Chihuahua Confidential (17 page)

Siren Song ran over to Pepe and sniffed at him. He didn't move.

“You killed my dog!” I screamed.

“Screw him!” Rodney shot back. “He was killing me!”

“My God,” said Jennifer, staring at the blood gushing from Rodney's ankle. “You might need stitches.”

“I'll take care of it later,” Rodney told her. He went into the other room and came back with the belt from a terry-cloth bathrobe. “Tie her hands behind her back.” He rolled me over and Jennifer tied my wrists together. They hauled me up and propped me in a sitting position. I could see Pepe, a few feet away. He was totally limp. Siren Song sat beside him and whimpered.

“Where's her purse?” Rodney asked. “Check to see if she's still got the ransom.”

“No, I don't,” I lied. “I gave it to Nacho.”

“Where is Nacho?”

“Stuck in the tar pits,” I said with some satisfaction.

“She didn't have a purse with her when she came in,” said Jennifer. “She must have left it in the car.”

“Well, go check!”

“How would I know which car is hers?”

“Figure it out! You've got to be good for something besides whining!”

While Jennifer was gone, Rodney hobbled around, looking for something to staunch the blood pouring from his ankle. “Ow!” he yelled, limping badly.

I looked over at the still form of Pepe. I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. “Stay with me, little guy,” I whispered.

Rodney went into the bedroom and began throwing things around. He came out with a suitcase just as Jennifer hurried through the front door waving the red patent leather purse.

“She stole Caprice's car,” she told Rodney. “And Caprice's purse.”

“She loaned them to me,” I said.

“Doesn't matter,” said Rodney, taking the purse away from Jennifer. “We're in luck. Looks like the ransom is all here. A cool quarter of a million dollars!” Rodney pulled out one of the neatly bound stacks of $100 bills. “Ha!” He pushed it back into the bag. “One thing you've got to say about Caprice. She cares about her dogs.”

“More than her employees,” said Jennifer bitterly.

“We've got what we need. Time to get on the road,” Rodney said.

“What if she called the police?” Jennifer asked.

“Yes,” I lied again, my head still spinning. “I called the cops!”

Rodney glared at me. “I don't think so. She wouldn't have come in here alone if she had,” he said.

No, he was right, I wouldn't have come in alone, except to protect my dog.

“Anyway,” he told Jennifer, “if we leave right now, we should be able to make it across the border in a few hours. With all that money, we won't have any worries. We can finish our movie and submit it to Sundance.”

“That's what this is all about? You killed my dog for a movie?”

“Not just any movie,” said Rodney. “This is art. We're going to be rich and famous.”

Jennifer pointed at me. “Not if she tells the cops about us.”

“She won't get a chance,” said Rodney.

“What do you mean?” Jennifer asked him.

“What do you think?”

A look of horror spread across her face. “You don't mean—”

“Look, I'd rather not do it. But she's a loose end.”

“I can't believe it,” said Jennifer. “That's your solution for everything. Kill Nigel when he won't pay the ransom. Kill the guy who's trying to protect the Pomeranian. You guys have bungled everything right from the start when we tried to kidnap Caprice's Chihuahua last year.”

“That was Nacho's fault!” Rodney said. “He's too impulsive. We're better off without him.”

“Well, I'm not going to have any part in murder,” said Jennifer.

“Look, if you don't like it, go start the van.” He reached into his pocket and tossed her the keys. “Take the suitcases.” I noticed he didn't let go of the purse containing the ransom. “I'll be down in a minute.”

“What about the dogs?”

“We don't need them anymore.”

“You're not going to hurt them, are you?” Nice to know she had empathy for the dogs, if not for me.

“No, I'm not going to hurt them. Just go!”

Jennifer looked at the keys in her hand, then at me. “Well, OK,” she said. She grabbed the suitcases and headed out the front door.

Siren Song put her forepaws on my thigh and whined softly as if there was something I could do for poor Pepe, who lay so still beside me.

Rodney went into the kitchen and I could hear him opening drawers and cursing. When he emerged, he had a sharp steak knife in his hand. He held it up in one hand like some crazed killer in a horror movie and approached me.

Siren Song bared her fangs and growled ferociously at Rodney. Pomeranians always look happy, even when they're growling, so she didn't seem like much of a threat.

Rodney kicked her. She yipped and went tumbling across the floor, a furry golden ball.

“Now for you,” said Rodney. He didn't sound too confident. In fact, he swallowed hard as he looked down at me.

“I know you're not a killer,” I said. “Just let me go and I promise I won't say anything.”

Rodney's eyes were sad. “It's too late for that,” he said.

He bent over me, the knife raised above his head. Suddenly there was a horrific snarl—it sounded like a dire wolf must have sounded—and a golden ball of Pomeranian came flying through the air and chomped onto Rodney's upraised arm. “Ow! Ow!” he yelled, waving his hand back and forth. Siren Song stayed attached. He dropped the knife.

I saw my opportunity, lifted up my legs, and aimed both feet at Rodney's crotch. I was still wearing the high heels, so the impact was brutal. Rodney let out a squeal like a slaughtered pig and fell to his knees in front of me. I rolled over on top of the knife, managed to grab it with one hand, and started sawing away at the belt around my wrists.

Rodney was still gibbering, but I didn't know how long he would be incapacitated. If he recovered before I got free, I would be a goner. Like my dog.

Just then Pepe rose from the dead. Maybe he had been playing possum.

I was overjoyed to see him stagger to his feet. And even more happy when he charged Rodney and clamped his jaws around Rodney's wrist, chewing viciously. It sounded like Pepe was trying to say something while he bit down, but it just came out as
Grrrr! Grrrr! Grrrr!
Rodney screeched even more when Siren Song let go of his arm and bit him on the butt. And then a strange ugly gray dog came running out of the back room and joined the fray. It must be Nigel's dog, Kooky! She started scissoring Rodney's already-bloody ankle with her sharp incisors. He howled in pain, rolling back and forth on the beige-colored shag carpet that was becoming spotted with his blood. I was so glad it wasn't mine.

At that moment, Princess the Papillon appeared in the doorway, her white fur spotted with tar. She must have jumped out of the Ferrari and made her way to the apartment. She assessed the situation and realized she could be most effective helping me. She rushed over and began yanking on the bathrobe belt. Within a few minutes, I was free.

I staggered to my feet. The dogs were doing a job on Rodney—Princess had joined in—but they needed help. He now had a Chihuahua attached to his wrist, a Pomeranian on his butt, the Chinese crested on his ankle, and a Papillon chewing on his ear. I took hold of one of the captain's chairs around the dining room table and waited for my opportunity. When Rodney rolled over onto his hands and knees and tried to push himself up, I bashed him across the back with it. Unlike the chairs that break apart on impact in the movies, this one didn't. It made a terrific
thunk!
and sent Rodney crashing forward like a felled tree. I was ready to do it again, but he lay there unmoving, his face planted firmly in the shag carpet.

Pepe ran to Siren Song. “
Mi amor,
” he said, nuzzling her repeatedly. “I have saved you!”

“And
muchas gracias, amiga
!” Pepe said, turning to Kooky, who pranced with happiness. She was even uglier in person than she was in pictures, but I could see why Nigel was so attached to her. She had a lot of personality.

“Your timing was impeccable,” Pepe said with a courtly bow for Princess.

So much for my part in it, I thought.

“And my partner—” Pepe began, turning to me.

Then the front door flew open and in stepped Jimmy G.

“Have no fear! Jimmy G is here!” he announced. After giving the scene a brief scan, he added, “Oh! Looks like you've got it pretty much under control.”

“How did you find us?” I asked.

“Nacho squealed like a little pig,” said Jimmy G. “The police are on their way. I just beat them to it. Had to come to the rescue of my operatives.”

“What about Jennifer?” I asked. “She's—”

“Handcuffed to the steering wheel in the van,” said my boss. “Don't worry. Stick with Jimmy G, kid! You'll go far.”

Jimmy G stayed behind to guard Rodney and talk to the police. I gathered up all the dogs. We raced to the soundstage in the red Ferrari and got there in the nick of time. They were already filming the opening of the show. The theme song was playing. Rebecca, in a tight, short, gold lamé dress, was introducing the judges and announcing the prizes.

I set Princess on the floor backstage, and she went running down the stairs, across the stage, and straight for Caprice, who was sitting in the judge's box. I heard Caprice's cry of joy as Princess leaped into her arms, whimpering and covering her face with kisses. Caprice held her close, even though the tar still matted on the dog's fur was rubbing off on her white dress.

Siren Song did not head for Rebecca. She stayed with me and Pepe as we went into the costume area. Kooky came along, too. Perhaps the two dogs had become attached while they were in captivity.

I shrugged off the silver dress, and Robyn helped me into my red tango dress. It was wicked—with a deep slit up the front and an asymmetrical hemline that fluttered when I moved. Pepe was buttoned into a little double-breasted jacket.

We could hear the music of the tango. Luis must be onstage with the fake Siren Song. Felix caught up with us as we hurried over to the backstage area, with Siren Song following. Kooky had stayed behind in the costume area. Robyn was enchanted with the ugly little dog and was fawning over her.

“Where have you been?” Felix asked. “I've been looking for you everywhere.”

“We had important business to take care of,” I said. “I'll tell you all about it later.”

We could see the dancers onstage. Luis was wearing a double-breasted coat, similar to Pepe's, while the fake Siren Song wore a red dress that fluttered around her fluffy tail.

“Hey,” Pepe told the real Siren Song, who stood next to him. “There is the dog who has taken your place! We cannot let her—”

Pepe didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Siren Song let out a furious growl and dashed onstage, barking and biting. The next thing we knew, the fake Siren Song went running past us, all of her red ruffles trembling, with Siren Song in close pursuit.

Luis stopped and stood in the middle of the stage, stunned.

Then Siren Song came running back and circled around Luis, her tail twitching seductively. She backed him up, step by step, until he was on the edge of the stage. Then, with a quick flick of her tail, she turned her back on him.

Pepe went running forward to meet her in the center of the stage.

Luis seemed even more confused.

“What's happening?” said Rebecca, taking a couple steps forward.

“You want me to cut?” the main cameraman asked.

Any inclination Rebecca may have had to stop the cameras was cut short when the dogs began dancing with each other, and the audience roared its approval.

“No,” Rebecca yelled at the cameraman. “Keep rolling! This is really good stuff.” She waved her hand at Luis. “Get out of the way!” He stepped off the stage.

Both Pepe and Siren Song stood on their hind feet, faced each other, dipped slightly as if bowing, and then began to circle each other. They mirrored each other's movements, turning in a wide circle but always keeping their eyes on each other. The music swelled and became more complex, with numerous little runs and syncopations. Their little feet flew and flashed as they stepped into each other. Siren Song flung her head back. Pepe swaggered around her. And then as the violins played a final melodic flourish, they rested their heads on each other's shoulders and stood, poised in embrace, as the music died away.

The audience came to its feet, all the judges included, clapping, hooting, whistling, cheering. In the wings, Felix hugged me and I kissed him.

Pepe and Siren Song dropped to all fours and walked to the lip of the stage to take their bows.

Rebecca bounded up the steps, beaming. She turned to the judges. “Judges,” she said. “We've obviously had an impromptu change to the program. What do you—”

“I give them both a perfect ten!” said Caprice, clutching Princess in her arms. “That was the most magnificent and heartfelt dance I've ever seen!”

“Ten to both dogs!” echoed Miranda. “They expressed the true essence of the tango: desire, passion, two hearts beating as one.”

“I have to concur,” said Beverly. “It seemed totally spontaneous. And they did it all without the benefit of any signals or supervision. They both deserve a ten!”

The audience went wild.

“Well,” said Rebecca, “we've heard the decision of our judges. It's time to add up the total points for both of our finalists and award the grand prize. Remember the winner gets a hundred thousand dollars, an all-expense-paid trip to the Westminster Dog Show, and an opportunity to star in their own reality TV show.”

“Hold on,” said Caprice. Then she motioned to her fellow judges to sit down and confer with her. After a brief consultation, Caprice stood and said, “We judges are all agreed. There should be no
single
grand-prize winner. The grand prize for
Dancing with Dogs
should go to
both
Siren Song the Pomeranian and Pepe the Chihuahua!”

The audience erupted with applause so loud and with such terrific cheers that it almost drowned out Rebecca's formal announcement. Pepe and Siren Song took bow after bow.

I was so happy for them, especially for my dear Pepe. I stood with Felix, his arm around my waist. I glanced across the audience and saw that Caprice was smiling just as warmly as I was. She obviously loved Pepe very much, and it made me feel a tad better regarding the news I still had to break about Pepe being her long-lost dog.

I wiped away a tear, knowing I would remember this moment forever.