Catwalk (51 page)
Authors: Deborah Gregory
“Not just yet,” yelps Angora. “This is way more important.”
The five of us kiss and hug each other tightly.
“Who knows what is going to happen with all this craziness?” I confess. “But this Christmas we were meant to be together and spend it in
meowverlous
fashion.”
FASHION INTERNATIONAL 35th ANNUAL CATWALK COMPETITION BLOG
New school rule: You don’t have to be ultranice, but don’t get tooooo catty, or your posting will be zapped by the Fashion Avengers!
“V” IS FOR VICTORY!
As my mother would say, “the money was definitely funny this year,” but I still had a
meowverlous
Christmas—mostly because I got to spend it with my crew. I’m proud that we made the commitment to strap ourselves in and fasten our Gucci belts so we could take the roller coaster ride of the season and ended up screaming our heads off together. It was a furbulous blast. Now it’s the New Year, and until today, the letter “V” always stood for “vicuna,” “Velcro,” “Versace,” “virus,” and sometimes even “Volvo,” the beat-up car that my old neighbor Mr. Chisolm drives. But thanks to the announcement that the House of Pashmina won the Design Challenge this year—pocketing the $300 bonus prize that others thought for sure had their name on it—“V” also stands for “victory”! Can I scream any louder? I don’t think so, or Principal Mario Confardi will have me expelled! Naturally, I can’t speak for the Catwalk Committee and tell you why we were chosen as the winners—nor can I let our fashion secrets out of the bag just yet—but I can tell you that this victory has given me the freedom to
say that I don’t care about those who aren’t aligned with my goals anymore! I’m also not so afraid to stretch my kitty limbs and admit that I have always dreamed of being on the runways of the world on a grand scale—which is probably why I now have the resolve to stick to my New Year’s resolution: live my life to my purrlicious potential! For me, personally, every day on earth is like New Year’s, because I’m always amazed at all the abundance and interesting, courageous people who populate this planet. Of course, if you show me a Martian who isn’t wearing an outfit the dreadful color of split pea—and who has purrlicious potential that I want to emulate—I can assure you that I’ll become fascinated with them, too. Until then, I will continue to worship the earthly feline fatales, like Julie Newmar and the legendary Catwoman Eartha Kitt, with her infamous, unimitable purr.
But don’t get it French twisted: I’m not from the suburbs and I know the earth is a dangerous, crazy place, and that’s not only because I grew up in the Boogie Down and now live in Harlem, but because I also watch The Discovery Channel to stay in the loop with someone on my team who is more obsessed with the well-being of four-legged creatures on this earth than I am. But I’m proud to say that I’m part of a new breed of feline fatales, coming up ferocious and fearless, who are waiting in the wings for a chance to
pounce on stardom and success and to be a shining, sparkly example from head to toe. As I wait for my turn to unleash my meowch power to the maximus, I’m surprised at what I’m most grateful for: the fact that I’m not alone. I think I’m luckier than most people on this planet, because I was fortunate enough to be appointed a house leader in a prestigious competition. This has given me access to a whole posse of purr-worthy kats and kitties from whom I can draw my strength and with whom I can share all the things that life in the fashion lane has to offer. I may fight with members of my Catwalk crew, and I admit that I was terrified over the holidays that I would lose one I adore, and I just found out that still another member—my former assistant—has already made the decision to depart due to family constraints, but I have been shown recently that I can’t master my mighty plan without them and I don’t intend to. So this shout-out is for my special purrlicious posse, because we’re in this together till June. And to everyone else, happy new year!!!
Posted by Feline Groovy at
12:34:05
24-7:
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. As in “I have to study 24-7 to raise my grade point average.”
A hyphenate waiting to happen:
Someone who is multitalented and can’t be crunched into one category. Back in the day, the typical hyphenated professionals were model-actress, writer-performer, illustrator-photographer, et cetera, but new-school ones are model-blinger, modelpreneur, model-spinner, modelblogger, et cetera.
Assisterance:
Sisterhood assistance, or aid from a sassy source. As in “Don’t leave me dangling after the fashion show, because I’m definitely going to require some assisterance,
purr favor
!”
AWOL:
When your designated fashion is missing in action—especially backstage at a fashion show. As in “Where is Elgamela’s cover-up for the bathing suit segment? Omigod, it’s gone AWOL!”
Big Willie:
A major player in the fashion game. Someone who has earned street cred. Can also refer to the Big Willie statue—the prestigious bronze dress-form trophy bestowed upon the winner of the annual Catwalk competition at Fashion International High School. The award’s name was chosen in honor of the school’s founding father, William Dresser.
Blang:
Bling squared.
Bona fried:
Upset. Pissed off. Angry to a crisp. Legit. Authentic. As in “I can’t believe Aphro told Lupo I’m gagulating over Zeus. Now I’m really bona fried.”
Boogie Down:
The Bronx is often referred to in hip-hop slang as the Boogie Down since rap pioneer KRS-One publicly cited the northernmost borough in New York City as the source of his inspiration.
Catwalk:
A narrow, usually elevated platform used by models to “sashay, shimmy, and sell” designers’ clothing and accessory collections during a fashion show. This British term was originally coined after designer Lucy Christiana, aka Lady Duff-Gordon, staged the first fashion show in London in the early 1900s.
Chevron formation:
A procession of models in an inverted V-shape on the catwalk during a fashion show.
Chewing on gristle:
Pondering a problem. As in “Don’t act like nothing is wrong, cuz I can tell that you’re chewing on gristle.”
Churl:
Girl
and
child
rolled into one and used as a term of endearment or when putting someone on blast. As in “Churl, please, you’re not the fifth element, so you best keep it moving!”
Ciao:
Italian for “good-bye.” Pronounced like dog “chow.” As in “
Ciao, ciao
, Manny Hanny!”
Convo:
Conversation. Chitchat. As in “What’s up with all that convo with shady Shalimar?”
Crispy crescendo:
Fiery finale that punctuates a heated convo or dispute. As in “My fight with Ice Très ended with a crispy crescendo. You can believe that.”
Dolce:
Italian for “sweet.” Pronounced “dull-chay.” As in “Next week is Spring Break. That’s definitely
dolce.
” Also used when referring to the dynamic design duo Dolce & Gabbana.
Don’t come for me:
A battle cry. As in “Don’t come for me, Miss Purr. I know you wanted to go shopping Saturday, but some of us had to study for the trig test on Monday!”
Don’t get it French twisted:
Get it right. Leave the kiddie antics in the playground. Don’t get the situation wrong, or sleep on it. As in “Don’t get it French twisted. Willi Ninja, Jr., may be fierce, but the House of Pashmina is fiercer.”
Du jour:
French for “of the day.” As in “Frog legs with asparagus is the soup du jour. Would you like to try it, mademoiselle?”
Fashionista:
Someone who is true to the fashion game.
Fiberoni:
An omission of truth. In other words, a pink, purple, or psychedelic lie. As in “Stop with the fiberonis. I know you’ve been slipping into the Fashion Lounge to avoid me in the hallways!”
Flaunting the fierceness:
Knowing how to work the runway or having great style. As in “Did you see Mink’s new Burberry raincoat? She is always flaunting the fierceness!”
Fries my frittata:
To make angry, agitated, pissed off. “Did you hear that Chandelier tried to get her house leader nomination back after going MIA? That really fries my frittata that she doesn’t just go back to the sandbox and build another sand castle!”
Friv:
Frivolous. Silly. As in “I don’t mean to sound friv, but when are we going shopping, cuz I’m tired of studying for this exam?”
Furbulous:
Feline fatale code for “fabulous.”
Gaspitate:
Swoon. As in “Forget about Ice Très. I’m all over Zeus. He makes me gaspitate.”
Haute couture:
French for “high fashion,” but technically refers to the creation of exclusive designer custom-fitted collections like those from the House of Yves Saint Laurent or Balenciaga. It originally referred to Englishman Charles Frederick Worth’s creations, produced in Paris back in the day. Today, however, the
prestigious term is used only by firms that meet certain well-defined standards. Haute couture collections are still staged for the runway in Paris and Rome, but they’re also made-to-order for the elite customers—from Milan to Tokyo—who crave hand-executed techniques.
Homme:
French for “man.” Pronounced like
home
without the
h
.
In flagrante:
Raw. Exposed. Caught in the act. As in “Thank gooseness Caterina came too late to film our Pose Off in the cafeteria. If Principal Confardi saw in flagrante footage, we’d be exiled to Style Siberia!”
Jean Paul Gaultier:
Known worldwide as the
enfant terrible
(bad boy) of French fashion, the avant-garde designer’s corsetry and leather work are sought after by everyone from Madonna to Kylie Minogue. He also designed the fierce, memorable costumes for the chic cult 1997 film
The Fifth Element
.
Juvvie:
Juvenile delinquent. A person under eighteen who is arrested and charged as a minor. As in “I hear she’s got a juvvie record. All I can say is that orange prison jumpsuit is
not
a cute look, hello!”
Kaflustered:
Agitated. As in “I could not believe Nole went on and on about Ice Très and Shalimar—so insensitive to my kaflustered state!”
Keep it moving:
Don’t get caught up. Move on to the next taste sensation! As in “I can’t believe Zeus
didn’t call me. Well, I guess I’d better just keep it moving.”
Le podium:
French for “runway” or “catwalk.”
Lite FM:
Opposite of heavy or stressed. As in “Why you stressing over Zeus? He’s got a girlfriend. Just keep it Lite FM when you see him in the hallways.”
Manny Hanny:
Manhattan—the center jewel in the crown of the Big Apple. Also, the undisputed fashion capital of the world.
Meowverlous:
Feline fabbie. As in “Elgamela looks meowverlous in the black catsuit.”
Miss Thing:
A term of endearment for a friend, frenemy, or opponent. As in “Miss Thing, I will feng shui the floor with your fierceness!”
Non-coloric:
Colors without calories. In other words, drabby, dreary, nondescript, or just plain neutral like Switzerland. As in “Her outfits are always so non-coloric.”
Pronto:
Italian salutation used when answering the phone. Also means presto, soon, rapid, or quick. Pronounced “pron-toe.” As in “I’d better get to class,
pronto
, or Mrs. London is going to read me!”
Purr favor:
Catwalk code for “pretty please.” As in “Can you help me with my Italian homework,
purr favor
?”
Purr-worthy:
Passing the standard of feline fatale fabbie-ness.
Quibbles ’n bits:
Fighting words flung in heated exchanges, also necessary ingredients for any fair “catfight.”
Sashay, parlay!:
Catwalk code for “Work it, supermodel! Do your thing. Strut to success. Shimmy Choo suits you. Work it for purr points on the Dow Jones!”
Scandalabra:
A scandal so elaborate it has more branches than a candelabra. “They found a beef tongue studded with straight pins in Central Park today. What a scandalabra!”
Shade boots:
A hot mess with shadiness and attitude thrown in. As in “Did you see Shalimar gaspitating over Ice Très in the cafeteria? Shade boots, okay?”
Shimmy Choo to you:
Catwalk code for “work the Jimmy Choos”—the favored footwear among fashionistas.
Shopportunity:
A combination of favorable circumstances for the purpose of shopping till you drop.
S’il vous plaît:
French for “please.” Pronounced “see voo play.” As in “Can we please talk about something else besides Dr. Zeus, aka Mr. Tasti D-Lite,
s’il vous plaît
!”
Swarovski crystal clear:
In 1892, Czech gem-cutter Daniel Swarovski invented a machine that revolutionized the process of crystal-cutting. Three years later, he founded the company Swarovski. Paying homage to the first king of costume jewelry bling, SCC
means displaying the highest level of clarity. Therefore, Swarovski crystal clear means “undisputable.” Certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt. As in “The rules of the Catwalk competition are Swarovski crystal clear: get caught in any scandalabrious situation that compromises F.I.’s rep, and you’re
out
!”
T and crumpets:
Gossip. A riff off the word
tea
. AKA serving T and crumpets. As in “She told you what? Churl, you’re wearing me out with the T and crumpets!”