes blazed with each word. "You're it for me, Isabelle. It's
always
been you and it always will be. There's a reason we've just gravitated toward each other since you came back. There's a reason we're standing here right now. You can deny it until you're blue in the face, but at the end of the day, you know it's true."

There was also a reason why I hadn't had a panic attack during or after the break-in two nights ago.

I wasn't stupid. I was in denial. And that was perfectly fine.

"Caleb," I tried again, desperate to resolve this once and for all, desperate for him to just give me some space. "I don't want you to think this is going to end any other way than me back in New York and you still here in Claremont. I don't want to give you false hope and—"

"Isabelle," Caleb cut me off sharply. "Sooner or later, you're just going to have to realize that you're stuck with me. I'm not going away. And I'm not going to let you deal with all this by yourself anymore. It's just not happening. You need me here with you, Iz. You just can't admit it yet."

"Caleb, I—"

"Iz," both of his hands closed around my face to force me to look at him, to force me to see, "I could give you everything you need, be everything you want. I feel like we've both been stuck in limbo, but we don't have to put our lives on hold anymore. We could have everything, Iz. You just have to give me a chance to prove it to you."

My lips parted and before I even had a chance to consider responding, he leaned forward and pressed a hard, penetrating kiss on my lips. When his hands finally slipped away from my face, I stumbled backward a few paces, desperate for some breathing room. My brain felt foggy and heavy with everything he'd just laid on me and for the life of me, I couldn't find the words to respond.

And now, with my chest heaving and my pulse thundering through my veins, the only word I wanted to say was "okay". The problem was I wasn't so sure what I'd exactly be agreeing to, so I just sucked in a deep breath, shifted on my heel, and headed back inside the house.

I took the stairs two-by-two to get back inside my room and shut the door behind me. Against my better judgment, I found myself edging closer to the window when the lawn mower screamed back to life.

My heart flip-flopped in my stomach as my eyes found him, perched on the seat again with his phone in his hand. About two seconds later, my phone buzzed next to my nightstand and Caleb lifted his head up to my window. He waved to me with a bright, reassuring grin spread across his handsome face. It was really everything I needed to see, but couldn't at the same time. My lips quivered and I had to bite down on my bottom lip just to keep myself from bursting into quiet sobs.

When I dared another glance out the window, I found Caleb winding around to finish a lap around the front yard. A beat later, his ocean-blue gaze flicked up to meet mine and his mouth curved up into a smile that breathed understanding, devotion, and the unconditional love I'd always seen in him. Then my hands closed around my phone and I swiped across my screen to read the text:

Just let me know when you're ready to let me in. I'll be out here. Love you.

My eyes landed on that old shoebox and the pile of notebooks sitting just a few feet away from my bed and I blew out a deep breath before finally murmuring the only real response I could give, the same one that sparked so much fear and need in me at the same time:

"Okay."

Isabelle

For the rest of the day, I had a tiny bit of peace, mainly because Caleb kept his distance and stayed outside. He must've decided it was a good day to get all the yard work done in one shot because he only came in the house twice—once to use the bathroom and once to wash his hands after pulling some weeds in the landscaping. Unfortunately, it was dinner time now and my dad was already halfway out the door to invite him inside for dinner.

And then a terrible thing happened.

I literally
ran
upstairs and shut my bedroom door behind me. I scampered around, digging through a few piles of clothes until I found something a little more acceptable than yoga pants and a ratty T-shirt. Once I'd settled on a pair of snug skinny jeans, an over-sized, slightly transparent white shirt tucked into the front of my jeans, and a long pendant necklace, I kept right on going and headed for the bathroom. It wasn't to hide. It wasn't even to use the bathroom. No. I had much bigger problems now. Because now, I stood in front of my mirror with a tube of Diorshow mascara in one hand and a can of hairspray in the other.

I was sick. And pathetic. And in denial.

But I got to work anyway because this mess needed a lot of fixing.

I spritzed on a tiny bit of perfume just for good measure, happily feigning ignorance at the real reasons why I was even doing this in the first place, and went back down the stairs. At least now I felt a little more like myself with all the necessary armor and masks in place to hide everything I couldn't lay bare.

Caleb was already leaning against the island on his elbows, laughing at something my dad said, and my breath hitched in my throat at the sight of the two of them standing there like that so easily. I took a few hesitant steps inside the kitchen and even though his back was almost completely turned to me, Caleb seemed to be hyper-aware of my presence. His head immediately turned to me and his lips spread into a wide, welcoming smile that warmed me a little too much.

"Hey, Iz. Dinner smells pretty good," he called out easily, his lips curling in a self-satisfied smirk as his eyes trailed up and down. "You look nice."

I narrowed my eyes at him, ignored that last comment, and carefully stepped around the island to pat my dog on the head and to check on the lasagna I'd put in there about an hour ago. But when I set the dish on top of the stove to cool for a while, Caleb's eyebrows shot up into his forehead when he got a good look at the pan of oozing cheese and meat sauce.

"Holy shit," he exhaled and licked his lips. "
You
made that? Really
?"

"No," I rolled my eyes. "I have Rachel Ray on speed dial."

Caleb smirked at me and then leaned forward to sniff the air. "Nice work, Iz. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

"You wanna give it a taste test?" I shot back. "Maybe I poisoned it."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Try it and find out."

"Okay," he sunk a little deeper into the counter, his eyes dancing with mischief. "Where'd you get the poison?"

"From the poison store," I could feel my lips curling in annoyance. "Where else would I get it?"

Caleb just grinned as my dad chuckled on the other side of him. "Alright. Maybe I just think you like me too much to poison me."

My eyebrows lifted in defiance and the best I could come up with was: "Don't you have something better to do than piss me off?"

He shook his head and lifted a shoulder. "Nope. Can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be."

"What about the shop? You've kinda got your hands full for awhile."

"Well," Caleb smiled at me. "Saul's got everything under control while I'm here. And thanks to you, I've still got some money coming in to keep my staff and pay some bills. So I figure this is as good a time as any to take a little time off and help you guys out here."

My dad nodded in agreement and my eyes practically shot fire at him. He blinked back at me for a second, realized his error, that he was supposed to be on
my
side, and held his hands up in defense.