Chasing Lyrics (Music & Lyrics #1) (3 page)

Chapter
5

‘Labels
like shrapnel rip my insides to pieces’

Tanner –

     I can’t stop touching her.
I mean, I don’t want to stop! God, she is so beautiful. Watching her sleep, oh
crap, I’m watching her sleep! I lie down, run my hand through my hair, and it
hits me hard…I fucked up! She is the one person in this world that trusts me
with everything she is and I jeopardized it with sex! The best sex I have ever
had, but still not worth losing Lyrics over. I feel more anxious than I have
ever felt before, as if I should jump out of bed and run away. I don’t want to
hurt her. Seems like the girls I go out with always end up heartbroken. I tell
them I don’t want a relationship, but still, it always ends with them in tears.
Not like Lyrics is just another girl, I mean, she is my Lyrics. I can’t hurt
her. I will not hurt her!

     She opens her eyes and
asks me, “Tan, you okay? Why are you so nervous?” I close my eyes and take a
deep breath. It feels completely right having her wake up in my arms. I lean
down and kiss her forehead, then her nose, and then her beautiful lips. Her
smile is big. She jokingly says, “I half expected you to be back in Beaumont
already!” I almost choke on my own tongue. I swear, leaving has crossed my mind
fifty times just this morning.     

     “Lyrics, I couldn’t leave
you, hell, even if I wanted to!” She climbs on top of me and her body is so fucking
sexy. Of course, I knew she had a fit body, but her being on top of me, feeling
every curve and muscle; damn she is so beautiful.

     We lay in silence for a
few minutes and it actually isn’t awkward at all. I break the silence by asking
if she is hungry. She laughs and says, “All of the sudden you don’t know me or
what?”

     I motion to her and say,
“Get up, let’s get some waffles!” My mouth drops, as she gets out of bed completely
naked! I can’t believe this is what has been waiting for me for so many years. I
must have been staring quite hard because she spins around slowly so I can see
all of her. I stand up next to her and say, “If you want waffles, I suggest you
get dressed quickly. If you are not dressed in five seconds, I am going to push
you onto the bed and ravish your sexy ass! One… two… three…

      She stops in the middle
of putting her shorts on and says, “I am not really that hungry.” She
seductively drops her shorts to the floor. Like a magnet or a horny eighteen-year-old
boy, I tackle her to the bed and my hands take on a mind of their own. Feeling
this feisty girl relinquish herself to me is the most erotic feeling I have
ever felt. She yanks down my pants and grabs a rubber from her drawer.

     I grab her wrist and say, “Damn
girl, how many do you have in there?”

     She laughs. “A bunch! I
rarely have sex so they just keep adding up!”

     I kiss her lips and say, “We’ll
use them up by the end of this week!”

     I roll her on top of me
and she is ready for me, without a doubt. This is such a new feeling for me,
normally I want to fuck, cum, and then get out of Dodge…but damn, this is
Lyrics. She is wet and tight as I slide in and out of her. God, she feels so
fucking good. She is calling out my name in between breaths. I know she is about
to cum. Her whole body tenses up as her walls grab my cock like a vice grip. The
feeling of being inside her and knowing how wet she is overwhelms me. Feeling
her body tense up again, knowing I making her feel this way. Even the thought
of baseball won’t make me last another minute. I don’t want to cum yet. I don’t
want to…fuck! I grab the back of her head and thrust hard inside of her. A
noise comes out of my mouth that I have never made before. “Oh God. Lyrics. You’re
gonna make me cum, baby.”

     She says, “Cum, baby, cum!”
Her wish is my command. When I pull out, I snap off the condom and throw it in
the wastebasket. She looks exhausted. I lie back and she molds to my chest the
same way she has many times before, except this time, everything is different.

       My head is spinning with
what ifs, like what are we going to tell our parents and our friends. Lyrics pulls
my eyes to meet hers and says, “Tanner, it’s okay. I know how you are. I am not
expecting anything from you.” My heart breaks in half. Wow, she just knocked
the wind out of me with one short statement! I can’t make eye contact with her.

     “You think I would do that
to you?”

     She says, “I just don’t
want you thinking you have to say or do something that you don’t want to do.”

     I take her hand in mine
and tell her, “Lyrics, I would never hurt you. You are different from everybody
else, always have been. What I want to do is stay right here forever, in bed with
you. I could spend all day showing you how good you make me feel.” Lyrics was
quiet. Awkwardly quiet. I roll to my side so that I am facing her.

     She looks at me and says,
“I just don’t want us to change.”

     I say, “Explain what you
mean, please, because it’s changed.”

     She thinks for a moment and
then says, “Guess I’m just scared to lose you as my best friend. I am scared to
lose your Mom and Dad too.”

     I let out a little chuckle
and say, “Oh please, Mom would probably choose you over me if we had a fight,
and Dad without question would take your side. Listen, Lyrics, I want more with
you. I want you to be my best friend and so much more. You are the only person
I have ever felt this way about. Heck, you already know that. We have changed,
and will continue to change but I think it’s a good kind of change.” She is
staring into my eyes as if she is searching, almost waiting for a lie to come
out. I never lie to her but I wish I could lie right now. I feel like she
slipped me truth serum that is making me blurt out shit I don’t want to say! I
run through the rolodex in my mind of stupid things I can say and I find this… “Lyrics,
if things don’t go great for us, promise me that you won’t make me sing about
what a dick I am.” She pushes me off the bed! “So, are you my girl now?”

     She smiles and says, “Tan,
I have always been your girl.” My heart and body respond to her words in a way
that I have never felt before.

     “I know, but I mean, would
you be my girlfriend?” I am thirty years old and I have never called anybody my
girlfriend. It is as if a Martian inhabits my body and starts rattling off
things that I would never say.

     Lyrics raises her eyebrow
at me and sarcastically asks, “Are you possessed? Where is Tanner?”

     She doesn’t answer the
question! It feels like a vice wraps around my heart, which reminds me that I
need to get a grip on myself, and quick. “Let’s get some grub, I am starving!”

Chapter
6

‘They
say friendships get ruined by romance but I say it gets enhanced.’

Lyrics –

     We decide on sushi for
lunch. The ride there is quiet and I know Tanner is upset about something I
said, or didn’t say. I glance over at him and he looks like he is a thousand
miles away. I put my hand on his thigh and he places his hand on mine. His
hands are so soft and strong, and the way he is dragging his thumb on my hand
sends shivers down my stomach and they settle smack dab between my thighs. He
looks at me and then sharply pulls the truck over on the side of the road. It
takes him about two minutes of not looking at me before he turns and captures
my stare as well as my breath.

     He takes a deep breath and
says, “Lyrics, do you trust me?” I want to say yes because he has been my rock
for sixteen years, but the truth is that I am scared to death that he will
break my heart. I nod. He puts his fingers under my chin and guides my face to
his. Our eyes lock and I want nothing more than to be back in my bed with him. I
have wanted him for so long and I don’t understand why now that I have him, I
want to run fast and far!

     “We should eat, I mean, do
you still want to?”

     He says, “Yes, let’s!” Uchiko
is our favorite sushi spot. They know us very well there. When we pull up to
the restaurant, I get out of the car and start walking up. I turn around and
Tanner is standing outside of his truck, leaning on the door just staring at me.
I walk back to him and he grabs my hand and pushes me up against his car. In
public, he puts both hands on my face and kisses me…at our local sushi restaurant…with
people that most likely know us inside! This is not a normal kiss. This is a “you
are mine” kiss. It is needy and deep. Throughout the years, we’ve had to tell
so many people that we are just friends that I feel almost uncomfortable
kissing him in public. I have never seen him act like this. I mean truly, I
have never seen him kiss a girl unless he was drunk. He begins to pull away but
I pull him back into me, which he takes as an invitation to get extra physical.
The taste of his lips makes me feel almost drunk. He looks down and says, “You
still hungry?” I bite my lip, grab his waist, and nod yes. He growls and says,
“For sushi?”

     I smile and say, “Oh. Yeah,
I guess we’d better eat something.”

     Tanner orders for us as he
normally does and our conversation is rolling, back to normal. The waitress
brings the food and our standard extra plate so we can split halves. He smiles
at me, I notice his eyes coast past me, and his facial expression turns sour. I
know somebody is here. I ask, “Who is it?”

     He looks down and says,
“What?”

     I say, “Tanner, who is
here that you know?” I turn my head and see the skank from the other night at
the bar. I look at him and roll my eyes. He reaches across the table and grabs
my hand.

     The girl walks up to our
table and says with a pouty, slutty tone, “Hey Tanner. I must have missed your
call.” She looks at me, gives me a fake smile, and says, “Oh, the best friend.”
She looks down and sees Tanner intertwining his fingers with mine and rubbing
my hand in a nervous oh fuck type of way!

     Tanner looks at her and
says, “I didn’t call. I was, uh, busy.”

     She looks at Tanner, then at
me and says, “Well, guess your friendship is over. Bad choice! Your loss.” Tanner
and I burst out in laughter as she stomps away like a pissed off, love-struck
teenager.

     Tanner works as a model sometimes,
which pays him very well. He could make a career out of it but chooses to keep
it as a means of money to support our musical dreams. We really can’t go
anywhere in Austin without girls fawning all over him. Either they love his
music or his looks… most of them love both. He’s never been in a relationship
with another girl. He says nobody could ever hold his attention for too
long…except for me. I dated a few guys for a couple of months but I would
always compare them to Tanner and not one held a candle to him. If I didn’t
leave them because of their falling short on my Tanner scale, they would leave
me because of the time I spent with Tanner. I used to think he was my
everything but the truth is that now he is my everything and I don’t know what
the hell to do about it. For the first time, it really feels like all or
nothing.

     The fact that we have
tangled our lives together really makes it all or nothing. We cannot go
backwards from here. We live in the same apartment building, I write the songs he
sings, we know everything about each other, we are each other’s past and
present. Ugh, I just need to breathe.

     On the drive home, Tanner
holds my hand in his and it sparks a memory from eight years ago. I was twenty-one
and had been saving virginity for Tanner, even though I never even whispered a
word of that to him or anybody else for that matter. I had been dating Daniel
for three months and I liked him, not loved, but he was a handsome law student
that was there for me when Tanner was out with other girls. Tanner and I went
out to a club in Beaumont and he ended up leaving with some chick that was all
over him. Of course, I acted as if I couldn’t care less, but the fact was that
I was insanely jealous, you could say I was pissed off! I called Daniel and asked
if I could come over to his place. He quickly said yes. I headed over there. I was
through waiting for Tanner. I decided that Daniel would be the one to claim my
virginity. When I got to his house, I did exactly what I set out to do. After
about two minutes, it was over. I had tears running down my cheeks, not because
it hurt but because it wasn’t love…it wasn’t Tanner. Daniel looked at me and
asked if I was okay. I nodded my head and he angrily asked, “Why are you crying
then?” I couldn’t answer him. He said, “It’s that fucking Tanner, right?” I
stayed silent. Daniel got dressed and told me to get out. He told me that he
got what he wanted and didn’t need to be second to anybody. I got dressed and
grabbed my things, without another word I was out the door.

     On my way home, I called
Tanner. He picked up and said, “Lyrics, you know I am in the middle of
something, right?” I couldn’t speak. He said, “Dylan, what’s wrong? Are you
okay?”

     I grunted mmhmm. I sniffed
back tears and I heard him tell the girl that he had to leave. She was not
happy but he didn’t care. By the time I pulled up to my driveway, Tanner was
already there waiting. The tears fell like a waterfall. He opened my car door
and saw my mascara running down my face. He pulled me out of the car and asked in
an ass kicking way, “What the fuck happened? Who hurt you?” I assured him that
I was not physically hurt. He took my hand and led me to the porch swing, never
letting go of my hand. I didn’t want to tell him what I did, but it was Tanner
and we told each other everything. I told him what happened; leaving out the
parts about wishing Daniel was Tanner of course. He pushed my hair behind my
ears and kissed me on the cheek. He said, “Lyrics, listen to me. You are the
most amazing person on this planet and what happened tonight does not change
that! So, you aren’t a virgin anymore. Now you don’t have to worry so much
about losing it! Daniel is an asshole and he will get his, I promise that.”

     I smiled and said, “Sorry
I ruined your night.”

     He looked at me, still
holding my hand, and said, “Come on, girl, you saved me from another mistake. You
could never ruin my night. A night without my Lyrics would be silent and
boring!” He gave me a big hug and I felt so much better.

     He has always made me
better. When he turns into our parking lot, I snap out of my flashback. I look
down and our hands mold together like two pieces of a puzzle. He lifts my hand
and gently kisses it. He says, “I feel like singing, do you feel like writing?”

     I smile and say, “Of
course, but you know, these next songs are going to be upbeat and about happy
shit…I hope they don’t come out like a folky happily ever after song!”

      Tanner flashes a huge
smile and mesmerizes me with his dimples. He says, “I hope they do!” I don’t tell
him but I hope they do too!