Chain Lightning (24 page)

Mandy’s breath unraveled in a soft, exciting thread of sound that went no farther than Sutter. She discovered that she could control her outward movements but not the secret, rhythmic shivering deep inside her. Her slick, intimate stroking pulled a throttled groan from Sutter. He smiled rather ferally at her and bit her lips in a wild caress that made them as red as the sun sliding deeply into the sea.

“Much as I’d love to do the same to your breasts,“ he said in a low voice, “it would be…“

“Indiscreet?“ she offered.

“Very. It would be even worse if I…moved.“

With heavy-lidded eyes, Mandy watched Sutter’s taut expression. “What if I move instead?“ she murmured.

“Same problem. Why don’t we just count backward from one thousand in Sanskrit and look at the sunset until it’s so dark that…“ Sutter’s breath was sucked in suddenly as he felt Mandy’s torso tighten and then relax, stroking him as surely as if she had visibly moved. “Love,“ he said through clenched teeth, sucking in another whistling breath as she stroked him secretly once more, “this isn’t fair to you. Taking you… like this… is too… hot. No more movements… like that… or I’ll lose control.”

Sutter barely restrained a wild shudder as he felt Mandy’s body tugging invisibly at his. She saw his response, felt it in the steel of the muscles bunched beneath her hands, tasted it in the suddenly salty moisture above his upper Up. She flexed her legs, pressing herself over him, pushing him even more deeply into her body. Then she clenched the muscles of her torso once more, stroking him, loving him in secret.

“Like this?“ she murmured.

Sutter’s nearly closed eyelids quivered as he focused on the incredibly erotic feel of his lover’s satin depths caressing him, and at the same time he fought not to lose his control. “Yes, love… like that… like… that….“ He groaned very softy and clenched his teeth. “Mandy,“ he whispered, opening his eyes, looking into hers, “love…“ wanting to watch her, “yes…“ wanting her to watch him while he gave himself to her,
“yes…“
with countless deep, ecstatic pulses, “
just…
like… this.”

Mandy whispered Sutter’s name as she watched his face and loved him with hidden movements of her body. Without warning, waves of pleasure shimmered wildly up from her core, stealing her breath, her body, her soul, giving them to the man who was secretly joined with her, pouring all of himself into her caressing, welcoming heat. For a time neither he nor she could move, or even breathe, for they were too deeply embedded in each other and in the rapture weaving them together with hot, invisible lightning.

Finally Sutter reclaimed himself by tiny increments, a breath, two breaths, the ability to think, to hear, to speak.

“Mandy,“ he murmured, brushing his lips across her forehead, her eyelids, her lips. “I’ve never known anything…like this…like you.“

She smiled up at Sutter, the last of the glorious sunset reflected in her eyes, wanting to tell him of her love and knowing that she must not. He hadn’t come to her for that. Just a vacation affair between consenting adults. She had promised him that because it was all he wanted, all he would accept. So she kissed him softly and substituted a lover’s words for the vastly greater truth that was consuming her.

“I love…being…with you,“ Mandy whispered, kissing the line of Sutter’s jaw and the corners of his smile, holding him within her. “I love having you in my body, in my arms, in my mind. I love…“

The last words were breathed into Sutter’s mouth as Mandy kissed him. Then they held each other in silence until the sunset was little more than a thin carmine flush across the horizon. Finally they separated slowly, reluctantly, rearranged their bathing suits and walked hand in hand back to the tent, where Sutter once more licked the sea from Mandy’s body, loving her, dying within her and being reborn again when she lay between his thighs, tasting herself and the sea on him, loving him.

Those were the memories Mandy held tightly in her mind when the little white plane taxied up to the dive shed the following morning. She scrambled in without help and strapped herself into her seat in the same way, knowing that Sutter would break every bone in his hands rather than confine her again in a place she feared. When he sat next to her she took his big hand and held it between both of hers. This time she forced herself to look out over the island and the maze of interlocking coral structures that surrounded it and carpeted the floor of the azure sea.

Memories of Sutter’s voice husky with passion and warm with praise helped Mandy when the plane began its steep descent to Bundaberg’s small airport. Memories of being cherished, desired, consumed; memories of laughter and triumph, passion and release, sleeping and waking and diving through beauty that knew no end; those memories gave Mandy strength when Sutter helped her to the apron, touched her temple, her cheek, her lips…and then turned away without a word.

Mandy stood motionless, watching Sutter, desperately hoping for a word, a wave, a look, anything to tell her that he cared just a little for her beyond the self-imposed boundary of their passionate affair.

There was neither a word, nor a wave, nor a look; simply another small plane waiting, two men rushing forward to shake Sutter’s hand and pull him aboard, and the rising whine of engines revving as the plane started to turn toward the runway.

Don’t look back. Don’t look. Don’t.

But in the end Sutter could not prevent himself. When the plane paused at the end of the runway he turned back, looked…and saw only empty tarmac and lightning dancing against towering, slate-bottomed clouds.

The couple in the picture were tanned and healthy. Salt water beaded like diamonds on their skin, their fingers were interlaced, their mouths smiling, and all around them was a blinding-white coral beach, turquoise water and scuba gear glistening from recent immersion in the sea. The big photograph was an unexpected gift from Ray, who had wanted to commemorate Mandy’s victory over her fears.

And now she couldn’t look at the photograph without wanting to laugh and to cry with bittersweet pleasure. It was the same for the lab report telling her that another life was growing in her body…sweet triumph and only a few salty tears. What the sea had once taken from her, Sutter had returned. She had what she wanted. She could dive, she was using her scientific knowledge toward making a better world for the next generation, and she was carrying a piece of that future within her own womb. All she lacked was the man who haunted her every dream, her every silence, even the breaths she took.

“Mandy, did Jessi give you that study on coral reefs and petroleum seeps?“ Steve asked. “Yo, Mandy. Anybody home?“

With an effort Mandy focused on Steve rather than on the lost past or the unreachable future.

“Er, coral reefs, seeps, study…let’s see.“ Trying to keep her mind on the task and off a man with blazing green eyes and hair the color of the sun, Mandy sorted through the mounds of scientific papers that Anthea had heaped on the desk. “Reefs from old cars…oil pollution…natural tar on beaches…edible reef fish of the…ah, here it is.“

Steve took the bound sheets, read the concise summary Mandy had attached and smiled. “Don’t know why you spent the past year hiding your light under a cabbage leaf, kid.“

“I think you mean under a basket. Kids are what you find under cabbage leaves.“

“Knew there was a reason I hated gardening. Thanks,“ he said, waving the study as he walked away.

With ambivalent feelings, Mandy turned back to the remaining papers. She knew busywork when it was piled under her nose. OCC might need a marine expert from time to time, but at the moment there was no special niche waiting to be filled. It was catch as catch can – a summary of a scientific study here, a word of advice there, a flat thumbs-down on a shortsighted scheme to turn inedible reef life into fertilizer for the export market Yes, there was work of a sort at OCC for Mandy, but her future lay elsewhere. No one knew that fact better than she did. She had to be gone before her pregnancy showed. Anthea would know instantly mat Sutter was the father. What Anthea knew, Sutter would learn just as soon as he emerged from the Stone Age amenities of the Australian bush in monsoon season. With the first phone call Sutter made, he would know that his neat vacation affair had suddenly leaped the agreed-upon boundaries.

He would be furious, and justifiably so.

Mandy refused to let that happen. Sutter had given her too much. She wouldn’t go back on her promise and hold him responsible for a child he had never wanted. He had told her he couldn’t protect her and she had told him that was all right. She had meant it. The pregnancy was her choice, her responsibility, her joy. She didn’t want Sutter to feel guilt or anger, treachery or betrayal. Each of them had achieved his separate desire.
Just a vacation affair between consenting adults.

And now the vacation was over.

Even if Mandy weren’t pregnant, she wouldn’t have hung around OCC like the Ghost of Vacation Past. She had heard enough gossip during her time at OCC to know that when Sutter was finished with a woman, he was finished. Mandy had promised him there would be no fuss, no muss, no tears, no loose ends. The only way she could keep that promise was to be gone when he returned. She simply couldn’t face having him walk into the office and nod civilly to her as he would to any OCC employee, nor could she stand seeing him and not touching him.

Mandy could endure a great many things, but not that. Not that.

The only thing holding her at OCC right now was the hope that Sutter had missed her as much as she missed him, that he would call from Australia and tell her that he couldn’t sleep for wanting her, couldn’t watch a sunset without remembering her, couldn’t taste the sea without tasting her, couldn’t breathe without remembering how it had felt to be completely joined to her….

He haunted her.

With fingers that trembled very slightly, Mandy reached for another report. She read quickly, making notes, trying not to think about anything beyond the words printed on the page in front of her. She was successful to the point that the phone had to ring four times before it got her attention. As she picked up the receiver she automatically glanced at the clock. After six. Vaguely she remembered saying goodbye to Steve and the others as they left for the day.

“Our Children’s Children,“ Mandy said into the phone, the words automatic, her voice sounding odd from lack of use in the past few hours.

There was a background of static and voices and a loudspeaker saying something Mandy couldn’t understand. The caller cursed and spoke loudly.

“Sutter here. Give me Anthea.“

For a moment Mandy thought she was drowning. She was dizzy, couldn’t breathe; her whole body felt weak. Without a word she punched in the hold button and rang Anthea’s office.

“Yes?“

“Sutter. Line one,“ Mandy said, fighting to control her voice.

“Wonderful! How is he? Is he coming home? Did he get the job done?“

“He didn’t say.“

There was a pause while Anthea absorbed Mandy’s colorless voice. “Thank you, dear. Don’t leave yet, if you don’t mind. He might…“

But Mandy had already hung up. She stared at her desk without seeing it. There were two possible explanations. One was that Sutter hadn’t recognized her voice. The other was that he had but hadn’t wanted to talk with her. Neither explanation was comforting.

There was a lot of noise on his end. Maybe that’s why he didn’t recognize my voice. He must have been exhausted and hungry and harried and it was noisy and there’s no reason he should have recognized my voice, he’s never said more than twenty words to me on the phone. But Anthea will tell him I’m here and then he’ll…

Mandy didn’t realize what she was doing until she had the knob of Anthea’s office door in her hand. She opened the door soundlessly but made no move to go farther into the room. Anthea’s back was to her.

“Dear boy, my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine eating lizard once, much less for three weeks. And leeches…!“ Pause. “Well, of course, I understand that the leeches were eating you rather than vice versa.“ Pause. “Two days? Wonderful. I’ll have Man – er, someone – pick you up.“ Pause. “Don’t be foolish. You sound terrible. It only makes sense for someone to pick you up at the airport. When will your plane land?“ Pause. “You are in an exceptionally vile mood, Sutter. Perhaps it’s just as well that no one meet you.“ Pause. “Is there anything you need taken care of on this end? Any messages for me to pass on?“ Pause. “I see. Well, then, I’ll talk to you in two days. Try to spend the whole time sleeping.“

Mandy’s mind was too numb to get her body moving in time to evade discovery. She was still standing in the doorway when Anthea turned around to hang up the phone. The older woman gave Mandy a compassionate glance.

“I’m sorry, dear. I’ve never known Sutter to be like that except for the time after we got him out of jail in that wretched country. He wouldn’t let anyone near him. He hated being helpless.“

“Yes. He told me.“

Anthea’s eyebrows climbed. “Did he? How odd. He’s never spoken to anyone about that.“

“He was trying to make me feel less a coward for being afraid of the water, that’s all,“ Mandy said, turning away.

“Mandy? Are you all right, dear?“

She stopped and faced Anthea once more. “Don’t worry about me,“ Mandy said in a strained voice. “I’m a survivor.“

“Mandy,“ Anthea said hesitantly, “do you understand that Sutter doesn’t mean to be cruel? He just…doesn’t trust women. Give him time. He’ll learn that you’re different, that he can trust you.“

Unconsciously Mandy’s hands moved to cover her womb, where life grew, a secret that couldn’t be kept. “No,“ she said, her voice low. “He’ll think that I’m no different.“ She saw the distress in Anthea’s face and added softly, “Don’t be unhappy for me. Sutter gave me far more than he took. I have no regrets. Not one.“ She turned away again. “Better hurry. You’re scheduled for cocktails in half an hour. With downtown traffic the way it is, you haven’t a moment to spare. I’ll lock up behind you.“

Long, long after Anthea left, Mandy sat and worked, skimming and summarizing scientific papers until nothing of importance remained on her desk. Finally she pulled out a clean sheet of office letterhead and picked up a pen, only to discover that there was too little to say. Or too much. Finally she wrote two words, clipped the sheet to the photo and left them on Anthea’s desk.

After that, there was nothing for Mandy to do but go to the apartment and pack. With luck she would be far away before Sutter’s plane even landed.

Sutter leaned over the sink at the airline terminal and splashed cold water on his face. The water was refreshing, but it wasn’t eight hours of sleep. It was all he had, however, so he splashed more water over his hair and skin, trying to chase away the fatigue of the past few weeks. He hadn’t slept but a few hours a night; and when he had slept, he had dreamed of holding a graceful, golden-eyed mermaid in his hands, bathing himself in her beauty, and then she was receding from him, swimming faster and faster until she vanished and he was left exhausted and alone in a cold midnight sea.

He looked in the mirror and grimaced. Bronze stubble and black circles, his hair wet and roughly finger combed, his mouth set in a flat, angry line. He had spent a lot of time like that in the past few weeks. Angry. He wasn’t sure why, but he suspected that he had committed some irretrievably stupid act. His problem was that he couldn’t decide whether the stupidity resided in ending his affair with Mandy or in not wanting it to end.

With an impatient curse Sutter picked up his baggage and hunted down a cab. He knew he should go home, sleep for a day, shower, eat, sleep; and then maybe, just maybe, he might feel whole again instead of only half-aware, half- awake, half-alive, the other half missing, lost and alone in a midnight sea.

The cab dropped Sutter off in front of OCC’s offices. He took the elevator up, pushed open the office door impatiently and strode into die lobby. A new girl was at the receptionist’s desk. She started to ask Sutter if she could help him but he brushed by before she could say two words. There was another strange woman sitting at Mandy’s desk. Sutter didn’t even hesitate. He went to Anthea’s office, opened the door and slammed it shut behind him.

“Where is she,“ he said flatly, a demand rather than a question.

“Welcome home, Sutter,“ Anthea said, eyeing him rather warily. “You look like death warmed over.“

“Where is she.“

“Who?“

“You know damn good and well who I mean,“ Sutter snarled. “Where is Mandy!“

“I don’t know.“

“Is she sick?“

“I don’t know.“

“Why isn’t she at work?“

“Don’t know,“ he interrupted savagely, finishing Anthea’s sentence for her. “What
do
you know, dearest aunt?“

“Many things, dearest boy,“ Anthea purred. “Is there any particular area of inquiry you wished to pursue?“

“Don’t push me, Anthea. I’m not in the mood for it.“

Anthea’s eyebrows climbed, but she said only, “When I arrived at work yesterday morning, there was a note on my desk and this.“ She handed over the note and the photo.

The note said, simply,
Thank you.
The photo made Sutter’s breath hiss out as though at a blow. He had never seen a woman so incandescent…or a man so damned pleased with life.

“Go on,“ Sutter said tightly, struggling to contain his anger at himself and life and the woman who had promised a neat, no-strings affair.

But she had lied. She haunted him.

“That was all,“ Anthea said. “It covered the ground adequately, don’t you think? As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.“

Sutter knew his aunt was baiting him again, but it no longer mattered. Nothing mattered but getting his hands on Mandy and teaching her…

What? What did he want her to know? How could he teach her what he didn’t know himself?

“There wasn’t anything else, no message for me?“ Sutter asked.

“Were you expecting one?“

“She didn’t even give notice? She just left? Of all the ungrateful – “

“Yes,“ Anthea agreed, cutting across Sutter’s anger. “It certainly was ungrateful of the wretch to leave before you were through with her. What is this younger generation coming to when a girl doesn’t wait around for her lover to break off the affair? So impatient to get on with life. No time for all the amenities. No sense of proportion at all. And after all you promised her, too.“

“I didn’t promise Mandy a damned thing,“ Sutter retorted.

“When a man declares his love to a woman, there is an implicit – “

“I didn’t say a damn thing about love to her, either!“ he interrupted curtly.

“In that case, dear boy, what on earth are you complaining about? You enjoyed her, you walked away from her, and now she’s gone.“

Sutter closed his eyes on a wave of fury so great that it could barely be contained. He swore in an icy monotone until there were no words left, only ice.

“Where did she go?“

Anthea flinched at the clipped words and savage green eyes of her nephew. “There’s no point in being angry with her,“ Anthea pointed out. “She was only doing what any – “

“Where did she go?“

Anthea gauged the sound of her nephew’s voice accurately and gave up all attempts to bait or reason with him. “I don’t know where Mandy is.“

“Where are you sending her paycheck?“