City of Steel (Chaos Awakens Book 3) (34 page)

“Shit!”  Xan cursed. 

“What’s wrong?”  Haley asked, concern in her voice. 

Xandrith sighed in frustration and limped to the bed to sit down. “The trolls have found a way to break the wall. Their shamans have some sort of magic that’s going to take down these defenses. We need to get out of here as soon as we can.”

Haley put a hand on Xan’s face.  “You’re feverish, and you’re limping badly.  Did they hurt you?”  Her voice got sharp, angry as she finished her question. 

Xandrith shook his head. “I had to run back. My leg isn’t what it used to be.”

“Did you find the knife and the god-thing?”  Haley asked, eager for information. 

“I found the knife.” Xandrith said, his voice heavy with emotion. “Haley, Kassa has the knife. She’s with the army.”

“Kassa ...” Haley sounded shocked. “It makes sense, but I never thought about it.”

“Neither did I.  I didn’t get the knife from her, but I know she has it now.  There wasn’t any chance for me to steal it.  The security was surprisingly well organized.  I didn’t see the god-thing, but it was near where I was.  It’s using Kassa as a vessel.  It’s commanding the other bonesteel wielders with her.”  Xandrith shook his head, trying to dispel the heartache he felt. 

“Are you alright?”  Haley asked, apparently noticing that Xan had gone pale. 

Xan shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m having trouble keeping it together. I almost lost myself twice out there.” He waved in the direction of the horde. “I’m not sure I can do everything I need to do.”

Xan grabbed Haley tightly by her arm and pulled off her fox mask. “Haley, you have to promise me that if I lose it, and I can’t keep myself in check, you’ll get yourself as far away from this place as you can. You have to just run and get away from all of this mess.”

Haley was shaking her head even before he’d finished. “No, Xandrith, I can’t do that. I can’t leave you behind.”

“You can!” Xandrith’s voice rose, and he could see the fright he triggered in Haley. He forced himself to speak more calmly. “You have to. I can’t lose anyone else I care about. They all hate me, Haley ... the ones I killed, the ones I failed, they all hate me.”

Concern flooded Haley’s face. “The dead don’t hold grudges. They don’t hate you, and you haven’t failed anyone. You’ve fought with everything you had this entire time. I don’t know anyone who could do what you’ve done and survive. You’re amazing, Xan.”

Xandrith shook his head. “Whether they hold grudges or not, I need you to promise me that you’ll run if things start to go bad. Promise me, Haley, that you’ll run and you won’t even think of turning back.”

Haley shook her head, tears coming to her eyes. “I won’t promise you that. I can’t.”

Xandrith squeezed Haley’s arm.  “You will, or I’ll ask the Unth to take you away from here and lock you someplace safe until this is all over.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me.” Haley replied, shocked that Xan would make such a threat. Apparently she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did.

“I will.” He told her. “I will and I won’t regret it for a moment. It will be the nicest thing I’ve done for anyone in a long time.”

Haley’s bottom lip quivered.  “I ... promise.” 

Xan sighed and laid back on the mattress. “Thank you.” He said, and then again quietly. “Thank you.”

The door to their room unlocked and opened.  Xandrith pushed himself up from the bed and got back to his feet despite the pain that caused him.  He wasn’t going to talk to the Unth from a sitting position.  They already barely listened to him. 

“The trolls are coming.  They’re going to breach this wall and we need to decide what we’re going to do when that happens.”  Xandrith stated quickly, eager to get to the point. 

“The trolls have made multiple attempts to breach the wall, and none of them have been effective yet.” One of the Unth answered quickly. “Did you locate the weapon you were searching for?”

“I’ve discovered where it is, but I wasn’t able to retrieve it.” Xan answered, but he wasn’t done with the wall conversation. “This next attempt at the wall is going to be successful. That wall will come down, and the trolls will march through here killing everyone in their way. They are mobilizing their entire army this time, not just a few platoons to test your defenses.”

“We have seen the trolls gathering their numbers, but it is unlikely that they will do any better than they have up to this point.”  Again, the Unth didn’t seem the least bit concerned.  Xandrith wished he could share their confidence. 

“They are assembling their shamans. They plan on bringing a great deal of magic to bear against the wall, and I think they know how to take down the crystal. Remember, their god-thing knows about this source of magic. He has used it before. If anyone knows how to break this fortresses’ back, it’s him.”

The Unth exchanged looks. One of them stepped forward. “From outside the wall, there is no way to break the crystal. It is impenetrable.”

“You’re willing to gamble everything you have here on that fact?” Xandrith pressed.

“Even were the wall to break, we will hold the trolls at this line.”  Another of the Unth spoke. 

“I believe that your people are incredibly powerful.” Xan was already shaking his head.  “But there are a hundred thousand trolls beyond that wall, and they are being led by a thing with unbelievable power.  It’s not even at a fraction of the power it will have if it gets to the Wellspring, but it’s already dangerous. We are not going to be able to hold them off when the wall falls.”

“Should the wall fall, there will be no other options.” The Unth insisted.

Xandrith thought for a moment, his mind racing through the possibilities.  He couldn’t see one that ended with any of them surviving this mess.  If they all ran the world was doomed to destruction, and if they stayed and fought they’d be destroyed when the trolls fell upon them.  Running at least gave them a chance to survive for a time.  They didn’t know how the god-thing would end the world.  Maybe the process would take enough time that Xandrith and Haley could live out what remained of their lives.  They could find a place somewhere far away and ignore the fact that the world was ending around them. 

“Fine,” Xandrith said with a weary shrug. “You can do what you will, but I want you to let Haley and I leave this place. We’re not staying to die with the rest of you.”

The Unth began to move back towards the entrance to the room.  They didn’t reply.  When the final member of their small group stepped through, he pulled the door shut with audible click of the lock.  Xandrith stared at the closed door, anger burning up in the pit of his stomach. 

“That could have gone better.”  He said quietly, his normal sharp wit dampened by his sense of impending doom.  He was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his false smile plastered on his face. 

“Would you really have left if they let us?  We don’t have the knife.  We can’t kill the god-thing without it.”  Haley sounded disappointed in Xandrith.  He could hear it in her words. 

“If it meant that I could get you out of here alive and give you a chance at living out the rest of your life, yes, I would walk out of here without the knife.” Xandrith spoke the words with confidence, though he knew that Haley didn’t want to hear them. She wanted to hear that he would fight to his last breath, no matter what the cost. She wanted him to be a hero, but Xan had always thought that the most precious thing a person had was their life, even when he’d been taking lives for a living. Heroes believed there were more important things than a few lives either way. She wanted him to be the man she’d created in her mind when he’d saved her from the cold, lonely world she’d found herself in after the death of her family, but Xandrith wasn’t that man.  Heroes were for stories.  Xandrith was just a man who was good at killing people, and he was reaching the end of his abilities. 

“What about Kassa?”  Haley’s voice had a note of anger behind it. 

Xandrith shook his head. “She isn’t Kassa anymore. She looks like her, but she’s empty. I hope for her sake that Kassa isn’t in that shell anymore, stuck with whatever darkness has consumed her. I hope she isn’t suffering.” There was a quiver in Xan’s voice as he spoke. “She didn’t deserve to suffer.”

“What about Crow and Tilda?” Haley’s voice had taken on an even harder edge. “They are dead because they believed we could save the world. They believed in the cause, Xan, we can’t just give up on it now because things are difficult.”

“Haley,” Xan wanted to plead with her to stop arguing with him, but the fight was fleeing him. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t put you at risk to keep this fight going. The trolls will be upon us before long, and the Unth don’t intend to let us leave here alive. We are two very small people in the midst of two armies and standing in opposition of a thing with the powers of a god. It is time to accept that this can’t be done. It is time to pick up what we have left and get out of this place.”

“You’re a fucking ass, Xandrith!” Haley snapped, her anger boiling over as tears began to stream down her cheeks. “You dragged us from one end of the world to the other, fighting the entire damned way. I followed you through terrifying places, and put my axe against nightmares! Each and every time we came out ahead. Each and every time you kept fighting and no one could stand against you. Now, when we’re at the damn end, now you’re going to quit?!”

“Haley, it’s ...” Xandrith began, but his apprentice wasn’t done yet. 

“No, you shut you damned mouth!” She took two steps in his direction, bringing her face to face with him. Her eyes were stormy, her face, never beautiful with the horrible scarring, was even more terrible when knotted in anger. “You showed me that it was alright to live!” She shouted. “You fucking showed me that I could still have a life after ...” She stopped for a second and took a few deep breaths. “After that monster killed my family, raped me, and disfigured my body.” Her fist flashed so fast that Xandrith didn’t even see it coming before it collided with the side of his face. Haley was strong, but her strength was further enhanced by the axe she was wearing so that the blow staggered the assassin and sent him sprawling to the ground. “You showed me that it was alright to keep hope even when the entire world felt like it was at an end, and now you’re just going to run away? Well, fuck you!”

Xandrith looked up at the young woman standing above him, her fists balled in rage, tears streaming down her face.  He just shook his head and turned his eyes away.  He couldn’t meet her intense gaze.  “I can’t lose you too.”  He whispered, feeling like a knife was being twisted in his heart again. 

“Well, Xandrith Dalt, if you turn your back on the world and run away, you will have already lost me too.”  Haley replied coldly.  “I’m not going to stay with you and watch you choke to death on your own self-pity, and I’m not going to run away from this mess with you. If you won’t do what needs to be done, I will.”

Silence fell between them, and Xandrith couldn’t remember a time when a silence had ever been so terrible and empty.  Haley had recovered her mask and slid it over her face, though it did nothing to hide the mix of disappointment and hurt on her features.  She pulled her hood up and sat on the bed, refusing to look in Xan’s direction. 

Xandrith looked down at his hands, dyed red as though coated in the blood he could never wash away.  His disguise had been great, out there with the trolls.  That was how inhuman he’d become, and now he was contemplating taking that final step towards turning his back on his people.  He was going to abandon them to their fate to eke out a few years of life for himself and someone who might hate him for the rest of those remaining days.  He would have to drag her kicking and screaming from the mountains.  She wasn’t going to go with him willingly. 

The assassin had almost never doubted himself.  Even at his bleakest he’d always carried on, unwilling to put down his blade until someone forced him to do so.   Yet here he was, when it mattered most, doing exactly what he’d never let himself do.  He looked across the room at the girl on the bed.  Haley was strong, and she was wise beyond her years.  She was also right.  It wasn’t time to give in. 

Xandrith stood up and crossed the distance to the bed.

“I’m sorry, Haley.”  The words were difficult.  “I was wrong.  We’ll keep going.”  Those three statements bore a heavy toll, but speaking them almost immediately lifted a weight from his shoulders.  They lifted the last of his doubt from him.  Until death, he would fight. 

Haley didn’t look his way immediately. “I’m not keeping my promise about running if you’re in trouble either.” She stated sharply.

Xandrith winced, but he realized the strength of her conviction. He couldn’t keep her from doing what she needed to do, and if he tried he’d only risk hurting her. “I release you from that promise.” Those words were even more difficult than admitting he was wrong. They were probably both going to die.

Haley sprung from the bed, her mask falling to the floor as she jumped on Xandrith and wrapped herself around him.  Xandrith staggered backwards and only barely managed to keep himself from falling onto the floor.  He landed on the bed with Haley on top of him.  She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Xan’s.  They were soft, warm, welcoming.  Their bodies were closer than they’d ever been before, or at least it felt that way even if in sparing they might have gotten more tangled. This was just so different. Warmth was rolling up through the assassin, embarrassment or something else? Haley’s tongue slipped between her lips and lightly touched the assassin’s.  Xandrith spun, shifting his weight and tossing Haley to the side, though she attempted to counter his throw and keep herself on top of him.  He stood up from the bed and took a few steps away. 

“I’m glad we’re alright again.” Xan said quietly. “It can’t be like you want it, though.”

Haley was kneeling on the bed, her expression hurt.  “I’m not innocent, Xan.  I’ve never been with someone who loved me, you know about my past.  Please, I love you.  Won’t you be with me?  We don’t have much time left.”  She started to unbuckle the straps on her assassin’s outfit, undoing the straps that kept her top tight against her skin, but Xandrith closed the gap between them and stopped her hand from undoing anymore of the clasps.  He bent forward and kissed her forehead.