Cassie's Choice (10 page)

Cassie’s question had caught him off guard. He dragged his line of sight away from her chest and back up to her face. This conversation wasn’t going to be easy, but he needed to begin. He just had to make Cassie understand where his head had been back then and hopefully… No, he couldn’t hope for anything, yet. First things first, he needed Cassie to accept his apology for the way he had acted, for leaving her alone with Mike and not checking to make sure she was okay. And Riley understood that he didn’t really deserve her forgiveness, after all this time.

“I’m so sorry for everything. The way that night went down, how I wasn’t man enough to tell you I was leaving, why I left and again for what happened the other night.”

“You’ve already apologised, Riley. But I would like to know why, and when, you decided to just up and leave without so much as a text message to let me know what was going on. It really hurt me to think that you could just ignore me and everything that had happened between us.”

“I was scared, Cass. That’s the truth of it.” Riley looked down into his coffee cup, tried to find the words he needed. But the cup did not hold any answers. It was up to him to find the right things to say to explain what had happened to him that night and how and why he’d overreacted.

“I always wanted more for us,” he began, the words slowly forming and exiting his mouth. “I might have only been eighteen, but I knew that I wanted more from our relationship—I was in love with you. It scared the shit out of me. What did I have to offer you? You were way out of my league, the older woman, good job, owned your own house. I was this inexperienced student with nothing behind me, nothing to offer you…”

“I didn’t think that, Riley, never—”

Riley cut Cassie off, “Let me finish, please…before I lose my nerve. You don’t understand. I studied how to make love to you, borrowed books from the library, sat up all night reading just so I could make sure that I satisfied you. I thought that if I could keep you happy… I could keep you in my life. We never discussed what we had together. I wasn’t prepared to risk losing what I did have with you by acting like some lovesick loser. That’s the only reason I agreed to that thing with Mike. I was terrified you would go off with him, without me. I figured, stupidly, as long as I was involved in the threesome, that you wouldn’t get bored with me. My mistake, because when I saw him touch you, I went crazy. I wanted to rip Mike’s head from his neck. I wanted to hurt him, Cassie. And that thought terrified me. I was losing control. You see, it reminded me of something that happened in my past.”

Riley paused. Looked into Cassie’s blue eyes. “I don’t know if you ever heard about the time Mandy Thomson was hurt?”

He desperately wanted to know what Cassie was thinking. Find a clue as to her reaction to his claim that he loved her and that he had lost his mind when Mike had touched her. The nasty image of Mike’s big cock sliding in between Cassie’s lips flicked into Riley’s head, making his body shudder at the memory.

“I’ve heard a little. Her ex stalked her and broke into her apartment. She was hurt pretty bad from what I remember. JT’s father came to Mandy’s rescue. Why does that have anything to do with what happened to us? That was years ago.”

Just thinking about that time made Riley feel sick—a picture of Mandy lying on the floor now filling his thoughts. Riley pushed them away. “I was with Mandy at the time. I ran for help and I saw what happened to her. I was eleven and the images have haunted me ever since. I compared my anger at Mike for touching you with how that guy felt about Mandy. I hated seeing him touch you because I wanted you for myself, wanted to drag you off and never let another man near you. I really believed what I felt was wrong—my reaction was unusual and uncalled for, over the top. I feared I was losing my mind and that I was turning into some obsessed sicko. I had to run, get out of your house. And I didn’t stop running. Until now.”

Chapter Twelve

The words Riley had said didn’t all make sense. Cassie could not believe she’d heard them. He’d loved her? Why hadn’t he said something?
You didn’t
. It was true she hadn’t, and the stupid thing was it had been for the exact same reasons Riley had not told her. She’d been too afraid to spoil what they had, scared that if she’d told him how deeply she felt for him, he would have run off screaming. Cassie had thought she was just a bit of fun for him. They had both been so foolish. But she still didn’t quite understand the link between Mandy and the night of the ménage.

Riley was struggling with his emotions. It was written all over his face and Cassie could see it in the rigid way he held his body. She also worried over the way he clung onto the coffee cup, fearing he would smash it and cut himself. She reached across the table and gently prised Riley’s fingers one by one from his grip on the china.

“Let me have this, before you crush it,” she crooned, trying to make her voice sound soothing, reassuring to Riley. “Relax, Riley, I’m trying to understand what you’re saying, but I’m not getting it. Oh, I get the part about being afraid to let me in on your true feelings. I have my own admission to make. I was in love with you too and terrified that if I told you, even hinted about how deeply I cared for you, you would laugh me off. I can’t believe you studied sex books. All along I thought you must have been so experienced, you were such a generous lover. I figured you must have slept with a heap of woman to be that good and you would eventually get bored with me. Wondered how long it would take an eighteen-year-old to tire of curling up on the sofa with me, hanging out in front of the TV, when you could be out partying at Jetstream. Believed that eventually you would want more excitement in your life than I could give.” Cassie threaded her fingers through Riley’s, squeezed his hand against hers, palm to palm. “We really made a mess of it,” she said sadly. Her heart was breaking at the chance she’d missed by not being honest with him.

“They are some of the best memories I have of us, Cass. I mean, I’m not saying that making love to you isn’t right up there on the list, ’cause it is—at the top. But the simple things we shared like reading the paper together in bed, or watching a movie—those times made me so happy. Made me feel like… I don’t know, normal. It was in those moments I forgot to worry about you kicking me to the kerb.”

Riley was rubbing little circles on the inside of her wrist with his thumb and for a time Cassie just watched the movement, enjoying the tingling sensations his touch left on her skin. It was mesmerising. Suddenly it hit her. Cassie had one of those light bulb moments people talk about—she began to understand what Riley had said about Mandy and the impact those events had had on him. And with this new-found knowledge, her heart just about jumped out of her chest. It wasn’t about her at all. Riley had been trying to protect her from his anger. Anger he’d clearly focused towards Mike.

“So this Mandy thing. You saw what happened and because of that you confused being jealous and acting like a caveman—a common male response, by the way—with something more sinister. Is that what you’re saying?”

The sensual movements of Riley’s thumb on her wrist ceased. She saw a slight movement of his lips, almost a smile, before he answered, “That’s about it in a nutshell. It took me over two years and a long embarrassing conversation with Brodie to figure out what you just did in seconds—I’m such an idiot.”

“So, I guess I have two questions I need to ask you then.” Cassie leant forward a little and looked directly into Riley’s eyes. “Would you ever physically hurt me? From what you’ve just told me, most of your anger was directed at Mike, stemming from a man who didn’t want someone sexually touching the woman he loved. What I need to know is…” She paused, the answer to her question one that would make all the difference if there were any chance of reconciliation. “Was any of that anger directed towards me?”

“Of course not! Never in a million years would I hurt you like that.”

Riley’s response had been immediate, he’d sounded like he was horrified that she’d even felt the need to ask. It made Cassie want to cry. She had been hurting for two years because they had been too stupid to have a simple conversation. She also felt so sorry Riley had gone through the trauma he had, wondering why on earth someone hadn’t realised what an impact the whole episode had had on his life.

“Well, that’s a relief, because now I can ask you the second part of my question… Where do you want to go from here?”

Waiting for Riley to answer was torturous, the silence in her kitchen unnerving, reminding Cassie of a silent and dramatic scene from a movie, the part right before the heroine gets sliced to bits. His reply would change her future because Cassie had already decided that she wanted to give them another chance, if he did. They could never really go back, she knew that, but they sure as hell could start again. Only this time with a promise of total honesty between them, no matter how they thought the other might react.

It was all riding on Riley’s reply.

“What I’d really like is if we could try again.” Saying the words was frightening. Riley put his heart on his sleeve, mainly given the courage by Cassie’s own words and actions. With her fingers still wrapped around his own and the feel of her soft skin under his thumb, he had divulged his darkest time and she had understood. He was still smarting that Cassie had asked the question about him hurting her but really he understood why, after his confession. It was the second question, when it finally sank into his thick skull, which had rocked him more, though. He had answered honestly. Being with Cassie again was what he wanted. He sent a quick prayer to whatever God was listening that she would like his answer—or better yet, be on board with it.

“I’d like that too.”

Okay, Walters, did she just say what I think she said?
He was pretty certain he’d heard her right but wanted to be sure. “Can you say that again? I just want to make sure I wasn’t just imagining what I wanted to hear,” Riley asked.

Cassie laughed. A beautiful sound, one Riley was thankful to be present to hear.

“I said I’d like that too… But this time with some ground rules. First off, that hair has to go…”

Ground rules, moving a couple of mountains, shaving his head, Riley didn’t care. He would be happy to do anything just for this chance.
Well, anything that didn’t involve sharing her
. He still couldn’t believe it was happening. Riley was not completely convinced that he wasn’t just dreaming and that at any minute he would wake and be devastated that it had all been just fantasy. The table felt solid under his arm, though. The chair he sat on, yep, it was real and the touch of Cassie’s skin certainly was getting a ‘hello there’ reaction from his cock.

“I think we should set them together, these ground rules,” he replied, “and make sure we add one about being monogamous, because you’re the only woman I want in my life and I sure hope that you feel the same about me, Cass.”

“Well, sexy, I wouldn’t want you to rip anyone’s head off. That would be very messy… But that works both ways—I have no desire to scratch some female’s eyes out for touching you either. So, you wanna shake on it or kiss?”

The little minx hadn’t missed the opportunity to tease him back with her reply and Riley loved every word she had said.

Dragging Cassie’s body up and over the table was Riley’s ideal answer to that question, but he showed restraint, much to the disapproval of that rigid piece of his anatomy that was very keen on the idea. His cock was desperate to be buried inside Cassie’s pussy. Riley’s brain was trying to put the brakes on. Words like
Slow it down, make this moment count, Walters
and
Why rush her? Take your time get to know each other again, you have forever to get this right
bounced around his head. Cassie was looking at him, her eyes full of expectation. Cassie wanted Riley to take her—it was obvious to him by the way her gaze never left him, her smile and the way she pulled him in her direction still holding his hand. He was being an idiot, should take what she was offering with thanks and a huge helping of relief.

“Are you sure, Cass? Because once I make love to you again, I can’t let you go. If we take this next step, and for the life of me I don’t know why I’m giving you this chance to walk away…”

Riley didn’t have to worry for long. He watched as Cassie stood, the sound of her chair, as it fell over, ricocheting around the room not enough to distract him from her movements. She circled the table towards him. “Move back a little,” she said. No sooner had Riley accomplished her request than Cassie straddled him, throwing one leg over his lap and sitting down. Face to face, her bottom resting on his thighs.

“Kiss me, Riley. I’m one hundred per cent sure.”

Chapter Thirteen

Those eyes, they were lady-killers, and that mouth—Cassie loved Riley’s lips. They were quite full, the perfect size to nibble on, tease with her teeth, and she gently nipped the bottom one and drew it into her mouth. For some reason Riley was holding back. He wanted her—that was clearly evident from the ridge of male hardness she could feel pushed up against her. Cassie decided to take what was hers. Caution be damned.

“Cassie!” Riley groaned.

The weight of his arms encompassed her as he circled them around her waist, crushing her body to his.

“Come here,” he said, before he found her lips with his own.

At first gently, Riley pressed his mouth to hers. Gradually the pressure increased and Cassie couldn’t stop the sigh of happiness from escaping. She parted her lips and Riley took the invitation to invade her mouth with his tongue. She tilted her head and savoured the feel of his kiss. Cassie was lost in the moment. His taste, his scent, the feel of his strong legs under her thighs and his hard chest firmly up against her breasts as he made love to her mouth—and that’s what it was, Riley was making love to her with his lips. He was a maestro when it came to kissing, leaving Cassie a boneless, gooey lump of need perched on his lap trying to take it all in. Her senses on overload, her pussy wet and ready for him.