Changing Forever (11 page)

Before I have a chance to decide what I’m going to do, her eyes find mine. I’m not okay with how I feel whenever I stare into those eyes.

There’s something about this girl that gets to me.

I start toward her, and when I’m only a few feet away, Emery pulls Kate by the arm to the corner of the room. I should be offended, but just like everything else, I let it roll off me. I’m good at it.

I have been for a long time.

It’s another sign of things that just weren’t meant to be.

Walking up to where Beau stands with a couple other guys, I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me Emery was coming?”

“Would you have come?” He pauses, taking a swig of his beer. “I saw you with her last weekend, and unless my eyes were playing tricks on me, I’d say you like her.”

“I’m probably the last person she wanted to see tonight.” It’s true. I almost kissed her, and then left her without any explanation. To make matters worse, I left her to finish our project on her own. At this point, she probably considers me the king of all assholes.

“What’s going on between you two? And don’t tell me it’s nothing.”

“Emery is my speech partner. That’s it,” I say, running my fingers through my hair.

“Whatever. The only girl I’ve ever looked at like that is Kate.” He smiles, but it quickly falls from his face when he sees the expression on mine. I hate how he reads me, but he is the expert. The guy’s been a lovesick puppy from the day I first met him.

“Look, I should probably be going. She doesn’t want me here.”

“Stay,” Beau says quietly. “Emery’s cool.”

When I look up again, she’s gone. I scan the room and spot her standing with Kate, talking to a couple of guys I don’t recognize. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal for me, but she seems like she’s having a good time, and maybe she hasn’t been as affected by this crazy back and forth as I’ve let myself be.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Beau, but I don’t want to ruin the night. Maybe we can catch up next weekend after the game.”

He nods, giving me the green light to go. I walk out the door, careful not to let anyone stop me. I want to get out of here. It’s better that way … for both of us.

It’s like I’m on the football field—the score is tied—and there’s fifteen seconds left in the game. I have a choice of either letting my running back take the ball to run the clock out and go into overtime, or throw a Hail Mary from the fifty-yard line into the end zone. On the field, I’d always pick the Hail Mary.

This time, though, I picked the safe run.

I’m a coward, afraid of the risk. I should’ve walked up to Emery and apologized for being such a selfish ass, but instead I’m standing alone with my back against the fucking wall outside Beau’s apartment door. All that stands before me is worn brown carpet and marked up white walls … not at all how I pictured this night.

One of these days I’m going to have to man up and face her. Until I know what version of the truth I’m willing to give her, avoidance is my game.

As I start walking down the hall again, the door clicks behind me.

“Are you going to stop or just ignore me?” I immediately recognize the voice, but it’s the pissed off version.

If I were to hand the ball to my running back on this play, I’d simply walk out without even looking back at her. Now that she’s called me out, it’s not that easy.

Running my fingers through my hair, I ask, “What do you want me to do?”

“For one, you can stop ignoring me.” By the sound of her voice, I can tell she’s closer.

For the first time in a long time, I’m going to throw the long pass on the football field. As soon as I turn around, I get a glimpse of her angry brown eyes. I hate that I’m doing this to her. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t help more with the speech. This is who I am, Emery. I fuck things up.”

She steps
closer, eyes of fury burning into me. “What the hell happened in the library the other day? Why did you just leave? Why haven’t you been to class all week? You can’t just check out without an explanation.”

All I can do is stare at her. She’s so fucking beautiful, but it’s not necessarily the kind that immediately captivates me. It’s the kind that grows more and more as I get to know her. It might be fucked up, but I think she’s even sexier when she’s pissed.

“Is that all you got, Drake? You’re just going to stare at me like an idiot? Well, fuck you, too.” I immediately miss the nearness of her body as she backs away from me.

“If you’re worried about Monday, don’t be. I’ll tell Professor McGill you did most of the project,” I say quietly as she moves farther away.

“This isn’t about the stupid project, and you know it.”

She begins to walk away again, but before she can get too far, I grab her arm and pull her back to my chest. “What is it about then, Emery?”

“You, Drake. I don’t let many people in, but I gave you a chance, and this is where it got me. I guess it just proves that I really shouldn’t trust anyone.” There’s a hint of tears to come in her voice, and I can’t hate myself any more than I do right now.

“What do you mean you gave me a chance?”

She shakes her head and looks up to the ceiling. “Honestly, I wanted to drop you as my partner that first day in class, but I thought I saw something. Every once in a while, you show me the human side of you. The one that seems to care.” She stops suddenly, covering her face with her hands. “Jesus, I even told you stuff about my mom.”

The raw emotion in her voice causes a painful tightness in my throat. “Please don’t … not over me,” I say soothingly. My lips betray the part of me that wants to keep my distance, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m not,” she answers, rubbing the back of her hand across her eyes. “Let me go, and we’ll just pretend that this, or the other day in the library, never happened.”

This is my chance to make it all go away, just like I wanted. I can let her go right now, and we can go our separate ways. But I can’t. For once, my heart is speaking so much fucking louder than my head. “Come with me.”

Her body tenses in my grip. “What?”

“I’m going to be honest. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I want. Just come with me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says, shaking her head.

“We might regret it tomorrow or a week from now, but right now, it’s all I want. Come with me.”

“I’m with Kate. I can’t just leave her.” Her eyes are trained on Beau’s door. I know what she’s thinking, but I’m not ready to let her go.

“She’s with Beau … she’ll be okay. Besides, were you having fun?” I know this isn’t her idea of a good time.

“I haven’t been here long enough to form an opinion. Maybe I should stay and find out.” She smiles.

“We’re just leaving a party together. I’m not asking for sex.”

Her smile falters slightly. “That’s great because the last thing I want to do is have sex with you … or take those tackling lessons you’ve been promising.” She stops for a few seconds, glancing down at her feet. “So what did you have in mind?”

Grabbing her hand, I lead her the rest of the way down the hall. “It’s a surprise. I’m going to show you how to live a little.”

I
DON
’
T
KNOW
WHAT
I
WAS
THINKING
getting into Drake’s car with him. Now, I’m at his mercy, going almost fifty miles an hour down a busy street. I had the best of intentions to stay away from him, but the minute I saw him, I lost my will. It was partially anger that pushed me to confront him, but it was also the part of me that wasn’t ready to let him walk out of my life so easily.

The last few days have honestly kind of sucked. He’s the one person besides Kate who I talk to on a regular basis. He’s the one person who’s gotten a glimpse of who I am when my nose isn’t stuck in a book.

“Where are we going?”

“You’re not nervous, are you?” he asks, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel.

“I think someone’s nervous, but it’s not me,” I reply as I cross my arms over my chest.

He laughs. “Are you saying you trust me?”

“Are you avoiding my question?”

He dares a glance in my direction, immediately locking eyes with me before turning his attention back to the road. “No, I’m not nervous. I’m just anxious to get where we’re going.”

A welcome silence occupies the rest of our trip across town. I mentally go through all the places he could be taking me. Pizza? Coffee? Movie? By the time he pulls onto campus, I’ve given up, resigned to go with the flow for once.

He parks in one of the lots next to Kinnick Stadium and turns off the engine. I stay still, waiting for him to give me further instruction as I look out at the dark night sky. When I can’t take it anymore, I glance over at him only to see someone who suddenly looks lost. I’ve seen that look before … every time I look in the mirror I see it.

“Drake?”

Closing his eyes, he lowers his chin to his chest. I’d give anything to know what’s going on in his head right now. “Let’s get out of this car,” he says without even looking my way.

“Okay,” I mumble, opening my door to follow him. This has been one strange night.

I stand back and watch as he opens the trunk and pulls out a worn fleece blanket and a flashlight. I have no idea what he has planned, but I hope he realizes how chilly it’s getting outside.

He holds the items under his left arm and entwines his fingers on his free hand with mine. I’m hesitant, but it feels too good to let go. “Have you ever been out here before?”

“I’ve never been a big fan of football. No offense.”

“What’s not to like about football?” He unlocks a door on the side of the stadium and leads us down a dark hall with the flashlight lighting our path.

I follow close behind, afraid of tripping over something on the narrow pathway. “It’s more like, what is there to like?”

He laughs. I’ve heard it a few times now, and it’s a sound I’m really starting to like. “My goal is to get to you to a football game this season. Once you go, you’ll be hooked.”

“That sounds like a challenge.”

He stops, looking straight at me. “I like a challenge. Plus, I have confidence in the quarterback’s skills to draw you in, and it’s considered part of your lesson.”

“The quarterback seems to have a lot riding on his shoulders,” I say honestly.

We continue down the dark hall until we reach another door. As soon as he opens it, the vast football field greets us, lit by a few lights above.

“Are we supposed to be out here?”

He shrugs, looking up to the blank scoreboard. “No one specifically said not to be.”

“If we get in trouble for this, I swear I’m going to—”

Placing a finger over my lips, he says, “Live a little. Besides, we’re just going to set this blanket in the middle of the field and enjoy the night sky. The lights go out in eight minutes.”

I open my mouth to tell him we should leave. It’s not worth the risk … neither of us can afford to get in any trouble. But I want to be here with him. I just have to decide if he’s worth the risk.

“What’s holding you back?” he asks, noticing my reluctance. His index finger rests under my chin, making it impossible to look away from him.

“I can’t afford to lose my scholarship.”

He removes his finger and breaks eye contact, grabbing my hand in his again. “You’re not going to get in any trouble. Let’s find a spot before it gets too dark.”

When we reach mid-field, he drops my hand and lays the blanket flat on the ground without uttering a word. I’d started to relax while walking across the field, but those doubts and worries are creeping back up again. Even when
I was on my first date with Clay, I didn’t feel this way. And this isn’t even a date … I don’t know what this is.

He sits on one side of the blanket and pats the spot next to him. “I don’t bite.”

I smile in an attempt to ease the tension between us and take the spot beside him, careful not to get too close. “Do you come out here often?”

I feel him staring at me, but I continue to look at the empty bleachers behind the end zone. There’s nothing to see really, but it’s keeping my nerves in check.

“I do some of the maintenance work out here for some extra cash so between football and that, I guess you could say yes.”

And just like that, the lights flash off, leaving us alone with a better picture of the stars in the otherwise dark sky. I’m thankful the rain ended earlier because it’s giving us a perfect view.

“You know, when you asked me to leave with you, this is the last place I thought you would take me,” I admit, propping myself on my elbows.

He chuckles, and out of the corner of my eye, I notice him mimicking my position. “Where did you think I was going to take you? I’m just trying to score some originality points.”

Biting my lower lip, I turn to get a better look at him. “Mission accomplished.”

Sometimes quietness between two people can be awkward, but I’m finally getting to the point with Drake where it’s not as uncomfortable. Being with him actually relaxes me. Like when I’m with him, I’m free to think about other things besides my grades and how I’m going to write my research paper that’s not due for two more months. Even when we’re bickering, I’d rather be with him than most other places. It’s weird, and I know I’ve only known him for a short time, but there’s definitely something different about me when I’m with him.