Claddagh and Chaos (13 page)

“I’ll just leave the two of you alone,” Ma whispered into my ear as she gently kissed my cheek.

It was as if no one else mattered to me in the world. I ran my eyes up and down his perfect face. I would never tire of looking at him. The absolute infinite amount of love I had for him consumed me, threatening to take over my very soul.

“Hello, little man,” I whispered as he began to wiggle and stretch. I had to laugh at the expressions he had as he raised his tiny arms beside his head. “It’s your daddy again.” I placed gentle kisses on his forehead and cheeks. “You have no idea much I’ve missed you.”

I closed my eyes and brought his head to my chin. I inhaled his intoxicating baby scent and suddenly everything was right with the world. I softly told him that I would teach him how to play football and how to use his Malloy charm to win over all the girls. How his grandparents were waiting to spoil him rotten. How I would always be there for him as my father had been for me. I told him so many things. And I swore I would do everything in my power to give him all he needed, starting with a happy mommy.

I would teach him by example. Yes, I was a mob boss, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t teach him the core values of being a good man, a good husband, and father. That was my job and it would start today.

Declan began to fuss, while sucking his fist, and I suspected he might be hungry. It was confirmed when I looked up and watched as Christi unsnapped her hospital gown and bra. The sight of her took my breath away. She had always been beautiful, but today, even though she was sad and clearly tired, she was still the most beautiful girl in my world.

I kissed little Declan’s head as I carefully handed him to his mother. You would have thought Christi had been nursing all her life and not a mere day.

I sat beside her and gently ran my finger along his brown hair.

“I want to tell you I’m sorry, but I know you’re tired of hearing that from me.” Her voice was so small and whisper soft.

“You’re right, Christi. I don’t want to hear I’m sorry from you.”

I tried to keep my emotions in check; she didn’t need to be upset by harsh words while she was feeding the baby. I continued to watch as she fed Declan, and she would whisper kind words to him as she rubbed his tiny cheek. When she switched from one breast to the other, she did so with the ease of someone who had done this for years. Declan took her nipple into his mouth as if it were a lifeline. I stroked his pink cheek gently and chuckled as I told him, “Just remember, Son, those were mine first and they’re only on loan. I want them back when you’re finished.”

I watched as he continued to nurse. Christi’s eyes never left Declan’s face. This was my family, my responsibility.

“I was about to call my dad when you came in,” Christi explained as she removed a sleeping Declan from her chest.

I took him from her, crossed the room, and placed him back in his crib. I stood over him, watching him sleep. I wanted to be like him, a full belly and not a care in the world; completely loved and protected.

“Has Matthew seen him yet?”

“No.” Her voice was so soft, so frail.

I turned my eyes to her. “Why not?” I asked, my brow wrinkling in confusion.

I watched as her shoulders sank, her head once again lowering, a lone tear falling down her face. I held my place, giving her space to get her thoughts together. If I had learned anything about my wife, it was that sometimes it was best to let her have her say.

“I realize that with everything that’s happened in the past couple of days, it’s probably best I take Declan to my dad’s house. Until I can get on my feet, that is.”

With a quick glance at my sleeping son, I made my way back toward Christi.

“Well, if you think we’ll need extra hands, I’m certain Ma and Charlotte would be happy to alternate staying with us.”

Christi’s head snapped up and her eyes locked with mine. “Y-you s-said ... us,” Christi mumbled.

“I did, as in you and me. Declan has two parents, last time I checked.” I couldn’t help but give her a half-grin.

“But ... I ... how ... ?”

I had never seen Christi as confused as she currently was. A small part of me was enjoying having the upper hand; okay, a large part of me, but only because it didn’t happen very often.

“Christi, I think it’s time you heard the entire story about Theresa.”

I crossed the remaining three feet and settled on the bed beside her. I took her hand in mine and began to tell her the events that had been told to me. Christi never moved or said a single word as I explained everything.

I kissed her temple and rubbed the back of her hand as she took it all in. Her bewildered look rapidly changed to one of anger. She began to shake her head.

“I feel so stupid.” She tilted her head back and let out a deep sigh. “She would constantly throw out little quips ... but ...” She waved her hands around, trying to find her words. “I always just shrugged it off as her venting because of her husband, Alex.”

“What kinds of things?” I would kill Theresa myself if she had upset my wife.

“Just stuff like how handsome you are and how if you were her husband, she wouldn’t let you get dressed. Crazy things like that.” She looked into my eyes then steadied herself. “I know you don’t want excuses for my very poor behavior, but honestly, I’m at a loss here. I don’t know how to fix it or that you even want to fix it.”

I smiled as I took her face in my hands. I softly kissed her nose and touched my forehead to hers. I took a deep breath and relished in her warm scent, it grounded me, prepared me for what I needed to say.

“Last night, when I found out the truth, I went through so many emotions. Ma reminded me that I could take this as a bump in the road of our marriage or I could choose to make it a wall and end it. I sat outside last night and thought over everything we’ve been through. I remembered how hard I worked to earn your heart. How I swore to God that if he brought you back to me after you were kidnapped, I would let you see how much I really loved you. I’d do everything in my power to keep you.”

I closed my eyes and kissed her pink lips. Oh, how I had missed kissing her.

“Honestly, Christi, at one point last night, I thought about letting you suffer with your actions, but then I realized by doing that, I’m punished as well. The way I see it, I have to take the good and the bad of the hormones you have running around in your body. The good was when you couldn’t get enough of me, and as much as I truly enjoyed it, it’s time to pay the price.”

I looked into her eyes; I could still see the doubt weighing heavily on her mind.

“Christi, I know you have so many emotions running through you right now. I wish you could crawl into my head, my heart, and see how deeply I feel for you. Babe, I have everything I want in this room. I have no desire to ever be away from either of you.”

I kissed her again and tried to show her all the love I still had for her.

“Patrick, I know that you’re telling me the truth ... I-I just ...” She lowered her eyes and shook her head back and forth.

I had to make her see this was real. That my devotion to her and our son was real and she didn’t have to question me or my feelings for her.

I looked down at my hands that were holding her delicate ones. I watched as her engagement ring sparkled from the overhead lights, how it cast various rainbows as she moved her tiny finger. I wondered briefly when she had put it back on. I watched as the glint from my own ring cast its own rays. Then it hit me, the Claddagh.

“Christi, do you remember when I gave you the shamrock necklace?”

She moved her eyes to mine and nodded her head.

“Do you remember what I told you about it?”

I watched as her left hand reached up and she placed the tips of her fingers over where it used to rest, as if to pull the memory to the front of her mind.

“You said it was to let people know that we were together, so no other man would come on to me.”

I smiled at her response. She was right; I had been pretty caveman about the explanation I gave her.

“Yes, I do remember telling you that.” I chuckled mostly to myself as I continued. “Do you remember the first morning we woke up after the wedding and you noticed the Claddagh I wear on my pinky?”

Her face looked puzzled as she again nodded her head.

“Christi, what I’m about to tell you is something that you must swear to keep to yourself. No one can ever know that you know this.”

I watched as her eyes darted frantically back and forth between mine.

“The shamrock was a promise, but the Claddagh holds so much more.”

I looked down at my ring and twisted it around my finger, remembering the moment my father placed it on my finger, binding the vow I took.

“When I gave you the shamrock, I gave you my word that I was devoted to you and only you. With that shamrock, you carried my vow of being true to you. The Claddagh represents the vow I took with my father and the married men of my family. A vow that I would never dishonor you in any way.”

The room was silent as I continued to look at my ring. The tradition dated back further than anyone knew.

“This vow that you took ...” Her voice was riddled with emotion, cracking at the end. “If ... if you were to break it, what would happen?”

I looked her straight in the eye as I responded. “My father would have to kill me.”

I watched her as her eyes went wide and her loud gasp echoed in the quiet room.

“Thomas wouldn’t really ...”

I sat up straighter and took her whole body in my arms.

“He would have, Christi. He asked me if I had done anything. When I told him no, he worked very hard to help me prove it.”

I released her as she pushed at my chest.

“Will our son make that same vow?” Her eyes were pleading with mine.

“Yes, Christi. Every Malloy man makes that vow.”

Christi rose from the bed, crossing the room to Declan’s cradle. “I can’t imagine him all grown up and getting married.”

I stood and moved in behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle.

“One day, he’ll find a young woman who completes him as you complete me. He’ll give her the shamrock and, on his wedding day, I’ll pass the Claddagh to him.”

Christi turned in my arms, wrapped her arms around my middle, and snuggled her face into my chest.

“I wish you hadn’t told me that. I know why you did, but I wish it didn’t come to this.” I turned my face into her hair, kissing the top of her head. “Tell me how to make this better, Patrick.”

I stood and held her for the longest time, swaying back and forth. This idea actually came to me last night.

“I only want one thing from you to call us even.”

Her head snapped up, her eyes once again locked with mine.

“I’ll do just about anything. Please, tell me.” Her eyes pleading, her lower lip quivering

“When you have your final checkup with your doctor, I want to get pregnant again as fast as possible. I want another baby as soon as we can.”

She didn’t blink an eye as she responded. “You actually read my mind. I was just thinking that very same thing.”

I smiled as I kissed her with all the passion I felt for her.

Six weeks. The countdown had begun ...

THE MONTH FOLLOWING DECLAN’S BIRTH was filled with event after event. I refused to allow Christi to do anything except nurse him and rest. Smiles had asked us to be little Michael’s godparents and the christening was upon us. Father Murphy was gracious enough to do Declan’s blessing before we left the hospital.

Ma pulled me aside and questioned whether I’d thought about selling the house and buying a new one. She was concerned that Christi would have too many bad memories. Christi, however, dismissed the idea and refused to let Theresa win. She had never backed down from a fight and refused to let this one be the first.

Christi was going with Ma today to get little Michael his first crucifix. I had informed the jeweler to give Christi anything she wanted. I had also given him strict instructions to start Christi a special bracelet that contained Declan’s birthstone. I would give it to her after Declan’s christening.

The idea of having a double christening was put on the table, and just as quickly, squashed. Ma felt it was important to celebrate each birth independently. No one dared argue, so the plan was to have them a week apart.

We were still having trouble with that group of punks who had continued to terrorize the neighborhood. One of the ladies from the bakery not far from Christi’s old office called Da and asked for help.

Mrs. O’Leary was the sweetest, little old lady I had ever met. She was also not one to let young kids get away with anything. I remembered her yanking on my ear quite a few times while I was growing up. She also made the most amazing chocolate chip cookies. Those cookies had kids fighting over who would sweep her front steps on a daily basis.

I’d sent Tonto and Shamus over there, but the only thing they had managed to do was come home with bellies full of said cookies. Da called me last night and told me we would be making a special visit to her shop today.

Christi opened the door and greeted Da with a warm hug. He immediately pulled Declan from her arms and tossed him into the air. Declan squealed with glee, while Christi gasped in horror.