Chances & Choices (25 page)

"Careful, Claire, you're being juvenile again."

Her hands froze in mid-blow and she stopped struggling, conceding defeat.

Julian held her close in his embrace while he
ran his hand over her in a sensuous appraisal, lingering in the peaked and moist places that revealed her arousal.  With a seductive murmur of satisfaction, he proceeded to exercise his rights over her with his lips, tongue and teeth.  This time, he was slower and sweeter in his claiming of her, but it was not his usual tenderness - every nibble, lick, kiss and suckle was a searing brand of possession.

Still indignant and now acutely aware of his intent, Claire tried to defy her response to his calculated artistry, but his skill, coupled with the strength and depth of her feelings for him, laid her emotions as bare as her body and her surrender was inevitable.
  He used only his hands and mouth and focussed only on her pleasure, taking her to the edge and over – endlessly - until she once more lay damp, limp and exhausted beside him.  After, when he gathered her towards him to nestle her against his chest for sleep, she was too awed by the aftermath of the ardour he aroused in her to offer any resistance.

For the present.

She had no intention of allowing him to take completely without giving as much in return.  She had too much self-respect.  She loved him too much to settle for anything less.  But for now, she lay tranquil in his arms.

It was, after all, where she wanted to be.

The next morning, she eyed him warily over the breakfast table.
 He seemed completely unperturbed by her regard as he ate.  Alright, if he could be calm so could she.  She searched around for an innocuous topic of conversation.

"I'm finishing up my profile on Cecile Johnson."

"Oh.  Have you found it interesting?"

Claire pretended to consider for a moment.
 "Yes, I have."

She didn't add, but not as interesting as the one I did on you.
 It was the truth, but this particular morning, she didn't feel like giving him the satisfaction.

"Her methods are a little different from yours."

"Yes, I believe she likes to run a team relying quite a bit on her assistant designers."

Figures, thought Claire.
 Despite his answer to her question on that subject when she interviewed him, he hadn't hired an assistant since their marriage.  Of course not, he'd always have to be in complete control.  She checked her thoughts, realising she was being uncharitable.  They had been married only a little over a month and it took time to find a good assistant.

"What do you think of her work, Julian?"

He leaned forward, relaxing as he discussed the craft he was so good at himself.

"She's good and she's certainly popular.
 When she first started she was really creative, innovative, but now..."  He shrugged, "... she seems to have become a bit stale, too predictable.  Maybe she just needs something new, more challenging.  Her new line might be just the thing."

Claire picked up on his last comment.
 Maybe this could be useful for her article.

"You don't seem worried about the possible competition?"

Julian shrugged.  "I'm not.  Competition is always good, makes things more interesting."  He looked rueful and added.  "Besides, if things keep up I won't be ready to release for the August showings.  I don't think you realise how much of a distraction you've become."

Claire sat back, surprised at how suddenly the conversation had reached a personal level.
  A distraction, is that how he thought of her?

"How ill-mannered of me.
 I'll try to keep out of your way in future."

As she stood up, she could see the corners of his mouth begin to lift.
 She felt her temper from her Irish heritage flare as she felt her fury against him from the previous day – and night - resurface, fuelled by the memory of her surrender.

“I swear if you laugh at me one more time, Julian West, I'll black your eye!"
 He opened his mouth to speak, but she forestalled him.  "And if you tell me I'm being juvenile again, I'll black both your eyes!"

He didn't answer her and he turned his face away so his expression was hidden, but as she scraped her plate and loaded it in the dishwasher, she was sure she could see his shoulders shaking slightly.
 Resisting the urge to hit him over the head with the frying pan, she left him to finish, walking to the bedroom with as much dignity as she could muster.

They were empty threats, of course.
 She was taller and stronger than the average woman, but she was no match for him, and even if she did catch him with his guard down, she could never hurt him.  Especially not those gorgeous green eyes.

He was leaving the kitchen as she came out of the bedroom.
 Quickening her step, she ducked into the dining room before he passed her in the hallway.  She was just beginning to think she would make it out the house, when she felt his detaining grip on her arm.

"Claire."

She turned on him, her eyes flashing.  "Don't try your strong arm tactics on me!  They didn't impress me last night and they don't impress me now!"

They had impressed her quite considerably at the time.
 It wasn't until she realised the true purpose behind them that she had objected to his methods, but she wasn't prepared to admit to that.  His hand dropped from her arm and slipped around her waist in a clasp that was a gentle caress.  His gentleness disarmed her and he was able to bring her unresisting body towards his own.

The kiss was feather light, filled with tenderness.
 Claire melted against him.  This was Julian at his most irresistible.  It was at moments like these she knew she was closest to his heart.  Last night, her own passion had found an outlet, but it had been a solitary occupation.  He had been at his most distant, concerned only with achieving his purpose.  Now he was giving, sharing what love he was prepared to offer.

Claire drew closer, wrapping her arms around his neck, losing her fingers in his hair and herself in him.
 She was pouring all her love into the kiss, but she was also taking, hoping to draw from him that which was not yet hers.  A thrill of exultation filled her as she felt him open to her.  It seemed they teetered together on the edge of a precipice.  She tried to pull him over, and for a brief, tantalising moment it seemed he would come.  But then he stood away from her.  His lips and arms left her and she was once more alone.  He slipped his hands into his pockets, and his voice was uneven, husky.

"I have to get ready for work."

She nodded, her disappointment robbing her of speech.  She raised her eyes to his to take her farewell.  They were glazed, but behind that she saw something else, something she couldn't identify.

She drove faster than ever on the freeway.
  She would win his love - all of it.  No matter how hard she had to fight - even if it meant fighting a ghost.

She strode into work, past Richard, without even noticing his presence.
  She was so fired with her determination, it translated itself into an energy which amazed her co-workers.  By the time they were having their coffee break, she had completed almost a full day's work in only half the morning.

Suddenly she sat upright, a look on her face that drew a concerned exclamation from Mary-Jane.
  Claire didn't hear her; she was too amazed by her discovery.  The identity of the emotion she had seen at the back of Julian's eyes revealed to her. 

Fear!

"Thank goodness, another profile bites the dust."
  Claire flopped on her desk, in an exaggerated pose.  "Thank God it's Friday!"

"I get the impression there's more than relief over a finished job in that remark."

Claire raised her head from her elbows and looked at Mary-Jane.  "How perceptive of you.  The fact is, if I had to put up with anymore of Cecile Johnson's veiled inquiries about Julian, I would have screamed.  You'd think she was interviewing me instead of the other way around."

Mary-Jane shrugged.
 "You can hardly blame her for trying to pump you, he is her direct competition in her new line.  Not that you told her anything."

"That's because I don't know anything.
 He's always working, even at home, but I daren't disturb him for fear of getting my head bitten off."

Her tone was so disgruntled, Mary-Jane laughed.
 "It's a new venture for him.  It's only natural he should be on edge so close to the release."

Claire smiled, willing outwardly to accept Mary-Jane's assessment of the situation.
 Inwardly, however, she knew Julian's withdrawal from her over the past two weeks was due to more than preoccupation with his new line.  It was a factor, but so was the fear she had recognised that morning two weeks ago.

The more she tried to draw him close, the more he withdrew.
  He had hardly touched her during this time.  When he wasn't working at his studio, he ensconced himself in his workroom, only coming to bed when he thought she was asleep.

She never was.

She would feel his weight depress the other side of the bed and long to rollover and take him in her arms, to hold him, reassure him, try and make him believe that losing himself in love for her did not have to mean a betrayal of his love for Susanna.

Claire was sure this was the reason for his withdrawal; she could think of no other, and what took place on the evening of that Thursday, convinced her this was the reason.

Julian had called her at work, asking if she still wished to attend the party they had been invited to that night.  She would have preferred to spend the time alone with him, but she suspected he would probably work late if they didn't go, so she agreed to it.

It was a much larger gathering than the one of the night before, and Claire spent most of the evening being introduced to acquaintances of Julian's she had never met.
  It made her aware of how different her status was now she was his wife.  As merely a friend, it appeared she had not been of as great interest as she was now, and after a while she began to feel a bit like an animal in the zoo.

It probably wouldn't have bothered her as much if it hadn't been for the fact that a number of the people had been acquainted with him during his marriage to Susanna, and his connection with the hostess was that she had once worked with Susanna; a situation which made Claire feel rather like a third party.

What made Claire feel even worse was the certain knowledge that she wouldn't feel this way if she were sure of Julian's love; the knowledge of which made her feel resentful towards him.  All this was bad enough, but it was what happened near the end of the evening that made it such a disaster.

They were moving away from two couples Julian had just introduced her to when a group of people passed them, impeding their progress.
  The four people they had just left must not have noticed this because the two women began to discuss her and Julian.

"Well, it's nice to see he's finally married again."

At this point, Claire was quite glad she had overheard the comment.  She had begun to feel that most of the people thought Julian shouldn't have married again.  The other woman's answer made her feel even better.

"Yes.
  And I think she's even more beautiful than Susanna.  They're quite different types, but Susanna wasn't quite so stunning."

Claire's delight in the comment faded a little, when it occurred to her that Julian might object to it.
  But he disabused her of the suspicion by whispering in her ear, a proud note in his voice.

"I told you that hairstyle suited you."

She was wearing it in the same style as when she interviewed him.  The way was clear for them to pass, but neither of them tried to do so, eavesdropping shamelessly; an action they were both to regret.

"I wonder if he loves her quite as intensely.
  I always thought I never saw a couple as crazy about each other as those two were."

"It's hard to say.
  He's older now and less likely to show his feelings publicly, and she seems reserved as well.  It's possible, but don't they say you only love like that once in a lifetime."

Claire had heard more than enough; a fact that must have been apparent to Julian, because he took her arm to guide her through the crowd.
  But they didn't move away quickly enough to avoid hearing the next comment.

"Yes, I've heard that said, I'm not sure if it's true, but one thing I do believe, when two people love as much as that it never lasts.
  Something always happens to end it.  It's almost as if it were too beautiful to be allowed to be for any length of time, almost as if it tempts fate by its very existence."

Claire winced as Julian gripped her arm in a vice-like hold, and looking up at him she saw the fleeting distress in his expression.
 She was concerned for him, but her concern was overwhelmed by a feeling of dismay that he could be so deeply affected by a reminder that his and Susanna's love had been tragically cut short.  His reaction belied his assertion that Susanna was a topic that did not have to be skirted around.  Oh it was alright to mention her casually or lightly, but to hear their love and it's tragic ending discussed in a romantic and touching manner was obviously too much for him to bear.