Cassandra Austin (17 page)

Christian put the mare into a walk, and Trooper slowed his pace to fall into step beside them. Lynnette relaxed quickly. They rode around the barn and along the path toward the meadow.

“This is wonderful,” she said.

He turned to her, and she smiled. He found himself smiling back. “I’m glad you enjoy it.”

“I suppose you’re so used to this—” she made a quick gesture that encompassed their surroundings “—that it seems common.”

He shook his head. “Never common exactly. I’m used to it, I guess. But once in a while I’m struck with how beautiful it is, how much I love the ranch, the horses, the life here.”

“I think I can understand that,” she said.

She wasn’t just saying it. She truly believed she understood. He turned away quickly, kicking the mare ahead so they could go single file along a narrow place in the path. The first woman who understood, who might learn to love the ranch the way he did, was out of reach.

She had said she was leaving soon. Had she meant she was going to Topeka with Arlen next week? Something about the way she had said it made it sound as if she wasn’t coming back. At the time he had been more interested in the plea in her eyes and his own inability to resist temptation. Now he had to know.

When the path widened he dropped back to ride beside her again. “When are you leaving?”

“Possibly this afternoon.”

He turned away. It wasn’t any of his business. He wanted to ask if she was coming back, but didn’t know how to keep from showing how much he would miss her.

The path forked, and he took them down the slope toward the little stream. There he stopped the mare and loosened the reins, letting her have a drink. Lynnette followed his example.

“I’ll never forget this place,” she said softly.

She didn’t sound like someone who was going away for a week. It sounded like forever. Suddenly losing her completely seemed more unbearable than losing her to Arlen. He knew he should mind his own business, but he had to know what she was planning. He tried to think of how to ask without giving himself away.

When the horses had drunk enough, they splashed across the stream and started up the narrow path that wandered up the hill then topped out in a high meadow. They rode side by side in silence until they came to the rocky summit of the hill.

He swung off the mare and tied her reins to a branch of a gnarled pine tree. He moved to Lynnette’s side to help her down. She was attempting to dismount by herself but hadn’t kicked her left foot out of the stirrup. He caught her before she fell.

When she turned to face him he could see tears in her eyes. His first thought was that the ride had been
too long for her. He caught her shoulders, afraid she might be about to fall.

She seemed to take strength from his touch and fought off the tears. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m all right now.”

He let her go, and she turned toward the rocks. She found a place to sit and he joined her, keeping a safe distance between them. “I thought you were going to spend the whole summer,” he said finally. “I thought you would plan the wedding—”

“I’m calling off the wedding.”

He absorbed that in silence. It explained yesterday, he supposed. She and Arlen had barely spoken to each other at the table. There had been tears in her eyes when he had met her on the stairs. A letter with bad news had no doubt been a quick lie to explain her sorrow. Arlen must have done something to disappoint her. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Still, if it was something like Arlen’s efforts to seduce her, perhaps he could take the blame and right things between them. It was difficult, but he finally asked, “Why?”

She smiled sadly. “I thought I was supposed to leave you out of our problems.”

“That was before I knew it was this serious. You’ve both really decided it’s over?”

“I have. Arlen doesn’t know.”

He didn’t know when he moved closer to her, but he found himself inches away from putting his arm around her shoulder. He stopped himself. “What did he do?”

She sighed. “It’s not anything he did. I’m just not right for him.”

“He seems to think you are.”

“He thinks I’m someone I’m not He created an idea of a perfect wife, and he’s trying to shove me into it. It’s not a good fit.” She glanced at him, measuring his understanding. He held his tongue. It seemed a betrayal of his brother to agree with her, but he did.

In a moment she gazed off across the prairie and continued. “It’s not all Arlen’s fault When I first met him I thought I could become whatever he wanted. I was wrong. And I’m not in love with him.” She turned to him and whispered, “I’m in love with you.”

All the air had been knocked out of his lungs. She was in love with him. Had his own love for her made it happen? Had he stolen his brother’s woman simply by wanting her?

He hadn’t found his voice yet when she stood, pacing nervously in front of him. “I’m sorry. I swore I wasn’t going to tell you, and then I blurted it out. It wasn’t at all fair, of me. I don’t want you to feel any obligation, and you’re not to blame for what’s happened between Arlen and me. It wouldn’t have worked anyway. I’m just not his china doll. I
want
to ride horses. I don’t
care
if I have ink on my fingers. I—”

How long she would have babbled away, he didn’t know. He listened to all he could stand before he stepped in front of her, taking her by the shoulders. “I’m glad you told me.”

Tears sprang to her eyes, and he folded his arms
around her. “Shhh,” he whispered. “It’ll be all right.”

She shook her head, and he felt her damp cheek brush dangerously close to his lips. “Shhh,” he whispered again. It was the most natural thing in the world to kiss that cheek, to kiss away the tears. Suddenly her face was in his hands, and his lips had moved downward, tracing a trail to her mouth.

He took her mouth then, and she let him. He felt her strain upward to meet him, felt her tremble in his arms. Her lips parted with the barest pressure from his tongue, and he tasted her sweetness until he was trembling too.

He raised his head and sucked cooling air into his lungs. When she made a move to leave his arms he found he wasn’t ready to let her go. “Please,” he choked out. “Let me hold you till my heart stops pounding.”

She turned her head and rested it on his chest. “Mine never will as long as you’re this close,” she said.

“Maybe I should hold you forever.”

She lifted her head and gave him a sad little smile. “We better go back,” she said.

He nodded and reluctantly let her go. He helped her onto Trooper and swung onto the mare’s back, impatiently suffering through her usual antics. They rode back to the ranch in near silence. When they stopped at the stream, he watched her look carefully around as if memorizing every detail. He in turn tried to memorize every detail of her face.

As they came around the barn, Arlen left the house carrying a carpetbag. He stopped, his face the picture of disbelief, then hurried toward them. Christian swung off the mare and helped Lynnette down. He stood, holding both horses, and watched her walk toward Arlen. Her back, and cute little backside, were to him. He should leave them alone to talk. He needed to take care of the horses. He didn’t move.

“Where on earth did you get that outfit?”

If she was startled by the rebuke, her voice didn’t show it. “Emily found them for me. That was my first time on a horse, Arlen.” He imagined her forcing a smile.

“And last, I hope.”

“Arlen, I need to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry, darling. I need to be going.” He walked past her toward the barn.

She followed close behind. “You’re leaving again?”

“I’m sorry. Didn’t I tell you? There’s a city hall dedication and a founder’s day celebration I want to take in this weekend. I’ll go directly to Topeka from there.”

“But Arlen, I need to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He turned and kissed her cheek. “Change out of that awful outfit before someone sees you looking like…like…”

“Like what, little brother? A rancher?” Christian led the horses past them both and into the barn. He had listened to more than he should. But what had he
expected to accomplish with that last remark? Start a fight with his brother?

He led the horses into their stalls. Jake, he noticed, had hitched the buggy for Arlen. Arlen climbed aboard and left the barn without another word to either of them. When he looked, Lynnette was gone.

I
t had been a long day. Lynnette had kept to herself as much as possible. The need to escape before Taggart came for her warred with her desire to stay to be near Christian.

But Arlen had taken the decision out of her hands by leaving again. She had to wait until he returned. Calling off a wedding wasn’t something she could do in a letter, or so she convinced herself. It was easy to let thoughts of Christian overshadow everything else, even Taggart’s threat.

Dressed in her nightgown with her robe wrapped around her, she waited until the house was quiet She had heard the girls retire to Emily’s room and later Hugh’s door close behind him. Christian had not come in from the barn.

She opened her door slowly and eased it closed behind her. She walked cautiously down the stairs, through the living room and out the back door.

The barn was a black shape against the deep gray sky. She moved toward it carefully, her eyes gradually
adjusting to the dark. She felt along the rough wood for the handle and slid the door open a couple of feet. If Christian was here doing the evening chores, why was it dark? Had he returned to the house without her knowing? She stepped inside cautiously.

“Christian?” she called softly.

Only the peaceful sounds of insects and shuffling hooves broke the silence. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe she should run back to her room and be grateful she had missed her chance to make a fool of herself.

She had started to turn when a light flared, then grew into the steady glow of a lantern. She could see Christian holding it as he came toward her from the depths of the barn. He wore a pair of denim pants. A white bandage crisscrossed his chest.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he approached.

“I came looking for you,” she whispered.

He hung the lantern on a nail high on a post and reached past her, sliding the door closed. He stood close, watching her.

“What happened?” She reached out to touch the bandage.

“Just a scrape,” he said, catching her hand. “Most of this is Martha’s way of keeping the bandage on.” He let her hand go. Reluctantly, she thought. “You shouldn’t be here,” he said.

She took a deep breath. “I had to come.” This was going to be harder than she realized. She turned and paced, staying just inside the circle of light from the
lantern. Her thick braid had swung over her shoulder, and she toyed with the end.

“I love you,” she began. “I told you that this morning. I’m going to be leaving soon, and I want…” She swallowed. She hadn’t considered the humiliation if he refused. She gathered her courage and turned back to face him, tossing the braid behind her back. “I want to make love to you.”

He remained silent, and she added, “I have reason to believe you care for me as well, don’t I?”

“Yes, of course.” He walked toward her and gathered her into his arms. “It’s beyond simple caring. I love you, too. It breaks my heart every time you say you’re going to leave.”

“But I have to,” she murmured against his shoulder.

He stroked her hair. “Can’t you leave Arlen without leaving me as well?”

She shook her head. “No. Can’t you see what it would do to your family if Arlen knew I left him for you?”

He sighed, and she looked up at him. “We only have until Arlen comes home. Let’s spend it together, making love.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

She pulled out of his arms. “Of course I do. I’ve read…lots of things.”

She lifted her chin. She was serious.

He pulled her back into his arms. “And to think all I have to go by is
Passion’s Secret.
”

She tried to struggle free, but he held her tight.
“That’s not what I mean, sweetheart. It’s hard enough to think of you leaving now. If we made love…”

“But if I go without giving you my love, and experiencing yours, I’ll always regret it.”

“I know,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “But what if there’s a child? I couldn’t do that to you.”

She felt her eyes fill with tears. “I wouldn’t mind.”

He hugged her closer for a moment, then drew her away. “There are ways of loving without risking a child.”

She assumed he meant one of the methods women used to prevent pregnancy, but from what she had read they weren’t always reliable or even safe. “But I don’t have—”

“Do you trust me?”

She nodded.

He let her go and turned to lift the lantern from the nail, muttering, “I hope I can trust myself.”

He took her hand and led her farther into the barn. A door stood open, and he drew her into a room. It smelled of leather and was, in fact, filled with saddles and all manner of harnesses and halters. There was also a narrow bunk in one corner, its tangled blanket suggesting a recent occupant.

“You sleep out here?” she asked, watching him place the lantern on a worktable.

He turned to her and nodded. “I called out to you once in my sleep. I couldn’t risk doing that with Arlen beside me.”

“But tonight,” she protested, “Arlen is gone.”

“And you would be in the next room. After this
morning, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep that near you.”

She smiled, and he walked slowly toward her. Nervousness or excitement, she wasn’t sure which, produced butterflies in her stomach as he approached. He took her gently by the shoulders and leaned down to kiss her. His lips seemed to quiet the trembling and change it instead to a liquid fire. The heat diffused through her limbs, leaving a hunger that sank lower, pooling at the core of her womanhood.

When Christian raised his head, she stared at him in awe, gasping for breath. Nothing Arlen had done had affected her in any way similar. “Is this passion?” she breathed.

The barest smile touched his lips. He ran a cool finger over her fevered cheek. “This is passion,” he murmured. “Or the beginning of it.”

She stood still, reveling in the sensations and his promise, as he slowly loosened the tie that held her robe. He lifted the garment from her shoulder and let it drop to the floor. She trembled though she wasn’t cold.

He pulled her flush against his chest as his lips sought hers again. Her nipples sprang to life as the heat from his bare skin penetrated the thin cotton of her gown. His hands cupped her bottom, lifting her firmly against his frame. She knew enough to realize the ridge that pressed against her belly was his manhood. She moaned deep in her throat.

When he ended the kiss, she brought her hands to the fasteners of his pants. Her curiosity was almost as great as her desire. His hands rested on her shoulders,
his breath coming fast and shallow in her ear. He was as excited as she was. The knowledge made her hands tremble.

The first button finally slipped free. Her fingers felt the heat of his body as she moved to the next. It gave way more quickly than the first and the third and last made her feel like an expert. Still his white cotton smallclothes provided one last barrier. She groaned her frustration.

With a chuckle he backed up a step, slipping out of the pants and out of the undergarment. He stood before her, his perfection marred only by the strips of white cloth across his chest. Her eyes were drawn to his manhood, and she hoped she would be allowed to test its texture.

He came to her, untied the ribbons at her throat and slid the last barrier off her shoulders. He took a moment to gaze at her as she had at him. “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he said huskily.

It was the best compliment she had ever heard. “You’ve imagined me?” she asked, smiling. “Naked?”

He grinned and quirked a brow wickedly. “You’d blush at all the things I’ve imagined.”

“I never blush,” she protested, laughing. “Tell me.”

He scooped her into his arms. “Better yet, let me show you.” He carried her to the bunk and laid her down, stretching out beside her. Propped up on his elbow, he cupped her breast, caressing the hardened nipple.

She threw back her head and groaned. “Did I faint in your imagination?” she whispered.

He chuckled softly. “No, and you won’t faint now, either. Think of what you would miss.”

As his hand left her breast to caress downward, his mouth took its place. She had thought the touch of his fingers on her sensitive nipple was delicious but his tongue was almost overwhelming. Her whole body was a mass of sensations, spiraling through her loins, flowing through her limbs. And a spot in her privates she had barely been aware of ached to be touched.

He raised his head, and she felt cool air pucker the moist nipple still tighter. He was drawing slow circles on her belly, circles that gradually worked lower until she felt his fingers snag her hair as they passed.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

She hadn’t realized her eyes were closed. She opened them a crack and saw his face above her, framed by his hair. She smiled and reached up to brush his hair aside so the light would shine on his face. “I love you,” she whispered.

His eyes were smoky gray, his smile so gentle and loving it made her heart lurch. “Trust me,” he whispered.

She nodded, pulling him down to kiss her. His lips were hungry now, demanding. His tongue plunged into her mouth. But the kiss didn’t last long enough to suit her. He drew away and hovered above her, watching.

She started to protest, but at that moment his fingers dipped into the moist folds of her femininity. She gasped. She found herself spreading her legs to allow
him better access. She thought perhaps she shouldn’t. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, but her head wasn’t clear enough to ask.

“Relax,” he coaxed. “Ride the feelings, don’t fight them.”

His fingers found the secret spot and rubbed it, satisfying and tormenting at the same time. She felt her body tense as something undefinable built inside. She heard him whisper her name. Suddenly that something seemed to burst, flooding her with a pulsing energy followed by a warm soothing calm.

She lay relaxed to the point of lethargy, feeling the subsiding pulses against his hand. She wished his fingers were deeper inside, closer to the heart of the pulses. With a flash of insight, she realized why they were not; he had left her, technically at least, a virgin. She was warmed by his thoughtfulness even as she felt a pang of disappointment. She wasn’t his as completely as she wished to be.

She opened her eyes to find him smiling down at her. “Was that what you expected, sweetheart?”

She tried to laugh but barely had the energy. “I think you know it wasn’t. It was wonderful for me, but what about you?”

He grinned ruefully. “I can take care of myself later.”

She rolled toward him, finding her strength was returning quickly. “But let me. I mean, if you can do this for me, surely I can…well…do something for you.”

He gave a breathless laugh. “It won’t take much.”

“Let me,” she pleaded. She reached down to touch
his shaft where it rested, stiff and hot against her leg. He groaned, and she thought perhaps she had done the wrong thing. “Please,” she whispered, brushing his hair away from his face and pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Let me make you feel as good as you made me feel. Tell me what to do.”

He moaned again, letting his head drop to the pillow. “It’s hopeless to resist you.”

He was lying almost flat on his back, and she knelt beside him. “What should I do?”

He laughed. “Touch anything that looks interesting,” he suggested.

“Anything?” She had tried to sound seductive, but it was ruined by the slightest of tremors. “I’ve always thought your lower lip was interesting.” She had meant to trace her tongue over it, but when she tried, he pulled her down for a searing kiss. She rose slowly, stunned that desire was welling inside her again.

She turned her attention lower and found one flat nipple that wasn’t covered by Martha’s bandage. She bent and kissed it, then sucked it as he had hers, searching with her fingers for the other beneath the soft cloth.

When she raised her head she discovered he had slipped the ribbon from the end of her braid and was carefully running his fingers through her hair, removing the plaits an inch at a time. She expected to find a teasing grin on his face. What she saw instead made her heart pound.

His eyes were dark, almost glazed. His teeth were clinched between parted lips. He took her face in his hands, burrowing his fingers deep in her hair, and
pulled her down for another hot, hungry kiss. “Touch me,” he pleaded almost against her lips. “I can’t take any more.”

He released her head and took her hands, guiding them to his swollen member. It was surprisingly hot and hard, yet exquisitely silky at the same time. With his hands guiding her, she stroked the length of him. In only a moment, he uttered a low groan and the member pulsed, then erupted. White cream spattered his belly and ran down her fingers.

She stared in fascination. The once hard shaft softened in her hands, relaxed and spent as her whole body had been only minutes before. She hadn’t realized his hands were no longer on hers until he tried to give her a cloth. Reluctantly, and gently, she let him go. She wiped the seed from her fingers and from his belly as well.

“I don’t suppose that’s something every woman gets to see.”

“Did it shock you?” He sounded half-asleep.

She smiled fondly. “It thrilled me,” she whispered. She wanted to rest her head on his shoulder, but she wasn’t sure which part of the bandage covered the scrape. Instead she stretched out beside him, wrapping his arm around her.

His breathing turned slow and even, and she guessed he was asleep. What if her courage had faltered, and she had denied herself this experience? It had been far more wonderful than anything she had imagined. For the rest of her life she would treasure the memory of tonight. She smiled against his shoulder. And tomorrow night. And the next night. And
every night until Arlen came home. She wouldn’t think beyond that point.

“You should get dressed soon and go back to the house.”

“I thought you were asleep.” She made no move to rise.

“Someone will wonder where you are.” He nudged her until she reluctantly rolled over, bringing her legs off the bunk. Instead of heading for her nightgown, however, she put out the lantern and made her way back to the bunk in the dark.