Cherished (36 page)

In the back of her mind she heard Tommy say,
“I reckon we’re in your debt, Rawdon. You’ve taken good care of our
little sister.”

And then Cole was straightening his hat,
coming toward them, speaking in that cool way of his. “No trouble.
Anything I can do to spoil McCray’s day is fine with me.”

“Well, we’ll handle McCray and his men,”
Tommy assured him. “No one will have to worry about them again when
we’re through.”

That made Cole pause. He stared into the tall
young man’s face with a look of warning. “You and your brother had
best stick to taking care of Juliana,” he said very deliberately.
“That bounty is still out on her head and until you clear that up,
she’ll be a target. Leave McCray—and Knife Jackson—to me.”

Then he was walking toward the door,
leaving—without even glancing her way.

She sprang off the sofa in a flash and
blocked his path, a golden slip of a girl with a spine tight as a
steel rod. “I need to talk to you outside, Cole. Alone.”

His expression as he stared down at her was
distant and polite, as though she were a stranger he had just
encountered in a shop or along the street. “Our business is
finished, angel. You found your brothers—that’s what you wanted.
They seem pretty capable of keeping you safe. Now it’s time for me
to be moving on.”

His casual words cut her to the quick, until
she realized that this too was part of his facade, part of that
wall he built up around himself. She willed herself to remember the
tenderness in his eyes when he had caressed her last night, when he
had held her and made himself a part of her and she a part of him.
“No, it’s time for me to apologize,” she said, taking his strong
hands in her small, slender ones and pulling him toward the door.
“Come on. I’m not going to humble myself in front of all these
men.”

“Juliana.” Gil Keedy loomed suddenly at her
side. There was a fervent desperation in his face. Beneath the
shock of red hair she read three things: jealousy, concern, and a
deep yearning.
No, Gil
, she thought sadly,
save all
that for Josie, whoever she might be. I want one man and only one.
And if I don’t prove that to him, he’ll walk out that door and
leave me forever.

“Gil, this is between me and Cole.”

“Let him go, Juliana. I’m begging you,” Gil
urged in a low tone. “He’s trouble. You don’t need him anymore.
We’ll take care of you now ...”

She saw the quick flash of anger spark in
Cole’s eyes as he stared at the other man, then he quenched all
emotion and jerked his hands from her, his lips tight. “He’s
right,” he drawled evenly. “
Adiós
, Juliana.”

“Out! Everybody out!” Juliana ordered
suddenly, whirling toward her brothers and the other men. “If Cole
won’t step outside with me, we’ll have to talk here. Leave us for a
while!”

Yancy guffawed at the sight of this slender
female issuing orders like many a general he’d seen during the war.
Gray Feather grinned and sauntered toward the door, while Skunk
elbowed Gil in the ribs, then hustled the red-faced cowboy across
the room.

“Hold on, Juliana,” Tommy began, shooting
Rawdon a suspicious glance, but Wade clapped a hand on his
shoulder. “Let’s go, Tommy boy. Our very determined little sister
has spoken.”

“You’re going to leave her here alone—with
him?”

“Yep.”

The anger rising in him at being made the
object of ridicule by every grinning man present, Cole stared at
Juliana with murder in his eyes. “What’s to stop me from walking
out that door with the rest of them?” he demanded in a low
tone.

It was Wade, overhearing, who answered him
from the cabin door. “Won’t do you any good, Rawdon. You can’t
leave anyway. While we were talking, I had Skunk hide your horse.
You’re not going anywhere until my sister gives her
permission.”

And with that, he shoved Tommy out the door
before him, then slammed it shut behind them both, laughing into
the Arizona night.

Juliana reached out a hand toward Cole’s
cheek, but he brushed it away.

“Say what you have to say and get it over
with. I’ve got work to do and if you think I’m hanging around here
to play nursemaid to you one minute longer, you’re wrong. Dead
wrong.”

“Is that what you think I want?” Her chin
lifted, and fury danced in her emerald eyes, but then, remembering
her goal, she tried to swallow back her own anger. “Cole,” she said
softly, soothingly, placing a hand on his arm. It was corded with
muscles beneath his black shirt, but she thought she felt it quiver
at her touch.

“The least you can do is to let me
apologize.”

“For what?”

“For breaking my promise. For not coming back
tonight to tell you I’d found my brothers. I know it was awful of
me, but we were so excited to be reunited, and there were so many
things to discuss and settle between us—”

“Look,” he interrupted, his voice raw,
“that’s real nice about your brothers. I’m glad for you. You’re
back with them where you belong.” She had started caressing his
arm, rubbing her fingers back and forth lightly, provocatively, and
it was having a damned strange effect on him. He felt his insides
go from tight and knotted to something else ... something like
melting iron. Damn her and her tricks.

Suddenly he reached out and seized her by the
wrists. “That fellow Keedy. He’s right about me. I am trouble. More
trouble than you can imagine.”

“So am I.” She tossed her head, sending a
wayward wisp of curl tilting over one eye. “At least that’s what
you’ve been telling me all this time. I reckon that means we’re a
good match.”

“You’ve got me wrong, Juliana. I’m not the
kind to make any kind of match.” Cole felt sweat breaking out on
his brow. She looked so beautiful, so fragile and sweet. He had to
use all his willpower to keep from reaching out and smoothing that
golden tendril back from her brow, from yanking all those pins from
her hair and letting the entire pale mass of it spill like fool’s
gold into his hands. He wanted to clasp her in his arms and never
let her go. But that would be the worst thing he could do. He had
to say good-bye to her forever.

Cole knew with bleak certainty that he wasn’t
the type of man to settle down. He wasn’t the type ever to find the
kind of peace and contentment she’d be looking for, that she
deserved. Better she should stick with her brothers, and maybe
eventually marry Keedy or someone like him—not a man who’d lived
his whole life alone, who’d mastered the art of not needing anyone,
not trusting anyone. He could never make her happy. Disaster
followed him—and so did death. There was no way out of the violent
cycle of his life. Deep down, Cole knew he was fated to an
existence of brutality and danger. Juliana had been running from
such violence ever since she was a child and had lost her own
parents. She needed someone who would protect her from pain and
difficulty, not someone whose entire life had been a chain of
violence and confrontation, who had learned to survive by being
more deadly, more ruthless, more dangerous than any opponent he
might encounter. Juliana would want a house with curtains on the
windows, and a garden, a place with books and matching china
dishes—and babies. He couldn’t give her that. He could only give
her trouble.

“Look,” he said as evenly as he could, trying
to keep the pain that was tearing at his guts out of his voice, “I
know you think you owe me something because I got you out of
Plattsville. You don’t. I did it because I wanted to do it, and you
don’t need to understand my reasons. But it’s over. Wade and Tommy
will take care of you. I’m going to take care of McCray.”

The pile of daisy petals floated in her mind
once more.
He loves me not
. Could she be so very wrong?
Was she making an utter fool of herself? Desperately, Juliana
searched his face.

He looked as cool, as handsomely, ruggedly
detached as he had that day in Denver when she’d fainted in his
arms. It wasn’t at all the way Gil Keedy looked at her, or the way
any of the young men in St. Louis had looked at her. It wasn’t the
way he’d looked at her last night. But she didn’t know how to bring
that tender expression back. It seemed to have vanished
forever.

Because I submitted to him. He was
curious about what it would be like to make love to me, and we were
all alone at the cabin, and it happened. But it meant nothing to
him. I mean nothing to him, except as something, someone he had to
see safely disposed of. And now he’s done that, so he’s
leaving.

A thousand jagged splinters seemed to pierce
her heart. The anguish made it nearly impossible to breathe. She
studied his lean face with an aching gaze, trying to memorize every
line and angle, the strength and courage she read in his eyes, the
kindness buried deep beneath the steely surface. There was a
tightness in her throat so painful, Juliana couldn’t swallow, and
she was afraid she was going to cry. She searched in her mind for
something to say, something that wouldn’t betray her own foolish
dreams any more than she already had, and her distraught mind came
up with something idiotic and totally unrelated, but she blurted it
out anyway.

“You ... you said you would bring me back a
surprise. M-may I have it ... before you go?”

She wouldn’t cry in front of him, nor in
front of Wade and Tommy. She wouldn’t. She would behave ... in a
sophisticated manner. She would let him go without bawling like
some pathetic, drooling fool.

Standing there, seeing her in that elegant
pale green gown that emphasized the emerald vibrance of her eyes,
Cole thought of the cheap Mexican peasant skirt and blouse he had
bought from Joseph Wells’ housekeeper this morning. The woman had a
daughter about Juliana’s size. The skirt was brightly colored, a
gay, pretty thing, and the plain white blouse had a scooped
neckline with a tiny edging of lace. He had also bought from the
girl some red and yellow hair ribbons, and a slim gold bracelet.
Gifts for Juliana. The first gifts he’d ever bought for a
woman.

But they were silly, secondhand offerings. He
hadn’t wanted to venture into the nearest town, for it would have
meant leaving Juliana alone too long, so he had planned to bring
back those few trinkets for her as a surprise. He had even imagined
her wearing the clothes and the bracelet and the ribbons in her
hair while they had supper, sweeping gaily about the cabin with the
skirt twirling about her legs, making it seem more like a home than
a place of hiding. And then afterward, he had anticipated the
enjoyment of removing each article of clothing with leisurely
pleasure ...

But here she was in the Montgomery gang
hideout, dressed in a gown so fine and exquisite, it made little
Lucita’s skirt and blouse look gaudy and cheap by comparison.
Juliana wore earbobs, too, he observed, his chest tight, pearl
pieces that were lovely and expensive—gifts apparently from her
brothers. When he thought of the paltry items in his saddlebag,
items only half a day ago he had thought would delight her, he felt
as foolish as a puppy begging for crumbs.

“I couldn’t get you the surprise,” he told
her. He tried to let go of her shoulders but found himself gripping
them even more tightly. “Sorry, angel.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Juliana tried to smile.
Tears threatened behind her eyes, and she was waging a tremendous
struggle to keep them back. “Where ... will you go now?”

“I’ll head back to Plattsville and find out
from Knife Jackson where to find McCray. Then I’ll settle up with
both of them.”

“Don’t,” she begged suddenly. The fear that
slammed through her heart made even the anguish seem dull by
comparison. “Just ... go away. Go to ... New Mexico or Texas. I’m
going to get Wade and Tommy to take me away from Arizona, too. Then
none of us will have to worry about McCray or John Breen or anyone
anymore ...”

“I learned a long time ago, sweetheart, that
running never leaves behind the trouble. It always follows
you.”

“That’s not true. I ran away from John Breen,
and escaped.”

“You didn’t escape. You got caught by me. And
you’re still a target for some other bounty hunter who’d try to
bring you back to Breen so he could collect the. reward.”

“Then maybe I should go back and face him,”
Juliana said slowly. The thought of it made her stomach churn
uneasily, but she was completely serious. “Maybe”—she licked her
lips as the idea grew in her mind—”I should get rid of John Breen
and those ridiculous charges once and for all.”

No!
Cole wanted to shout.
Stay
away from Breen. I want you safe
. It shocked him how dearly he
wanted to protect her, to keep her far from any possible harm.
“Maybe Wade or Tommy could confront Breen—and force him to give up
the search.” Even as he said the words, he knew that he should be
the one to do it. Suddenly her welfare, her protection, seemed to
be the only things in the world that mattered. Not Fire Mesa. Not
even evening the score with Jackson and McCray. Only staying near
Juliana and making sure that no one and nothing harmed her.

Something must have shown in his eyes, some
glimpse of the powerful emotions possessing him, for her lovely
face lit up, the light dusting of freckles making her look adorably
like a child, a child who has been promised a rare treat, and she
clasped her arms around his neck before either of them realized
what she was doing.

“Cole, you
do
care about me, don’t
you?” she breathed. “You’re afraid of what might happen if I fell
into Breen’s clutches.”

Somehow he found the strength to disentangle
her arms from around his neck. “I reckon I feel somewhat
responsible for you,” he admitted, struggling for words. “The same
way I feel responsible for my saddle and my horse....”