Chasing Castles (Finding Focus #2) (23 page)

Camille

Present

THE FEEL OF FINGERS LIGHTLY
stroking my cheek rouses me, but I can’t force my eyes open. It’s been the longest twenty-four hours of my life, and all I want is sleep. But there’s something comforting and familiar about the touch, and I don’t want it to stop. It reminds me of how Deacon wakes me in the morning—his beautiful face hovering above me—just before he kisses me.

Oh, my God, Deacon
!

I sit up in my chair so quickly, it scrapes against the floor before knocking into the bedside table. My back aches from sleeping in the awkward position I was in before, but I don’t care because Deacon is awake.

He’s awake, and he’s staring at me with tears pouring from his eyes. My heart doesn’t know whether to heal itself or break even more at the site of him. I’m thrilled he’s finally awake, but I’ve never seen him cry like this. It dawns on me that he could be in pain and I spring into action.

“Deacon, you’re okay. I promise everything’s gonna be alright.” I grab some tissues from the bedside table and gently dab at his face, wiping away his tears. “Are you hurtin’ anywhere?” I ask.

He shakes his head, but I can see the worry in his eyes. I can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like waking up attached to tubes and not knowing where he was. I’m furious with myself for falling asleep. If I’d stayed awake, I’d have been able to reassure him sooner.

In between soothing words, I place kisses all over his face. I can’t help myself. The relief I’m feeling is exhilarating, and I know I need to get a nurse in here, but I just want him to myself a little while longer.

Deacon’s strong hands grab the tops of my arms and he pulls me away so that we are face to face.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Am I hurtin’ you?”

He closes his eyes tightly for a moment, and when he opens them again, I’m struck by the amount of sorrow I see. I’ve never seen Deacon like this, and it worries me greatly.

“Shh, I’ll go get the nurse, okay?”

His grip on my arms tighten, and I give him a smile. “I’ll be right back, I promise. I love you.”

He smiles back the best he can and lets me go. Before closing the door on my way out, I turn back to look at him again, partly to reassure him, but also to reassure myself that he really is awake and he’s going to be okay.

Camille

Past

SITTING OUT IN THE SUN
, I roll my jeans up so my legs can be exposed. It might be winter, but here in Louisiana, it’s still possible to get a tan now and then. Besides that, the warmth feels good.

Deacon has these ridiculously comfortable wooden chairs on his porch. Who would’ve thought a simple wooden chair would be so comfortable? But they are. I might steal them when I leave . . . or borrow them. Normally, I camp out on the front porch for an hour or two in the afternoon or morning, depending on my shift at the restaurant, but today, the sun was too inviting. So, I drug the ridiculously comfortable chair as close as I could get to the pond.

It’s different sitting on this side. The same, but different. When I was younger, and I’d lay out by the pond, my back would be to the big house. But from this vantage point, I can see the big house and the pond and even the barn off in the distance going the other way toward Micah’s cottage.

Like his brother, Micah hardly uses his cottage. They both spend most of their days in Baton Rouge. Mostly because they recently opened their new restaurant. It’s just getting off the ground, but already drawing quite the crowd, or so they say. I haven’t been yet, but I’m planning on going tonight for the grand opening. My brother’s band is playing, so I’ll get to see him, which is good. It’s been a month or so since he’s been home.

I’m also in my second trimester as of today, so it’ll be a sort of celebration for me. I’m hoping the baby books Annie bought me are right, and I’ll be rid of this “morning sickness” soon. It’s amazing how something the size of a pea can wreak such havoc in your body.

Seeing the restaurant will be fun. I haven’t been there since the party they had when they got their loan. I had thought about asking Deacon for a job there, something to pay the bills until the baby comes and I can figure everything out, but decided against it. The drive is long for minimum wage. I’d probably end up spending half my wages in gas. So, I got a job waiting tables at Sally’s Diner instead. Deacon doesn’t think it’s a good job for me, but I beg to differ. The hourly wage sucks, but the tips aren’t bad. I still know how to use my girlish charms, and I’m not showing yet, so that isn’t a deterrent.

Surprisingly enough, there are still a few people in French Settlement who don’t know I’m pregnant yet.

A few.

News travels fast in a small town. News about a girl like me, who’s never made the news before, travels at lightning speed. I’ve been the talk of the town since I moved back.

And so has Deacon.

His first mistake was letting me live in his cottage.

His second mistake was hovering over me like a mama bear.

So, people are gossiping.

They should know better by now that Deacon and I are just friends.

I mean, it’s been years since we were anything but, and even then, most people didn’t know. And by most people, I mean no one. No one ever knew that there was anything between us, except Stacey, and she didn’t find out until long after the fact.

But people have always stuck the two of us together because we’ve always been so close. Of course, they’re gonna talk and speculate. It’s what they do best.

If they only knew who the real daddy of my baby is. Boy, that’d give them something to talk about. People in this town would probably rip him to shreds. He’s just the kind of person that would rub 90% of the people in French Settlement the wrong way.

Thinking of Tristan doesn’t make me mad anymore. I’ve resolved to being in this on my own, and I’m okay with that. I think deep down I always knew that nothing long term would come out of our relationship.

I got the best of him, anyway.

I’m not sure everyone feels the same way, though.

Tucker and Deacon went to New Orleans to get my beat up truck and clean out my apartment. They took a drive by Tristan’s to collect a few of my things. I don’t know what happened that day, but Deacon and Tucker both seem to have gotten over their need to kill him on my behalf. Now, whether that means they did the deed or had a nice talk with him, I don’t know. They won’t tell me. All they’ll say is that it’s taken care of, and Tristan won’t ever bother me again. And that’s enough for me.

I haven’t seen a missing person ad for him, so I’m assuming he’s still in one piece, but I couldn’t care less either way.

The second Tristan wanted to do away with my baby, I was done with him. It was like a switch flipped, and it was no longer me and Tristan or me and anybody else, it was my baby and me.

I want him or her to grow up knowing what it feels like to put your toes in the green grass and run through the sugarcane fields.

I want them to enjoy Annie’s cooking and ride around the fields with my daddy.

I want Sam to teach them how to throw a baseball.

I want them to learn how to play the guitar from Tucker.

I want them to have the life I had and then some.

And I don’t know what I’ll say when the day comes, and I have to tell him or her about their dad, but I hope by then, I’ll have something good to say.

I know what it’s like growing up with one parent, and I hate that they’ll start this life out like that, but I also know that one parent can do the job of two. It’s not easy, and there will be days I mess it all up, but it’s okay. We’ll make it.

“You still come out here and chase castles?” Deacon’s voice comes from too dang close. I never heard him walk up, and it literally scared the piss out of me.

“You should not scare a pregnant lady like that,” I tell him, one hand clutching my chest and the other covering my eyes so I can see him in the bright sunlight.

He’s doubled over laughing, always the jokester.

“It’s not funny,” I warn.

“I’m sorry,” he says when he finally gains his composure. “I thought you were gonna jump out of that seat.”

“I felt like it,” I say, laughing. “And I mighta peed my pants a little.”

“Okay, too much information,” he says, waving a hand in the air, still laughing.

“What the heck are you doin’ sneakin’ up on me like that anyway?” I ask, settling back into my chair again.

“I’m sorry,” he says, finally curtailing the laughter. “I thought you heard me comin’.”

“No, too deep in thought I guess.”

He sits down on the grass beside me and leans back on his elbows, so reminiscent of our days lying by the pond.

“So, do you still chase castles?” he asks again.

“I guess so,” I tell him, feeling a wave of nostalgia hit me so strong that it almost takes my breath away. How does time go by so fast? And how can things change so quickly? Looking back, I never would’ve thought we’d end up like this. When I looked into the future, I saw Deacon. I thought, somewhere down the road, we’d end up together. But I didn’t see this. I didn’t see me sitting here, on the other side of the pond, pregnant and living in Deacon’s cottage. I had a dream about living in Deacon’s cottage, but that always included him living here too.

“I’m not sure I even know what I’m chasin’ these days.” I say it without thinking. “Life is so strange.”

“Yeah,” Deacon agrees, lying on his back with his muscular arms tucked behind his head. “If you try to predict how things are gonna go, you’re gonna be wrong.” He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out. “I think we end up right where we’re supposed to be, anyway. Sometimes, we might take a different route, but in the end, we’re where we’re supposed to be.”

“I guess so,” I agree, looking up at the clouds.

“I think that one looks like an arrow,” Deacon says, pointing straight above his head.

Falling into our familiar game, I play along.

“And that one over there kinda looks like Bugs Bunny,” I tell him, pointing to the right.

We bounce back and forth for a while, spotting different objects. Deacon claims to see Ozzy Osbourne, but I never see it. I let him have that one, though. I’m sure there’ve been times over the years when I’ve seen something that wasn’t really there and he did the same for me.

“Hey, Cam,” Deacon says after a while, rolling onto his side and facing me.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t stop chasin’ castles, okay?”

I don’t say anything for a second. I just look down at him. He’s still so achingly beautiful, inside and out. And it makes my chest hurt, just like it did when I was fifteen and wanted him so bad. It might hurt worse now because I know what it feels like to have him and lose him.

“Okay,” I finally tell him.

“I know right now your dreams might seem like they’re on the back burner, but it doesn’t mean you have to leave them there.”

I nod my reply because I’m not sure what to say to that. I do feel like everything’s changed in a few short months and I know so much more change is coming, but I don’t plan on giving up on the things I love—my dreams, my castles in the sky.