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“I already told you, I don’t.” She blinked slowly. “It embarrassed you, when she
criticized you,” she realized quietly. “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “Don’t be. Everyone’s different.”

“I like it,” she encouraged again. “So don’t hold back with me. I want to make you feel as good as you make
me
feel, and I want you to be yourself.”

I
raised my eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“So, if I say I brought the Box O’Fun along with us, you’d be open to playing with some more of the toys inside?”

Her lips fell open, and it was the sexiest reply that she could have given me.

“The box of sex toys?”

“Yes
.”

For a moment, I couldn’t read her expression, and then finally she nodded. “
You should probably write to Carissa.”

Even though we were talking about the box that Carissa had sent me, I had completely forgotten about the fact that I’d been chatting with her.
I had zero intention of continuing to communicate with her in anyway.

“I’ll send her a quick reply, telling her I’m with you,” I agreed.

“No, you should still go to the signing. At least meet her.”

I froze, backing away to look into her eyes. She tried to shift her gaze to the floor, but I ca
ught her chin in my hand. “Why? Say what you’re feeling, don’t play games. Or make me extract the information by force. Unless you want me to.”

She managed a small smile. “Brew, you were so excited to meet her. You both really hit it off. I don’t want you sitting across the dinner table from me someday, with
a dozen or so of our kids screaming and running around like monkeys, thinking “Carissa Steel. The one who got
away
. You know?”

“No, I don’t know.
” I laughed, lifting her to sit on the cabinet as she managed a tiny shriek of protest. “And with a dozen or so kids, I’d be too happy to think about anyone else but the mother of my children.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that.”

“Still
, meet her anyway. I’ll go with you. Okay?”

I rolled my eyes, wrapping her legs around my waist. “Whatever, Boss.
First things first. Let’s get some groceries, and then decide where we’re going out tonight. I want to dance with you.”

She grinned, batting her lashes seductively. “Like, in public?”

“Yes, in public.”

“Are we going to… do that again? I don’t want to spend our vacation in jail,” she warned me.

“Oh, we’re going to do that again, but not while we’re out,” I assured her with a sly grin. “Tonight, all I want to feel is you, dancing against me, knowing that I can get as fucking turned on as I want by you, and there’s nothing wrong with it. And that I’ll be the one taking you home.”

She
sighed contentedly, resting her forehead against my chest.

After a long moment, I gathered her hair in my hands. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I should be happy. I should be completely and utterly happy.”

“But you’re worried. And that’s normal,” I added softly.

“I’m not worried. I’m scared. I’m so afraid that everything that we’re doing, all the plans that we’re making, all if it will just crumble… around us. Because if it happened with you and Elaina, and with me and Jack, what’s going to stop it from happening to you and me? We’re not immune to falling apart. The only thing that’s kept us together all these years is
not
being together.”

“
That’s not true,” I protested, backing away to look down at her. “We know each other better than we know ourselves. We have fun, and we don’t try to change each other. We are exactly what we’ve always been, and we love that about each other.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her cheek to my chest. “You always know exactly what to say.
Every time.”

“I call it like I see it,” I agreed. “And I can’t see anyone but you.”

She lifted her eyes, smiling up at me.

We went for a walk
on the beach with Joplin, collecting shells along the way. I alternated between forgetting what we were doing and fixating on our future, unable to focus on one aspect of our relationship for too long before something else about her occupied my mind.

I watched her run barefooted along the shore, laughing as Joplin barked at the oncoming waves.

I knew that we were going to be fine, just like we always had been. Something had happened long ago, some intricate plan that had woven our lives together. Sandy had been the one constant in my world, through the good times and the bad, and I knew that she was about to
become
my world.

If she wasn’t my reason for breathing already.

Eventually, we’d have to figure out our jobs. I couldn’t marry her and have her working as my subordinate; HR would already be having a field day if they knew what we were doing. Either I’d have to take another position, or Sandy would.

And I’d never ask her to do that for me.

When Jessica called, I encouraged Sandy to answer. “Come on. You need her. Tell her what’s going on. She’s been trying to be there for you. Let her.”

She did answer, and they ended up talking for almost two hours. She continued most of her conversation out on the balcony while I went out to get groceries
.

“One sec, Jess.
Jason, I can come with you,” she protested, holding her hand over the phone.

“No, just put your feet up and talk. I’ll be back before you know it.” I snatched the keys from the counter, waving to the phone at her ear. “Tell Jess I said hi, and not to mention anything at work.”

“She wouldn’t do that,” Sandy replied, and I could hear Jessica yelling through the phone ‘I wouldn’t do that, Jason!’ from across the room.

I drove to the island market and got enough groceries for the next few days, taking my time to pick out healthy foods that we both enjoyed. I planned to go for a run every morning along the beach, and I wanted her to join me if she felt up to it.

I wanted her healthy; mind, body, and soul. I knew I couldn’t fix everything, but the urge to put a Band-Aid on her every frown was overwhelmingly urgent.

Half-way through the parking lot, my phone rang, and I glanced at the unrecognized number.
Definitely Ohio.
I knew it was probably about work, and I fought the urge to let the call go to voicemail.

“Jason Brewer,” I answered quickly, unloading the bags into my truck.

“
The
Jason Brewer?” her voice replied.

I pulled the phone away from my ear to glance at the number again before squinting. “Who is this?”

“Sorry,” she replied, laughter tinkling in her voice. “It’s me, Carissa. Steel. Sorry, I just thought I’d call you. On a whim.”

We’d texted a couple times, but had never spoken. Her voice was melodic, and definitely sounded younger than twenty-five. “Hey,” I answered, my tone guarded.

“I’m not a stalker, I promise,” she teased, laughing again. “I actually am coming into town a day early for the signing, and wanted to ask if you’d have dinner with me. But before I did that, I thought it’d be best to have an actual phone conversation with you,” she went on. “And I’m glad, because you sound really cute.”

I couldn’t ignore the sweet, hopeful rise to her words,
and paused just outside my truck.

“
You sound cute too,” I agreed, trying so hard to find the right words to tell her what was going on. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and I also didn’t want to make it sound like I’d just strung her along for the past few weeks for no reason. “I’m glad that you called.”

“You are?” s
he asked, and I could hear her grin through the phone. “Oh, thank God. I was trying to play it cool, but nerves are making my voice shake.”

“You don’t have to be nervous to talk to me,
I’m not the one who’s famous,” I answered.

“I’m not famous.” S
he giggled, and I couldn’t resist the urge to smile. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to hear your voice and to tell you that I’d be at the Renegade Bar on West 6
th
around eight o’clock Friday night. And also to tell you that I’m not a stalker. So, all done.”

“I don’t think you’re a stalker at all, I think you’re pretty brave. And I like that. But,” I said carefully, glancing at my watch. “Some big things have changed in my life, and I’m actually… getting married.”

She fell silent for a moment, and I waited, surprised to feel a little anxious for her reaction. I’d never had any intention of disappointing her, but I had a feeling that I’d just done exactly that.

“Congratulations,” she breathed, finally, sounding stunned. “I really don’t know what to say. How long have you known each other?”

“Twenty-six years,” I admitted, staring at a seagull as it bobbed its way across the parking lot to a piece of food. “She’s my best friend. Everything happened very quickly, and I’m sorry to have led you on in any way.”

“No, no,” she argued. “You didn’t, you were always very honest, and told me that you had a lot going on. I guess I kind of… made up the rest of what I thought we might be, you know?
I kind of do that for a living,” she rambled with a sad little laugh, and I took a deep breath.

“But I accepted your gift, and I shouldn’t have. Please let me pay you for what you sent me.”

“Jason, consider it a honeymoon starter kit,” she breathed, and I truly admired the way that she held herself together so maturely. “I think it’s very romantic that, after all these years, you fell in love with your best friend. Will you sue me if I write about it?”

“Have at it,” I replied with a smile. “Carissa, I’d still like to meet you at the signing. I think you’re a very talented writer, and obviously a genuinely nice person. Would that be okay?”

“You’d better come meet me,” she teased half-heartedly. “I would be disappointed if you didn’t.”

“Okay, then,” I agreed, and she took a steadying breath herself.

“Okay, then. See you later, Jason,” she said softly before disconnecting the call.

I gave a short, relieved sigh,
eager to drive back to Sandy. I admitted to myself that it felt like an incredible weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, and I was glad to have officially ended whatever I had going on with Carissa.

“San!
I got groceries, and then I saw a place that has dancing after ten-”

I stopped short in the living room, letting the bags of groceries
fall to the ground.

She
stood at the kitchen table, a long, thin riding crop in one hand, and the purple vibrator in the other.

And she wore nothing but the tiniest, white
string bikini that I had ever seen.

Her body was curved in all the right places, and her heavy breasts pushed the
thin material of the cups to their limit.

“I was going to go for a swim, but I thought I’d unpack first.”

Her words were laced with mischief, and when she flashed me a wicked smile, I crossed the room to her in a flash.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Sandy

He lifted me into his arms, gripping the edge of the box with one hand and carrying me across the hall to the bedroom.

He dropped me onto the bed, and I scooted backwards, watching the desire pool in his ocean-blue gaze.

“I’m not touching you with that crop,” he nodded toward my right hand, and I raised my eyebrows.

“What?”

“I’m not hitting you. Not ever, not even
if you beg me to. Are we clear?”

I could only nod, knowing that he was thinking about everything that Jack had done to me.

“That, on the other hand,” he nodded toward the vibrator. “Is going inside of you. Right now.”

“Where?”
I asked. My words were barely a whisper, and the ceiling fan ticked above us like the metronome.

“I want you to keep that little bikini on. Lie
on your back, and open your legs.”

I
did as he commanded, my head hitting the pillow. My knees bent, and I managed to open them- slightly- before I heard make a disapproving sound.

“Don’t bend your knees. I want to be able to see your pussy, even with that little fucking bikini on.”

My futile words caught in my throat. I could only nod, letting my knees fall apart, feeling my body open. In broad daylight, with the sun streaming through the window, I felt like I’d gotten myself into more than I could handle.

“
Can you close the blinds?”

“No.”

He moved to the foot of the bed, and his sharp intake of breath told me that he could see every part of my body laid out for him like a feast. The thin, white bikini did little to offer any modesty.

“
Good
. Fuck, so beautiful.”