Changed by His Son's Smile (16 page)

“You do know it’s okay to put yourself first once in a while, don’t you? You need to be there to support Dani through all this.”

“It isn’t logical for me to go there where there are umpteen doctors of all specialties ready to take care of Drew, and not a single doctor here to take care of these people. You know that.”

“That’s not really true, Chase. That hospital has their techs who are well trained for things like hernia surgery, and they’d do the best they could if there wasn’t a doctor there.” His mother’s voice grew more irritated, which he rarely heard from her. “You have your whole life to take care of needy people in the world; you have only this moment to take care of Dani and your son.”

He stared at the hospital ward, at all the sick and injured patients, and didn’t know what the hell to think. How could he abandon them? Yes, the techs could handle most problems if necessary, but it felt...wrong to leave them without a truly qualified surgeon. And yet the place he wanted to be was with Dani and Drew.

He hung up and pulled out his stethoscope to check the next patient.

* * *

“The prognosis is very good, Dr. Sheridan.” The surgeon, still wearing his blue cap and surgical gown, sat in the chair next to hers in the waiting room. “I suspect it was, indeed, a Wilm’s tumor, but of course we’ll have to wait for the biopsy results to confirm that. It was a stage-one tumor, completely isolated in one kidney. With the removal of the tumor, kidney, and ureter, I think only a short course of chemotherapy will be necessary. He’s going to be fine.”

Dani nearly slid off the chair at his words, tears clogging her throat. Her first thought was to wonder if Drew was awake and wanting her. Her next thought was that she wished Chase was there to embrace in shared relief.

“Can I see him now?”

“He’s in Recovery. Still asleep, but you can go on in there so he’ll see you when he first wakes up.” The doctor smiled and patted her shoulder. “We’ll keep him in the hospital a couple of days. Then we’ll discuss the next step.”

The nurse led her to Recovery and she sat next to Drew, holding his hand, knowing he’d be in pain and maybe confused when he awoke. She’d brought a pillow and blanket to spread on the narrow, but thankfully padded, window seat in his room so she would be right there for him if he needed her.

His eyelids fluttered and he looked up at her. “Mommy?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart.” As she squeezed his hand, her own heart squeezed until she thought it might burst wide open. While she knew there was still a slim chance something could go wrong, it sounded like they’d been very, very lucky.

She slowly combed her fingers through his beautiful, thick hair, her heart clutching at the thought that it might all fall out during chemo. She couldn’t even imagine it, but would figure out a way to make it seem okay, maybe even fun. After all, he was still so little he might like the adventure of using his noggin as a canvas for non-toxic markers, and managed a smile at the silly thought.

“Is Daddy here?” he asked, his voice sleepy and slurred.

“Not yet.” And wasn’t that what she’d probably be telling him his whole life? That his daddy would be home whenever he could be there? Maybe soon? Or, more likely, not soon at all.

Tears yet again closed her throat, slipped from her eyes to sting her cheeks, as she told herself it would be all right. It had to be all right. Drew would recover and grow up to be a smart, strong and handsome man like his father. Chase would be there for him when he could be, talk to him a lot, probably send him photos via computer of all the places he was living and all the things he was doing.

And she would be right here for Drew. Every day.

* * *

Chase concentrated on his push-ups, trying to block everything else from his mind. Fifty-five. Fifty-six. Fifty-seven.

He never worked out twice in one day. The darkness that surrounded him was usually pre-dawn, not dusk. But he had to do something to deal with the anxious restlessness consuming him.

Dani had said she’d call once she knew anything. Hours and hours ago she’d promised that, but he hadn’t heard a word. Kept checking his phone to be sure it was on, that its ringer was turned up, that he hadn’t somehow missed her call.

He headed towards his favorite tree, which had lost a few limbs to storms but somehow survived. It stood scarred but still strong, and he leaped to grab the lowest branch. When the phone rang shrilly, he dropped to the ground and nearly fell on his face. Fumbling to snag it out of his pocket, he quickly hit the button.

“Hello? Dani, is that you?”

“Yes. It’s me. I wanted to tell you he came out of surgery okay and he’s doing fine. It was stage one, so they’re sure they got everything. And they expect the biopsy to confirm it was Wilm’s, so the prognosis for a full recovery is really good.”

His legs felt so weak they seemed to crumple beneath him as he sat on the ground. “Thank God.” He swiped his hand across his face and moist eyes, not caring that dust covered his palm. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine.” Her voice was calm, cool. “I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know how he’s feeling.”

“Wait.” Was that it? She’d barely spoken with him and was going to hang up? “Can I talk to him?”

“He’s finally back asleep. He was in a lot of pain and cranky, but they upped his pain meds and he’s comfortable now. Oh, wait, he’s crying a little again. I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”

The phone went dead in his ear and he stared at it. He should feel elated.
Did
feel relieved beyond belief that the tumor had been caught early and Drew would most likely recover completely.

But with that relief came overwhelming disquiet. As he sat there in the dirt, he looked up at the night sky.

He wished Dani was looking at it with him. Not from Philadelphia but from here.

No. He stared hard at the stars, shining steadily and brightly. It seemed he could almost see the slow turning of the earth, the stars growing more brilliant and defined as they rotated infinitesimally in the sky, and knew.

He should be looking at it in Philadelphia with her.

He scrambled up and dialed the airline. He hoped to God the new doc would show up tomorrow as he was supposed to. And prayed that the techs wouldn’t have problems covering any emergency, if necessary. But right now, there was only one place in the world he belonged. He belonged with Dani and Drew.

* * *

“Come on, you have to eat more than that.” Dani poked raisins into Drew’s oatmeal to make another smiley face, hoping he’d eat a few of the oats along with the raisins he kept picking out. “Dig out his whole eyeball with your spoon, and gobble it up like the monster you are.”

“I not a monster. I a lizard, eating my bugs.”

He picked out the raisins again, and Dani sighed. She needed to stop fussing over him, worrying about every bite of food. It was obvious he was feeling better every day, and she couldn’t wait until this afternoon when he would get to go home.

“I brought some Benin bugs back for you, lizard-boy,” a deep voice said.

Dani swung around and stared, her stomach feeling as if it was jumping up to lodge in her throat. There Chase stood, tall and strong, his brown eyes tired but intense, his entire form radiating energy. She wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him and beg him to never leave again.

“Daddy!” Drew shrieked and tried to scramble out of the bed, but Dani quickly put a restraining hand on his chest.

“You can’t just leap out of bed with all this stuff attached to you,” she said. “Lie still.”

Chase came farther into the room and draped his arm around Dani, pulling her close as he sat on the side of the bed. His eyes met hers, and a familiar ache filled her chest. He leaned forward to give her a soft kiss, and he tasted so good she forced herself to remember all the lonely days and nights and her conviction that she deserved more than he could offer.

Chase turned his attention to Drew, leaned down to kiss his cheek. He stroked one finger across the child’s forehead to get his hair out of his eyes then cupped the side of Drew’s head with his wide palm. But he kept Dani tugged close against him. “You’ve been through an awful lot, getting that kryptonite out of your belly, Superman. How are you feeling?”

“Okay. My tummy hurts but Mommy says it’ll be better soon.”

“I’m sorry it hurts. You’re very brave, and I’m proud of you.”

“Time to change his dressing,” a nurse said with a smile as she walked in.

Chase stood, and Dani stood with him, because she didn’t have a choice with his arm tight around her body. They took a few steps away from the bed to give the nurse room.

“I’d like to see the wound.” Chase studied it carefully after the nurse had removed the dressing, then nodded in satisfaction. He smiled at Drew. “Looks good, buddy. Your mom and I’ll be in the hall while the nurse gets you fixed up. We’ll be right back.”

Chase moved into the hallway, taking Dani with him, and in some ways she felt like she was right back where they’d been the first time they’d seen one another again in the sub-Saharan twilight. But this time she knew she would remember how much she’d missed him this week. She knew she could stay strong.

He drew her farther down the hall to a darkened nook holding a single chair. He slipped between the chair and wall and pulled her to him, looking down at her eyes, his own deeply serious.

“When did the new doctor arrive?” she asked.

“Thankfully, he showed up at the airport as I was about to leave.”

“At the airport?” Had Chase left before the new doctor was in place? She opened her mouth to ask but he pressed his fingers to her lips.

“Before you speak, I have some things I need to say.” His hands moved to cup her face, his thumb slipping across her cheekbone. “I was looking at the night sky and saw the Big Dipper. And I thought about you saying that we’re all spinning around together on this tiny speck in the universe called Earth. I realized I didn’t want to be looking at the stars, knowing you’re looking at them too, and not be with you, looking at them together.”

Her eyes stung and her fingers curled into his shirt, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Didn’t know exactly what he was saying.

He brushed her lips softly with his, and she wanted to kiss him longer, wanted to feel his mouth soothe away all the worries, all the loneliness.

“I always said being a mission doctor wasn’t just what I did, but who I was.” His breath touched her moist lips as he spoke. “I was wrong.”

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold him close. “How were you wrong?”

“It’s not who I am. It’s just what I do. Who I am is the man who loves you and wants to be with you and share my life with you. Who I am is Drew’s father, and I want to share my life with him, too.” He pulled her close and buried his face in her hair. “I love you for just you, and I love him for just him. I love you, and all I want is to share my life with both of you.”

He looked at her again, and she knew he meant every word. That it wasn’t just a brief reaction to the terrifying crisis of Drew’s illness but words from deep within his heart.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “So much. But it scares you to have Drew live in the places you work.”

“Which is why I’m staying here. Working here. With you. In whichever one of the fifty United States you choose. My mother pointed out that I—we—have the rest of our lives after Andrew grows bigger to work missions around the world. If you want to. Until then I’m sure I can find work here where I know I can make some kind of difference.”

He drew her to the chair and gently sat her in it. His eyes focused on hers, he held both her hands and slowly dropped to one knee. “I know I was pushy and demanding before, and I’m sorry for that. But I can’t wait any longer for you to ask me again to marry you.”

“Chase, I—”

“No, it’s my turn now.” His hands tightened on hers. “Will you marry me, Dani? I’ll do anything you ask of me if you’ll let me be a part of your life. And Drew’s. On your terms, not mine. I’m asking you because I can’t be complete without you. I’m begging you because I don’t want to live without you. Please, will you marry me?”

“Oh, Chase. Yes. I will.” She felt her mouth tremble in a wobbly smile. “I’ve missed you so much.”

His chest lifted in a deep breath and he closed his eyes for a moment before looking at her with so much love her heart felt almost too full to hold it all.

“Thank you.” He stood and pulled her into his arms, holding her close. “I missed you for three damned years and I’m not missing you again for even one more day.”

He lowered his head and kissed her, and it was so warm and sweet it was like drinking in happiness.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek to his. “We should probably go back to Drew’s room. I get to take him home today. Except that, for the moment, home is a hotel.”

“
We
get to take him back home today. And then we’ll get started on figuring out where home’s going to be.”

With the promise of everything she’d ever wanted within his warm gaze, he took her hand and they walked down the hall to be with their son.

Together.

EPILOGUE

L
AUGHTER
ECHOED
OFF
the walls of their new home in Chicago as Drew put on a puppet show for his three doting grandparents. On his hand was a pink pig puppet that was dancing so frenetically he kept knocking down the wobbly, cardboard cutout they’d glued red fabric “curtains” to.

It had been so hard to decide where in the U.S. they should live, but Dani and Chase had finally decided on the Windy City. As Chicago was close to Dani’s mother and offered a widely diverse population, they both found work here that they enjoyed, and it was a great place to raise Drew, too.

Along with another little one. Dani placed her hand on her belly to feel the hard kicks the baby kept jabbing into her stomach as she tried to watch Drew’s show. Their unborn baby girl seemed to be dancing around as much as Drew’s pig was, and Dani grinned at her husband. He grinned back, his lizard puppet making little kisses at her, complete with sound effects.

He turned the puppet toward Drew. “You have any bugs, little pink piggy? I love bugs! I’m gonna lick them up!”

Dani, her mother, and Chase’s parents all laughed at the ridiculous falsetto voice he was using, as well as Drew’s comical reaction to the lizard puppet licking and biting him all over.

Evelyn squeezed Dani’s arm. “I’m so thrilled we decided to move here for a few years. Think how much we would have missed our Andrew. And our granddaughter too, whenever she decides to meet us.”

“Hopefully, very soon,” Dani said with a smile, getting up to walk stiffly—waddle was probably a more accurate word—to pour herself decaffeinated coffee and place four candles on Andrew’s birthday cake.

“I would have gotten that for you, honey,” her mother Sandra, said, rising to busy herself gathering plates from the kitchen. Amazingly, Chase’s parents were now employed at the same hospital where Dani’s mother worked as a nurse. Unbelievable that a family that had once been scattered all over the world now lived and worked within miles of one another.

With Drew’s grandparents in town to care for him when they were gone, Dani and Chase were able to work in El Salvador or Honduras for a week twice a year together. Her mission work and her regular pediatric practice left Dani feeling deeply satisfied, knowing she was making a difference both in the U.S. and abroad. Chase stayed on at the mission another week on his own, which he said was the longest he could be away from his wife. Drew. It was the best of both worlds, as he liked to say, smiling and fulfilled when he returned home to his family.

Drew’s pig puppet completely abandoned the cardboard “stage” and began chewing on Phil’s leg. With a chuckle Chase stood and walked to stand behind Dani, wrapping his arms around her, his hands splayed across her big belly.

“That lizard’s crazy in love with you, you know,” he said next to her ear.

“Don’t tell him, but I’m crazy in love with him, too.” She turned her face to his with a smile. He gave her a soft kiss, but his eyes were filled with mischief. And something else.

“He told me to ask you if he could lick you all over later. What do you say?”

She laughed and turned in his arms, her belly keeping them farther apart than she would have liked. “Tell him yes. I’ve always had a weakness for lizards.”

He lowered his mouth to hers for a long, slow kiss and his lips were a far, far cry from any lizard’s. Soft, warm, and, oh, so delicious, they tasted of all he’d given her.

Which was everything.

* * * * *