Charity (21 page)

‘Well it’s an estate.’ He waved his hand towards the far side of the pond. ‘Beyond the wood that way is a mile or so of grazing land and the farmhouse. Beyond that the big house. There’s a tennis court, stables, the whole bit. The grandfather of the people who own it got one of those famous landscape designers to do this back in early Victorian times. In those days they had big house parties and the guests would come out here for picnics.’

‘I shouldn’t think anyone’s been here for twenty or so years,’ Charity said thoughtfully. She could see bits of path, but ivy and creeping ground weeds had choked most of them.

‘Robert said he came here once when he was around five,’ Hugh offered. ‘A while later the family’s only son was killed in a riding accident and they stopped having guests and became like hermits. The couple must be eighty or so now; heaven knows what will happen to it when they die.’

They spread the blanket out on the only clear stretch of grass and lay down side by side.

For a while Hugh said nothing, just lay gazing at the sky, but when Charity looked across at him she had a feeling he was thinking about her.

‘What is it?’ she asked, propping herself up on one elbow.

‘I was just wondering if you could come to Oxford,’ he said softly, lifting one hand and stroking her face. ‘You see I can’t imagine how we’ll get to see one another unless you do.’

‘Do you mean live there?’

‘Well yes. Get a job there.’

‘What kind of job? Like I do at the school?’

Hugh frowned.

‘No. I meant in an office or something. You could get a flat, maybe go to night school and learn typing.’

A thrill ran down Charity’s spine. His suggestion implied he wanted her close to him, that he was looking ahead and planning.

‘But I can’t do anything except cook and clean.’

‘You can learn,’ he insisted. ‘You’re really quick.’

She was prepared to walk on heated coals if it meant being near him and she loved him even more just for thinking she was capable of getting a good job.

Hugh smiled, seeing that he had found a way round the problem of his parents. Once Charity was in a good job, with a flat of her own, there was no reason why they should object to her. Her uncle was a colonel, after all: maybe they’d even approve of her! The job of kitchen maid was the only stumbling block, but once he’d moved her on from that everything would look different.

‘It will work out,’ he said, drawing her into his arms to kiss her. ‘I just know it will.’

His words soothed the troubled place in Charity’s heart, and now instead of anxiety there was only the desire to please. In the garden there had been the threat of someone seeing them, but here, surrounded by woods, hidden from the outside world, she felt secure. Each kiss was deeper and longer, till they were panting and writhing against each other. Somehow her blouse came off and his lips were on her nipples.

Slowly he pulled her shorts down, covering her lips with his as she protested.

‘Just let me touch you,’ he whispered. ‘I want to learn to make it nice for you. I won’t put it in you.’

As he kissed her again she could feel the boundaries she’d made in her head becoming blurred. Her body was arching to his involuntarily, she wanted more despite herself. As his fingers stroked her inner thigh, slowly moving closer and closer, her breath was as hard and heavy as his.

‘I love you,’ he whispered as his fingers found their way into her. ‘I want to make you feel like I do.’

All fear was banished by his gentle probes. Wave after wave of delicious sensations went through her body, drowning any small voices that were trying to call a halt. She was on fire, aware only of his lips, his smooth skin against hers and love flowing between them.

‘Hold me too,’ he whispered, taking her hand and putting it on him. ‘I’ll burst if you don’t.’

There was a moment of hesitation, but he overcame it by stroking her more and more. Her fingers closed round his erect penis and his groan of pleasure pushed away the last vestiges of repugnance.

The sun was burning down on them, birds sang and the trickle of water over stones made a perfect soundtrack. Her nipples were hard against his smooth chest, mouths devouring one another.

She could feel the tip of his penis against her inner thigh as she caressed it, and involuntarily she moved closer still, fear entirely gone now.

‘It’s so wonderful,’ he whispered. ‘You are all I ever wanted. I love you.’

His fingers moved faster and faster in and out and she moaned aloud and rubbed him harder. He groaned deeply, rolling on to her, clutching her hand round him tighter.

‘Oh darling,’ he called out. ‘I’m coming.’

She was still moving under him, but his fingers inside her were still now as he lay panting on her breasts. The stickiness was on her belly and as he moved slightly it made a sucking noise.

‘When we’re married we’ll be able to go the whole way,’ he said softly into her breasts. ‘Just imagine what that must be like.’

Charity felt tears of happiness welling up in her eyes as she lay there holding him. The cloudless blue sky, the ring of trees surrounding them, it was all so beautiful. But it was his words that made her heart throb. He had banished any shame, wiped out the past. He loved her and wanted to marry her and she knew in that moment that she had stepped out of girlhood to become a woman.

‘Let’s swim,’ he whispered. ‘Let the water cool us down and wash it all away and then we’ll do it again.’

Charity smiled sleepily. She was soaked in sweat, her shoulders red hot from the sun, yet she felt unable to move. Hugh jumped up and leapt the couple of yards into the water, showering her with icy spray.

‘Come on,’ he yelled back. ‘It’s wonderful.’

She sat up then, watching him dive under the water and turn a somersault. He came up, shaking his head violently like a dog, spraying her again.

‘I can’t swim,’ she laughed, covering her small breasts with her hands.

‘You don’t have to, it isn’t deep here.’ Hugh stood up to show her, and the water only reached his navel.

Charity stood up nervously, embarrassed by her nakedness, but Hugh was looking at her with adoring eyes and his hands were held out for her.

She edged in, squealing as the icy water gradually crept up her sun-hot body. Hugh bounded up to her, caught her round the waist and pulled her back into deeper water.

‘No, I’m scared!’ she yelled, clutching at his arms.

‘I won’t let you go,’ he assured her, kissing her shoulders and letting her head lean back on him. ‘Isn’t that good?’

Until today their time had been spent like innocent children, romping, laughing and playing. But it was different now; a new maturity, a kind of wisdom flowed between them, that made each touch like a caress.

It was good to be cool again. The water felt like silk as he swished her round and round and splashed more on to her face. They moved back into the shallow water, Charity kneeling on the bottom while Hugh floated beside her.

‘This is heaven,’ he said, turning his face towards her. ‘And you look like an angel.’

A feeling of exquisite tenderness welled up inside him as he looked at Charity. Her wet hair hung in thick strands over her shoulders and her eyes were like cornflowers. Such small slender shoulders, tanned golden brown with pure white strap marks from a sun-top. Her breasts were just above the water, small, firm and up-tilted with nipples the colour of crushed raspberries.

He swam then, flashing out across the pond and climbing out on the landing stage by the hut. He struck a pose like Rodin’s ‘Thinker’, water glistening on his polished smooth skin like a million raindrops.

‘What do you think of that?’ he yelled back. ‘Want to see me dive?’

Charity could only laugh. His naked body wasn’t frightening now: he looked as perfect and right here as the kingfisher and the water lilies.

The dive was as graceful as everything about him. A leap, a perfect curve and he disappeared under the water, barely causing a ripple. She could see his white buttocks beneath the green water and he swam right across the pond under the water lilies without coming up for air.

Charity bobbed up and down in the water, too nervous to move in case she got out of her depth. Hugh emerged from the water, bringing up a clump of lilies on his shoulders.

‘Was it a good dive?’ he shouted.

‘The best,’ she called back.

Later he tried to teach her to swim, holding her under the stomach and floating her on the water. ‘Make your legs go like a frog and push away with your hands,’ he commanded.

She tried, but each time she just sank under the water.

‘I’ll get you a rubber ring,’ he laughed. ‘I won’t give up! Now let’s have the picnic, I’m starving.’

Cheese and pickle sandwiches had never tasted so good and Charity even forgot she was entirely naked, her hair hanging dripping down her back, as they wolfed the food down and drank deeply from the warm lemonade.

‘What if someone comes along?’ she asked, as Hugh wiped a smear of pickle from her cheek.

‘They won’t,’ he said. ‘It’s a secret place, no one knows about it but us and those old dears.’

They dried sitting in the sun, and when Hugh kissed her again, passion flared up like a match on dry straw.

This time it was even more sensuous and lingering: each touch savoured as if it was the last, legs wrapped round one another, fingers more exploratory and bolder. Hugh lay beside her, mouth on her breast, touching and stroking until she cried out with desire. Even when he moved down on to her belly and she knew he was looking at her pussy as his fingers slipped in and out, she felt no shame, only bliss. It was she who drew him on top of her, losing all control. Some urge from deep within her made her open her legs wider still, wrapping them round him. She felt the hard tip of his penis pressing against her pubic bone and she arched her back, digging her fingernails into his shoulders.

Suddenly he was inside her, moving in and out so naturally she felt no sense of panic, only the need for more. His hands moved down to her buttocks and he held her firmly, driving into her, and all the time she could only think of how much she loved him.

It was only as his movements became harder, his breath hot and violent on her neck, that she remembered what this was and she wriggled, trying to get him off.

‘No Hugh.’ She pushed at him. ‘No!’

But he was immersed in the act now, oblivious to anything but his own needs until with a great groan, he slumped down on her.

‘I love you,’ he murmured, his eyes shut and beads of perspiration on his forehead. ‘That was so wonderful.’

‘I didn’t mean you to.’ Tears welled up in Charity’s eyes.

His head shot up, eyes full of alarm when he saw her tears. ‘Did I hurt you?’

She almost blurted it out. All the suppressed anger, the guilt and shame, but as her mouth opened she saw the fright in his eyes and she choked it back.

It would only hurt him. She mustn’t speak of it now, or ever. Hugh wasn’t responsible for what had happened, it was she who had lost control and instigated it.

‘I meant to stop,’ he said, looking horrified. ‘Oh God, you’d better get back in the water and wash it all away.’

She couldn’t be angry with him. He was thinking of pregnancy, which hadn’t even occurred to her. He washed her so tenderly and promised to get some Durex on the way home.

‘It had to happen sooner or later,’ he said as he kissed her. ‘We love one another and that makes it right. Tonight in bed we’ll do it all properly. I’ll make it beautiful for you too.’

She watched him as he swam again later. The water glistened on his brown shoulders and his black hair was slicked back so he reminded her of the seals she’d seen in London Zoo. He dived under the water lilies, coming up further back with one hanging on his head and she knew she would love him for ever.

*

Charity woke early on her last day at the cottage. Rain was gushing down a drainpipe and splashing down the side of the cottage. She turned her head to see Hugh still sound asleep, one arm curled round his dark head.

She never got tired of looking at him, but now she could see he had changed from a boy to a man in their month here. Faint dark stubble on his chin, a stronger, more mature look about his mouth. His bare shoulders looked almost black against the white sheets and his lashes were as thick and long as brushes.

This was the last time she’d lie in bed with him for some time. No more bliss-filled nights as they discovered one another, no more days of fun and laughter. He’d replaced ugly memories by beautiful ones and even if they split up one day, she’d have those to sustain her.

Tonight she would be back in her room at Bowes Court, while Hugh had one last night at the pub with Rob. Tomorrow she would be making beds, polishing floors in her overall and Hugh would be travelling back to Yorkshire wearing his dark suit. Rob would move back to the big house to await his parents’ return.

It would be weeks before she tasted Hugh’s kisses again. Perhaps months before she found a flat so they could lie in each other’s arms and do again all those things they had learned together. Sadness overwhelmed her and a tear trickled down her cheek.

‘What’s up?’ he whispered in the murky light.

‘Just thinking about tomorrow.’ She let him draw her into his arms and savoured that warm, musky smell of his skin.

‘I wish I could take you home with me,’ he said softly.

He had avoided the subject of his parents and in her heart she knew why.

‘You will write to me?’ she asked. ‘You won’t find someone else?’

She knew he was dreading the six weeks before university, and she still hoped he’d invite her to Yorkshire.

‘Of course I won’t.’ He turned her face to his, a look of surprise in his eyes. ‘Do you think I’d forget you so easily?’

He sighed then and she knew the time had come when he was going to talk about his parents.

‘I wish I could ask you home,’ he said gently. ‘But I can’t, Charity, because they’d be against you from the start. I’ve got to be really casual about you. If they found out they’d be looking for ways to end it.’

His words said everything she feared, and tears welled up again.