Chased by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders): Trish Ryder (11 page)

Long after Trish dozed off, nestled safely within his arms, Boone lay awake. He’d been bound by his own restraints for so many years, he had a hard time accepting his quiet mind. Guilt tried to work its way in, reminding him of the list of people he needed to check up on and the worries that followed him like a shadow.  

As the storm faded into the distance, he pressed his lips to Trish’s forehead and allowed himself to enjoy the sense of peace coming over him. The kitten climbed up the blanket and snuggled against his other side, and Boone closed his eyes, mentally adding Trish and the kitten to his lists. It was time to give that little guy a name.

THE SUN STREAMED in through the open window across the empty side of the bed. Trish didn’t have much morning-after experience to draw upon, but she was pretty sure waking up alone after the night she and Boone had shared wasn’t a good sign. She listened for Boone and heard footsteps downstairs. She thought they’d turned a corner from friends to something much more meaningful, but now she wondered if that feeling was one-sided. She thought back to the things they’d said and winced with the memory of how hard she’d pushed him to talk to her. Was last night’s incredible sex nothing more than post-argument passion run amuck? What if it was? She didn’t do meaningless sex.

Well, if that’s where his head is, then I just did
.

She snagged her phone from the bedside table and called Fiona.

Fiona answered on the first ring. “How’s the hottie rocker and not-interested-actress thing going?”

“I think I made a mistake,” she said quietly and rushed. “Only it doesn’t feel like a mistake. But it probably is. And I don’t want it to be, but—”

“Stop right there. This is what I heard.
I slept with Boone and I’m freaking out.
”

“God, I love you for making this easy.” Trish lowered her voice. “We went out to a bar and I
might
have gotten jealous and dragged a guy to the dance floor.” She told Fiona all about their rocky, and amazing, evening. “So?”

“I’m still hung up on the doing-it-for-hours part.”

“Fi! Focus. I have to face him, but I don’t know how to act. I’m not good at this.”

“And you think
I
am? I’ve got less experience than you do. Maybe we should consult one of my sisters-in-law or Shea. I bet Shea would know what to do.”

“No! You are not going to tell
anyone
about this.” Fiona’s sister, Shea, was Trish’s public relations rep and she would definitely know how to handle this because she dealt with her clients’ sticky situations all the time, as would Fiona’s sisters-in-law, because they were just all-around cool like that. But Trish didn’t need all of Weston, Colorado, and New York City talking about her night of unbelievable sex.

“Well, if it were me, I’d go downstairs and act like you didn’t do anything,” Fiona suggested. “Then watch his reaction. If he’s cold or acts disinterested, then I think you can write it off as a hookup.”

Even though she had pretty much convinced herself that Boone would only escape the bedroom if he wasn’t interested in taking their relationship further, she couldn’t stop thinking about the things he’d said.
I can’t imagine going a single day without seeing you
.

“I hope he doesn’t act that way, because it would mean I’m a terrible judge of character. He told me things last night about his past that were really personal.” She stopped short of sharing those things with Fiona, because Boone trusted her and they weren’t her stories to tell.

“Then you probably have nothing to worry about. Just go downstairs and act natural.”

Trish lay in bed after their call, listening to the sounds of dishes clanking and Boone’s voice drifting up from the kitchen. She couldn’t tell if he was on the phone or talking to himself. Or the kitten, which he did a lot. She forced herself to her feet, pulled a T-shirt over her head, and looked around the room, like maybe she’d find the answers to her worries there. The first-aid kit sat open on the floor.

Proof of our frantic search for a third condom
.

Not the answer she was looking for. She pulled on a pair of underwear and shorts, then stood for a moment reconsidering the shorts. If he
was
into her, then wouldn’t it be sexier to go downstairs without anything on under her shirt?

Yes, but if he’s not…

She rolled her eyes. She was thinking too much, and that always led her to feel even more self-conscious, which wouldn’t bode well for either direction. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then headed downstairs to figure out where she stood.

She followed a heavenly aroma to the kitchen and heard Boone talking.

“You’re sure?” He paused, and so did Trish, by the entrance to the kitchen. “Tell Lucky I said to get his ass to work this week. All right. Love you, too, Mom.”

Mom
. Their conversation about his parents came back to her, and her chest constricted. She walked into the kitchen just as Boone turned. He was looking down at his phone with a serious expression and holding the kitten in his other hand. The table was set for two, with plates of French toast, eggs, and fruit. He shoved his phone in his pocket, and when his eyes landed on Trish, he smiled.

“Hey, beautiful.” He sounded a little hesitant.

She approached cautiously, although her heart was doing a happy dance at the way he was smiling at her.

“Are you okay?” He reached for her hand.

“Uh-huh.”
I’m not sure
. “Are you?”

He leaned in for a kiss. “I’m better now. My phone went off at around five and I didn’t want to wake you.” He searched her face, and his expression turned serious again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I don’t have much experience with morning afters. You seem fine, but that could just be because the sex was good and you want more.”
Jesus. Open mouth, insert foot
.

He set the kitten on the floor and pulled her into his arms. “You’re wondering if last night was a mistake?”

“No. Not for me. But…
yes
.” He didn’t need to say a thing. The way he was holding her, tight yet gently, and the caring, seductive look in his eyes were definitely not the actions of a guy who was only after sex.

“Part of me wishes I could chalk this up to my favorite mistake,” he said softly. “But carnal desire is
not
the winner here.”

“I should probably hold on to the good parts of what you just said and tuck away the rest, but—”

“You can’t, because Ryders don’t run from the hard stuff.”

“You heard that, huh?” She was glad he had, because she could no sooner pretend to not care about what was left unsaid than she could pretend that being in his arms wasn’t warming her up in all the best places.

“You didn’t really give me a choice.” He kissed her again, a quick, tender press of his lips. “Do you want coffee?”

“Sure, thanks.” She followed him to the table. “This smells delicious.”

“I cook when I’m edgy.” He handed her a mug of coffee and motioned for her to sit down, then took the seat beside her.

She took a hearty sip of coffee. “Well, Mr. Edgy, let me have it. Why do you wish you could chalk this up to a mistake? And don’t sugarcoat your answer, because I’ll probably see right through it.”

He shifted in his chair, bringing her legs between his. “Okay, no sugarcoating. All that shit you dragged out of me last night? I don’t talk about it. As in
ever
.”

This didn’t sound like it was leading up to anything warm and fuzzy.

“And when we were together?” He shook his head. “Trish, there are no words for what I feel when I’m with you. I thought I got a rush performing onstage, but being with you?” He shook his head again, and she hoped that was a good sign.

“But…?” She set her coffee cup on the table.

“Being with you is beyond incredible. But I need you to know that I’ve got a long list of people relying on me. People I care about, and I can’t afford to let any one of them down.”

And there it was. She thought she could handle it if he said last night was a one-time thing, but a mass of confused thoughts and hurt feelings assailed her. How could she have felt so much in one night? Had it just been so long since she’d been with a man that she was making a connection where there was none? She couldn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe it. How could the aftermath of a single night and a handful of days make her ache?

He took her hand in his, and she couldn’t meet his eyes. She should get up and walk way, even if just to save face, but she couldn’t muster the energy to do that.

“You’re pushy and demanding and so damn sexy it’s hard to focus when I’m near you,” he said with such sincerity it gave her goose bumps. However, the word
but
still lingered in his voice. “And you care
so much
when I say I don’t want to feel something. You
make
me feel it.”

She wrenched her hand from his and forced herself to her feet. “Okay, you can stop now. I get it. I am aggressive. We’ve already established that. I don’t really need to hear it again.”

Boone rose in front of her, his face a mask of concern. “Are you mad?”

She crossed her arms. “Not
mad
, per se.” The lie tasted bitter. She was mad, but more at herself than at him.
Heartbroken? A little. Embarrassed for feeling so much for you when you felt so little? Yes.
He was watching her expectantly, and she felt like she was either going to cry or scream.

She threw her arms up in the air and turned away, hoping he wouldn’t see how much she hurt. “I thought we connected last night.”

“We did,” he said vehemently.

“Obviously not in the way I thought. It’s fine.” She took a step away, and he grabbed her arm.

“Whoa there, beautiful. Ryders don’t run away, remember?” His eyes narrowed. “I obviously suck at this, which doesn’t surprise me and shouldn’t surprise you.”

“I don’t know what you mean. You blew me off just fine.”

“No, I didn’t. Or if I did, I didn’t mean to.”

He spoke so softly the knot in her stomach loosened.

“The last thing I want to do is blow you off. Last night you forced me to feel things that scare the hell out of me, both good and bad. I’m not trying to blow you off. I’m trying to say that I care. That I want you. I want
this
. I wish I could write us off as a mistake because that’s the easy way out. I’ve been shutting myself off for years. It’s what I know, what I do best. But you—” He drew her into his arms and cradled her face in his hands. “You force me to be a better person.”

She brushed her fingers over his chest, buying herself a second to try to calm her racing heart. “But what about your list? I don’t want to come between you and anyone you care about.”

He smiled, then laughed softly. It was the kind of laugh that said,
Only you would push for more details,
and he was probably right.

“You’re on the top of that list now, beautiful. Last night, for the first time ever, I felt like I was exactly where I should be. Where I wanted to be.”

She swallowed past her mounting relief and burgeoning emotions. “Boone, that’s exactly how I felt. How I feel.”

“I need you to be sure about being with me, Trish. I’ve already opened up to you so much it feels like I’m hanging on the edge of a cliff, and this probably makes me look weak, but I really do believe you’ve got the power to shatter me into a million little pieces. You make me feel vulnerable, and as you’ve seen, I’m not an easy person to get close to.”

She pressed her lips to his chest and breathed in his musky scent. “Then it’s a good thing
I’m
easy, because two difficult people is a recipe for disaster.”

**

BOONE WAS ASTOUNDED at how badly he’d screwed this up and how easily they were coming back from his mistake. Trish was there for him, saving him from himself
again
. He hated himself for causing her to worry, but at the same time, she was getting a good, honest dose of his weaknesses. And she was still there.

“I’m not kidding, beautiful.” He brushed his thumb over her jaw, feeling the tension ease with his touch. “I think we crossed into new territory last night, at least for me. I don’t know how to do this, and I’m worried that this misunderstanding is just the beginning.”

“To do what exactly?” She smiled up at him, but it didn’t quite erase the lingering concern in her eyes.

“To be in a relationship, and I want that with you. But I’m going to screw up.”

“I want that with you, too.” Her brows knitted, and she pressed her lips together for a few seconds, as if she were working out a puzzle. “But screw up how? I won’t forgive you being with another woman, so if that’s what you mean, you’ve got the wrong girl.”

He let out a long, frustrated breath. “Before you, I hadn’t even kissed a woman for months. I am not going to suddenly start sleeping around. That’s not what I mean, and it’s not who I am.”

“Then tell me what you mean, please, and end this torture, because it really hurt to wake up to an empty bed and then to feel like I had misread everything. I know that’s my fault, but let’s get past it.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you when I answered the call.” He couldn’t help smiling at her vehemence. “I do like how feisty you are.”

“Boone.” She laughed.

“Sorry, but I do. All I meant was that I probably won’t always say the right thing. And if last night was any indication, then if a guy hits on you, I might turn into a jealous asshole.”

“That’s it?” She pressed her hands to his chest.

He shrugged. “Probably not, but I’ve never had a real girlfriend, so who knows what other things you’ll uncover.”

“Never? As in, not ever?” She looked skeptical.

He shook his head.

“Then what was that line about hoping one day to meet someone like me and not wanting a string of senseless mistakes hanging around your neck?”

“You don’t miss a thing, do you?” He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. “That was the truth. My parents got married when they were seventeen, and when we were growing up, we had nothing. We lived in this little rented house in a bad neighborhood, where you could hear the neighbors arguing all night and police sirens going off at all hours. We didn’t have bikes or video games or
things
, but we had love. My parents were there for us, and they were there for each other. My father loved my mother so deeply, you could see it in his eyes. And my mother? She refuses to move from that crappy little house because her memories, her life with my father, are there.”

“Oh, Boone. You and your family must miss him so much.”

“We do. I do, every damn day. My parents showed us what mattered in life. It wasn’t the things we had; it was the sense of family. They taught us how to love and showed us what caring about another person looks like.” He brushed her hair from her shoulder and curled his hand around the nape of her neck. “You should know that I was the guy who slept around the first year I was in the business. I was careful, never had unprotected sex, never did drugs, but I had my fair share of hookups in that year.”