Center Ice (3 page)

Chapter Four

- Tyler -

I had no idea what I was doing. I mean, okay, she was cute and female, so I was probably doing
that
, just like I always did. But it felt different this time. More innocent.

I’d only ever seen Karen wearing workout clothes and covered in sweat. Not that I had anything against hot, athletic girls wearing spandex, and I guess she was pretty sweaty this time, too, but the dress was a nice change. Made me think about running my hands up her legs, of course, but I managed to put that out of my mind, at least temporarily. She’d thrown me off, talking about how she might smell, and just being normal and friendly instead of what I was used to from girls. She was different, and I liked it.

But I guess I should have been paying a bit more attention to her instead of to myself, because when I turned off the highway onto the rough dirt road, she asked, “Where are we going?” and her voice was tense.

I had no idea what the problem was. “To the lake? To go swimming?” I tried to sound neutral, not like I thought she was crazy.

“We’re swimming in a lake?”

“Is that all right?” She stared at me like I was an alien, and it made me nervous. So I started babbling. “You know the Dead Sea Scrolls? We learned about them in ancient history class. But I missed the first class, and the teacher kept mentioning them afterwards, and I thought he was saying the dead sea-squirrels.” And that was probably enough of that weirdness. “I was just thinking, you know—there won’t be any lake-squirrels to worry about. They died back in ancient times.”

“We should stop talking about squirrels.” She had a nice smile, especially when she was trying to hide it.

“Sorry, yeah, I guess it’s a traumatic memory for you. You’re right, it’s best to forget.”

I pulled the truck over at the same spot I always did, a little grassy clearing with trees on all sides. I had no idea who owned the property, but whoever it was didn’t seem to mind the occasional swimmer. I turned off the engine and said, “Just over the hill.” She didn’t look totally convinced, but she climbed out of the truck anyway. She was really careful to lock her door, even though both of our windows were still wide open. Strange girl.

And maybe she was thinking that I was a little strange, too, because she was watching me as if she thought I might pounce. I had no idea what her problem was, now. “I don’t have towels, or anything,” I said, sounding defensive even to myself. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” she said. She still sounded a bit weird, but she followed me when I led the way along the sandy path up to the top of the hill. From there, we could see the lake, and she seemed to relax a little. Maybe she’d been back on that took-a-ride-from-a-homicidal-maniac thing and was relieved that I hadn’t lied about the lake, at least. “It’s so deserted,” she said, sounding surprised.

“Yeah. On the weekends, there might be a couple more people, but it’s never all that busy here. People want to be at the public beaches, with snack bars and bathrooms and crowds.” She still didn’t look too convinced. “Shit, is that where you thought we were going? Somewhere busier?” I should have known. I liked coming here, but most people, and definitely most girls I knew, wanted to go somewhere more public, somewhere to see and be seen.

“I didn’t really have any idea,” she said, and she sounded like she meant it. She started down the hill toward the lake. “But this is perfect. It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah. I like it here. I’m not a huge fan of crowds.” Which was true, but was way more than I should be saying to some girl I barely knew. I was supposed to be confident and popular and outgoing, not a crowd-phobic recluse. But she didn’t seem too put off by my admission, and we scuffed along through the sand until we hit the band of smooth rocks down by the shore. “There’s a shallow part over there,” I gestured, “with warmer water. It’s pretty cold out deeper.”

We wobbled over the beach rocks and made our way to the little cove. I realized that I’d never brought a girl here before, and I was glad that she was wearing practical shoes; heels on these rocks would have been brutal.

I kicked my flip-flops off and pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it down to the rocks, and only then noticed that Karen was standing totally still, staring out at the lake. Once again, I had no idea what she was up to.

“I’m going to rinse out my dress,” she blurted out. “I’ll swim in it, I mean. Because it’s sweaty and gross.” She looked a bit desperate. “It’s repulsive.”

I honestly hadn’t given a lot of thought to what she’d wear in the water, but apparently she had. “Okay,” I said carefully. I dropped my wallet and keys on top of my shirt and figured it was time to get the conversation back onto more solid ground. So I said, “Don’t let me lose those. It’d be a long walk back to town.” Then I started toward the water, walking carefully but easily on the shifting stones, and hoped she’d just follow after me without more weirdness.

But apparently I was being too optimistic. When I was about thigh-deep, before I made the final, critical commitment to the cool water, I turned around and saw her still standing on the shore. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged her backpack off onto the ground. “Just building up my nerve. You know, for the cold.”

“It’s not that bad,” I said, and I waved my fingers through the water in what I hoped was an encouraging way. I wanted to swim, not drive this strange girl back into town. “On a day like this, it’s perfect.”

She seemed to believe me because she started toward the water. I turned back around and looked at the horizon, but I could hear her wading toward me. She was slow at first but sped up as she went, and when she was just about level with me she flopped forward, no grace or style whatsoever, just falling into the lake with a splash. Then she headed confidently out into the lake, her arms cutting smoothly through the water, and I was following before I’d even thought about it.

I had almost caught up when she suddenly dove deep. I could see her through the clear water, skimming along the bottom like a mermaid, and I don’t think I would have been totally shocked if she’d stayed down there forever, maybe turning around to wave good-bye before disappearing into the cool depths.

But she eventually came back up, and I guess I startled her by how close I was. I grinned. “When you were being weird on shore, I was worried that maybe you didn’t know how to swim. But I guess you do.”

She didn’t say anything, just took a deep breath and then ducked back under the water. She swam right underneath me, and I was tempted to dive down to join her. I wanted to touch her skin and see if it had been cooled by the water or if it was still warm. But mostly I wanted to talk to her more, figure out who she was and what was going on with her. So I followed along on the surface, and she eventually came back up and stared at me.

I had no idea what we were doing, but I was ready to experiment a little. I started off toward the middle of the lake; we were in Lake Huron, the opposite shore far beyond the horizon, so it wasn’t like I thought I was actually going to get there, but it felt good to have a goal. And Karen followed right alongside me.

I finally stopped, and she started treading water beside me, giving me a look as if she wanted me to explain the game I was playing. Of course, I had no idea, so I shrugged. “Nobody here. Just us.” I should have had a better explanation, something that would tell her what a rare treat that was for me.

She obviously wasn’t quite understanding. “Okay, if you’re going to drown me and bury my body in the trees, you should just get it over with. You know?”

I had no idea what to say. “If you think there’s a chance of that, why the hell did you follow me out here?”

“I didn’t think there was. But then you said we were alone, and it just… I don’t know.” She ducked back under the water, but I understood what she was doing, now, finding a little solitude down there until she was ready to deal with me again.

Or, I guess, until she ran out of oxygen.

When she finally bobbed back to the surface I said, “Karen, I promise not to drown you.”

She was ready for that, and added, “Or kill me at all. Or rape, or torture, or—”

“No crimes,” I said quickly. “No assaults. No unwanted physical contact of any sort. I promise.”

She squinted at me. “Of course, that’s exactly what a torturing-rapist-murderer would say, isn’t it? I mean, with a list of sins like that, I don’t think you’d have to worry about a little lying.”

“Those aren’t the sins on my list,” I said. And I didn’t want to get into all that, so I waved my arm toward the shore, defaulting back to my tour guide persona. “Down that way is the public beach. Sand right to the water, and all the conveniences. And there’s a kids’ sports camp over that way. That’s where I worked this summer, off and on. Beyond that is mostly trees. A few cottages, a few small beaches like the one we’re at, but otherwise, just forest.”

She was obviously bowled over by the sudden tidal wave of information, but she found her balance and said, “That’s nice. In Toronto we have Lake Ontario, but it’s not like this. Almost all developed, along the shore.”

“That’s where you’re from? Toronto?” I’d known she was from somewhere different, but not
that
different. “Damn. How’d you get stuck up here?”

She ducked back under the water again. I got the message, and when she surfaced I didn’t press her for an answer to my question. But I couldn’t think of what else to talk about, so it was a bit awkward, the two of us just treading water, staring at each other. “I’m getting tired,” she finally said. “I’d better go back to shore. But you can stay out here.”

I didn’t say anything, just flipped over onto my back and started kicking. She swam right alongside me. Sometimes we’d be on our backs, sometimes we’d roll like otters, onto our sides, our stomachs, back again. There was no hurry, and by the time we got to the shore, Karen seemed calm. She swam in to the shallows, tucked her skirt under her ass and sat on the cool stones, watching me like she was expecting an answer to some question I was pretty sure she’d never asked.

I swam around a bit more but didn’t go far, and eventually I worked my way into the shallows and sat beside her, my elbows resting on my drawn-up knees. I kept myself from edging in too close to her, even though of course I wanted to. Her dress was wet and clinging to her in lots of interesting places, and it would have felt totally natural to explore those places a little. And, okay, I admit it, I snuck a few peeks. But I kept my hands to myself, even though I wasn’t really sure why. I mean, Karen was different from other girls I’d known, sure, but that wasn’t really what was holding me back. It was more like
I
was different, or at least like I wanted to be.

So I didn’t make any of the moves I knew so well. Instead I said, “Must be lots to do in the city. This is probably boring, eh?”

“No. It’s not boring. It’s really nice.” She seemed to mean it, and I took her at her word. I checked in a few times through the day, making sure she wasn’t ready to leave, but she always seemed totally content to stay there. We just hung out, swimming and lying in the sun and talking about stupid stuff. I got a lot better at knowing when she was about to get uncomfortable, and she started to loosen up a little, like she was trusting me to not push in somewhere that was none of my business.

Finally, though, I looked at my watch and said, “You probably need to get home for dinner?” It wasn’t that I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to start creeping her out again.

Karen didn’t answer, but I could hear her stomach growl, and we both grinned. I got dressed, and she pulled her sandals on, and we walked slowly back to the truck. I was warm and relaxed from the sun and the swimming, but it was more than just that. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spent a whole afternoon with someone where hockey hadn’t been mentioned a single time.

We didn’t talk as we drove back to town, but it was a comfortable silence. We were both tired, and there wasn’t anything that needed to be said until I had to ask, “Where am I taking you?”

She paused before giving me the address, and I worried that she was back to the old he’s-a-psycho thing, but she finally coughed it up and asked, “Do you know where that is?”

“I know the street. You can point out the house when we get there.”

When we turned the corner onto her street she said, “It’s the yellow brick one with the pillars, halfway down on the right.” We got a little closer, and I could feel her tensing up as she said, “The one with all the people out front.”

I recognized a few of the faces and had a sudden urge to keep driving. We could just keep going, maybe circle around and go back to the lake. We could live on wild strawberries and fish, and maybe sleep in the truck, or build a shack on the beach…

But Karen already thought I was psycho; I didn’t need to give her further evidence. So I pulled up to the curb and watched as everyone turned to look at us. I saw the recognition, and forced myself to stare straight ahead. I didn’t know what Karen was doing, living with these people, but I knew that at least one of them would really prefer that I drop dead.

I didn’t think I’d mention that to Karen.

Chapter Five

- Karen -

When we pulled up to the curb, the heads of the perfect family all swiveled in our direction. The grandperfects were there, dressed as if they’d been playing golf, and as I watched, Matt pulled a set of clubs out of the back of their SUV. Of course—the twins had been bonding with Grandma and Grandpa. How sweet.

I should clarify that these were Natalie’s parents, not my father’s, and after that I probably don’t have to go into a lot of detail about their expressions as they looked over and saw the evidence of their daughter’s humiliation sitting there in a pickup truck. Honestly, it was a disgrace that I was even allowed to walk around and be seen with civilized human beings.

“You live here?” Tyler asked. “With the Beacons?”

I really wasn’t up to explaining. “Shining Beacons of hope,” I said earnestly. “We can only pray that they’ll be able to reach a sinner like me.” I opened my door and slid out before he could say anything more. My dress was still a bit damp and it stuck to the seat and dragged out behind me; I think my lack of mortification about that makes it clear just how awkward the situation already was. Flashing my ass at a cute boy was the least of my worries. “Thanks,” I said quickly as I shut the door. “Fun afternoon,” I added through the window, and then I turned toward the house. I would have liked to just slink around the back and find my way in through the kitchen door, but one look at the crowd made it clear that wasn’t going to fly.

“Hi,” I said as calmly as I could manage. I was dimly aware of the truck driving away behind me, and that was a relief, at least. “I’m going to go get changed.”

“What the hell happened to you?” Matt asked. I was tempted to reprimand him for using strong language in mixed company, but I was sure his conscience would provide him with punishment enough.

I looked down at myself and shrugged. “Yeah. I’m a mess. So I’ll just go get changed.”

“What were you doing with Tyler MacDonald?” This time it was Miranda talking. Apparently the twins were the designated spokespeople for the group, and everyone seemed interested in hearing my answer.

“Just hanging out. Swimming.” I tried to toss my hair nonchalantly, but it was still a little wet and totally tangled from driving with the windows down, so it just sort of slapped against the side of my head.

“With
Tyler MacDonald
?” she said scornfully. Her eyes were cold as she added, “I hope you used protection.”

“Miranda!” Natalie exclaimed, and the grandparents turned to her with round eyes.

“
I’m
not the one who just climbed out of Tyler MacDonald’s sex-wagon,” Miranda said haughtily. “And honestly…she should use protection. I know it should go without saying, but obviously she wasn’t getting a great example at home, if you know what I mean. Maybe she hasn’t been living here long enough to unlearn the slut-washing.”

I was kind of in shock. Miranda had been cold up to now, but she’d never been vicious. Then I remembered the overheard conversation in the drug store and realized that maybe Miranda had been attacking me all along, but she’d been doing it behind my back. “The example your father’s setting, you mean?” I suppose it was sinking to her level, but screw it; I was ready to sink. “’Cause from what I’ve heard,
he’s
the big slut around here. At least my mother wasn’t cheating on a pregnant wife when she went slumming.”

I saw Natalie’s face and felt a little bit guilty, but if she didn’t want to hear the truth spoken out loud, she should have kept a muzzle on her daughter. “I’m going to get changed,” I said. The grandparents seemed shocked, Natalie looked ill, and both of the twins clearly wanted me dead. Just as I yanked the front door open, I heard a new car pull into the driveway and turned around to see Will’s smile fading as he saw the expressions of the gathered crowd.
Yeah. Welcome home, daddy. We sure did miss you.

I resisted the urge to play my mom’s phone message. Instead, I stayed in the shower for longer than was justifiable, then spent quite a while combing through the tangles in my hair and getting dressed. A sundress and a sweatshirt shouldn’t take all that long to put on. I even used mascara and lip gloss and thought about investing in more makeup. It might be nice to have some sort of mask between me and the rest of the world.

At least
most
of the rest of the world.

The afternoon with Tyler had been an exception: even though I really wanted him to find me attractive, I didn’t want to wear a mask with him. I’d felt like maybe, just maybe, he’d be happier to see me as I actually was.

I spent about thirty seconds thinking about Miranda’s wild accusations. Tyler’s sex-wagon? Seriously? There had been so many chances for him to be sleazy, or even flirty, but he hadn’t taken any of them. Maybe living with her dad had made Miranda unable to see any men without thinking they were sluts.

The knock on my bedroom door wasn’t exactly surprising, but I wasn’t sure who I would find when I opened it. I definitely wasn’t expecting Sara, and the retorts I’d come up with didn’t make sense when I was dealing with an innocent fourteen-year-old. Well played, whoever sent her.

“Hi,” she said tentatively. “Can I come in?”

I couldn’t think of a way to say no, so I stepped aside and she eased past me, stopping awkwardly in the middle of the room. She turned all the way around, then said, “Everything still looks the same. I thought you’d have changed it, maybe. Put up posters or something.” She looked at me quickly, then looked away as she said, “If you want to paint, I can help. Mom always hires painters, but I helped paint Becky Robinson’s bedroom and it wasn’t that hard.”

“It’s okay. I’m not sure how long I’ll be here for, so we should probably just leave it the way your mom likes it.”

She frowned and sat down on the corner of my bed. “You’re here for the school year at least, aren’t you? I mean, maybe you’ll go away to university next fall, but you’re here for the year? That’s what mom and dad said.”

I shrugged. “Hard to be sure.”

Sara nodded but didn’t say anything. She also didn’t get up to leave. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or saying, but she was obviously expecting something more. Finally she sighed and flopped dramatically backward, the comforter fluffing up around her outstretched arms. “You don’t like us, do you?”

“
You
seem nice,” I tried.

“But the rest of the family? And Corrigan Falls? Do you like the town, even?”

“I just got here, Sara. I’m still trying to figure it all out.”

“It’ll be better once school starts,” she said, like she was trying to cheer me up. “You can make friends with people and they’ll show you around.” Another one of her quick looks, like she wasn’t sure how much she wanted to say to me. “I could do that, too, but I guess you probably aren’t too interested in hanging out with a kid.”

“A kid? I thought you were fourteen?”

“Yeah…”

“Fourteen isn’t a kid. You’re in high school this year, right?”

“Yeah.” She didn’t seem too happy about the direction the conversation was taking. Maybe she didn’t want to be the one in charge of introducing the pariah around town. Luckily for her, we heard the sounds of someone coming down the basement steps, and we both turned our heads to see my father—
our
father—appear in the doorway.

“Hey, guys,” he said. He seemed surprised to see Sara down there. “Uh…Miranda and Matt are going out for pizza, but Mom and I” —he caught himself— “Natalie and I…we’ve got dinner ready.”

Sara stood up quickly. “Excellent. I’m starving.”

She wasn’t the only one, but I wasn’t looking forward to spending another strained half-hour at that dining room table, staring at my food and trying to ignore all the secret messages and meaningful looks whizzing around the room. And things only got worse when Will said, “Actually, Sara, the twins thought you might like to go with them.”

Sara froze, then turned her head toward Will. “Me
and
Karen?” she said with a meaningful glare. “
All
the kids?”

God, it was sad to see a grown man squirm like a little boy. “Well, no. Natalie and I thought it might be a good time for us to talk to Karen.”

“I’ll stay here,” Sara decided. “Half your kids one place, the other half somewhere else.”

I really wanted to hug her. I mean, I wasn’t looking forward to having her as an audience for whatever Natalie and Will had planned for me, but I appreciated her efforts to do the right thing. Judging by the expression on his face, Will did not share my sentiments. “But pizza’s your favorite. Matt and Miranda picked it just for you.”

“They can bring me back a slice,” Sara said.

“Sara.” A new voice from the doorway, and Natalie frowned as she stepped into the room. “You’ll go to dinner with Matt and Miranda. Your dad and I need to talk to Karen.”

“Mom—” Sara started, but Natalie raised an eyebrow and Sara fell silent. It was impressive, really. I wondered if she trained her family with those shock collars for dogs, giving them a zap every time they had a thought of their own. The kid turned to me and apologetically said, “I’ll come see you when I get back?”

“If I’m still here,” I said sweetly.

She gave me a little frown, glowered at each of her parents in turn, and stalked out of the room.

Natalie smiled brightly. “Chicken enchiladas. They’re probably getting a bit cold, but we can heat them if we need to. Let’s go!”

She made it sound like we were heading to summer camp, not walking down death row. But I guess death row isn’t all that big of a deal, for the guards.

I trudged along behind them, contemplating escape but drawn by the mouth-watering aromas coming from the dining room. I could eat, and pretend to listen, and it’d all be over with soon enough.

We sat in our accustomed seats, Natalie decided the food was hot enough to eat as is, and we dug in. Nobody talked for a while, which was great, but finally Natalie said, “So, Karen. That was a bit of a scene this afternoon.”

“Yes, it was.” I’d fantasized about playing it this way when I was in the shower, but I couldn’t believe I actually had the nerve to do it in real life. “It was quite upsetting for me. I think it’s important that I have a stable home environment at this stage of my development, and I’d like to make sure nothing like that happens again. If you can assure me that Miranda’s behavior will be under better control, I may be able to accept that. But, otherwise, I think you should seriously consider boarding school. I know it’s late in the year, but I’m sure there’s still
somewhere
that would accept her.”

They both stared at me, and then Will took a long drink of water.

“That’s not an option we’re considering,” Natalie finally said. “For either of you.”

“Me? Why on earth would you consider banishing
me
from this happy family home?”

“Karen,” Natalie said with a sigh, “Give it a rest. You and Miranda had a fight. She started it, but you didn’t have to join in.”

And that was it for the little game. “Your bitch of a daughter called my mother a slut, and you think
I
should have backed down? Seriously?”

“Let’s take it easy on the name calling,” she replied. “You need to understand that this is a difficult adjustment for all of us, not just for you.”

“Then why the hell are we doing it? I mean, there
are
options. If not boarding school, then maybe I should just go back to the city and stay with friends or get an apartment or something. I’m sixteen, not six. This
adjustment
is totally unnecessary, for all of us.”

“We’re your family,” Natalie said firmly. “We should have gotten to know you earlier, but we can’t go back in time and change that. What we
can
change is the present and the future. We need to get to know each other and figure out how to get along, and we can’t do that if you’re living three hours away from the rest of us.” She took a sip of her water, then nodded firmly as if she’d re-convinced herself of her own wisdom. “This is an opportunity. There will be challenges, but nothing we can’t overcome. We just need to have a clearer set of expectations for everybody.”

“Expectations?” I cocked my head at her. “Okay, here’s one: if your bitch of a daughter calls my mother a slut again, she can absolutely
expect
me to beat the shit out of her.”

“Let’s settle down a little,” Will started, but he stopped talking when I whirled to face him.

“And maybe you could help me out with another area of expectation. From what I’m hearing, you haven’t exactly changed your ways on the cheating front. So, just so we all know: should we
expect
to see any more extra kids rolling into the house, or did you at least learn your lesson about birth control?” It felt good to see his expression change, and the furtive look he sent in Natalie’s direction was as clear an admission of guilt as I’d ever seen. I couldn’t decide whether to be disgusted by him or kind of satisfied at being right.

“Karen, leave the table, please.” Natalie’s voice was tightly controlled. “Go to your room and stay there until you’re able to have a civil conversation.”

I stood up so fast my chair almost fell over. “Sure, fine. Why don’t you two let me know when
you’re
ready to have a conversation, one that’s based on honesty instead of trying to pretend everything’s okay. How’s that sound?”

I stormed out through the kitchen, but on my way to the stairs I saw the back door and couldn’t resist. So I took my chance to escape, letting the door slam behind me as I headed around to the sidewalk in front of the house. I stood there, trying to decide which way to start walking, until I realized that it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter which direction I chose, because there was no destination in mind. I had absolutely nowhere to go.

A set of headlights appeared at the corner and turned down the street toward me. I had a quick flash of hope, so strong that I actually believed. The lights came closer and I saw that they were on a pickup truck, and I brushed the tears out of my eyes so Tyler wouldn’t see them when he pulled over and asked if I needed a ride. I took half a step forward, heading for the curb, and the truck got closer and then it drove right on by, and I saw some middle-aged man in the driver’s seat, staring at the road ahead as if I didn’t even exist.