Cartlidge: Rise of the Imperfect Flame (13 page)

“No it’s not! Don’t you get it? I have been a burden on
everyone my entire life! I’m still a burden to you!”

“No you’re not. You’ve saved me several times! If it weren’t
for you, I would’ve been killed long ago!”

“One of those times was my fault in the first place! You
wouldn’t even be stuck here in the first place if it weren’t for me!” She
looked up at me, her ocean colored eyes blurred with tears. “There are so many
people who have died so that I could be here now. Do you know what that’s like?
To know that every day that you live is one that was taken away from someone
else? To know that the only reason you’re alive, is because someone else
isn’t?”

I did know. The face of the man I murdered still haunted me
to this day. Yet we were still different, Sapphire and I. From the sound of it,
those men and women willingly gave their lives. The one I have is stolen, and I
had to live with it.

“And you know what makes it worse?” She continued. “They didn’t
die for
me,
they died for this stupid thing in my
chest! Without this gem, I am worthless to everyone!”

“That’s… not true,” I was not sure if I believed myself.
“You’re a wonderful person. I’m sure a great many of them gave their lives for
you, and not the life gem.”

She looked back at me with a blind rage. “Are you even
listening to yourself?! You don’t even believe what you just said! How could
you expect me to?”

“What do you mean? Of course I believe it.”

“Really?
Wasn’t it your mission to
bring the life gem to the Rovanekrens? Find the strange item and bring it back?
Even if someone else had possession of it?
It didn’t
matter what condition the bearer was, just that you brought the item back?”

“Wait, how
did you
even-”

“Wasn’t it?” She interrupted.

“Yes,” I admitted, “but that doesn’t-”

“Then why? Why do you still protect me then? What’s the
point? If you just killed me in my sleep, the life gem would still be close by
and you would have twice the supplies!”

I froze before I could say anything. Why did I protect her?
Did I feel like I owed her for saving me? No, it went deeper than that. I’ve
been protecting her from the beginning. Did I really want to complete my
mission that badly? Impossible; I haven’t thought about it since the crash. I thought
about what we had been through since then: the shelter, finding food, the
storm, the flood, the serpent, the ship, now. I thought about what it would
have been like if I was alone, if she had died in the crash.

“I protect you because you’re my friend.” She remained
silent, and fixed her deep, ocean blue eyes on me, the same pain filled eyes I
saw behind the rock when we first met. A few remaining tears reflected her eyes
like sunlight, and small trails were left on her face where tears had washed away
a thin layer of dirt. I looked back down, ashamed. Why? Was my answer a lie?
How could it be? I would be lying to myself, unless… I remembered the first
time we met; how beautiful I thought she was, and how fragile she seemed. I
remembered how terrible I felt when they tied her down in the cargo hall, how I
shielded her with my own body during the emergency stop, and how I freed her
and brought her to safety without a second thought. I remembered hunting
diligently for a food source that she could eat, and the many conversations we
had. I remembered how peaceful the world was when she slept close to me.

No, she was not my friend. She was something else entirely
to me.

“You should have just let me fall off the cliff.”

I looked up, shocked.

“I’m a walking curse. Everyone I’ve cared about has died
because of me. You will too.”

She stood up, wiped her tears away, and began to walk off. I
let her words sink in,
then
got up as well. I had an
idea.
A stupid, reckless, idea.
I went with it.

“You want to the real reason why I still protect you?” She
turned to hear what I had to say. I silently walked over to her and held her.
Immediately she froze, her teary eyes filled with surprise. I closed my own and
kissed her.

Time stood still. The only sound was of the wind blowing
across the grass. I waited for Sapphire to react; to push me away, to kick me,
punch me, slap me, or claw me, something
After
an
eternity, I let go and stepped back. Slowly she opened her eyes, looked at me
for a moment,
then
slapped me across the face.

“That’s for touching me!” She then struck me with her knee,
causing me to double over.

“...And that?”

“For stopping.”
She wrapped her
arms around me and kissed me back. I tripped on something and fell backwards,
taking Sapphire with me. Our kiss did not break in the fall. The world stood
frozen for a little while longer.

The walk back was silent. We did not realize that we had
forgotten the beacon until after we had reached our shelter. By then, we
figured it more reasonable to go back later to get it.

“So how do people court each other on Earth?” Sapphire asked
abruptly. I sat down and began the long and arduous explanation of dating and
marriage, and the wonderful insanity that goes on in-between. I then asked her
the same question.

“Well, for starters, Anths don’t marry.” This took me by
surprise. How
could such a seemingly modest race
could
exist without any form of bonds, like marriage.

“What do you mean?” Sapphire took a deep breath, and began
to explain. When Anths reach maturity, they spend incredible amounts of time
and effort, carefully picking their mate. Often, Anths will mate with their
childhood friends, if they have one.

“So, eventually two Anths ‘choose each other’ and fall in
love!” She rolled onto her back to emphasize the importance of the last
sentence.

“How is this any different from humans?”

“Because we only choose once.
We
don’t jump from person to person like it’s some sort of game.”

“What happens if the relationship doesn’t work?”

“Well on the rare occasion that a couple can’t work things
out, they’ll usually separate and stay celibate for the rest of their lives.”

“That’s kind of depressing.”
An
understatement, at best.

“It is, but no child should have to live with a broken family.”
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

“So then what happens?” I shifted onto my side. “If it does
work out, I mean.”

“Well, the new couple tells their families and the next day
they hold a huge gathering called
Yenevilk
Tevyin
, or in Gaia, Unity Day.” She rolled across the
floor. We now faced each other. “When the couple’s families aren’t around, the
man is usually the one who sets everything up.” A wide grin ran across her
face.

“You want me to set one up for us?” I joked.

“Could you?” She replied happily.

I sighed and rolled onto my back. “What do I need to do?”
Sapphire shot up, making a small squeal of delight. She claimed that Anths
didn’t have marriages, but I had a sinking feeling that this was the
equivalent.

“Ok! So what we need is…”

I adjusted my robe in the dark. It was one of the grey
blankets I used as a robe, since that was the sort of attire Anth men were
supposed to wear. The air was cold against my skin. I shivered. I had to wait
until the sun’s light had disappeared. Then I would go and light the candles.
The sky changed from red, to indigo, to black, signaling me to start. Slowly I
walked to the camp. At the center of our clearing was a table and chairs,
improvised from our larger and smaller crates. Situated around the table were
the “candles”. We couldn’t find any real candles so we used the battery powered
lanterns instead. It was as close as we could get, and the lanterns gave off
more heat than any small candle would. I walked around, switching each one on
as I walked. Then, I sat down on my side. Normally, there would be a great
feast for the two families. Instead, we only prepared enough for ourselves. I
waited. Sapphire climbed down the ladder and walked over. She wore a dress made
from blankets and tarps carefully stitched together. Her feet were wrapped in
bandages. Her hair was bound at its ends, and rested on her shoulder. Her eyes
seemed to glow in the dark. She was beautiful. She smiled silently and sat down
across from me. I quickly recalled the greeting I was supposed to say.

“Sapphire?”

“Yes?”

I hesitated. The ceremony felt like a marriage. Was it? Was
I even ready for this? No, I couldn’t just back out. This was a bonding
ceremony rooted deep in her culture. I had to do it. I shook away the doubts and
continued.

“I have chosen you as my one and only, and therefore I hope
that I am yours.”

She smiled. “And I have chosen you, Jacob Cartlidge, as my
one and only, and I will forever be yours.”

I took her hands and smiled. “Then let us face the world together,
for we are linked… linked…” There was a pause. I had forgotten what to say.

“In spirit.”
Sapphire laughed.

“Thanks.” I replied, embarrassed at the blunder. “...
Now what?”

“Well, normally one of the fathers would then signal us to
begin the feast.” She reached for one of the fruit. “So, let’s eat!”

“Is that it?” It seemed too simple to me. She had already
taken a bite.

“No...
norma-ee
people
woud
give a cheer, den
shtart
tawk-ing
-” She paused to finish chewing, “About what
we were like growing up, or other family things. You know, mothers reminiscing
with mothers and fathers bragging to fathers.
That sort of
thing.”

“But is the ceremony part over?”

“Pretty much… Oh, and you get to sleep closer to me without
fear of losing an eye.” She snickered at her own joke. I began to eat, myself.

“What was your childhood like, now that you remember?” I
asked, hesitantly. It was clearly a sensitive topic.

“I’m
sorry,
I don’t want to talk
about it just yet.” She replied.

“That’s fine.”

“What about yours?”

I began speaking about my own childhood. Life was difficult
without a father, but not impossible. Supposedly he left a small fortune with
us when he died. I was never very social, and grew up with few friends. These
circumstances eventually drove me to games, where I began to favor swordplay
over that of more advanced weaponry. I then summarized the events that led to
this moment. By now the food was gone.

“Hmmm… interesting.” she got up. “Well, maybe I’ll tell you
what my life was like someday, but not today. I’m not ready.” I nodded. “We
should get some rest.” I got up and moved to follow, but Sapphire stopped me.

“You have to wait a minute. Just because we’re together now
doesn’t mean you get to watch me change.” She smiled and climbed up the tree.
“By the way this dress is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!”

I laughed. “Well maybe next time I’ll just walk over to the
nearest dress store to get a better one.”

“You should! And bring some of that ‘prime rib’ that you
were talking about!” I smiled and waited, then proceeded to climb up.

Time began to fly by, and days became weeks. We never
bothered to move the beacon, since it had a better signal in the open field. By
the third week, the storms became nonexistent. The animals had all but
disappeared, either migrating or burying themselves in the mud. Water levels
lowered until ponds and creeks dried up completely. The trees no longer bore
fruit. The air grew colder. We had entered the planet’s winter season.

As supplies began to dwindle, we started limiting ourselves
to one meal a day. We were always exhausted. In the midst of this, another
issue arose. The air’s bitter sting blew easily through our blankets and
clothes. We no longer simply rested near each other, but actively cuddled to
keep warm, but we still shivered greatly as the cold drained our health. If we
didn’t starve to death, or die from dehydration, hypothermia was certainly
going to kill us both. I began to resist the urge to sleep, in great fear that
I would not wake up. I began to encourage Sapphire to do the same, but she
often ignored my advice. Many nights I found myself gently shaking her awake.
She never showed any contempt for this repeated action. We were both too tired.

I opened my eyes. This was the fourth time I fell asleep. I
silently swore. An overwhelming urge to travel north swept over me. It was my
sense again. Immediately I cursed myself in my mind for not learning more about
this “sense” when I was at New Rov. I wondered where it would lead me now. I
looked down. Sapphire was fast asleep next to me. Her body was cold. I gently
pushed her to wake her up. She did not move. I felt a sense of panic. Shaking
her again she still did not respond. I shouted her name. Finally her eyes
slowly opened.

“Why is it so hot?” She muttered.
Hypothermia.
I quickly got up and began to gather our blankets.

“It isn’t hot, you’re sick.” I stuffed some of our food into
a bag and slung it over my shoulder.

“Sick?” Her speech was slow.

“You’ll be
fine,
I just need to get
you somewhere warm.” I began to wrap her in the blankets. She tried pushing
them away, weakly, but soon began to submit. “I think I know where we can go to
do that.” I had her climb onto my back. Carefully I climbed out of the tree.
Once I reached the ground, I took hold of her legs and began to walk.

“Just stay awake, ok?”

“
Mmhmm
” She began to fall asleep
anyway. I shook her awake.
“
Mmm
!”

“Stay awake!” I changed my walk to a run.